Johanna had never thought about such a possibility. She had attended school until just last year, and she had taken pleasure in her studies. Aside from riding with Pepper, reading was one of the few joys that she missed. In the evenings, she took comfort in trailing her fingers over the verses in the pages of her mother's Bible before saying her evening prayers. The next time she had a chance she would have to ask Mr. Louden about his library idea. Much to her surprise, the day came sooner than she expected.
The following morning when Johanna arrived at the Ferrington home, she saw Mr. Lauden, with the help of Mr. Ferrington, placing the crib on the back end of the carriage. Mrs. Ferrington stood at the edge of the porch holding Caleb, who she then handed off to Johanna.
"What's going on?" Johanna asked gently swaying the cooing child.
"His machine arrived. He wants to take residence at the Dawson's ranch from here on out, to set up his office."
"I see."
Mr. Lauden turned and waved to Johanna with a wide smile, showing off his straight white teeth. Once more, Johanna felt the blush creeping into her cheeks. She returned the smile but dropped her gaze as soon as she did so. The effect of being around him was something she was not accustomed to.
"What's troubling you, child?" Mrs. Ferrington asked, peering into Johanna's eyes.
"I don't know. It just seems a bit inappropriate perhaps. Me, alone on the Dawson's ranch with him in the same house. What will people think?"
"Never you mind that. You are the nursemaid. That's all. It is perfectly right. The child is his ward after all. It is only right that he should hire a woman to care for it."
"I suppose you are right."
"Are you ready then, Miss Johanna?" Mr. Lauden called up to her, catching her attention.
"Here," Mrs. Ferrington said. "Hand me the child. I'll give him up to you once you take your seat in the carriage."
Johanna stepped down and up to the right side of the carriage. Mrs. Ferrington held his hand out for her to step up to the bench while Mr. Lauden took his place besides her picking up the reins. Caleb was passed up to her carefully.
As the carriage pulled away, Johanna felt struck by the image they created to any outside onlooker. A man and woman with a babe in arms, traveling down the road. She blushes to think about it, how intimate a picture they made to anyone who did not know the circumstance beyond what they witnessed. She kept her eyes forward or down to the child for the remainder of the journey to Dawson's ranch.
CHAPTER FOUR:
The Dawson's ranch sat on the farthest parcel of land from the town. Johanna had always dreamt that one day she could have a horse ranch there. Approaching it now under such different circumstances leaves her feeling confused and uncertain how to act. Not to mention the strange sensation of sitting this close to Mr. Lauden. She sees the fields and the wide expanse within the fenced area, much larger than the pasture at her own home. Pepper would love it, she thinks to herself. It has been weeks since she has been able to ride, and she misses getting away.
They slow at the front, and he murmurs the command to stop the horses. He swings off the side of the seat and jogs around to her.
"Here," he says, "give me the child, and then I'll help you down."
She does so, remarking once more at the gentleness he exhibits with the infant, cradling him carefully in his strong arms. A tiny laugh erupts from the baby, catching them both off guard.
"It must be strange," Johanna says as she steps down from the carriage, "having a child all of a sudden in your life."
"I'll admit," he replies with a smile, "it did come as a bit of a surprise. But when they said he would be sent to an orphanage, I decided in that moment I would allow no such thing. My sister and I might not have stayed close, but it occurred to me that Caleb is my blood, my family. I decided to take him rather than allow him to grow up in some flea-infested orphanage."
This was the longest conversation the two of them had ever had, Johanna realizes as they walk into the house. The air felt stale and smelled of dust.
"It appears I'll be doing some cleaning after all," she said.
"You won't need to," he said, stepping through to what appeared to be the kitchen area. "Uncle Marcus is coming over this afternoon to help me place the furniture. I am sure my aunt already had the church ladies lined up with baskets of food for this poor bachelor."
"It's a wonder there are not more tongues wagging about the situation," Johanna says with a nervous laugh. As soon as she said the words, she realized she might have spoken out of turn. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. I meant no disrespect."
"It's quite alright," he replies. "I want you to know, Johanna, that I do not subscribe to the thought that taking care of a child is somehow only a woman's task."
"I'm not sure what you mean?"
"Let me show you. Do you mind to prepare a bottle for him?"
"All right." Johanna gathered the items from the bag sitting on the kitchen table, heating the water over the embers of the stove. She kept a wary eye on him, sitting across from her as she moved around the kitchen. Where was he going with this, she wondered. At last, she holds the warm bottle in her hand, pulling the small rubber top over the rim before reaching for Caleb.
"No, no," he says. "Give me the bottle instead. I want you to see."
With some puzzle, Johanna hands him the bottle. He takes it and peers down at Caleb. The child makes small, squally squeaks in anticipation and hunger. The presence of the bottle quiets him, and he settles in, curling his tiny fingers around the bottle.
"You see?" Mr. Lauden says. "Caleb does not mind who holds the bottle, only that he is being fed. Of course, a nursemaid would be ideal, but I am just glad he can be sustained in such a manner."
"How remarkable." Johanna noticed how the baby gazed up at the man holding him, wide blue innocent eyes offering silent thanks for being fed.
"I'll tell you the truth," he continued. "I did not want my dear aunt to hire someone to help me. I insisted that I did not need it, but she is set in her ways, as I am sure you know. She arranged the whole thing before I even arrived. I had every intention of sending you on your way, with a day’s pay for your troubles."
"What changed your mind?"
He pauses as if considering the question. His eyes land on Johanna's face and quite suddenly she feels the enormity of his gaze. She stands still waiting for his response, unsure what to do with her hands. Johanna feels as if she is staring at him. She knows this is most inappropriate, but she remains frozen in place unable to turn away.
A noise outside breaks the spell: the sound of an arriving carriage.
"Ah," he stands and passes the nearly sleeping child over to Johanna. "That will be Uncle Marcus come to help with the office."
"Of course." Johanna feels relief that she now has something to do, taking the baby and resting him on her shoulder patting his back.
She cares for the baby, holding him as the men bring in the crib first. She will most likely spend the day helping to set up the nursery. One of the advantages of the Dawson's ranch is the sheer number of rooms available. They had built the main homestead for the purpose of a stopover to those traveling West. But the lure of gold caught hold, and they abandoned the endeavor.
Once the crib was placed, Johanna steps into the room and lays down the sleeping child, staring down at his angelic face. To her surprise, she finds herself offering a silent prayer of thanks for bringing the baby into her life. He was such a remarkable creature, but his contentedness at the simplest things made her realize how much she had to be thankful for.
"Johanna," Mr. Lauden called from the hallway speaking softly to not disturb the child. "They have brought food. Aunt Mercy wants to know if you would help prepare it."
"Of course."
Johanna picked up her skirts and headed toward the kitchen. A little while later, they all had a wonderful meal of baked bread, fresh apples and cold chicken before the men returned to their work. Johanna found herself laughing at a stor
y being told from his life back in Boston. She also noticed the sly glance that Mrs. Ferrington kept darting in her direction.
Not until much later that evening, when Johanna arrived back home, did she think about what Mrs. Ferrington might be looking at. It was the old lady herself who declared there to be nothing wrong with their arrangement. Johanna finally found some time to ride the meadows with Pepper, feeling the freedom of the wind through her hair and the evening sunlight casting long shadows across the fields.
"I don't know, Pepper," she says to her mare. "I feel as if something is happening all around me, something that I have no control over at all." She leaned forward pulling the horse to a slow trot. Johanna paused and rubbed the ears of her amber companion. The image of Mr. Lauden holding the baby in his arms and administering the bottle kept returning to her mind. What was it about that small action that moved her so much? And what had he meant when he said he had not wanted to hire her? Was he hinting that he no longer needed her services? He did, after all, insist that he could care for the child on his own. But that did not make sense because the remainder of the day involved he and Mrs. Ferrington putting together the office. That and she was expected to return the next day. A casual, “See you tomorrow!” had been offered by Mr. Louden when Mrs. Ferrington offers to take her home. Part of her wishes she could just ask him right out, but the scenario did not seem right to do so.
When she returns to the house, her mother sits by the hearth with her knitting curled in her lap.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" her mother asks without looking up from her work. The last thing Johanna felt in the mood for was putting up with her mother's judgment.
"I'm not sure what you mean?" she says.
"Your horse ride. Did you enjoy it? It has been a while since you have been able to. I'm just asking if you had a nice ride."
The softness of her mother's voice made Johanna realize once more that perhaps she was reacting to something that was not there.
"I did enjoy my ride. Thank you for asking."
"I know how much you enjoy it. I hope your new responsibilities do not hinder your happiness."
Johanna stopped and considered. She sits down on the rocking chair across from her mother. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," her mother says, lowering the yarn and glancing up to her daughter.
"Did you ever want something different?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean when you married Father, was that what you wanted? Did you know it would be this? Just you taking part in something so small as taking care of a home?"
"Small?" her mother looks at her eyes blazing. "I don't want you to ever call this small."
"No, I didn't mean ... "
"When I met your father, I knew that was the beginning of what I wanted. I had not thought much about it as a young girl, but I can tell you this: I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. I suppose in some ways I did."
Johanna nods, realizing that there were things her mother could not say to her, things perhaps she herself did not understand. The rawness of his death still remained etched on her mother's face in a way that Johanna could not touch or understand. She stood and retired to the sleeping loft, hearing the soft breathing of her sister sleeping on the other side. Johanna pulled the large black bible out from under the mattress.
"Give me wisdom," she whispered to the only source she knew she had left. "Show me what to do."
She finished preparing for bed and tucked into her mattress with the whisper of the prayer still fresh on her lips. "Show me what to do."
She does not receive an answer in that moment but quickly drifts off into a deep and dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER FIVE:
The day of the town festival neared. All of the townspeople were in a buzz about the festivities. Johanna especially had set her mind to solving her problem. She would take part in the race, no matter what she had to do.
"Are you excited about the festival?" she asks Mr. Lauden, who is leaning over his bookshelf perusing the titles. She had put Caleb down for his nap.
"I suppose, if excitement is what you could call it," he replies.
"What else would you call it?"
He looks at her with a smirk, which makes her knees weak. She picked up the broom in an effort to begin the usual chores.
"Wait," he says, suddenly standing. "You don't need to do the sweeping today."
"Why would you say that? It is filthy in here."
"Hardly." He stands and approaches her, taking the broom out of her hand and leaning it back against the wall. She tries not to shrink back from his sudden close proximity. "You keep it clean enough. I feel guilty watching you work so hard. Come, sit here."
She sits down where he motions, and he takes his place again across from her, his back now to the bookshelves.
"What is it you wanted, Sir?" Johanna asks, feeling overwhelmed and suddenly shy.
"I want to ask you about ... " He paused, turning his blue eyes out the window next to them. She sees him rolling the thought around before speaking it out loud, as if trying to recognize the flavor of some small but pungent ingredient.
"Yes?" she prods.
"Johanna, you still insist on calling me Mr. Lauden, even though I have asked you to call me Reese."
"I'm sorry, Sir, if you find that offensive. I just think it appropriate that we maintain a sense of propriety. You are, after all, my employer."
"That is true. That is true." He considered for another moment. "Perhaps if I were not your employer?"
Johanna placed her hand to her throat. "Oh, Mr. Lauden, have I done something to offend you?"
"Why would you say you have offended me?"
"Are you relieving me of my position?"
He stopped short as a wave of perplexity passed over his face. Quite suddenly, he burst into a loud and hearty laugh. Johanna felt the blood rush to her face, now feeling more confused than ever.
"Oh, my dear, my dear." He wiped his fingers along the edges of his eyes, ridding the mirthful tears forming there. "No, that was not my intention at all, Johanna." He leaned forward and took her hand, sending a shockwave up her arm as his fingers touched hers. It was all she could manage not to pull back. "I had hoped that perhaps I could call on you."
"Call on me?" Johanna echoed in a thin voice.
"You are the most remarkable person I have ever met. The way you talk about your horses almost as if they were persons themselves. Watching you with Caleb—it is clear you have a talent with him. I can also see that you have a fierceness about you that you keep hidden. It is that fierceness that I want to see more of, and I don't think you will allow that as long as I remain your employer."
Johanna did not know how to respond. Her attraction to him had crept up on her in such a way that even she did not perceive it. Perhaps that is where the answer to her confusion came from. Did she really have feelings for him? She did so much to try and convince herself that their relationship was nothing more than professional.
She turned away from his gaze, looking out the window as if the words she sought might float within the drifting clouds. Before she could give any kind of response, the sound of her sister’s voice calls out from the porch. Perhaps she had not heard the arriving carriage coming to collect her for the day.
"It seems as if my mother and sister have arrived," Johanna stammers, standing up and regaining possession of her hand.
"So it seems," he replies.
Johanna lets in Sara, who fills the space with her youthful exuberance. "Can I see the baby?" she gushes.
"I just put him down. He's sleeping," Johanna says.
"Oh, please let me look! I promise I won't wake him."
"All right, as long as you are quiet."
Her employer stands and crosses the room, greeting Sara as she bounds past him down the hallway to the nursery.
"She has a lot of enthusiasm," he says.
"That she does," Johanna says. For a few more seconds they w
ere alone once more. Johanna sees her mother securing the horses before coming inside.
"You have not given me an answer," he says, stepping near and speaking in a low, quiet voice. "Have I overstepped my boundaries?"
"It's not that at all, Mr. Louden ... Reese. It's just that I never expected ... "
"Neither did I." He reaches up and brushes a tendril of hair off of her forehead. "Would you care to accompany me to the harvest festival at least?"
"I ... " Very suddenly, the solution to the problem rushes into her mind all at once. She knows exactly what she needs to do to get into the races. "I would like nothing more to do so, but I will be out of town on that day."
"Out of town?" He takes a small step backward.
"Yes, I am dreadfully sorry. Just on that day. Please don't take this as a rejection. Perhaps on another day we could take the horses out."
"Yes, perhaps. That might be a good option."
Sara entered the living room from the hallway, carrying a smiling Caleb in her arms. "He was awake when I went in. I promise he was."
The child laughs and claps his hands, obviously amused by something only he understands.
"I believe you, Sara," Johanna says.
Their mother approaches the door. Johanna quickly crosses the room so as to not be too close to her employer. Her mother would have her hide if she thought her actions inappropriate.
"It's time to get along, Johanna," her mother said as she entered. "We'll want to get home before dark. We must make haste."
"I'll be awaiting your decision then, regarding what we discussed," he says, standing at the door with Caleb in his arms. Johanna exchanges a quick glance with him just as they walk out the door back to the carriage. She nods in response.
"What decision is that?" her mother prods.
"Just a business matter," she says. "Nothing more."
She pulls her bonnet up over her hair to hide the blush in her cheeks and the smile of hope that dares to dance upon her lips. The carriage wheels crackle against the rocks as they make their way toward their homestead.
CHAPTER SIX:
Regency Romance: Fallen Duchess (A Historical Victorian Murder Mystery Love Regency Romance) Page 12