My heart skipped several beats. Didn't he understand that I couldn't go back with him?
"New Zealand’s not my home, Nick. I can't stay there. For so many reasons and you know it."
"Irrelevant," he whispered, rolling his tongue around in a circle against my skin at my ear. A shiver shot down my spine, uncontrolled by me. "Your home is with me."
I closed my eyes. The bar no longer existed. The Country music playing, the conversations and laughter. The clink of glasses and shouts of welcome to friends. The sounds of a good night around us bled into the ether. Just Nick and me. His arms around me, his lips against me. And those words.
Your home is with me.
How could four words pierce right through my battlements and connect with my heart?
"Angel," he said in that tone. As though I was his angel, brought down from heaven just for him. "No more running," he whispered in my ear, his hand moving up from my stomach and a thumb caress - just one swipe - beneath my breast.
Oh darn it all to hell, how did I fight this? Him? When my body wanted nothing more than to meld itself to his, to become one and to hell with the rest of the world and the rest of my problems. In Nick's arms, with Nick's touch, nothing else mattered. At all.
"Nick," I said on a plead. It could have been for him to stop or it could have equally been for him to get us somewhere private and finish what he was obviously starting.
"Not until you say the words, angel." What words? "I have to hear you say them."
"Nick," I managed again, this time trying to twist in his arms to stare him in the face. One tweak of my nipple through the fabric of my top and I stopped turning and sagged against his chest, a small gasp escaping my lips.
"Say it, Eva. Say your home is with me. Admit it, angel. Stop running... and come home."
Home.
Nick.
I squeezed my eyes shut, drew in a long breath and tried to say what needed to be said.
It took three goes. My throat was dry, my lips parched. My heart thundering in my veins. Nick had said he was prepared to stay here - in Nashville - to be with me. And now he was here, telling me my home was with him. There was so much mess in our past, so much of my history that affected him. Could I ask him to do this? To give up everything he had worked so hard for in Auckland and make a new life with me here?
Despite how my body begged for his touch, how my world righted the moment he appeared at my back. How I craved his kisses, his hands on my skin, his words whispered in my ears. Despite my heart recognising its other half. Despite my soul finding its mirrored image in this man.
Despite his words being true.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't allow him to uproot his life for me. It was wrong. It just wasn't who I am.
"No, Nick," I said, feeling infinitely sad at my words, but fortifying my resolve to do the right thing. "You need to go back to New Zealand and forget all about me." I'd chosen to exile myself here in Nashville, but I would be darn sure that Nick Anscombe wouldn't befall the same fate.
"Yes, I'm going back to New Zealand," he said, stunning me silent for a second. This was a change in his plans. "But you're coming with me, angel. Our home is in Auckland. Together. You and me."
"But..." I started.
"Cary's told me what you've been doing," he went on and I vowed to cut Cary out of my life for good. Talk about reason to shut him down, and the little prick had been going on about confiding in him back at the house. "You've got no band. Haven't replaced your guitar."
It was like he was ticking off a list, I hoped he didn't mention Derek, but then Cary had only found out about Derek tonight. If he'd been conversing with Nick for a while, Derek wouldn't have been mentioned. I could do without that cringe-worthy embarrassment right now. Nick was voicing enough of my current shame.
"You're in limbo, Eva." I'd called it a mid-life crises, limbo worked too. "Waiting for something to happen, to make it all make sense." I squeezed my eyes tightly shut at his accurate description of my state of mind. "I'm here to tell you, angel, that I'm that something. And I think you need me to push you down the right path."
"What does that mean?" I asked, waking up from my shame-induced semi-coma.
"Exactly what it fucking sounds like," he growled back in my ear, tightening his hold as I was about to bolt and he'd no doubt sensed it. "You need a man who takes charge, angel. I'm that man. I gave you space eight years ago, to grow up and know your mind. You came back..."
"Not for you," I pointed out.
"...into my life by accident, but you know you are meant to be there and nowhere else."
"This is ridiculous."
"I will do whatever I need to do to convince you I'm your home. Your heart. Your match. No one can give you what I can, Eva. No one."
My eyes closed again, knowing he was right. In eight years I'd never found another man who came close to reaching the real me as Nick did that one night. Eight years of every relationship I had falling short by a country mile. Eight years. And I knew now that the reason I'd considered taking Derek back again was because there was no point trying to find someone else. They would all fall short in the end. At least with Derek I had a good man, a true cowboy to keep me warm at night. And I didn't need to set myself up for another reminder that my heart was back in Auckland, in the possession of another man.
And oh darn it all to hell, what did that say about me? That I'd use Derek like that, to avoid a repeat performance of every single new relationship I ever started since Nick, and stave off loneliness with Derek's hard body, but never give him my heart in the end. It said a lot and I didn't like it, but right now my problems were more present. Like right behind me. One hand wrapped round my waist, fingers digging into my hip. The other hand down my outer thigh, stroking absently, as though he wasn't even aware he was soothing me, whilst also trying to make a point.
"Nick," I said for the umpteenth time. And then my mouth said the words my brain was trying frantically not to think. "I'm scared."
"I know, Eva angel. I know." He turned me in his arms and brushed a hand through my hair, tipped my hat back sightly to gain access, and then lowered his lips to mine in a tender, reassuring kiss.
For a moment I just stood there like a darn tool, his lips pressed against mine, his hand wrapped around my neck, thumb brushing over my pulse point in the hollow at the base of my throat. Then in a blinding moment of clarity, I realised that I'd been the worst kind of cowgirl. I'd been a coward. Afraid of the truth and running scared from my past. And as Nick deepened the kiss, nibbling on my bottom lip, forcing me to open my mouth and let him in, I decided enough was enough.
Levi and his brothers had made my growing years hell. My parents were what they were, but they had loved me in their own way. Country music was my heaven on earth, my sanctuary when things got to hard.
And Auckland was my home. Not Nashville, but Auckland. And although Nashville would hold some awesome memories, it had never held my heart.
That belonged to Nick, who was right here kissing me, declaring his love for me - even if he hadn't said the words. Him being here meant only one thing. He loved me as much as I loved him. And why the hell would I give up that?
A cowgirl would fight for what's hers, regardless of the obstacles in the way. I'd have to deal with Jessie and her boys. I'd have to face Derek and make him understand.
And I would have to face up to how I felt about Nick Anscombe. After only one night in his arms eight years ago nothing had changed. But I was going to change it now.
I kissed him back. I put everything I'd just discovered into that kiss. I showed him exactly how I felt to be back in his arms and I did the best I could to make it impossible for him to want to be anywhere else. My tongue swept along the inside edge of his bottom lip, flicked out and touched his own tongue briefly, then began a slow, seductive dance inside his mouth. My breasts rubbed up against his broad chest, I could feel my nipples hardening with every stroke, my leg wrapped around his thigh and I rocked my pe
lvis against his. My hands ran up his back, one tangled in his short hair, the other swept round the front of his body and lazily tracked down his muscular stomach. Then back around to cup his butt and pull him closer still.
"Fuck, angel," he rasped against my lips. "We're in the middle of a crowded bar. Do you want us to get arrested?"
"What bar?" I asked and brought his head back down so my tongue could delve between his lips again.
"Eva," he said, pulling back with a sexy grin on his face. "Say the fucking words, angel and then I'll take you home and prove you're mine."
"What words?" I said as I nipped along his jaw.
"Your home is with me," he said on a groan as I began sucking the skin on the side of his neck.
"My home is with you, Nick Anscombe," I said, surprising us both at how easily that fell off my tongue.
"You mean it, angel?" Nick said reaching up and cupping my cheeks, so he could stare me in the eyes. Ice-blue looked down at me, full of hope and something else I couldn't quite identify.
I held his gaze, considered his question and felt the rightness of the words.
"Yes, I mean it," I said softly. "You're my home, Nick." I wanted to ask if I was his. Logic told me I was, but we still need reassurance, no matter how logical things look. I didn't ask though, he looked stunned and I wasn't sure he'd understand the question right now.
He just kept staring at me, a small smile curving his lips. For the longest time he didn't say anything. The sounds of the bar around us buffeting us, but not breaching our cocoon. We could have had an audience, I didn't know. We could have been anywhere in the world and it wouldn't have registered where. All that mattered was the look in Nick's eyes and the words I'd just spoken from my heart.
"About fucking time, angel," he finally said. Then he grabbed my hand and led me to the front doors, without another word. My heart skipped a beat when I realised he was limping. What had my asshole cousins done to him?
One nod to the bouncer, who seemed to know him - which was kind of weird, but may have had something to do with Cary and I getting through the doors without having to queue - and then that thought made me think of my best friend.
"I have to find Cary," I announced as Nick waved down a cab.
"He's meeting us at the house."
I shook my head as I slipped into the rear seat of the cab, followed by Nick who gave Cary's and my address to the driver without hesitation.
"How long have you been talking with Cary?" I asked, resigned that things had been happening behind my back.
"About a week," he said, pulling me close so I was tucked under his arm and against his chest. He kissed the top of my head. "He's packing a bag for you now. Our flight leaves at five tomorrow morning."
"Flight!" I had things to organise. Bank accounts to shut, gear to pack. All manner of things to get sorted if I wasn't coming back here again. Not to mention Derek to sort out. He'd left on a long-haul run this evening, I'd have to track him down, because what I had to say needed to be done in person. He wasn't due back until Monday. "I can't fly out yet," I declared.
"You backing out on me already, angel? Running for the hills?" Nick asked, giving me an arm squeeze.
"No, of course not, but there's things I need to sort out before I leave."
"Cary can tidy up loose ends and anything else you can do on-line or over the phone," Nick said casually.
I looked down at the floor of the cab and frowned. How did I broach this subject?
"Eva? What is it?" His words were soft. Not accusatory. He'd seen my look and knew I was holding something back.
I was sure his tone would change once he knew what though. I concentrated on breathing for a few moments.
"Come on, angel. It can't be that bad," Nick encouraged.
"I thought I'd never see you again," I whispered.
"Told you I wouldn't let you go," he pointed out.
"It was safer for you if you didn't come after me. Unless of course Jessie and the boys are all behind bars?" I asked hopefully.
Nick leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "No, angel. They're in the wind. We can't find hide nor hair of them."
I closed my eyes and let a long breath out. What was I doing?
"Oh, no you don't, Evangeline Rowe," Nick said with authority. "You don't go talking yourself out of this now. You know you're meant to be with me and the rest of it we'll sort out eventually. I can protect you and you can protect me," he added softly.
My eyes flicked open at his words. How did he know I'd needed to hear that? That he knew I was capable, that I was a cowgirl-in-the-rodeo-ring. That if I thought for a moment he wouldn't let me stand up for him against my Aunt and her loser sons, I'd feel lost again.
I blinked at the man beside me and I had never felt more at home than in that moment. He smiled winningly back at me. So I did it. I found the courage to say what needed to be said.
"I have to talk to Derek." He stilled, the smile slipped. I licked my lips. "When I thought you and I were never gonna happen, I decided I couldn't go through another getting to know someone only to realise they weren't you moment. And well, Derek was persistent and I thought..." my voice trailed off there, thinking it all sounded really bad.
"You thought you could hide in his arms?" Nick asked, his voice not exactly soft, but not hard either. I think he was trying to not fly off the handle, but a little of his emotions were making it through the mask.
I looked at him closely, trying to gauge what emotions those were. Anger? Disappointment? Jealousy? Or was it a little disgust? I was certainly feeling that last one in spades.
"It sounds terrible," I admitted.
"Not too good, no," he acknowledged, only making me feel more like a tool than ever.
"I was lost," I tried to explain.
"And now you're found," he said a little sarcastically.
"No need to be a jerk," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Well excuse me, Eva, but I wasn't the one picking up with an ex when the person I should have been with but was too chicken to be with was shot back home and recovering on his own."
My eyes flicked down to his legs. I think they said that someone had shot him in the leg, but which one and where? He limped walking out of the bar, I'd noticed, even though I was busy floating on a cloud of bliss after those kisses and finally admitting he was my home and heart and match.
"Did it hurt?" I asked in a tiny voice.
"Like fuck," he replied, still a little pissed off.
"I'm sorry," I whispered and I meant the apology for more than just one of my crazy cousins shooting at him in the leg.
He sighed. It sounded weighty. "Eva," he said on another breath of air. "I don't need your apology. I need you."
"You've got me," I said instantly, my eyes coming back up to his.
"Have I?" he asked pointedly, eyebrows raised in a question of their own.
"Yes," I reiterated. "Unequivocally," I threw in, because it seemed like I needed to make this point work.
"Then phone him now and tell him you're going home to be with me."
Whoa. That was placing your cards on the table right there. I opened my mouth to argue, to say Derek deserved to be told face to face. And then I slammed it shut. Yes, face to face would have been better, there's no argument there. But delaying it until he was back in Nashville on Monday was not. Leaving with Nick tomorrow without at least having tried to talk to Derek first was not.
And not sorting this out, with Nick looking at me impassively from the other side of the cab, was definitely not. This was a test of sorts and I'd already decided what side I was on. I just had to put my money where my mouth was and face up to my mistakes.
I fished my cellphone out of my jacket and thumbed through until I found Derek's number, then without forming the words I'd say in my mind first - stupidly - I hit the call button and waited for the sound of his voice.
It took only three rings before he answered, but time stopped when he heard what I had
to say.
Chapter 21
Just When One Thing In My Life Falls Back Into Perfect Place
It was about as hard as you can imagine, not made easier by having Nick sitting there watching me keenly, listening to every word. But two minutes after Derek answered the call it was done. He tried to argue, he tried to sway me to his way of thought, but there's not much you can say to the obvious fact that the other guy holds her heart. I tried to let him down easy, but he kept trying to persuade me I was wrong. So in the end, turning my back on Nick to allow myself a semblance of privacy, I had to say it. Which meant Nick now knew the truth.
I fell short of actually saying "I love Nick," but to make Derek understand I had to say something convincing. And that something ended up being, "There's never been anyone else since Nick." I know it hurt Derek, but we'd been casual for the past six months and although he'd wanted more, I'd never actually given him it. Was it so hard to believe he'd never had a shot at all?
With a heavy heart I disconnected, after Derek had wished me all the best of luck. He'd make some cowgirl happy one day. He deserved to be free of me and available to meet her instead. He wouldn't see it that way for a while, but eventually he'd come out the other side. Because Derek was cowboy through and through. No two ways about it.
I slunk down on my side of the car seat just as we entered my street. Nick didn't say anything, just handed the driver a twenty and climbed out of the cab, holding the door open for me to follow. He took my hand as I exited the vehicle, searched my face for a moment and then led me up the front path to the house.
The lights were on inside, Cary had beaten us home. Which made me wonder if he'd left the bar as soon as he'd left me, no doubt having spotted his partner in crime and headed home to effect his part of the plan. I shook my head as we walked in the front door. How had he kept quiet about it? Cary was crap at keeping any secrets at all.
"Hey, y'all!" he shouted from the back of the house near the bedrooms, hearing the front door close behind us. "I'll be out in a tick."
I couldn't speak up to answer him, so Nick did on my behalf.
Sweet Seduction Serenade Page 21