“You want your room, dear?” she asked, setting the yarn aside.
“Yes, please.”
“C’mon, then.” She patted her hand around the edge of the desk, getting out a ring of keys, and led the way to the stairwell. Her steps were brisk; she obviously knew the inn well. I didn’t look at the men.
“You all right, dear?” the woman asked. “The tall fellow there only got two rooms. It has two beds, but if you don’t want to be alone with him—”
“No, he’s fine. I just haven’t had any time to myself.”
“Maybe you’d like a bath? There’s a bath tub at the end of the hall.”
“With hot running water?”
“That’s right.”
Wow. I hadn’t had a hot bath since the troupe days. No one had running water in Istim. The tub was—clean enough, I decided. I mean, this wasn’t how the Priestess of the Gate would die, right? From tub-borne illness? I turned the creaky knobs until hot water flowed, and sank into it with a sigh. Wretch curled herself up on the stack of towels in the cabinet. It was a little room, with one window high up in the white wall. It smelled vaguely of lavender, which was nice.
The running water was a good cover for some light crying. I used to be pretty weepy before I joined the troupe, but then I got out of it, because when I was in the troupe, I wanted to be tough around the other girls. And then, every time I cried at home Mom would take it to heart that I missed being on the road and the friends I’d made and she would overcompensate, making my favorite foods and so on. Then I felt bad.
I’d been torn between lives for a long time now.
But this was a new feeling, having no choice at all. Did fate give me my guardians because they really were the right people for me? Or was it random? That was a terrible thought. They would have to do all those things to me and maybe they wouldn’t even like me.
Finally, I heard the men come up, speaking softly to each other about their plan to leave the city tomorrow morning.
“I’m not sure the safe houses are…safe,” Sir Forrest said.
“No,” Rin agreed. “We haven’t used them. Gilbert and I sleep outside.”
Sleeping outside? Ugh. I never wanted to leave this bathtub.
“In shifts?” Forrest asked.
“Yes,” Gilbert said. “Keeping the fire going. The monsters don’t like it.”
“That’s a risk. The soldiers may see you.”
“They rarely travel at night,” Rin said. “But maybe you won’t even need a fire, Monster Cleaver.”
There was a note of challenge in Rin’s tone. I think he was jealous of the sword, and I think Forrest was annoyed that Rin had taken out the soldier earlier. I could already imagine Sir Forrest’s faint grimace as he said, “We’ll see as we go. Have a good night, gentlemen.”
“Is your arm all right?” Gilbert asked. “You’ve been favoring the left all night.”
“This old thing? I’ve had worse.”
“If you say so.”
I knew Forrest was hurt. I hadn’t considered our brief kiss much, but I knew it was the only thing that allowed him to keep fighting. My touch could heal him… I finally dragged myself out of the bath. I nudged a protesting Wretch off the pile of towels, swirled one around my body and tucked it into itself, then grabbed another one to help wring out my hair.
I was getting all jittery, trying not to think about what I knew I needed to do. Now that I had two guardians, I really needed to start—like, training, or whatever. Lending my powers to them. Sir Forrest couldn’t go back out on the road with his sword arm injured, that was for sure.
He had left the door open. The other guys were in their own room with the door shut, and I could hear them talking in low, serious voices through the wall.
Forrest was sitting on the bed, stripped down to the thin cotton of his shirt. He had shoved up one of the sleeves to inspect his arm, but when he sensed my presence, he shoved the sleeve down. It was crusty with blood.
“I loaned Gilbert the book to read, so he’ll soon understand—what is expected.” His words faltered at the end when he saw that I was just wearing a towel. Wretch flew onto the bed beside him and sniffed his arm.
“You must be cold,” he said, grabbing a blanket and sweeping it over my shoulders.
I smiled crookedly. “Nice try. You know we’ve got to do this. I can heal you.”
He sat back down, petting the cat absently.
“I can mend your shirt if you take it off,” I said.
“Nice try,” he echoed.
I walked close to him. “You’re scared of this. I don’t get it. You’re a guy. You’re supposed to be horny.”
“I pledged an oath of chivalry—”
I rolled my eyes, stepping into the space between his knees, so we were very close. I should have polished off my wine before leaving the table. I thought I was pretty good at flirting, but come to think of it, I’d always been drunk at the time. One thing I knew: I really wanted to touch him. I wanted to slide my hands all over the solid planes of his body and feel the warmth of his skin next to mine. I wanted to taste his sweet mouth again. In the capital, I’d been flirting with boys. Spoiled, entitled boys. None of them had ever made me feel safe and protected the way Forrest did.
“You probably think all soldiers go to brothels,” he growled.
“Don’t they?” I grinned, but when he didn’t grin back, I said, “I’m just teasing you.”
“When this happens, I want it to be right,” he said, trying to push me out of his between-knees space.
“Okay, fine,” I said, covering up vague hurt. “You tell me when that is, I guess. I just want to help heal your arm and I’m trying to make the best of things.”
He rubbed his fingers. “I’ll be spending the rest of my life with you.”
“A short life, as you keep reminding me.”
“What I’m trying to say is, this isn’t a dalliance. It’s more like a marriage. And if you were my wife, I would give you something better than a hovel with a creaky bed for your wedding night. That’s how I was brought up.” He wouldn’t look at me.
Aw man. I melted a little. Big, gruff Forrest just wanted to have a proper wedding night? That was the cutest thing I’d ever heard.
“You really are a true knight, huh? The thing is, we’ll never have anything better if you die because you couldn’t fight. You’re supposed to protect me, and this world. Even if that means I have to force you into this. All right?” I hooked a finger around the collar of his shirt, widening the gap between shirt and skin. Then I slipped a hand down, tracing the lines of his muscular body.
I hesitated, my heart flipping with anxiety when he stiffened at my touch. “You really aren’t attracted to me…”
He suddenly clamped his left hand, the one that wasn’t injured, to my hip and tugged me closer. I withdrew my hands from him, and released my hair from the towel, as it occurred to me that the towel turban wasn’t the sexiest look.
“Phoebe…” He pulled me down to sit on his thigh. “I do want you. I want you so much that my instinct is to push you away.”
“Why push me away? Are you afraid of losing me? You told me yourself—if I die, you die. Nothing to worry about, then.”
“When I was told that I was a guardian, and I understood what that meant, I was furious. I would never have a choice. And then I came to Istim and I saw you. You were beautiful and a little silly. Selling cabbages in the market, singing little songs to people.”
“Oh yeah. I remember. ‘Cabbages, best in the world! They’re salty yet sweet, as delicious as meat’—lies, by the way.”
“I know. I bought one. It was neither salty nor sweet.”
“I guess that was the first time I saw you, yeah. I wasn’t paying much attention. You’d been in town for a week already and you were always wearing a cloak and we were all like, what’s with that creepy guy? We thought maybe you had terrible scars. Mrs. Barsalem said you probably had soldier’s sickness and that’s why you
came all the way out to Istim.”
His leg shifted a little, uncomfortably. “I did see some terrible things,” he said. “I knew a man who did have soldier’s sickness. A child died in his arms, and he seemed calm at the time, and then in the middle of the night…he wouldn’t stop screaming. I’m not sure what happened. They sent him home. He almost revealed our position. But no, I’m all right. There is something inside me that feels too hard to break. At least, to break like that.”
“You don’t seem that hard to me. But you don’t seem…breakable either.”
“When I fight, there’s something inside me that wants to break free. Like the legends of the berserkers of old.”
“Maybe that’s your destiny too,” I said.
He looked at me with those dark eyes of his, and his hand found mine. His thumb traced the lines of my palm.
“There was a girl, before you,” he said. “I didn’t want to tell you because—well—you’re my priestess. And it wasn’t all that serious, it’s just…”
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s not like you were cheating on me; neither of us knew.”
“Yes…”
“It’s a sad story, isn’t it?”
I dared to run my fingertips along his stubbled jaw. I’d been wanting to do that since the first night.
“The army was stationed in Pero. It’s a town at the foot of the western mountains where the Hawk Mountain Bandits live. The story was that the bandits were making trouble for the townsfolk and we were supposed to stamp them out. No easy task, because they knew the mountains well. We stationed ourselves in town for months, observing the bandits—when and where they came out of the hills. Spying on them, planning the raid. While I was in town, I met a girl in the market and pretty soon I was courting her properly. She was the first person I’d ever been serious about. But before the bandit raid happened—I hadn’t seen her for a week or so. I was getting worried. No one in town could tell me where she’d gone.” He swallowed. “I started to suspect she was a spy for the bandits. But I didn’t know for sure until I found her dying in the midst of the raid. She had just long enough to assure me that her feelings for me were real, that she bore me no grudge, and then…she was gone.”
“Forrest…”
“I didn’t even deserve her forgiveness.” He quickly shoved his hand across his eyes, wiping away tears, I guess, although I never had a chance to see any.
“Don’t take out your own eye,” I said, offering him a corner of my towel.
“Don’t need it,” he said, gruff now. “Don’t comfort me either. You wanted to know, so I told you.”
“It’s all right to be sad,” I said. “I’m still going to think you’re big and strong and manly.”
“I wasn’t the one who cut her down,” he said. “But I could have been. I was in the Black Army. I killed members of her family, I expect. I killed other women.” He swallowed. “They were fighting too. We couldn’t spare anyone. Even the children had bows. I wiped out her clan. Those were my orders, and I followed them. I was already starting to have misgivings about the operation, from what I’d heard about these so-called ‘bandits’. I don’t think they were bad people. Never saw ‘em steal a damn thing. They were free, that’s what they were. They had figured out how to survive in the mountains without walls, despite the monsters. People were suspicious. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I’m a murderer.”
“You joined the army and did what you were told. Lots of men do. But now—you have a greater task. You can redeem yourself. But you can’t beat yourself up over the past.” I cupped his face with my hands. I hated seeing the pain in his eyes, the haunted look inside them. I kissed his forehead.
He shifted his hand to my shoulder, and he moved in to kiss me again. His eyes closed, but his lips were rough against mine, still bearing his pain. I responded to him softly, trying to calm him with my touch. My body responded to him with such awareness; I felt I had known him forever.
His breath calmed and slowed as I smoothed my hands down his neck and shoulders. His lips explored mine with a soft mingling of breath, and when I opened my mouth wider, his tongue drank me in. Our mouths danced together. As his tongue worked deeper into my mouth, my body drew closer to him, and I felt my sigil warm again. Between my legs, I ached for him. I felt the heat building inside me, and somehow I understood exactly what this feeling meant.
“I have power,” I said, reluctantly pulling away from his delicious mouth. “I can feel it burning inside me. It’s meant for you; I know it is. I need to give it to you. I want to heal you.”
“I want you,” he said. “I want to make you mine.”
His good hand tugged at the spot where I had secured the towel around me, and once he loosened that, the whole thing fell away, and I was naked on his lap. I was nervous and I didn’t look at myself, but pressed my forehead to his and dug my fingers into the short, slightly curled hair at the crown of his head as I felt his hands explore my body. His fingers were a little rough, his large palms stroking along my sides and then cupping my breasts. He massaged them, lifting them in his hands, and his thumbs circled around my nipples a moment before his right arm lowered heavily. He must have been in pain.
My eyes were shut, and I made a few little squirming noises as the sigil grew warmer. A warm, tingling sensation swept across my whole body. Nothing had ever felt like this before. There was no hesitation, no confusion or fumbling. His left hand slid down my hip, and then his fingers grazed the sigil. My breath hitched as he trailed lower still. When his fingers found my clit, my hips immediately bucked, intense pleasure soaring through me.
“Mm,” he said, approving. “I do like that. You’re so responsive to me. The book says your power builds up.”
“I—I guess so,” I said, gasping for breath. “I’ve never felt like this before.”
I didn’t feel like myself. His touch seemed to have activated something inside me, of a depth that was almost frightening. My urges felt like a snake slithering around my body, some living thing that needed to be let out. I thought I would burst if he didn’t release the mounting tension.
“Please…,” I moaned.
He took my shoulder and pulled me back to get a good look at me. “You’re so flushed. You feel downright feverish.”
“I’m—I’m getting scared. Is this what’s supposed to happen?”
“It must be.”
“I need you to—” I reached for the clasp of his trousers. It was some kind of hook and eye clasp instead of buttons, and in my haze I couldn’t figure out how to do it.
I was completely losing control, a slave to this magic. My body was hungry to be filled, but with what wits I still possessed, I was scared. I felt so vulnerable, sitting naked on Forrest’s lap, practically begging for him. I wanted to resist the feelings overwhelming me. I wanted to stay in control, and I couldn’t. At this point, even the barest touch of his hand set me alight.
“If I already feel like this with you…I don’t know how I’ll handle it,” I said.
He made a hungry groan, pulling me closer.
Forrest tried to take off his shirt, struggling with his injured arm, and I forced my movements to slow down so I could help him.
He pulled me close to his bare skin, and I straddled his waist, our sigils making contact with each other, his hard length teasing my entrance through his trousers. I was making little quick breaths and moans, unable to do much else. He stroked his fingers through my half-wet hair and dropped kisses on my bare neck.
“You’re ready for me, aren’t you?” he asked, his breath coming faster as well.
“More than ready!” I cried.
He lowered me back on the sheets. I shut my eyes again briefly, trying to calm down. I heard him unfasten his trousers, thank goodness, and tug them off. Wretch came pawing up to me and sniffed my face.
“No, no kissies right now,” I said, batting her away with a hand. I looked up, past her. Forrest was standing over me, just admiring, idly folding his tr
ousers and then throwing them onto a chair.
“Beautiful,” he said.
“Well, the feeling’s mutual,” I said. I wanted to lick him all over. I don’t know what was better, the tease of him dressed in his clothes, inviting me to nudge them back and touch him, or the perfection of his naked body now: broad shoulders, tight ass, and okay, I hadn’t seen that many cocks, but out of the limited selection, he definitely had it going on. Holy shit. I hoped I could manage that thing.
“If this is what my life’s been leading up to, I guess it could be worse,” he said.
“I hope I make up for all the lousy beds and fighting monsters,” I said.
“Yes…”
“You aren’t so bad yourself,” I said.
He climbed over me, supporting himself with his left arm, and our sigils touched again. I felt like I was boiling over. I arched my back, parting my legs as far as my muscles would go. All I wanted was to feel closer and closer to him.
The head of his cock nudged me, finding my entrance. I stiffened, a little scared of his girth, although my body was screaming to just do it already.
“I’ll go slow,” he said. “I know I’m big.”
I breathed, biting my lip, as his thick shaft edged deeper. “Ah—” I gasped, pain and pleasure mingling. Oh man. I’d never been stretched like this.
“You’re tight,” he said. “But you have done this before…”
“Just once,” I admitted. I was definitely not going to admit that I’d occasionally gone total dirty farm girl and gotten naughty with the summer squash. Look, it’s hard to come back to Istim after a wild life. “There was a cute guy at a party. I’d been drinking a lot, so I don’t remember it that well. I—I don’t know, I did stupid things on the road.”
“I certainly won’t judge. To be honest, I’m glad you’re not a sheltered girl. I want you to have a point of reference.” He grinned, letting out a smidgen of playful arrogance. I wondered if he’d been more like that, before he saw war and death.
As he penetrated me, I felt him hitting places that felt like nothing I had ever felt, and I was sure of that, drunk or not. My magic was coming alive as our bodies joined. It was one thing to be told I was the priestess and that my powers were awakening, but in this moment, I really understood what it meant. I felt myself transforming. My skin felt aglow, and waves of energy seemed to be slowly pulsing down my whole body to my core. I was generating power and giving it over to him.
Priestess Awakened Page 6