by Natavia
“Yo, I will slap the fuck out of you. Let me see your phone,” I said to her.
“You are tripping,” she said, trying to walk out of our son’s room. I grabbed her by her shirt, hemming her up against the door. “I saw the name a few minutes ago but O.J. was awake and I didn’t want him to see me slapping your dumb ass,” I gritted. She snatched away from me.
“Do your thing,” she said nonchalantly. She walked out of his room then down the hall to her room.
“You got something you want to tell me?” I asked her.
“It all depends on if you have something to tell me,” she responded. Sweat beads formed on my forehead and my heart rate sped up.
“Let me see your phone, Tassana,” I said. I felt something in my gut telling me that Tassana was up to some bullshit. I knew she was hiding something from me and the anticipation was killing me.
“Let me see your phone,” I said again.
“NO!” she yelled at me. All of a sudden I was choking her.
“Bitch, I will fucking kill your dumb ass. You like pushin’ my muthafuckin’ buttons, don’t you?” I yelled in her face. I reached behind her, grabbing her phone. She tried fighting me for it but I mushed her, causing her to fall. “What you got to hide?” I seethed.
“Osari, give me my fucking phone!” she screamed. I unlocked her phone then started checking her messages. Her and the nigga Zas was texting back and forth. He wanted to taste her pussy again and he was sending her pictures of his dick. He also asked her how she liked the gift he sent to her job.
Tassana looked me in the face unbothered that I caught her cheating on me. We were having problems but I didn’t think it was that deep. I blacked out on her. I didn’t realize what I was doing until she started screaming, waking our son up. I was filled with rage and I couldn’t control it. My son’s cries got louder and Tassana was screaming for me to stop but I couldn’t. By the time I came to again her room was a mess and she was laying on the floor with a bloody face.
She whimpered in pain as blood dripped from her nose and lip. Her eyes were almost closed shut. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand.
I got down on the floor with her, cradling her and apologizing to her. My son was still screaming at the top of his lungs. I felt like I was in a nightmare.
“Leave me alone, Osari! Leave us alone! You are fucking crazy!” she screamed. “Get the hell out of my house. Get out!” She started throwing items at me. I walked out of her house, got into my car then sped off. I ended up at Laura’s house. She told me I could come over anytime if I needed her. I buzzed her condo and the main door unlocked for me. When I got to her apartment she gasped at the blood on my clothes.
“Osari, what did you do?” she asked with fear in her eyes. Tears fell down my face.
“I hurt her! I put my hands on her! I fucking put my hands on her!” I yelled, scaring her.
“Osari, you have been doing well. Please calm down and breathe like we have been practicing,” she stated calmly.
Laura was my psychiatrist. A few months ago I walked into her office and told her that I needed help. I told her that I wanted it because I had a family and wanted to better myself. She’d been helping me even while on maternity leave. I didn’t want Tassana to know I had anger issues although she’s seen me having episodes. Tassana might’ve thought that a nigga just be tripping but I couldn’t control my ways. Ever since I watched my father get killed and I almost lost my life, it did something to me mentally. When I was stabbed nine times when I was thirteen, I flat lined twice. I think I died that day mentally, because since then, I haven’t been the same. I black out and at times I couldn’t control it. As bad as I wanted to tell Tassana, I couldn’t. I wanted to get help for it and take it to my grave with me. I feared her taking my son away from me, thinking I was going to hurt him. I feared losing my family, period.
“Tell me what happened,” she said to me when I sat on the couch across from her.
“She was cheating on me. I found out and lost my temper. I beat her bad, her face is fucked up,” I said.
“Where was your mind when all of this occurred?” she asked, writing things down on her pad.
“I blacked out. When I came out of it all I heard was my son crying,” I told her.
“Why do you think she cheated on you?” Laura asked me.
“I don’t fucking know why that hoe cheated on me,” I spat.
“You are blacking out again, Osari. Calm down,” she said calmly.
“Lately she’s been wanting me to spend time with her. She questions my whereabouts and why my phone is always off,” I answered her.
“The time you spend here, she thinks its with another woman?” Laura asked me.
“I guess so,” I answered.
“Why didn’t you just tell her like I suggested? Obviously she thought you were cheating on her since you’ve cheated before. If you don’t open up to her, eventually she will get tired and look for comfort in another man. She is a woman who just wants to be loved, Osari. You need to talk to her,” Laura said.
“No woman wants a crazy nigga around their child. I don’t want her judging me and taking him from me,” I said to her.
“If she loves you, I doubt that she would judge you, but you can’t expect her not to figure it out on her own,” Laura said.
“I lost her, she isn’t going to want me back after this. She might’ve called the police on me,” I said.
“We just have to wait and see,” she answered. I fucked up big time and if Tassana didn’t want me around her or my son, I would respect it. I wouldn’t even fight it because I didn’t belong around them.
Tassana
I took a leave of absence from work saying that I had a family emergency. Osari messed up my face badly. I could barely eat and was in pain most of the time. I didn’t go to the hospital or call the police because I didn’t want him to get locked up. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had allowed that to happen. It’s been three days since he beat me up. My doorbell rang.
I opened the door and it was that pregnant bitch he was cheating on me with.
“What does your home-wrecking ass want?” I asked her.
“Hi, my name is Laura. Can I come in?” she asked me.
“Bitch, have you lost your mind coming to my damn home?” I asked.
“You must have the wrong idea about me. All I am to Osari is his psychiatrist and my visit here is to see how you were doing. I don’t know you and never have met you, but I’m aware of the incident that occurred here a few nights ago. All I want to do is talk to you, so you and I both can give him the help he needs,” she said giving me the same attitude.
“A psychiatrist?” I asked her.
“Can I come in, this baby is kicking my ass,” she said. I let her in. “You have a lovely home by the way,” Laura said to me.
“Thank you, do you need anything? Perhaps water or something?” I asked her.
“Cold water would do, thank you,” she said politely. I went into the kitchen to get her a cold bottle of water out of the fridge. I handed her the bottle of water then took a seat across from her on my sofa.
“I’m really sorry things have gotten out of hand. Osari was so sad that it did. He came to my home with tears in his eyes,” Laura said.
“It happened so fast, he was like a different person. One time he whipped me with an extension cord and after he did it he felt bad. It’s like he blacked out on me, his eyes were cold and empty.”
“He told me about that. Osari has suffered a traumatic childhood. He has so much anger built up inside of him because he wished that he was able to save his father. His father meant so much to him and he cannot let him go. Instead of grieving, Osari held it in over the years and it turned him cold,” she said to me. I knew what happened to Osari, he just never went in depth about it.
“He has been distant and I didn’t understand why. One day I followed him to your house and I thought maybe he was up to no good. Instead of asking him a
bout it, I pretended like I didn’t know. I felt like he was going to lie about it, so I’d been talking to a man who has been interested in me for some time now. Osari found out about it and that’s when he attacked me,” I told Laura. She was so easy to talk to. I wasn’t planning on telling her that much but it just came out.
“You thought he was cheating, so you cheated on him?” she asked me and I shamefully nodded my head.
“I usually don’t get involved in the personal lives of others unless I have to, but I think you both need counseling together. You two have a little boy and, let me just say, Osari loves him to death. I think you two have communication issues and as well as trust issues. I haven’t been talking to you for ten minutes and I can tell that you have a problem opening up to others,” she said.
“I feel so bad that he has been going through this all alone but I had no idea. All he was trying to do was get help and I cheated on him,” I said feeling bad. Tears dripped from my eyes as I hurriedly wiped them away.
“If you didn’t know then you didn’t know. The reason I am really here is because Osari has gone back to Richmond,” she said.
“WHAT!” I shouted.
“He went back to Virginia. He said you deserve better,” she said standing up.
“He left his son?” I asked.
“He thinks you two are better off without him,” she said walking towards the door.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said sadly.
“He will come around. Osari is just one of those people that can’t give you everything. You just have to be the stronger woman to deal with him. No matter what you do, there’s always going to be a part of him that he doesn’t want anyone to see,” she said. I thanked her then waved her goodbye when she walked out of the door.
I hurriedly dialed Osari’s number but his phone was off. I haven’t called him or tried to reach out to him after he brutally whipped my ass. He didn’t try to reach out to me either and now I know why. He knew he was leaving and possibly never coming back.
I went to see Osari’s mother and the staff at the home she was in said her son had came and got her. I knew then that he wasn’t coming back. I went by his condo and Lee said that Osari left him his place and didn’t say how long he was going to be gone for. I asked Lee if he had Osari’s number but he claimed that he didn’t. I called Tokyo so that she could get in touch with Dez and he didn’t know where Osari was either. For a whole week I had been asking around and nobody knew anything.
I rocked O.J. in my arms, venting to Kanae. “How can he just up in leave me like this?” I asked her.
“Maybe it’s for the better. He is crazy, Tassana. Do you want your child around him knowing that he has temper issues? Look what he did to your face? Thank God it’s healing but when I first saw you I didn’t realize who you were,” she said.
“I love him, Kanae,” I said to her.
“He could’ve killed you, Tassana. Maybe you should just focus on your son and continue dating Zas. Zas isn’t into any illegal activity like Osari and he treats you like a queen,” she fussed.
“We don’t know the real Zas yet, Kanae. Okay, maybe I have jumped out there with him. We went out to dinner then back to his place. We watched TV then all of a sudden he was eating my pussy. I took it there with Zas but that doesn’t mean we are going to go any further,” I told her.
“So what are you going to do? Follow him back to Virginia just so he can kick your ass again?” Kanae asked me.
“I don’t care if he is crazy. The fact that he tried to get help is what matters to me. You live your life and let me live mine. I need a friend right now, not some judgmental bitch,” I said.
“I have been nothing but a friend to you and that’s why I’m trying to look out for you,” she said to me.
“Just stop talking about my son’s father like he is a monster because I still love him. Call me when you get home,” I said walking towards the door. Kanae snatched her purse off of my couch then stormed out of my house.
Three months later…
O.J. was now crawling around and getting into things. All my life consisted of was going to work and coming home. I still hadn’t heard anything from Osari and his phone was still off. Lee and Dez claimed to not know where he was, and I didn’t know my way around Virginia. When I met Osari in Virginia, I wasn’t familiar with the area and some of the family he had down there. I wouldn’t know where to look even though I felt like just leaving to find him.
Zas and I were still talking but we hadn’t been out on a date in months. Although he was arrogant and cocky, he was a cool person to talk to. He always wanted to come over but I would not allow him around my son. I still respected Osari. Kanae apologized and was even more understanding when I vented to her. I also apologized to her too because I yelled at her when she was just trying to be a friend.
I sat home bored on a Saturday night just watching TV. O.J. was in his crib asleep and I was bored out of my mind until my phone rang.
“What’s up, shorty?” Zas asked.
“Nothing, home bored,” I answered dryly.
“Come out to my club with me, we are having a few rap artists perform tonight. You can chill with me in my section and all you have to do is look pretty,” he said.
“Ummmm, I don’t know,” I answered.
“A pretty woman like you shouldn’t be home alone,” Zas said.
“Let me see if my friend’s mom can watch O.J. for me and I will call you back,” I said hanging up. I called Mrs. Bernie to see if she could watch O.J. She was happy to have him because it had been a while since she watched him. I packed up O.J’s things then got him ready. I left out the door after I grabbed everything. Mrs. Bernie only lived fifteen minutes away from me. I headed back home after I dropped him off.
When I got home I showered then got dressed in a pair of jeans and a fitted black long-sleeve shirt. I wore a cheetah print short skirt that flared out with a pair of black pumps. I wore gold accessories with my outfit and like always my make-up was natural. I still wore my hair in a short cut, the front was long and it came down in my face. The back of my hair and sides were tapered and cut to perfection. After I grabbed my clutch, I headed out of the door. I picked up Kanae then headed to Zas’s club.
Kanae and I walked straight into the club and into the section Zas had for us. He had champagne and all kinds of other liquor on the table with a bucket of ice. “This is really nice,” Kanae said fixing herself a drink. Zas walked into our section with all of his jewelry sparkling. Zas just wore a black t-shirt, a pair of jeans and a pair of Louie Vuitton sneakers. His hair was styled up into some type of up-do. Zas was very handsome but at times his attitude was a bit too much. The nigga was too stuck on himself. If he could fuck himself he would.
He sat down next to me putting his arm around my shoulder. “You look nice as always,” he said, whispering in my ear.
“Thank you,” I said sipping on my Moscato.
“You think I can taste you again?” he asked.
“My period is on,” I lied.
“Straight like that, huh?” he asked. I laughed.
“My nigga Zas,” a voice called out. When I looked up my mouth dropped. It was Quron and Armory. Armory looked at me smirking. I rolled my eyes at that sneaky nigga.
“What’s up, shorty? Where is my lil’ nigga, Osari?” Quron asked, not caring that I was with Zas. Zas and Quron were chatting. Armory’s eyes were scoping the crowd. Kanae was busy staring a hole in Quron’s face.
“Who is that fine-ass nigga?” Kanae asked me.
“That was Osari’s sister’s ex-boyfriend,” I told her. Osari and I never spoke a word on Quron being responsible for Tasira’s death.
Quron looked at Kanae then smirked. “Ohhhh, bitch, he just looked at me,” she said, getting excited. I poured more liquor in her glass. “Maybe this should quench your thirst,” I said to her laughing. I grabbed Kanae’s hand then lead her to the dance floor.
“Look who is out,” a voice
said. When I turned around it was Dez, Lee and a few other niggas I hadn’t seen before. I started to feel guilty then it went away. I was just having fun. Osari had been gone for three months and I was trying to get my mind off of it.
“Hey, Dez,” I said.
“Who are you here with? You lucky my nigga ain’t here because he would’ve lit that whole section up,” Dez said.
“But he isn’t here and you won’t tell me where he’s at,” I said getting mad.
“That’s because we don’t know where he’s at,” Dez lied. I looked at Lee. “Have you talked to him yet?” I asked Lee and he shook his head no. They were both lying to me and I hated it. Zas walked over to me.
“Is there a problem, shorty?” he asked, grilling Dez and his boys.
“No, there isn’t a problem,” I said to him.
“Nigga, if it was, what the fuck was your big ass going to do about it? I also think my nigga isn’t going to like how close you are to his baby mama. Ain’t that right, Tassana?” Lee asked me. I just closed my eyes and prayed that Dez and Lee disappeared because I knew something was about to get started.