"I've organised some food," Carmel announced, setting the table in the corner up with plates and glasses and pulling out several platters from the fridge nearby. "We could all do with a drink and a bite to eat. Take a seat, Eva, I'll serve you something up."
It was a nice gesture and under normal circumstances I'd be polite, accept the offer as it was given. But my emotions were raw, close to the surface and threatening to make me cry. Cowgirls don't cry. And this was all because these people didn't know when to back off. Couldn’t they see I needed space to deal with this? Couldn't they understand that it was all so new and painful, and them being here to see how badly shaken up I was, cut me to the quick?
"I'm not hungry," I announced a little surly.
"A cup of tea then," she suggested, fussing with the kettle.
"I don't drink tea," I added, crossing my arms over my chest. Nick's gaze came up from the sheet of paper he was reading that Eric had given him. He frowned slightly, letting me know I was being beyond rude, but I couldn't seem to stop it. "I think I'll go phone Cary," I said to the room at large and then headed to the door when no one stopped me.
I'd made it to Nick's office door, which thankfully was open otherwise I never would have managed to break inside, when Nick caught up with me.
"Eva," he said in a deep voice.
I held my hand up to stop the chastisement that was no doubt on the tip of his tongue. "I don't care, Nick. I need to be alone. Please leave."
He stared at me for a minute, then miraculously nodded his head. I'd expected an argument, but he simply thrust his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his feet as though unsure how to proceed.
"Take your time, angel. We'll be in the rec room. Gen's bringing coffee and chocolate, maybe that would tempt you more." Then he turned on his heel and left, leaving me feeling like an absolute dork.
I sat down on Nick's guest chair in front of his desk and stared numbly at the floor. He hadn't told me off for being impolite to Carmel. For storming out of the a room full of people who genuinely cared. He'd even indicated that more people were coming; Gen. For me. I didn't know how to deal with this. These people barely knew me, yet they were acting as though I was part of their family, their inner circle.
An important part of Nick's life.
Now I felt like an enormous idiot.
I sighed and dialled Cary's number, knowing it would be late afternoon over there and I'd get him at work. His voice-mail met my ears and I almost gave in to the tears, but sucked it up and in a small voice let Cary know that Dad had died that morning and I just needed to hear his voice. Then out of simply nothing else to do - no way was I phoning Jessie to tell her that her only brother had died and telling Gabe needed to be done in person - I phoned Gus. My only other genuine friend here in Auckland.
He answered on the second ring.
"Hey, Tennessee! What's up?"
I smiled widely for the first time that day. God I loved this guy, he was such a fresh breath of air.
"Hey, Gus. I'm back in Auckland."
"I know," he said mysteriously. "You OK, sweet?"
I blinked at the phone. "You know my Dad died?" I asked, uncertainly.
"Nick just called, said you could do with a friend 'bout now. I'm almost there, Gonzo's on his way and Spike's probably beaten me already."
Oh my God. My eyes flicked to the door of the office, which Nick had closed after he left, offering me some privacy. My throat had closed over and those darn tears were trickling out of the side of my eyes. I even think my bottom lip was trembling. I may have made a pained sound, I'm not sure.
"Eva babe, you OK? I'm sorry about your Dad, Tennessee. But I'm real glad you made it back in time."
"Me too," I managed on a sniff.
"Hey now, cowgirl. No need to hold back on those tears. Even cowgirls get a reprieve when a loved one moves on. Go find that man of yours, let him hold you up for a while. No one will think less of you. Hell, they'd all offer to be your shoulder to lean on, you just gotta let them in, hon."
I let a shaky breath out and then sucked it back in. Then had to do it all over again before I could answer him.
"OK," I said eventually. "I'm going to him now."
"Thatta girl, Tennessee. He's a keeper."
Yeah. Nick was.
I rang off and slipped out of Nick's office. As soon as I made it into the hallway that led to the rec room I could hear lots of voices. Deep male voices, lighter female ones. And Spike. I stopped briefly outside the room and just listened for a moment, trying to gather the courage to face them all. After my rude departure and no doubt tear blotched looking face, I needed a stiff drink to contemplate walking back in there. I didn't have one, so I started humming under my breath, concentrating on a tune, unaware of which one, just needing the soothing sound and familiarity of a Country song on my mind.
The humming became soft singing and then when I started to feel myself relax enough to breathe, my volume must have picked up, because the noise level in the room subsided. Before I knew it, I had an audience. Then Spike appeared around the door frame, guitar in hand, and started to softly strum, fitting himself smoothly into the tune as though he wasn't a drummer, but an acoustic guitarist instead.
The words of the song were inconsequential, just the first tune that had come to my mind. I hadn't realised what I was singing until Spike started on the harmony. Wrapped Up In You. The song Dad had requested I sing at the concert at Sweet Seduction. It's an upbeat song, but would forever be Dad's in my eyes.
"How do I need you, well can't you tell. I need you like a penny needs a wishing well. Baby. Completely. Wrapped up in you."
By the time we got to the "Baa baa ba ba ba ba baa baa" part I was smiling and the song had taken on a life of its own. When Gus walked down the corridor - escorted by Carmel - joining in on the harmony with Spike, and then whipping a harmonica out of his pocket and supplying the right amount of Country blues, we had an impromptu concert in full swing, outside the door to ASI's rec room.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Country music soothes the ravaged soul. There is nothing like letting yourself free whilst singing from the heart and Wrapped Up In You is one of the sweetest, most adorable love songs I have ever heard. My heart was still aching, but somehow by the end of the song, two of my band members right there with me, I felt almost whole again. Bolstered, emboldened, cowgirl-in-the-rodeo-ring fighting fit.
Yes, my Dad had just died. But he'd been sick for a long while and I'd spent time with him, got to know him a bit better, even begun to realise that in his own way he'd loved me. And I'd been there in the end. Now was time to face the rest of my life and as much as it scared me - Aunty Jessie, Levi and the Russell boys still in the back of my mind - the people in the room we were standing outside of were a part of that.
For a moment, maybe I could pretend they would be a part of it for some time to come, and not just for right now, in this moment, when they offered unconditional friendly support designed to help me through a tough time.
The song came to an end, after Gus did the obligatory harmonica solo, hamming it up for everyone in the room - we could hear their claps and laughter - and we stood staring at each other. Then Gus reached forward and wrapped me up in his big arms, giving me one of his signature bear hugs.
"Tennessee," he said gruffly. "Welcome home."
I closed my eyes, resting my face against the flannel of his checked shirt and savoured the moment. I was home. Closer to home than I had ever been. But with one last enormous storm cloud on the horizon. When I opened my eyes Nick was standing there, an intense look in his eyes: Concern? Compassion? Love?
"Cowboy," I said softly and received the most blinding ice-blue eyed smile in return.
Gus pulled back and cleared his throat, then murmured to Spike, "I could go a beer. Think they've got one in here?"
"Bloody hope so, Big Bear," he answered and scooted out of range through the door, to avoid Gus's punch aimed at his shoulder.
That just left me and Nick standing silently, eyes locked on the other's, utterly focused, completely consumed by the person before us. I sucked in a breath and held onto that gaze as though it grounded me. Slowly, so very slowly, Nick raised his hand and cupped my cheek, his thumb gently caressing my skin. I leaned into the touch willingly. It felt like home.
He moved closer and I thought he'd kiss my mouth, but instead those full, beautiful lips of his brushed softly against my forehead. A move so caring, so loving, but still so full of emotion my eyes stung with unshed tears.
His hot breath washed over my face as his arms snaked around my frame. Then ever so carefully, his fingers clasped my chin and he tilted my face up to his. For a second he held my gaze again, as though he was checking to make sure I was still there, still with him. That I was OK with what he was about to do. I offered a dazed smile, completely trapped in his arms, trapped by the melted frost-blue of his eyes. By him. Then he ever so gently lay a kiss against my lips.
It was magical. Soft. Careful. Full of love. It wasn't sexual. It was simply Nick giving me some of him, when I needed it the most. He smelled like he always did. Minty, fresh, with a hint of something purely masculine. Purely him. I could have died in that kiss and been forever content.
"Eva," he murmured pulling back. "Your voice when you sing is absolute heaven. Do you have any idea what listening to you does to me?" he whispered against my ear.
I kissed behind his ear, then used my teeth to get a soft groan from the back of his throat. He had a way of making me fall into the moment and forget that anything else existed. I was aware, that was exactly why he was doing it. And I was grateful. Nick was my anchor, when everything threatened to wash me away.
"Heaven," he whispered as he pulled back to gaze at me again. I just nodded, like an idiot, but I didn't care. Well, not at least until I realised we had company.
"Eric," Nick said, his eyes still locked on mine.
"Sorry, boss," Eric said, sounding contrite. "But, we've got a problem."
"Spill," Nick said succinctly, keeping me wrapped in his arms, but finally moving his eyes to the other man. Giving him his attention, despite the feeling that I was still very much on his mind with the repetitive soft strokes of his hand down my arm.
Eric's eyes flicked to mine and I knew whatever the problem was, was due to me. I held my breath, barely aware that Nick had reacted to my stiffening frame by gently rubbing the thumb of his other hand over the skin above my hip.
"Go on," Nick encouraged Eric, clearly prepared for me to hear what his control room guy had discovered. In that second I really appreciated how much Nick understood me. My need to not be over protected, to face my demons head on. I was a cowgirl, I could do this.
"The storage unit where we've placed all of Eva's Dad's property caught fire this morning. Security camera's show three Russell boys doing the deed."
I closed my eyes, trying to understand just what they thought they were achieving. Dad hardly had anything worth keeping, but I guess it was the only way they could get at me through him now. It's not as though the will could be altered after death, if Dad hadn't changed it, Gabe was still the main beneficiary, Aunty Jessie was shit out of luck.
"Destroyed?" Nick asked softly, still stroking my skin tenderly.
"Yep. But there's more," Eric added. My eyes flicked open and I sucked in another breath. What now?
"They took something before they doused the rest in petrol and threw a match." That graphic wasn't one I needed to have inside my head.
"What?" Nick ground out between clenched teeth. I frowned unable to think what they could possibly want of my Dad's.
"Eva's guitar."
I blinked a few times trying to get my head around that. What guitar? I had my Fender and the Martin had been trashed by none other than Levi, the pieces already thrown in the removal bin we'd had delivered for all the copious amount of crap Dad had hoarded over the years.
"Fuck," Nick muttered. "Why the fuck did we put it there? It should have been stored here until the funeral."
"What?" I asked, inelegantly. "What are you talking about? My guitar has gone. Dad didn't have a guitar of mine."
Nick turned back toward me and I felt Eric retreat, either back towards the control room or into the rec room at our backs. Nick reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes, his face sad and all melty ice-blue in his eyes. I swallowed at how gorgeous he was. He was simply stunning. Angry. Happy. In ecstatic bliss. Or like now, sorrowful. I'd take Nick Anscombe in any guise he came, he simply stole my breath away.
"Eva," he said softly, leaning forward and resting his forehead against mine. "Angel," he whispered and I knew I wasn't going to like what he was about to say. A part of me already curling up inside ready to cry.
"Your Dad asked Cary to organise a replacement for your Martin. Another D28, but engraved."
"Engraved?" I whispered.
"Yeah, babe. Daddy's Cowgirl across the face of the soundboard. It was to be given to you at his funeral, he wanted you to sing him out in Country style on a guitar worthy of your voice and talent."
"He said that?" Still whispered.
"His words, angel, not mine," Nick confirmed.
I stood stock still, wrapped up in Nick's arms, his hot breath washing over my face, his forehead pressing comfortingly against mine.
And I let the tears fall.
Unchecked. Uncontrolled.
Completely.
And Nick held me tight and didn't let go.
Chapter 28
This Was Not Happening
No one indicated they were aware that I had just bawled my eyes out in the hallway outside the rec room they were all standing in. When we walked in, after several minutes of Nick holding me, stroking up and down my back reassuringly, kissing my cheeks, eyelids, forehead, neck and chin repeatedly, to bring me back to earth, they all continued their conversations without so much as a sad smile or flick of their gazes in our direction.
Carmel handed both Nick and me plates of food and then followed it up with glasses of sparkling water. Maybe she'd got the hint with the tea, but she sure as darn hell hadn't given up on the idea of feeding me up - just disguised it in the hospitable action of offering both Nick and I food at the same time. This time however, I managed a smile and a polite thank you.
I got a humph back and a pursing of her lips into a thin line. I appreciated her honesty for some reason.
Gen had indeed arrived, with coffee and chocolate and Kelly in tow. I ate sparingly from my plate, downed my water and by the time she approached with a coffee and decadent chocolate treat, I was ready to be soothed by caffeine and cocoa. Much to Gen's immediate pleasure, a full smile widening over her porcelain cheeks. She sat down next to me, content to say nothing, just offer her support at my side.
I appreciated that too. I knew she was sad my Dad had died, I knew she was here because of that, but her silent presence - hand resting on the bench seat between us, gaze taking in the people in the room - was enough. Gen had known me when I was a kid, not well, but well enough to know where I had come from. Having her next to me right now seemed grounding, as though our history, however tenuous, meant more than words could relay.
Gonzo had arrived and the guys were strumming guitars, Gus on the harmonica, playing a few riffs, jamming in the corner softly. The ASI team were all eating, talking, gossiping I think like women, but completely relaxed and enjoying each other's company, even if a little subdued for my benefit. Kelly and Katie were in deep conversation, Jason hovering nearby with a scowl on his face. He'd always been serious growing up, but I wondered what had happened in the military to make him this angry young man that he now appeared to be.
I studied everyone, while I sipped a perfect latte and nibbled on a delicious strawberry flavoured, rich dark chocolate morsel. I'd been overwhelmed when we first arrived. By their concern and compassion, by the fact I barely knew them but they now seemed to know so much about me. But as I sat there a
nd watched them all interact - old friends, work colleagues, whatever they were to each other - I realised I was relaxed. I was no longer uptight and irate. And if I was honest with myself, I felt safe, welcomed, and in a strange way - maybe because Nick was here, conversing with his men, smiling at his sister, winking at me occasionally - I felt at home.
My Dad was always going to die. I knew this when I originally returned here from Nashville. And the knowledge that I would have had to deal with that entirely alone if not for that gig at Sweet Seduction and walking into all of these peoples lives, was humbling. How could I not appreciate this room full of caring people? How could I not be grateful that I was a part of their lives right now?
And how could I not be scared that Jessie and Levi, in their attempts to seek revenge, could harm one of them because of me?
I sighed deeply and looked down at the floor. How did I deal with this fear and guilt?
"Will you visit Gabe?" Gen asked out of nowhere.
My gaze flicked up to hers, a furrow between my brows. "Yeah, I'd planned on it," I said eventually, once her sudden question settled in my mind. "He deserves to hear it in person. He and Dad were really close. I'd like to go there today, if I can."
"Have you arranged a visit?" she asked, surprising me again that she understood how the prison system worked.
"No," I said, shaking my head at the same time. "I should do that, but they'll be understanding when I give them the reason. I think I'll get in to see him if I phone now."
"Do you want me to get Eric to organise it? He won't mind and then you can relax here for a bit longer," she offered.
I looked into her pale blue eyes and kind face, studying her for a moment. She was beautiful, inside and out.
"Thanks," I whispered, unable to speak any louder.
Sweet Seduction Serenade Page 28