“Good job, Will.” A bony hand without any softness messed up my hair.
“Hmph. He’s the son of Mary and Blood, blood relation or not. I should certainly hope he could accomplish this much.” That choice of wording, belittling even when he offered praise.
“Mary! Blood! Gus!” Their voices moved me to tears.
Finally, I got the sense of what I’d achieved. I remembered something very obvious: defeating a powerful enemy like a hero in a story was never my goal. All I wanted was to protect these three, my precious family. I didn’t want to curl into a ball like a coward. That was my only wish, and I risked my life hoping I’d achieve it. And I did.
“I did... I did it...”
I stood up, and fought like I should. I didn’t curl up in a ball and hug my knees. They were all here, all three of them. I protected them.
“Thank the gods... Thank the gods...” My chest tightened with hundreds of different feelings. Tears trickled down my cheeks. “I’m so glad you’re all safe...”
I returned Mary’s hug, and looked at Blood and Gus. They were smiling. They were all smiling. As if it were contagious, I smiled back through my tears.
“Okay!” Blood dragged out the word and shook a fist in the air enthusiastically. “I think we’ve got a victory to celebrate, and we owe Will a coming-of-age party, too!”
“Yes. This place needs a lot of tidying up, but I think it can wait for a day or two.”
“Indeed. In that case, I have a two-hundred-year-old bottle of dwarven spirits that’s been waiting for just such an occasion.”
“Firewater?!” Blood said. “Blazing hell, Grandpa Gus, you kept that quiet!”
“What, you suggest I should have wasted this fine drink on a child?”
“Dwarven firewater?” I asked. “Is that good?”
“It most certainly would be,” Gus said, “if only I could drink it!”
“Oh, come on, old man. Pretend.” Blood sounded exasperated with him. “This is a time for celebration!”
“Yeah. Come on, Gus, drink with us!”
“Will, don’t you go drinking too much. You remember what happened the last time. That had better not happen again, do you understand me?”
“Y-Yes!”
“Man, when you stare at people with your eyes wide open like that, your face looks goddamn terrifying.”
Mary laughed softly, not offended. “It’s not as bad as yours.”
Gus burst out laughing. “Very true.”
“Go on then, Grandpa Gus. Show us where you hid the drink.”
As we chatted noisily, and followed behind Gus, Mary and Blood’s knees gave way, and they collapsed to the floor.
◆
For an instant, I didn’t understand what had happened. “Ma...ry? Blood?” The words that came out of my mouth felt very much out of place.
“Ahh... Yup. No good.”
“It seems that way, doesn’t it?”
The two of them attempted to stand several times, but eventually gave up. Their legs would no longer work.
“It’s just how things are, I’m afraid. Our attachment is gone, we refused to sell our souls to the god of undeath, and we remained faithful to the good gods. It would be foolish to think we’d be allowed to remain as undead.”
“Well, yeah. Gotta say, though, I was hoping we’d get cut some slack until the party ended.”
“Gracefeel is already making great allowances for us, you know. It wouldn’t have been at all strange for us to have disappeared immediately.”
I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I didn’t want to understand.
“Uh, so, Will. Me and Mary, this is as far as we go.”
“Y-You’re kidding.” The words spilled reflexively from my mouth. I didn’t want to accept it. “Y-You’re both playing a trick on me.” My voice was shaking. “This is supposed to be a party, don’t be so mean...”
“Will, you’re a clever boy... You understand, don’t you?”
I couldn’t fight it. I knew, in some part of my head, that things were going to turn out this way. And after that look and those gentle words... I knew it was over.
“You said it so suddenly, I wanted you to just... laugh and say it was just a joke... I wanted you to...” My feelings of denial slowly withered and died. I breathed out deeply, and nothing was left inside but a tinge of resignation and a lonely, hollow sadness.
“Sorry, bud.”
“I’m sorry, Will...”
Both of them might have felt the same way.
“Isn’t there anything we can do?”
“There isn’t.” Mary shook her head. “Even if there were, we mustn’t.”
“It was you who said it, Will. It’s that ‘live and die as it should be’ thing. Okay, sure, we wavered on that for a while... Got there in the end, though! Just took the scenic route. Pretty sure a couple centuries still counts as a scenic route. Just about.”
“Besides, parents are meant to die before their children. That’s a law of nature. A law of the earth.” Mary’s words were fitting for a priest of Mater.
“Mm. Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” That was how things were meant to be. The god of the flame would probably say the same thing.
But—Even so—
“I know I mustn’t say this... but... I can’t help it. I’ll just say it once, okay? Even after everything you’ve said, I’m still not happy to see you die.”
◆
No. No way. I don’t wanna see that happen. I don’t wanna see Mary and Blood die.
These were forbidden words for me, both as a child standing in front of his dying parents, and as a new priest of the god who presided over souls and samsara. They were words that threatened to undo the pretentious declaration I’d made to the god of undeath.
Yet I couldn’t help but say them.
“I want to come back here someday and see you both again. I want to have more fights with you, Blood, and beat you sometimes and be beaten sometimes, and then we’ll say stupid crap to each other. I want to do chores with you again, Mary, and maybe you’ll tell me how much I’ve improved. I want you to see my kids, my grandkids, and I want you to teach them all kinds of things, like you taught me.” That had been my dream. My sweet reverie, which some part of me had always known would never come true.
“How could you say you’re going to disappear now?! You can’t go! You can’t, I can’t take it! How am I meant to go on without you?!” My voice was trembling. My tears spilled out uncontrollably. “Don’t go... Please... I don’t care if you cheat... Please just stay...”
I knew how pathetic I must have looked to them as they watched me. Crying, screaming, throwing a tantrum. Just like a child. But even so, I had to tell them.
“Mary—”
“Yes, I know.”
They looked at each other and nodded. Then, they both balled their hands into fists, and clonked me on top of the head. It didn’t hurt. It was just a gentle knock.
“No. Now stop acting like a baby.”
“Blood is quite right. Be reasonable.”
After they told me off so gently, I couldn’t contain my unbearable sadness anymore. I cried my eyes out, tears flowing in streams down my cheeks. My face crumpled up, and I could hardly see through the tears. I heaved with sobs, over and over again.
When was the last time I had cried like this? The feelings I was full of wouldn’t even come out as words anymore.
“Hahah, I think that’s the first fatherly thing I’ve done in ages.”
“Will didn’t need a lot of looking after, did he?”
They laughed together.
“Come on, Will.” Blood turned to me. “We’d do anything for you, you know that. But come on. Some things you just don’t do. How are you meant to go on without us? I’ll tell you how: you find a way. Us humans sometimes lose stuff we think we can’t live without. But what you’ll find is, we don’t die so easy, so long as we keep on eating and sleeping. And we find new things that are important to us, as
well.”
Blood pulled me close to him, and for the first time since I was a baby, he hugged me. As expected, it was a hug without a hint of warmth, nothing but hard bone and holes that let the cold air in. He ruffled my hair in the exact same way he’d done ever since I was a child. That absolutely uncomfortable feeling drew tears from me again.
“When you get out there, make yourself a lot of good buds, pick up a few pretty chicks, and have some fun.”
“Blood,” Mary said in a drawn-out, admonishing voice, “you mustn’t encourage him to be unfaithful. Will, always be loyal in love and marriage! Good gracious, this man...” Mary tutted at him.
“Oh, and Will,” she continued, “you swore a strong oath to the god of the flame and succeeded in carrying out deicide. These are the acts of a legendary hero. You have a turbulent fate ahead of you.” Mary was sitting perfectly upright as she spoke. Her words were solemn, like a priest delivering a message from the gods. “There will be times when you will suffer a loss. There will be times when you are blamed unjustly. You may be betrayed by those you help, the good you do may be forgotten, and you may lose what you have built up and be left with nothing but enemies to show for it.”
Her serious atmosphere quickly softened. She beckoned me over to her, and held me tight. “Love people anyway. Do good anyway. Don’t be afraid of loss. Create, don’t destroy. Where there is sin, grant forgiveness; where there is despair, hope; where there is sorrow, joy. And protect the weak from all kinds of violence. Just as you defied that immortal god for our sake.”
She probably understood that this would be our final embrace. “Will, William, my son. My darling son, Blood’s darling son.” I could feel her arms trembling as she held me. Mine were as well. “May the protection of the good gods and the spirits of courage always be with you.”
Mary’s face suddenly looked blurred and doubled to me. It wasn’t because of the tears. It was probably her spectral body, separating out from her physical one. I now saw the slender form of a woman standing there, with luxuriant blonde hair and downcast, emerald-green eyes. She had the look of a mother, graceful and kind.
“Listen,” Blood said. “Always move forward and have confidence in the outcome. All a man needs is determination, and he can try anything. You’ve got a habit of sinking into deep thought. Don’t let it stop you from moving.”
Blood’s form started looking blurred, like double vision, too. I now saw red hair like a lion. Sharp eyes, befitting a warrior. A well-sculpted, muscular body. He bore the look of a father, wild and jaunty.
I engraved their appearances and the words they’d given me into my heart. I was sure I’d never forget them. They would shine upon my life like Gracefeel’s flame.
We stayed like that, in silence, for a while.
Someone behind us cleared his throat. I turned around to see Gus. Four glasses and an expensive-looking bottle of firewater he’d brought from somewhere were levitating in front of him. The sight of him floating there on his own, looking completely out of place, was somehow hilarious. We all cracked up.
After that, we all drank together. The first liquor I’d ever drunk as part of a group of four had a mellow fragrance and strength enough to burn my throat. I would never forget it.
That night, guided by the divine torch that was Gracefeel’s lantern, my parents returned to samsara.
A refreshing wind blew past.
It was dawn, and a thin morning mist hung in the air at the foot of the hill. A city of stone was spread out below us, built up to the edge of a vast lake. It felt medieval, or even older. I could see tall towers and an aqueduct built with a series of beautiful arches.
All of it was aged and in ruins.
Many of the buildings’ roofs had collapsed, and the plaster on the walls had fallen off, leaving the buildings in a state of pitiful disrepair. Grass grew through gaps in the streets’ stone paving, and green vines and moss clung to the buildings. The city was decaying away among the greenery, as though it were enjoying a quiet doze after all of the activity that must once have taken place here.
The morning sun shone softly over it all.
It was here, on this hill overlooking the city, that I decided to make Mary and Blood’s graves. I had so many memories of this temple hill, where you could look over the lake and the city in ruins. That was why I’d decided to bury them here.
I looked over their graves in silence.
I wanted to return here one day. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Mary or Blood again. I knew they’d returned to samsara. But I thought I’d at least like to come to these graves and tell them how I’d grown.
I wanted to show them my friends and my family, as had once been my dream. To come back as an adult, the kind of adult they could look at and be reassured, knowing that their child was living a proper life.
“So we’ll be apart for a little while.” I put my hands together, and prayed in silence for a while. Then, I told the two graves that I’d be on my way.
“All done?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “So, um...” There was no good way to say this. “Gus... Why aren’t you dead?”
“That’s a fine question to ask an old man in his last years! My grandson wants me dead! Demonspawn!”
“Demonspawn?! Oh, come on, that hurts! I was only thinking about your hoard of treasures and how it’ll all be mine when you die!”
“Aha! The demonspawn confesses!”
We were just fooling around. A lot of circumstances had put distance between us, so this was the first time in a very long while that I’d been able to fool around with Gus like this.
“Heh heh heh,” I cackled, doing my most exaggerated impression of a conniving swindler. “I’m just offering to give a use to dead money that’s sitting there doing nothing. Whaddaya say, old man?”
“Hmm, a fine point. Take it, then.”
“Uh...?”
Gus’s face had suddenly returned to being completely serious, and he pushed a number of bags on me. I looked inside them.
Countless gold and silver coins shone with reflected morning sunlight. There were precious jewels, rings, bracelets, buttons, brooches, pins, and cape fasteners. Even ribbons and sashes with gold and silver thread woven into them.
Huh. Cool. A fortune.
“HOLY GOD!” I almost dropped them all in shock, but managed to desperately hold on to them.
“Did you expect less from my fortune? I’ll lend it to you at no interest. Make it grow. I did teach you how,” Gus said, and grinned.
“B-But... this is... this is...”
“Money that sits there not changing hands is, as you say, dead. I’m not fond of stagnant money. You said it, I believe. Live and die as it should be. Money is the same,” Gus shrugged. “Make money work for you. Until it’s done its job, make sure it changes hands and doesn’t sit stagnant.”
That was probably an attitude that Gus prided himself upon.
“I can’t be there to see it happen anymore, you see.”
“Gus...” I bowed my head to him, and gratefully took the treasure. I prepared myself to say goodbye. This would probably be the last thing I’d ever—
“That said, I won’t be going anywhere for at least another ten years.”
What?
“Well... I mean... You understand... There is the issue of the High King’s seal needing to be protected. If the demons break it, we’re done for.” Gus gave me a serious look. “So last night, your god came down with a revelation for me, and we had a little discussion. I received permission to loiter here in this city for the next decade or so, until the god of undeath regains his strength.”
My mouth flapped like a fish. How had he arranged this?! What was Gracefeel thinking?! I saw the need, but... really?!
“I seem to have become something akin to a Herald of Gracefeel’s now.”
Upon closer inspection, the sense of “impurity” I’d always had from Gus was weaker now. He even felt more like a saintly spirit. But then couldn’t—
“They told me they didn’t want that,” Gus said, as if he’d read my thoughts. “If they were given another decade, they’d become greedy. They’d start clinging to life. After staying one decade, why not another? And another? At least until you died. You see? They knew they’d start thinking that way. That’s why they chose to move on. They were putting on a brave face, but in their hearts, they were bawling just like you.”
Hearing that left me without words. They refused to cheat until the last, despite knowing all the while that there was a way.
“One old codger is more than enough for this greed-inducing position,” Gus shrugged.
I did agree that Gus could probably handle it. He’d carry out his duty as the protector of the seal with ease, and when the tenth year came and it was time for him to go, he would depart this world without a single word of complaint. I was sure of it. Grandpa Gus always was rock ’n’ roll.
“What do we do about the seal after the ten years are up?”
“Apparently, you have ten years to think of something.” Passing the buck entirely, huh. Thanks, god. “She tells me that faith in her has dwindled quite a bit out there. She used up considerable strength just intervening in our troubles.”
“Huh?”
“It seems that the future of the god of the flame is another thing resting upon your efforts.”
I hadn’t even left yet, and I felt like more and more baggage, both tangible and intangible, was being piled on top of me. So this was what a “rough fate” felt like!
“In any event, I’m sure you’ll be needing money. Go on, just take it already.”
“Yeah. It looks like I’ve got a lot to do. Thanks a lot.” I stuffed treasure into various places on my person, and went over my gear again as a final double-check.
Heavy clothing both top and bottom. Leather gloves, rugged boots. A big backpack with lots of pockets. Belt pouches. One spare pair of boots. Blanket, cooking pan, food with a long shelf life, waterskin, survival knife, hatchet, fountain pen, parchment, rope, one change of clothes, and a thick canvas for camping. Then there were the more minor items: a little firewater to use in place of smelling salts; needles, thread, and cloth of various sizes; a small clump of rock salt. All of these were important.
The Boy in the City of the Dead Page 20