“Alright then,” her father regained composure, “better get going, you don’t wanna be late do you?” He winked at her, and she smiled. It was all going to be alright.
Making sure that her two suitcases were packed inside the carriage, Ivey climbed in and waved goodbye to her parents. Her fingers were shaking, and her eyes were filling up with tears. The image of her parents, hugging each other as they saw their beloved daughter off would remain imprinted on her mind for a long time. She reassured herself that she would see them soon, for the wedding.
“Goodbye! Goodbye! I love you!” Ivey waved as the horses started galloping away from her childhood home.. After a while, her family home was just a small dot on the horizon and Ivey pulled her head back into the carriage to settle in for the ride.
She was edgy and the book she brought to the time didn’t serve its purpose. Ivey couldn’t focus on it all, despite it being one of her favorites. She tried to take a nap, but constant rocking of the carriage on the uneven road made sleep impossible.
Thankfully Ivey finally reached her destination. The welcoming committee was already there to greet her. The house’s servants, Gabe’s mother Louella Riddell, and Gabe himself all had huge smiles on their faces that showed their excitement for her arrival..
“Ivey!” Louella called her name.. “Ivey dear!” Gabe’s mother was a small, doughy woman, with a big chest and short legs under a long skirt. Her blouse was buttoned all the way to the top, and a beautiful silver broach glistened at her left breast.
“My dear, we’re ever so glad you’re here!” Louella said as he pushed past everyone to greet Ivey as she exited the carriage. It was a wonderfully warm welcome that touched her heart.
“Mrs. Riddell, thank you so much…” Ivey began.
“Oh, it’s Louella, please!” she pinched Ivey’s cheek playfully. “Gabe!” she turned around. “Gabe, where are you?” She spun around in mock annoyance. “Where in God’s name is that boy?”
Gabe was trying to push past rows of servants, who in a line like soldiers waiting for orders.
“I’m here,” Ivey finally heard his voice. Gabe stepped forward, wearing a checkered shirt with his sleeves rolled up. His shirt was slightly muddy, as he had been doing some work just before she had arrived. His hair fluttered in the wind, and his dark chestnut eyes looked out from under long lashes. Ivey blushed under his gaze, lowering her own, which he found adorable. The two stood in the midst of the small crowd confused, stricken by Cupid’s arrow, happy to finally see each other.
“Alright, you little love birds,” Louella chirped, “let’s get you all inside where we can relax a little. I’m sure Ivey is tired from her trip.” She turned to one of her servants. “Saul! Get Ivey’s bags, will ya!”
Gabe offered Ivey his bare arm, and after only a second’s hesitation, she leaned on it. The touch of his skin felt electrifying and Ivey felt her cheeks bloom the most brilliant shade of red.
Gave led Ivey into the enormous house which spread out like a labyrinth before her. She was immediately intimidated and her step faltered.
“It’s not as big as it looks,” Louella smiled, reading Ivey’s expression. “It just feels that way, dear. Once you get used to it, you’ll see.” She led them down a short hall to the left of the door. “We can rest here in the parlor. Ella will bring us some cookies and coffee. Or would you prefer tea?”
“No, no, coffee is perfect, thank you,” Ivey smiled back. A cup of coffee sounded delightful.
Gabe sat across from Ivey and gazed at her with a smirk on his face. He reminded her of a mischievous boy who was about to do something naughty.
“So, how was your trip, dearie?” Louella obviously felt most at ease when she was doing the talking. Ivey didn’t mind this at all and felt that Louella’s questions were warm and kind. She was happy to indulge this sweet woman.
“It was alright, thank you,” Ivey replied, as she looked shyly at Gabe.
“The roads are just dreadful here! Aren’t they, Gabe?” Louella tried to engage Gabe, who had yet to utter more than a few words to his intended.
“Absolutely,” he nodded, with a smile. “Dreadful.”
Ivey couldn’t help but giggle as she noted Gabe’s expression. It seemed he was well aware of his mother’s gift of gab and smiled teasingly at her.
“Oh, you!” Louella laughed out loud, and ruffled his hair playfully. “Always makin’ fun of his old ma!”
The next half hour was spent in pleasant conversation. Louella gave a monologue about their town, roads, people, and customs. Ivey enjoyed listening to her, even though she was a little tired from the road, though she wished to take a quick nap, she tried not to let it show, and suppressed several yawns.
“Maybe you’d like to rest a little?” Louella finally said, as she caught on.
“Well, perhaps a little…” Ivey did not want to appear rude after this wonderful welcome.
“I’ll let Gabe show you to your room, dear.” Louella stood up and approached Ivey. “We feel truly blessed to have you in our home, Ivey.” She kissed Ivey’s forehead. “Rest now.”
She excused herself from the parlor, leaving the couple alone.
“Shall we?” Gabe stood up and offered her his hand.
Ivey suddenly felt that if she would ever reveal her secret, this was the time. Later on, it would only be more painful and more difficult. Now, tell him now.
“Gabe…” she started hesitantly. “There’s something I need to tell you.” Ivey wrung her hands as she tried to find the words. Gabe looked at her, expectantly.
“Is everything alright?” he asked.
“I didn’t tell you something…. Something very important…” her voice trailed off.
“There’s nothing you can tell me to scare me away from you,” Gabe said softly to reassure her that he would be by her side, no matter what.
“Gabe, I…” maybe it would be better just to say it . “I can’t have children.” It was finally out, the entire truth, the thing she was so afraid to tell him. How would he react? What would he do? Would he send her back?
She took his pause as a signal to explain herself.
“I had the mumps as a child, and experienced complications. By the time I was fully recovered, the doctor said I would never be able to have children.” There was so much pain in those two sentences, so much hurt and a life of suffering in fear that no one would want her for a wife because of this.
Gabe seemed to be pondering. He wasn’t looking at her, but somewhere out the window.
“I know it’s all too much to take. I understand if you wish to call off our marriage,” she whispered. “I am sorry that I didn’t have the courage to tell you this sooner.” She lowered her head, looking at her feet.
Suddenly, Gabe smiled.
“I don’t know how to tell you this…” Gabe started, “but you just saved me a whole lotta headache, Ivey my dear!” He grabbed her by her slim waist and lifted her high up into the air. Ivey had no idea what was going on. The news made him… happy??
“I don’t want children,” he said. She looked at him, surprised. “You see I’m already past that time when I want to run around trying to catch toddlers and change diapers. It’s just not for me. And I was actually a little worried how I was gonna tell you this without shattering your dreams, seeing as how every woman wants a family with children.” He hugged her tight. “This is perfect, don’t you see?”
Ivey felt inexplicably torn. On one hand, she was grateful that being barren would have no consequences for her future. But, on the other hand, what kind of a person would willingly forego the opportunity to have children? It surely wasn’t common.
CHAPTER 4
The wedding day arrived and Ivey looked stunning. Louella urged her to pick the most beautiful wedding dress, but Ivey was a practical girl. She knew that the more beautiful the dress, the more difficult it was to get into and move around in, so she opted for something simpler, yet equally stunning. She wanted to move freely an
d dance whenever she felt like it, instead of sitting all evening, like a porcelain doll.
The whole ceremony filled her with awe and happiness. She felt loved and cherished, and hoped she would continue to feel this way for many years to come. She looked at her family and friends, all enjoying themselves, at how her father’s hand always found her mother’s. This was what she wanted to have.
When they exchanged their vows, Ivey knew that Gabe was the man for her. He was wonderful, kind, a true Christian. Yet, she couldn’t escape the feeling that something was amiss, because of his unwillingness to have children. She still thought about this occasionally, and it was remained inexplicable to her. She tried not to let this mar the day of her wedding, but it was simply a cloud she couldn’t find a silver lining to. There was something about Gabe that she was yet to discover, something she felt deep inside of her. She just hoped that it wouldn’t end up destroying their happiness.
Their wedding night was everything Ivey had hoped it would be. Gabe showered her with kisses all night long, and after it was all done, the two fell asleep in each other’s arms. They awoke with the crowing of the roosters, signaling the start of their new life together.
Most of their guests had left the previous day, but her parents had stayed the night. They were about to leave, but it seemed that they had something on their minds.
“Pumpkin,” her father said as she joined them in her parlor.. “I’m afraid your mother and I have some very bad news.” It was still early in the morning, and Ivey was still aglow from her wedding night, but the tone of her father’s voice brought her back to earth.
“What is it, father?” she squeezed Gabe’s hands as they both sat on the sofa, facing her parents.
“A letter arrived before we were to come here.” He searched his coat pocket, and found the letter in question. “It’s regarding Wayland.”
Ivey’s eyes widened in horror.
“What’s happened to him!? Where is he!?” She knew something horrible was about to come, something that would change her life forever.
“Pumpkin, Wayland died.” her father squeezed her mother’s hand tight. Her mother lowered her gaze, and several tears rolled down her cheek. “We didn’t want to tell you earlier, because we didn’t want to ruin your day of happiness. You deserved to have it.”
Ivey felt completely numb, as if her spirit had deserted her body, leaving only an empty shell behind. Her beloved brother was dead, and there she was, celebrating. She felt the need to cry, but couldn’t. Her body had shut down completely.
“Ivey, dear, are you alright?” Gabe put his arm around her. She felt colder than a December morning.
“There’s more…” her mother spoke up. “Ivey…” Everyone looked on in anticipation but Ivey felt like she was trapped inside a cave, and all she heard were distant echoes. “Wayland had a baby.”
“A… baby?” Ivey’s mind finally registered the words.. “Wayland had a baby?” She let go of Gabe’s hand. “With who?”
“We don’t know,” her father coughed, his palm pressed against his heart. “It was some woman from where he was stationed. We never even got to meet her. He only spoke of her in his letters, Lavinia was her name, but that’s all we know,” he paused, to take a deep breath, while her mother wept silently. “He was about to bring her home with him, but she died in childbirth, leaving him the only one to take care of the baby. Apparently, she had no family, the poor thing… and then, he left us, too.” He buried his face in his hands.
Ivey was listening intently, her muscles tense with the pain she was feeling.
“The baby is with us…” her father shocked Ivey with the news. “Well, back home, with Lily. But, Ivey… there’s something else you must know…” he seemed uncomfortable talking about this in front of Gabe. “Wayland wanted you to be the child’s guardian in case something happened to him.”
“Me!?” Ivey choked. Gabe’s arm slid from her shoulder. Her father nodded.
“I know it’s a lot to take. We can take care of him for a while… until… you decide what to do.”
Ivey felt like she was shot out of a cannon. All she heard were buzzing noises, as she tried to inhale deeply, to calm down her racing heart. It was all too much to take. A baby, her brother dying, she being appointed the guardian. It was like a parallel universe where all the bad things that could have happened, did happen.
“We’re so sorry about this, darlin’… We’ll leave you to it and you let us know when you’ve decided.” He stood up, holding his wife’s hand firmly. She followed.
Ivey was left sitting, with Gabe holding her up.
“I’ll get her some water, and then we’ll see you out,” Gabe informed them. They nodded.
An hour later, Ivey was waving her parents goodbye, still numb and at a loss for words. When she and Gabe returned back inside, instinctively she knew what she wanted to do.
“I’m so sorry, dear… this isn’t something one should endure the first day of marriage,” his hand pushed back a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“What will we do, Gabe?” She pleaded. She actually knew what she wanted, but she needed to make sure he wanted the same, too.
“Well…” Gabe scratched his head. “We’ll find someone to take care of the baby of course, someone who’ll give him a good home.” Ivey bit her lip.
“Can’t we give him a good home?” she whispered.
“Ivey…” His tone of voice changed immediately. “I thought we agreed on this. You can’t have children. I don’t want children. Christ!” He shoved his hand through his hair and turned away from her. “End of discussion.” His words were harsh, as was his abrupt exit. Ivey was all alone, on the first day of the rest of her life.
CHAPTER 5
When Ivey went to bed that night, she found herself unable to sleep. Deciding that prayer was the best solace on a sleepless night, she got up and sat comfortably on the edge of her bed. The cool breeze coming in from the window felt refreshing, as she was listening to Gabe’s deep, heavy breathing. At least one of us can rest easy.
She was sitting with her back turned to him. She wasn’t upset with him really, after all he had stated his desires plainly.
Ivey rested her forehead on her palm. Her head and her thoughts felt heavy. Too many things had happened for her to be able to make sense of it all. Just a few days ago, she was happily waiting for her brother’s return, and now… everything changed. Her entire world had spun upside down and she didn’t know how to cope with it.
She closed her eyes in the darkness of her bedroom, and prayed hard. She prayed for a solution, for deliverance. As both a sister and a wife, how could she choose between her brother’s and her husband’s wishes? Her heart physically hurt as she breathed in and out.. The room was dark and she felt all alone, even though Gabe was sleeping right next to her. Hey may as well have been thousands of miles away. It made no difference. Their wishes and hopes were so different that she doubted whether this whole thing would work out. What if it was a huge mistake? And how could she make it better?
After some time spent in silent prayer, she could feel the soft touch of sleep finally reach her eyelids. She thanked the Lord for gratifying her wishes for rest, and went back to bed.
The following morning when she woke up, Gabe was already out. She didn’t see him in the dining room for breakfast. Louella was there, her cheerful quirky self, but she immediately became serious when she saw the look on Ivey’s face.
“Dearie, what’s wrong?” she sounded genuinely concerned. “Come here, tell me all about it.” She urged Ivey to sit next to her. Ivey couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and she shared the entire story with her, about her brother and the baby whose fate was yet to be determined.
“And Gabe said no?” Louella asked, as her tender eyes gazed at Ivey. Ivey just nodded.
“Well, you can’t really blame him, dear,” Louella said matter-of-factly. She sighed deeply upon seeing Ivey’s shocked face. “I take it Gabe hasn’t told y
ou yet about Clark?”
Ivey shook her head. She had no idea who Clark was. Gabe had never mentioned him, not once.
Louella stood up and brought one of the framed photographs from the mantelpiece in the parlor. It was a photograph of a young boy, dressed in his Sunday best, smiling at the camera.
“We had so much trouble getting him to stand still for this picture.” Louella reminisced, with a smile. Seeing Ivey’s confused expression, she continued. “Clarkwas Gabe’s younger brother.”
Ivey felt like she was struck by lightning. Brother? Why had Gabe never mentioned something as important as having a brother?
“I always thought that was a picture of Gabe when he was little…” Ivey took the photograph in her hands, and caressed the worn out frame.
“Oh, it was almost impossible to tell them apart, even though Gabe was two years older. They were always together, always playin’, always creatin’ mischief,” Louella smiled. She seemed to have come to terms with the pain of losing a child.
“Where is Clark now?” Ivey asked, afraid that she already knew the answer.
“Oh, the Good Lord had called him to Himself years ago,” Louella looked upward. “I guess he’s watching over us all, with that wide smile of his and the look you could never say no to.” She sighed.
“What happened?” Ivey asked softly.
“It was a terrible thing to happen to him, to Gabe,”
“To Gabe? What did he do?” Ivey wanted to find out exactly what had happened. Maybe that would explain Gabe’s strange behavior.
“It’s not what he did, darlin, it’s what he couldn’t do.” Louella stood up. She needed to move, to focus on something else, lest the pain become unbearable. She wrung her hands “You must understand, I haven’t told this story to anyone in ages. It’s… difficult…”
“Please, take your time,” Ivey rushed to Louella’s aid, and enshrouded her with her arms. “We can leave it for some other time, if it pains you too much.”
“It will pain me the same, dear. The pain never goes away. Ever. Even when I don’t talk about him, he’s always with me, always in my heart. Pain is how I know I still remember him, love him, like before.” She smiled at Ivey. “Poor Gabe… it was just too much for him, for a child his age to bear witness to such a tragedy.”
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