by Sara Cate
But I still trusted him.
We don’t get to love people because they are perfect or because they’ve made every right decision. Love is not a reward for good behavior. Love is unconditional because the strongest love endures the hottest fire. And after tonight, knowing more than just the beautiful facade of a man I met in the pool house, I fell in love with him even more.
Before we hung up, I heard the security guards opening the door for him, and we said our goodbyes. He sounded lighter, like everything he had been carrying was weighing him down. But also because even if I wasn’t with him, he knew he wasn’t alone anymore.
Sunny
There is no real graduation ceremony for the program. On the last night in the apartment, we threw a party and reminisced. Some of us are celebrating new jobs, and a lot are just celebrating an accomplishment.
Me? I’m just ready to get home.
Just before the party kicked off, Valerie pulled me aside to let me know there was an opening for a commissioned piece in Belize. It would only be a two-week job, but the expenses were paid for and the job was mine in a couple weeks if I wanted it.
“There will only be more after that,” she said before leaning in for a hug.
I never fully answered her, but she basically said I had about a week to decide, though I shouldn’t take the whole thing.
The whole thing keeps spinning around in my head as I ride home with Cadence. My few things are packed in a duffel bag in the back seat. Alexander and I have only spoken briefly since that night he spilled everything. I feel his distance now, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s keeping himself away from me or if he wants to give me time to consider my next choice.
But I don’t need time.
I’m going home with Cadence, but I won't be staying. That isn’t my home anymore. Alexander is my home, and there is nothing stopping me from going to him. It’s the most scared I’ve ever been in my entire life.
What if he broke his promise? What if he moved on? Has grown tired of me and no longer sees a future with me?
The girl who he met almost a year ago is a far cry from how I feel today, ready to take the biggest leap of my life. I’m going to ask him to go to Belize with me. I want him there, every step of the way, and if he says no, then I’ll be turning the job down. I can’t leave him again. As much as my pride wants me to pursue that job, my heart wants a future with Alexander more.
As we pull up to the house, I feel Cadence tense beside me. She’s been quiet the whole way home, and I know she’s up to something. I quietly pray it’s not a surprise party. I’d hate to be rude, but I need to be alone with Alex today.
When she heaves a heavy sigh as we pull into the driveway, I see my mother standing on the welcome mat. She’s about twenty pounds lighter and her eyes are brighter, almost as bright as her smile.
“She didn’t leave early if that’s what you’re wondering,” Cadence says with a hesitant smile. “I think it really took this time.”
My heart pumps wildly in my chest. Seeing my mother like this, so clearly is almost difficult to accept. When I step out of the car, she rushes toward me.
“Hi, baby,” she squeaks, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.
“Hi, Mom,” I reply, my voice cracking, and then I’m in her arms. She squeezes my body tight against hers, and I feel her heart hammering too.
I’m trying not to get my hopes up. I don’t want to enjoy this version of Mom too much, for fear that it’s just a phase and that she won’t be around to stay. But today is all about taking leaps, so I decide to jump head first and wrap my arms around her, too.
When she feels me hugging her back, she sobs into my shoulder. And we just stand there like that for a long moment, not saying anything as we both cry. I don’t know when my eyes started watering, but for the first time ever, I feel safe with my mom. Safe enough to cry for her.
Cadence takes my bags inside, and I meet my sister and mom around the kitchen island. Mom tells me all about her program and her new hobbies, which apparently include bread making. We laugh together as a family, and it’s nice, but I’m still restless.
When it grows quiet, I look at the both of them. “I can’t stay,” I whisper, waiting to see the disappointment in my mother’s eye.
Instead, there is understanding.
“We figured,” Cadence answered with an easy laugh. “Mom’s been taking him sourdough, and I think he’s actually starting to warm up to her.”
“It was the cinnamon rolls that got him,” she smiles.
This is all too weird. I almost can’t bear to even look too closely. What if it all goes away next time I look? Then, I remember how I felt when Alex bared his soul on the rooftop.
Love is not a reward.
I may not forgive my mom yet for everything that happened, but I still love her. Before I walk out the back door and across the yard, I pull her into a tight hug, and I tell her so. It makes her cry again, but I don’t start this time. I’m too anxious to get to his house. Be in his arms.
Leaving my sister and mother, I walk across the patio and backyard, almost feeling like I’m intruding. Is he expecting me? I’m sure he knows the program ended today, but I’m still afraid I’ll catch him off guard.
He’s not on the patio, but as I head toward the back of the house, something catches my eye in the pool house. With the doors wide open, he’s standing with the mural at his back, facing me—like he’s waiting for me.
I see his Adam’s apple bob as his eyes land on mine. There’s relief in his expression, and I don’t hesitate, racing toward him and burying my face in his chest. His warm arms engulf me, squeezing my body impossibly tight.
Hungrily, my lips travel up to his mouth, kissing him fiercely. He sucks my lip between his teeth, nibbling enough to light a spark in my body. I really expected that we might actually say at least a few words to each other before we screwed each other straight into next week, but if he keeps kissing me like that, there is absolutely no chance of us waiting.
“Wait,” he breathes against my cheek as he pulls away. “We can take our time.”
Take our time? Six months for both of us and he wants to take his time? I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. Reluctantly, I sink back on my heels, looking up at him. He still has the warm beard, and his temples have a few extra colorless strands. I run my hands through his hair, and for a moment, I try to feel a difference. Does knowing what I know about his past change how I feel about him? Am I completely sure about this?
When he smiles at me, the gentle wrinkles in his eyes shining down on me, I know there isn’t a shred of doubt. If anything, my love has only grown.
“You’re home,” he whispers, kissing my forehead, a hint of question in the hilt of his voice.
“I’m home,” I echo, reassuring him. I’m home...for good.
I’ll bring up Belize later. There’s still time. For now, I just want to enjoy this moment.
“Come inside. I want you to meet someone.”
He winds his fingers with mine and pulls me toward the house. I nearly dig my heels in, afraid of who this someone might be, but when I spot the brown striped cat rubbing against his leg as we walk through the door, my jaw drops.
“You got a cat?”
He picks up the animal, and the cat starts purring immediately, rubbing his head against Alexander’s chin. It almost seems out of character for him, the man who holds everyone at a distance, falling into a pile of mush for a cat.
“After you left, he just started showing up, hanging around outside. So, I started feeding him, and then he just never left.”
Leaning in with a smile, I pet the cat and he purrs against my hand. We never owned animals growing up, but already I can see the appeal. When the cat looks at me, I feel a bond with him. “What’s his name?” I ask.
“George.”
A laugh bursts from my lips. “That’s a terrible name for a cat,” I laugh.
Alexander shrugs. “It fits.”
&n
bsp; My smile stretches across my face as I stand flush against his body, the cat between us we both pet him, until George decides he’s had enough and jumps away, finding a spot in the window to nap.
Alexander leans down and kisses me again, and my heart starts hammering in my chest again. When his hands cascade down my back and land on my waist, I press my hips into his. His body reacts immediately, and I can feel it.
“Can I make you dinner first?” he asks, pulling our lips away but keeping his forehead pressed against mine. I have to swallow down my disappointment. I was ready to move this conversation to the bedroom.
“Of course,” I answer easily. As he walks away toward the kitchen, I follow him until I take a good look around the house.
It’s so unfamiliar from the way I left it. Art hangs on every wall, pictures in frames around the living room. As I turn the corner into the hallway, I notice the office is fitted with a desk with a laptop and papers stacked along the surface.
I almost can’t believe it’s the same house. There isn’t one box in sight.
“I unpacked,” he laughs.
“I see that.” I try to laugh in return, but the good feeling gets caught in my throat.
He busies himself in the kitchen, and I can’t stop looking around his house. He’s made it a home. I can see signs of him living here, happy here. Whatever he’s working on in that office, it looks like he’s deep into something, and although I’m anxious to hear about it, I’m also dreading hearing about whatever it is.
Alexander has finally settled down. His house is a home. He got a fucking cat.
And I want him to leave it all behind to chase me to Belize.
All through dinner, I try to hold my smile for him, but while I watch him cook, sitting at the counter, I can’t stop weighing these options in my mind.
Turning down this job feels impossible.
Leaving him again...even more impossible.
But what choice do I have? It’s not fair for me to ask him to uproot his life again, not when he’s come so far. What if doing so would throw him back into his old behavior? What if the party scene in Belize brings out the old Alexander and ruins all of his progress?
I have a feeling that if I asked, he would undoubtedly say yes.
And I can’t take that risk.
While he’s busy stirring the pasta on the stove top, his back to me, I pull out my phone and shoot a quick text to Valerie. As soon as it’s sent, I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.
There will be other jobs. I can find fulfilling work here in Pineridge. Now there is absolutely nothing standing in the way between Alexander and me.
When we sit down to eat, we lift our sparkling waters in the air as a toast. “Alright, so tell me everything. Did you get any job offers yet?”
I knew this question was coming, and I won't lie to Alex, but I have to find a way around it.
“A couple, but I’m weighing my options.”
“That’s amazing,” he says with a smile. “I’m so proud of you.”
Looking at him, sitting across from me, happier than I’ve ever seen him, I feel myself falling all over again. “I’m proud of you, too.”
“I haven’t changed too much?” he asks with a wink as he leans back in his chair.
“You’re still a cocky prick most of the time, right?”
His smile stretches. “Of course.”
“Good,” I answer with a grin.
The moment grows tense as he stares at me, and I feel the heavy questions on his lips. “About that night, Sunny…”
“I’m glad you told me everything, Alex. But it didn’t change anything for me.”
He leans forward and takes my hand. “I don’t deserve you. It just doesn’t feel right…”
Still grappling with his troubled past, I see the struggle in his expression, and I can’t bear to be this far away from him, so I close the distance and climb onto his lap, kissing his lips.
“You were so afraid you would ruin me, Alex. That I would come out of this worse for having been with you, but do you see how much you’ve changed me? I’m not afraid of anything anymore. I had no one in my corner, Alex. Then, I had you. You didn’t make me worse, you made me better.”
When his mouth finds mine, he kisses me with everything he has. The struggle is gone, and I give it all right back to him. This time, I don’t let him stop as I kiss down his cheek to his neck, working the buttons on his shirt at the same time.
Suddenly, we’re standing, and he’s holding me with my legs wrapped around his waist. His hands are hard against my backside as he pulls me tight against him. Walking to the bedroom, I’m desperate for his body.
Slowly, he drops me to the bed, climbing over me. He lifts my shirt over my head, trailing kisses from my belly, up to my neck and then to my mouth. We are both starved for each other as the clothes start flying off our bodies until there is nothing left between us.
With his lips around my nipple and his fingers deep between my legs, I nearly come for the first time in six months, but he pulls away just as I almost crest the peak. I let out a cry as he moves away. Looking down at me, he smiles a wicked grin, knowing exactly what he’s doing to me.
“Stop messing around, Alexander Caldwell.”
“Promise you’ll come with me,” he says laying his body flat against mine. “Promise you’ll wait.”
Before I can promise him anything, my breath escapes my lips as he presses himself inside me, and I don’t see how it will be possible for me to wait.
He lets out a long, delicious groan once he’s as deep as he can go. The sweet sensation of him filling me, touching places inside of me that make me want to die for him, make his request seem impossible.
“I don’t think you’ll have to wait for long,” he grunts against my lips as he pulls back and slams back into me, going as deep as he can go.
Finding his hands with mine, I intertwine our fingers and I keep his lips on my mouth as he moves, picking up his speed. Our breaths mingle through every gasp, and as I hold my body back, somehow trying not to come, I feel like his pleasure is mine.
I didn’t know two people could be as close as we are at this moment.
My walls are coming down as he reaches deeper and deeper, faster and faster, and I’m not sure how I’ll last much longer—until he gasps my name, and I breathe his in return.
Finally, we both let go.
Electricity erupts from my core, coursing through my body as my orgasm lasts and lasts. We’re both gasping and quivering as our bodies finally relax. He kisses my lips, sensitive and swollen from the roughness of his beard. When his eyes find mine, we both relax into easy smiles.
Alexander
George wakes me up around seven like he does every morning, walking across my chest and purring into my ear. But it’s like as soon as he sees the petite girl lying next to me, he decides she’s a better choice and crawls over to her. Can’t say I blame him.
She stirs with a smile, petting the cat and looking at me with a sleepy grin.
“I have to feed him, but I’ll be back. Don’t move.”
Leaning over, I kiss her quickly on the mouth and get out of bed to feed George, knowing he won’t leave me alone until I do. Returning to the bed, I notice my phone buzzing, but I don’t even bother to flip it over to see who’s calling. Whoever it is, they can wait. Climbing back under the covers, I find Sunny’s warm body completely naked and pull her over to me.
All I want to do is cover her body with my mouth, repeating what we did three times last night. I can’t remember the last time I had stamina like that, but six months without sex can do a body good apparently.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so good. And just not physically. My mind is clear, and I don’t have the doubts and worries weighing on me like I did when I moved into this house. Every terrible thing I told myself when Sunny started staying here feels like a distant memory now. It’s just her and me, and all the cards are on the table. There are no secrets betw
een us anymore, and if she still wants me after she learned the truth, then I am freer than I’ve ever been before.
After some beautiful morning sex, Sunny jumps into the shower. I’m tempted to join her but morning runs are another one of my morning routines that I can’t skip. Grabbing my phone, I plan on making my run short today so I can’t get back to her.
Putting my earbuds in, I start my playlist and take off out the front door. I’m only about a quarter of a mile in when the music is interrupted by a call. Glancing down at my watch, I see it’s Valerie, so I hit the accept button.
“Morning, Valerie. What can I do for you?”
“Well, Sunny isn’t answering her phone. I assume she’s with you.” She sounds almost irritated.
“She’s back at the house. What’s up?” I ask, eager for her to get to the point.
“Maybe you’re the person to talk to anyway,” she says only hesitating for a moment. “She texted me last night. She’s turning down the Belize job, and I think it’s a mistake, Alex.”
I stop running, my heart hammering in my chest. “What Belize job?” I ask.
“It’s not my place to tell you, I know that.”
“What Belize job?” I echo, growing hot.
“It’s a commissioned piece. It’s a big deal, Alexander, and I just hate to see her pass it up.”
My face starts to feel clammy. “I’ll talk to her, Valerie.” My voice is clipped as I hang up on the woman, turning to run back to the house.
Why wouldn’t she tell me about that opportunity? That weightlessness I felt this morning is now gone because I have to worry about Sunny keeping secrets from me. Was she really afraid I would hold her back from this?
No. But if she thought it was between me and this job, she’d pick me.
What kind of man would I be if I let her do that?
Rushing back into the house, I meet her in the kitchen. She’s making coffee in nothing but one of my T-shirts. There is still a red tint to her cheeks from last night and this morning. Not to mention the sight of her back in my home, doing these everyday things that should make me feel so good have me feeling like a selfish asshole. Because I want her to stay. I don’t want her going to Belize, but once again, I’m forced into this corner.