by J. R. Tate
The room fell so silent that the ticking sound of the second hand on the clock seemed to echo around them. Albert continued to stare him down, and Michael had a hard time reading his body language. It didn’t matter. He had said what he wanted to say and there was no reversing it. It was all true.
“Damn, Mickey, you make some good points.”
“It’s Michael,” he responded quickly.
“Oh, that’s right. I’m sorry, bud. Eva calls you Mikey, though, doesn’t she?”
“Yes, she does.”
Albert extended his hand for Michael to shake, and he quickly returned it, their grip tight against each other. “I know Eva found a good man. Just by what you said here today, I can tell you’ll do her good.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Michael let out a deep breath, shocked that he took it so well.
“There is one thing I want to tell you, and you remember this.” Albert released the handshake and pointed his index finger at him. “One day you might have a daughter and you’re gonna be the same way. It’s different when you have a girl. When her heart gets broken, my heart gets broken. You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when it’s your turn to be a father.”
The words hit Michael hard and there was so much truth in them. “I hope I get the chance one day.”
Albert walked toward the door. “Thanks for the water. We need to get together soon and have some real drinks.”
Michael opened the door for him, but left that comment alone. He dreaded the day Albert found out about his habit. He was never ashamed of it, but with him, it was a different situation. He had gained the respect of a man he believed would be impossible to get close to. The last thing he needed was for him to make assumptions not only about his job, but about his problem as well.
“I’ll tell Eva you stopped by.”
Michael closed the door behind Albert and rested his forehead against the wood, closing his eyes. He thought it was going to be a boring day. What a day it was turning out to be, and it was only around eleven in the morning. He grabbed a bottle of water and took a long drink.
He thought about Casey and his mom as he walked to the mail room. He needed to give them both a call, but with his brother’s crazy schedule with the grocery store, it was hard to catch him. He at least hoped it was his work schedule and that he wasn’t back to his old ways of being unreachable.
Michael nodded at an older lady who was also checking her mail. Turning the key, he felt a sense of dread at the numerous envelopes indicating that bills were enclosed. Why did he even bother looking? One random piece of mail caught his attention that was addressed directly to him, in messy handwriting. The return address was Rikers, which meant that this was something that was probably from Viper.
His stomach sank and his palms felt moist. He shot another quick glance to the old lady who was minding her own business. Rather than open it up there, he bolted back up the stairs, taking them two at a time until he reached his apartment. Flinging the door open, he pushed all of the other mail aside and ripped open the envelope.
The note was on notebook paper and handwritten as well. Sitting down on the couch, Michael let out a deep sigh as he began to read, fighting off the urge to just rip it up and not even give it another thought. His curiosity would not allow for it, and his sweaty palms clung to the paper.
Mikey “Hero” McGinnis,
It’s been awhile. I hear you almost got yourself killed down in Texas. Those wildfires were something else, weren’t they man? My ass is still stuck here in Rikers. I’m waiting to hear on where I’ll get transferred to. Rikers isn’t designed for killers like me, and they are trying to find a more long term place for me. I’m sure you are happy to hear that. Truth is, Hero, that I want you to come visit again. I’ve had a lot of time to think while here on the inside. What I’ve done to you and your friends is wrong. We have these sessions in here where we meet with other inmates about our mistakes in life. It’s given me a lot of insight into the decisions I’ve made. Long story short, Hero, is come back here and we’ll do some talking. I won’t provoke you like last time. My word is probably as good to you as shit in a gutter, but just think about it. Say hello to Eva for me. You’ve got a good woman. Don’t do a thing to fuck that up.
Kindly,
Viper
Michael read it for a second time, unsure if he had read it right. Looking up, he wiped some sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. With everything else going on in his life, he hadn’t thought about Viper in awhile, which scared him. Here he was, creeping right back into his life when his guard was let down. The letter was right – Viper’s word to Michael meant nothing.
Leaning his head back on the couch cushion, he stared up at the ceiling, the letter in his hand was feeling like a huge weight in his palm. Why was he even considering what Viper had said? He swore he’d never go back to Rikers. He was shocked to even hear that Viper was still there. Last he had heard, they were looking to transfer him upstate to Attica.
The walls of the apartment felt like they were closing in and he couldn’t stand to be there alone at the moment. After a quick shower, he hopped on the subway, the letter in his pocket as he boarded the train bound for his mom’s house. It was a short ride, but seemed like it was taking hours.
It was finally his stop and he felt like he was pushing through people to get out. The light flow of pedestrians proved it was only his imagination causing him to be so antsy, and his pace was close to an all-out jog. Her house was only a few blocks from the subway station, and the cool air felt good against his face.
Turning down her road, he made one more check that the letter was still in his pocket, up against his wallet. Michael stopped on the sidewalk right in front of the house and hesitated. He was surprised that she wasn’t outside. Usually on cool days she was working in her flower beds or on the swing. He was certain she wasn’t at work. She was part time and worked early.
He ambled up the porch steps and balled his fist, giving a couple of light taps on the screen door. He moved back and tried to see if he could hear footsteps.
“Ma?” He knocked again, this time louder. “You home?”
Finally, right when he decided to turn around and go home, he heard the rusty spring in the door squeak, and his mom stood in the threshold, her graying hair pulled back and her glasses down on the tip of her nose. She looked haggard and Michael tried to keep his concern hidden.
“Mikey? You off today?”
He pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on the cheek. She felt so frail. It hadn’t been that long, but she seemed to have aged so much in the time he hadn’t seen her. “Yeah Ma, I’m off today. Everything okay?”
She nodded and pushed her glasses back up on the bridge of her nose. “Come on inside. It’s a little chilly out here. Let me get you some coffee or something.”
He followed her into the kitchen, but got his own coffee. “You sit down. Don’t worry about me, Ma. You want a cup?”
She shook her head yes. “What brings you by, Son?”
He dug down into his pocket, feeling of the edges of the letter. He had debated telling her about it, and now that he had seen her physical state, he was leaning more toward not telling her. Michael knew she was that way because of him and Casey. She didn’t deserve to hear more about Viper.
“I just wanted to see you. I swore I’d visit you more.” He sipped on the hot liquid, savoring the flavor of her coffee. It had a special taste he could never master, even after asking her over and over again what she put in it.
“You are so full of crap, Mikey. Sit down with me here at the table.” She patted the chair beside her and smiled. “When are you going to learn that I know more than you think?”
“I’m not sure I’m following you.”
“You didn’t just come to see me.”
“And what makes you say that? Why is that so hard to believe?” He arched his eyebrow and traced the mug handle with his index finger. She could read him so well and he avoided ey
e contact for the added effect of her capabilities.
She cupped his cheek with her hand, her warm eyes so comforting. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m just glad to see your handsome face. I just hate to see that there’s something troubling you, that’s all. I can see it in your tense brow and your clenched jaw.”
“You’ve got enough of your own worries. I don’t think I should be tacking on mine along with them.” He finished his coffee and grabbed the pot, topping both of their mugs off.
“Mikey, you’re gonna be my son and my responsibility until the day that I die. Grown man or child, it doesn’t matter. Motherhood doesn’t stop at eighteen, even though that eighteen year old of mine was the definition of trouble. I stood by your side during those years, the years that you almost buried yourself. What makes you think I’m not gonna be here now?”
With more hesitation, he pulled the letter out and slid it to where she could see it. “What the hell am I supposed to think about that?” He gave her a moment to read it, anticipating what words of wisdom she’d have to offer.
Looking up, she folded the paper and gave it back to him. “I’m a firm believer that people change. You’re living proof of that.”
“I didn’t kill anyone.”
She shook her head. “No, no you didn’t.”
“He killed my best friend and tried to kill Casey and me. I just can’t agree to something so easily again, especially since I went to Rikers before I went to Texas and he wanted no part of it.” Michael’s voice was raising and he tried to calm himself down. His mom didn’t deserve his bad mood.
“Are you wanting to know what I’d do?”
“Yes. What would you do, Ma?”
She sat back in her chair and looked out the window. “Well, I think I’d go to Rikers again and see for myself. Words are cheap and you won’t know the truth until you sit there and literally see the man’s face.”
“What good will it do me? I don’t want him in my life.”
She stood up and put her coffee cup in the sink. “If you don’t think it’ll benefit you, think about him.”
“With all due respect, I don’t give a damn about him.”
She held her hand up, cutting him off. “Just think about your recovery. When you had to make amends with everyone you did wrong when you were drinking. It was part of your recovery to contact people you knew you hurt. Maybe this is part of Viper’s recovery. He needs to say what’s on his mind to those people he wronged. Sure, it might not feel like it’s helping you, but if it saves a man from continuing to be hateful, I say it’s worth a trip.”
“And what if he’s lying. What if he’s up to something again?”
“You can sit there and ask what if all you want, but you’re never gonna know unless you set up a visit. If he’s lying to you, all you have to do is get up and leave. Do you really want to wonder what if? Let me ask you something, Mikey. When did you get this letter?”
“Today in the mail.”
“And look how much it has already messed with you. If you don’t find something out, it’s gonna eat away at you forever.” She rinsed out the coffee pot and wiped up some water on the counter top. “Like I said, you don’t have much to lose. If he’s lying, just leave. Then you can completely write him out of your life. Truth be told, I think it would help you in your healing process over the whole situation too. I’m not saying to forget Daryl and what Viper did to all of you. I’m just saying that sometimes forgiveness is the best way to let go of that anger that possesses you.”
The mention of Daryl's name made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Michael glared down at the note that was wreaking so much havoc on him. Viper was dead to him. Why should he have to care if the piece of shit wanted to make amends? Who cares if he wanted to recover? It wasn’t his problem. His biggest fear about it all was that Viper was scheming again. There was no trust there. His mom was right, though. He was going to have it hovering over him until he made a decision.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me,” Michael muttered under his breath. “I think he’s up to something.”
Chapter Six
“Hell of a shift, Crisante. Get home to Mikey before dispatch calls us again.”
Laughing, she waved at her partner and pulled her jacket around her midsection. It had gotten colder that evening and the sky looked ominous. At any second it appeared that it would start raining, so she quickened her pace, weaving in and out of others hurrying to get home in case it did storm. Reaching for her phone, she checked it for what seemed like the millionth time. Still nothing from Mikey, which was a bit strange. Usually on his days off he messaged her several times.
When she got back to the apartment, she saw the TV was on and his legs dangled over the armrest of the couch. He didn’t move, and she snuck around the corner to take a look at him sleeping. He was sprawled out and his mouth was hanging open. Her desperate attempt to be sneaky failed when she tried to take a picture of the comedic scene in front of her.
“What in the hell are you doing?” His voice made her jump before she could click the picture and she almost sent her phone crashing to the floor.
“Having a good nap?” She sat next to him on the couch, leaning in for a peck on the lips.
“It was amazing until I saw your phone in my face. I didn’t realize what time it was.” He clicked the TV off, his eyes squinting from the light. “How was your day?”
She shrugged and pulled her jacket off. “Busy as ever. Lots of crap, lots of frequent fliers. Yours?” She kissed again before he could answer and moved her lips down his neck.
“Insane.” His voice rumbled against her lips. “I gotta show you something.” He pulled away from her and dug a piece of paper from his wallet. “Just read it carefully and let me know what you think of it.”
“You trying out poetry?” She giggled, but stopped instantly when his facial expression grew more serious. Taking it from him, her eyes scanned over the poor handwriting.
With each word, her stomach churned more. A real life nightmare, back to get them. Looking up from the words, she grabbed his hand. “I uhh… I’m not sure what to say.”
“Same here.” Michael sat forward on the couch. “I went to my Mom’s today. I needed her patient viewpoint on it all.”
“And?”
“And she thinks I should go see him.”
Eva stood up and began to pace. Michael’s eyes followed her. “Do you agree?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it all day, since it came in the mail. I really would like your opinion on it.”
She sat back down beside him, his hand clutching hers. “I’m skeptical. He’s a liar and a murderer. Anyone can sit down and write what sounds good if they have enough time on their hands, and lord knows he has the time.”
“I completely understand,” Michael replied.
“In a sense, yes you do understand. But in a way, you don’t either.” She felt a tear catch in the corner of her eye and slowly trickle down her cheek.
“What’s that?”
Eva pulled Michael’s hand up, kissing the back of it. “I saw you lying in that hospital bed. I saw what he did to you. I had to wait at that hospital day in and day out, waiting on the doctors. I guess…” she wiped the tears away, realizing how selfish she was sounding. “I guess we can both say we’ve dealt with it, just from different angles.”
Michael wiped another one of her tears away with his thumb. “So you’re saying you don’t think I should go?”
“No, I don’t know what the hell I’m saying.” She smiled through the tears. “I’m a freaking emotional train wreck. Go if it means getting the answers you need. If he is blowing smoke, that’ll be the last of it.”
“That’s pretty much what Ma said. Speaking of parents, your dad came by today too.”
Eva felt as if bricks had toppled over on her. “Say what?”
“He was waiting down by the stoop when I got back from a jog. Was looking for you, bu
t got me instead.” Michael winked. “Don’t worry though, all is well. We talked some things out and he understands it all better. Just one worry I have though. He keeps mentioning having drinks together. For some odd reason, I don’t feel he’ll be as understanding to my situation when he finds out.”
“Let’s not worry about that right now.”
She slid her fingertips over his lips and buried her face in his chest. He smelled so good. She couldn’t get enough of him. His arms clung to her, making her feel safe, like their troubles were far away, practically nonexistent. Her pulse raced and she felt like a school girl with her first love. All of the adult problems like bills, his dangerous job, and life in general were put on hold.
“I just want the world to go away for a while,” Eva whispered, keeping her face tucked into him.
“For tonight, it’s gone. It’s just you and me, Eva.”
***
Michael woke up to an empty bed the next morning. He was hoping the night before would never end, but the sun peeking through the blinds was a harsh reminder that he had to face the day. Stretching out, he heard Eva in the bathroom and knocked on the door in hopes that he could join her.
“Eva, you got room for one more?”
At first, he didn’t get a response, but he heard the lock click. Opening the door, he saw Eva hovered over the toilet, her complexion pale as she dry heaved.
“Are you okay?”
“If I were you I wouldn’t get closer. I got that damn stomach bug that’s going around. I knew I would. Got a call yesterday and the woman barfed all over me.”