by Ali Parker
I pressed my fingers to his lips as he moved in to kiss me. "Because I need to feel you against me." I moved my fingers down his chin and leaned close, breathing him in. "I want to remember how good we are together."
"You're coming back, baby. Right?" He stood up and tilted his head to the side.
"Yeah. Of course." I backed up a little, offended by his question.
"Good, because you have to."
"I do?"
His arms were warm and strong as he pulled me into them, his smile loving.
"Yeah, you do. You're my everything, Riley. I think about you when I get up in the morning, baby. I want to be able to reach over and pull you in close, to make love to you and hear you cry out before the sun comes up." He kissed my cheek and pressed his mouth to my ear as chill bumps raced across my skin. Why did it feel like I was crossing an unseen line? "I want to steal your heart during lunch dates and bring you flowers on Thursdays." He brushed his nose by mine and gripped the sides of my face, his presence so fucking dominant. "I need to hold you at night, to find your center and drive into it until you recognize me as the only man that will ever exist in your life."
I took a shaky breath and nodded at him. "Clayton. Are you being serious right now? Or... are you just playing the part handed to you?"
He leaned in and kissed me the way Ethan would, stealing a part of me that maybe belonged only to him.
I pushed at his chest the minute I felt the pull not to. "Clayton. Answer me."
He chuckled as his features relaxed. "My name is Jonathan for this improv, silly. Of course I'm just playing the part."
A sigh left me as I ran my fingers through my hair and offered him a painfully forced chuckle. "Why aren't you acting? That was beautiful."
"Riley. If I had been able to believe for a moment that you really wanted me to be your man, perhaps my answer would have been different. See the manipulation? You believed you were testing me, but you weren't. I was testing you." He winked and walked back to his clip board.
I stood there, confused and slightly turned on, which left me feeling like shit. "Wait. I need you to go over that one more time."
"Sure." He turned to face me. "I asked you to assess whether I was playing a part or if I really wanted all of those beautiful things I mentioned in real life. Off the stage. That was the goal, correct?"
"Yes," I mumbled, breathless.
"Good. Just know that you weren't the only one making an assessment. I was making one too."
"So you do want those things?"
"Perhaps, but that's not the point of the exercise."
I pressed my hands to my face and groaned. "Then what is? I feel weird and jumbled up inside."
He put the clipboard down and gripped my shoulders, waiting until I moved my hands off my face. "Simply this. We all have to protect ourselves. Should you assess that the man standing across the dance floor from you, the one pressing you to a bed, the one offering his heart isn't genuine, but a fake, an actor of the highest caliber, then you have your out, little dove. You simply make the assessment and dismiss your own feelings for nothing more than-"
"Playing the part given me." I blinked a few times as realization set in. "What aren't you telling me? Is Ethan playing me?"
He shrugged and turned his back to me. "No clue what my protégé is doing. We don't talk much anymore."
"Clayton." I moved up to stand beside him. "Hey. Tell me what you know. I'm serious right now."
He glanced over at me. "Oh, I know you are. I don't have anything to tell you. Ethan is a great actor and he at times will confuse real life with what he's required to do on the set. Just be careful, Riley. I care about you and him both. Just assess, make your determination and act accordingly. Make sense?"
"Yeah." I nodded and walked to pick up my bag. "Anything else?"
He glanced over his shoulder. "No. That was beautiful."
"Thank you. Your performance was as well."
"If it was a performance at all, right?" He chuckled, leaving me more unnerved than I thought possible.
"Exactly." I opened the door and walked down the hall, making my way to the women's restroom as two women stood in the hall laughing.
"No, he didn't," one of them spoke softly.
"He did. I told you him and Deza had something going on." She glanced back at me. "Oh, hi Riley."
"Hey guys." I had no clue who they were.
"Did you see the latest from Ethan? I swear that guy lives for drama."
Sickness bubbled up inside of me. "Um, no. What's going on now?"
"This." She handed me her phone. The video was short and sweet. Him and Deza in a restaurant in the middle of down town. My lover, my agent and one hell of a kiss.
Assess, make the determination and act accordingly.
Right.
Chapter 22
Ethan
Every emotion possible raged through me on the way to the studio on Tuesday morning. Two days and nothing from her. Were we back to playing hide-and-go-seek with each other? It sure as fuck felt like it.
I parked my Mercedes in my spot at the studio and got out. Anticipation swelled in my chest. Maybe she was there and just had a lot of shit going on. There was an explanation. There always was.
Trish stood beside the stage, facing me when I walked in. She gave me a weak wave and went back to talking to the girl next to her.
I glanced around to see if Riley was anywhere that I could get to her fast. Of course not. I walked toward Trish, knowing she would take it the wrong way if I didn't stop by and give my condolences on her divorce.
"Hey." I stopped beside her and a girl I'd never met before.
"Hey, Ethan. This is Patty."
The girl gave me a quirky smile and stuck out her hand. "I am by far your biggest fan. I've seen all your movies at least two million times."
"Two million? Really?"
She didn't pause while I spoke over her. "Your ads and videos. I've read your blog."
"Yep, don't have a blog. I hate commas, and they hate me."
Still didn't pause, not even to breathe.
"And those great commercials you did when you were a kid."
The best part - she did the rerun of the commercial on her phone.
Trish's eyes grew wide over the two-minute conversation, and she stepped in front of me and used what I could only imagine would eventually be her 'momma-voice'.
"Hey. Patty. Could you give us a second? I'm sure Ethan needs to get on set." Trish put her hands on her hips as I stood behind her. I almost felt blessed not to be the one getting her attention at the moment.
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." The girl laughed and rolled her eyes. "I just got wrapped up in Ethan, because, well, he's here and he's so beautiful."
She kept going, so I leaned around Trish and waved with a cheeky grin on my face. "I'm still here."
Trish glanced back at me. "You're not helping right now."
"Who the fuck is this chick? Biggest stalker in the world."
There was no need in worrying about the girl’s feelings. She couldn't hear us over her own chatter. Trish shut her down a few minutes later and turned toward me.
"Good grief. Please tell me that doesn't happen very often."
"More often than never. How about those odds?" I smiled.
"Shit. I'm so sorry." Her expression softened and she reached out, taking one of my hands. "You doing okay? I know there's a lot of crap in the media right now."
"Yeah. I'm all right. I guess." I glanced around, looking for Riley again.
"You looking for Riley?"
"Yeah." I turned back to Trish. "That obvious?"
"No. I just know what's going on with you guys thanks to you sharing."
"Have you seen her?" I slowly pulled my hand from Trish's and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't need anyone getting the wrong idea.
"She's on another set. One they’re working on at the edge of downtown."
"What? Since when?" I pulled my phone out of my pocket a
nd texted Deza to find out what the hell was going on. Being informed would be really freaking great. Time was money, or something stupid like that.
"No clue." She gave me an empathetic look. "She understood about the Deza thing, I take it?"
"The Deza thing?" Confusion rolled over me. "Not sure what you're talking about."
"The video."
"Nope."
"Of you and Deza."
"Doing what, exactly?"
Deza and I hadn't taken a video outside of a press conference in years. Maybe someone was recycling one of the ones from when I was a kid and we were trying to still get attention?
"Kissing."
"What?" Ice water rushed through my veins. "I didn't kiss Deza."
"Um... I hate to break it to you, but yeah, you did. You either kissed her or your doppelganger did."
"What? Let me see this video." The voice in my head screamed no a hundred times before Trish finally got it loaded.
I watched the first few seconds and handed her back the phone before the kiss. "You have to be fucking kidding me. I can't win for losing around here anymore."
"Ethan. It's all okay. We know you were just helping her in front of Darren."
"Right. Does Riley know that? How about the world?"
By the look on her pretty face, I was getting loud and scary.
I pursed my lips and glanced toward the sky. "I'm sorry. You doing okay since the divorce?"
"I'm all right. Let me know if you need me, okay? I'm here for you." She reached for me, and I hugged her like I would a fan. Quick and disconnected.
She walked off as I stood there, still in shock. Of course Riley hadn't called. She figured I'd replaced her with the only woman I'd had all my life - my agent.
***
"Why didn't someone tell me about the video? That's why I'm pissed. And why the fuck isn't Deza answering her phone?" I yelled at Frank as we drove toward the medical center.
"I figured you knew about the video, Ethan, and stop yelling. I have a headache from listening to someone working construction next to our condo all damn night. The video with Deza is not that big of a deal."
"Not that big of a deal? Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
"You know I hate the F word."
"So the fuck what!" I screamed and pulled at my seatbelt. "That video makes it look like I'm the whore everyone thinks I am. The timing is horrible."
"All right." Frank pulled the car to a stop at a red light and turned to face me. "Stop being a brat and tell me what the hell you're really upset about."
"The video." I gave him an incredulous look. Was the fat bastard blind? "I've said that about ten times."
"Yeah, but I've known you all your life. You're upset about something else and deflecting."
"Seriously?" I ran my hands down my face and tried not to look crazy. "You're going to be the film director and my personal shrink?"
"Just dig for a minute. What's turning you into a lunatic?"
"Everything." I threw my hands in the air as my chest ached. I reached down and rubbed it.
"What's wrong with your chest?"
"I'm stressed the fuck out." Now I was just being a dick. It came so naturally.
"All right, well, calm down. We're going to do this blood test and it will help us clear up the stuff with Amber, good?"
I breathed in deeply through my nose and let it out loudly. "And why didn't Deza tell me about this video of us kissing?"
"Why did you kiss her in the first place? And in public?"
I whipped around and barked at him. "She kissed me, and it was a friend helping a friend. Funny how that shit never works out quite right for me, right?"
"Okay. Chill out. I was just asking."
"Well, don't! She needed my help to piss off Darren and now Riley hasn't called in two days after we fucked like rabbits on Saturday. I don't need your shit. I don't need anyone's." I reached for the door and he reached for me.
"Stop it. You know I'm here to help you. We'll do the blood work and have Deza meet up with us to talk things through. The three of us have been together for a really long time, Ethan. Don't throw that away. No matter what happens... we're both going to stand by you."
I let his words sink in. "You're right."
"And listen... wait. What?" He released me and pressed the gas as the light turned green.
"You're right. You guys have always been there to catch me when I fall. We'll do the blood test, talk to Deza and then I'm out." I leaned back and pressed my palms to my eyes as ten years of pain welled up inside of me.
"You're out? Like taking the day off?"
"Yeah, something like that." I concentrated on my breathing and tried to keep myself from breaking down. I wasn't taking off for a day. I was taking off for good. Freedom had always been the goal, and yet I was more strapped down and tied together than ever before. Everything was fucked up.
Everything. There was no reason at all to stay.
Someone else could be the Ethan Lewis. Hopefully someone would tell the chump that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Chapter 23
Riley
"Okay, people! Let's run it one more time and then we're going to head back to the studio to meet up with Frank and Ethan." Daniel Barnes clapped his hands together and nodded toward the make-shift stage. "Marco and Vanessa. You're up first. Riley, be ready to enter into the scene at the right time, kiddo."
"Yes, Sir." I nodded at the extra director for Eon. He and Frank rarely helped on the same movie, but we were a little behind schedule and Daniel owed Frank a favor or two.
Deza stood off to my right, her arms wrapped around her tightly. I couldn't talk to her. She'd lied to me. Made me believe that there was nothing between her and Ethan, but now their secret was out.
She gave me a weak smile, but I turned and walked toward the stage instead of acknowledging her at all. She had every chance in the book to explain herself. To tell me that it was a hoax, a mistake, hell... a something. Anything but what it looked like.
I watched the scene before me unfold and waited patiently until it was time for me to make my way to the side of the stage.
Deza's voice behind me surprised me. "Hey. You okay?"
I glanced over my shoulder and gave her an ugly look. "Do I look okay?"
"No. That's why I was asking. What's going on? You need something?"
"Yeah. You to fuck off." I turned and jogged up the stage, ignoring the sound of her gasping. As if she didn't know how badly she hurt me.
I moved through the scene in perfect form, the real me trapped behind the thickest mask I could muster. We stopped when Daniel yelled, 'cut' and took a minute to high-five one another. Deza was nowhere to be found.
Good. I didn't have anything else to say to her or Ethan. Clayton's words couldn't have run more true after seeing the video the day before. I'd been sick all night, contemplating calling Ethan or just going over to his place and giving him two fist-fulls of pain and suffering.
The fear of finding him there with Deza, the two of them wrapped around the other, left me releasing the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
Clayton knew. He didn't have proof, but he knew that something was going on with Ethan and Deza. Why else would he force me to protect myself by assessing the reality of someone loving or not loving me? The scene was set up to do just that. To teach me how to burn through the bullshit, whether I was the one speaking or acting, or if my sexy co-star had the lead.
I didn't need Ethan's bullshit words. I knew the truth.
And how close had I come to opening my chest and offering my heart the way I'd offered him my body. Bile rose in my throat and I swallowed it back down until Daniel was done with his assessment.
"Okay, kiddos. I think you're needed back at the main studio. Let's grab Clayton and head that way."
"Clayton's here?" I walked down the stage stairs and held back the torrent of tears that wanted to fall. Seeing Clayton almost felt like it might be too much. H
ad he lied too? I wasn't sure.
"Yeah. He's in the back working with Nikki. A new actress we'll have working on one of my films." Daniel smiled. "You did great."
"Thanks." I walked toward the back to look for him.
Luckily enough, he walked out of the room at the end of the hall and stopped. The girl behind him ran into him.
"Sorry, Clayton." She moved around him and smiled. "Oh, you must be Riley."
"Yeah. Nice to meet you." I extended my hand toward her as Clayton remained locked in place. He knew. Without a doubt. He knew.
"You too. I'll see you around." She gave me an unsure wave and walked off.
"You knew." I walked toward him as tears filled my eyes. "Why didn't you just fucking tell me?"
"Not my place to do that." He reached for me as I lifted my fists and hit him in the chest. "Riley."
"You knew. Is everyone around here a liar? No one cares enough about anyone to tell the truth?" I screamed in his face as my emotions broke me.
"Come here." He pulled me close and cuddled me to his chest. "Let it out. All of it. This life isn't what it seems like."
"Obviously." I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, trying to center myself. "I can't do this. I'm in love with him."
"Then build your muscle." He released me and took my face into his hands. "Resist him and do what I've taught you to do."
"And what about you? Do you want me to resist you too? Were you bullshitting me the other day back at the studio?" The path my questioning was leading us down was dangerous. I respected Clay. I was in awe of him. I was in love with Ethan. In complete lust with him.
I hated myself for all of it. It was all a mistake.
"Yes. Resist me too, Riley. You have to." He leaned down and kissed me as someone cleared their throat in the background.
I jerked out of his hold and turned to find Deza standing a few feet from me. "I'm headed back to the studio if you need a ride."