[Quiet.]
[From the movie speakers: “Run! Run for your lives! It’s the creature!” (More screams.)]
When were you planning on telling me? At the alter?
[Quiet. The WEREWOLF eats popcorn.]
I already knew.
[The WEREWOLF looks at her. Really?]
I found a strange hair in the bathroom.
[He goes back to eating popcorn.]
You are something else, you know that?
I knew it. Somewhere in my I knew this was too good to be true.
So . . . What now? What does this mean for us, Tom?
[He shrugs.]
YOU DON’T KNOW?!
How can you be so nonchalant? It’s not like this is going to blow over.
Here’s your ring. Here’s your goddamn ring back!
[He stares at her. He offers her popcorn.]
I don’t want popcorn!
[He howls.]
You don’t scare me.
[He howls, she howls, he grabs her—]
[Movie: romantic music . . . maybe a woman’s voice—“I’m not afraid of you . . . creature!”]
No! I can’t trust you, Tom! I mean . . .
So what else? What next?
Any other surprises you’d like to spring on me?
[He lights a cigarette.]
You smoke?
[He puts out the cigarette.]
What else? Bring it on.
[He shakes his head. This is everything.]
How am I supposed to believe that?
You hide things—everything—the hair and the teeth . . . and I never would have known except then the moon—and then you just eat popcorn and—
How can I trust you?
It’s bullshit, Tom!
I don’t keep things from you!
I don’t have any secrets!
[WEREWOLF stares at her.]
What? I don’t.
[The WEREWOLF looks at her.]
Not like yours.
[He looks at her.]
What?
[She eats popcorn.]
You know everything about me there is to know. I’m clear. Transparent.
[He stares at her.]
What?
What what what?
What?
Why are you looking at me like that?
I’m not keeping anything from you.
[He sniffs her.]
I am not hiding—
[He sniffs harder.]
I am not hiding any—
Stop sniffing me!
[He sniffs her like crazy.]
What are you?!—
No!
[He pulls a chocolate bar out of her coat. Triumphant.]
Chocolate! So what?
I was going to share it with you.
[He goes to take a bite. She grabs it away.]
Okay! I was hiding it. Hoarding it.
I didn’t say I was giving up chocolate forever, just for Lent.
So what? I don’t have to share!
[She devours the entire chocolate bar. He watches. Some sort of melodramatic music plays through the movie speakers.]
It’s nothing like I’m keeping something huge hidden—like the fact that I’m a werewolf. I am happy to eat chocolate out in the open! I love it! I don’t care who knows it. And I will not share! And by the way, while we are coming clean—since this is “tell all night”!
[She pulls a cigarette out of her purse and lights it.]
I smoke too! I never quit. There. Those are my “shocking secrets.” That’s all I have to hide.
[He grabs her hair. It comes off.]
Alright. It’s a wig. So what? I like how it looks.
[He tries to grab her purse.]
Stay outta my purse!
[He gets a text message.]
[They both freeze.]
Is someone texting you?
[He shrugs.]
Aren’t you going to look?
[He shrugs.]
You know, Tom, I think it’s good that you revealed this “werewolf business” tonight.
I think it’s made us closer. With the nuptials fast approaching we really need to be transparent, get it all out on the table now so it doesn’t bite us in the ass, know what I mean? You’re a werewolf, I hoard chocolate, we both still smoke. That’s it.
Is everything on the table now?
[He nods.]
That’s everything?
[He nods.]
Good.
[He grabs her purse.]
Give me back my purse!
[He holds the purse.]
Go ahead. Go through it. I don’t care.
[He starts to open the purse—gauging her reaction.]
You know, Tom, I think trust is a choice. Maybe there are some little things we don’t know about each other. We change. We choose. Every day. We choose to trust.
I’m going to choose to trust you. I trust you.
I love you.
[He smiles.]
We’re missing the movie. Put that down and we can cuddle.
[She smiles.]
Do you want more popcorn? I’m dying for some butter on this. Why don’t you just run and—
[He opens the purse. Looks at her to see her reaction. She laughs.]
Oh, Tom, you’re so funny I told you I have nothing to—
[He sticks his paw into the purse.]
NO!
[He rifles through the purse.]
Hey, asshole—that’s my passport!
You have no right to look at my passport!
Yes, I wear bright red lipstick sometimes. So?
I have nothing to—
Yeah, a letter. So what.
Go ahead. Open it.
Yeah, pills. I had a—prescription—they’re painkillers for my—
Give me my—
[He pulls out the ornate box. Stares at it.]
Put that back—
Put that—
[He sniffs it.]
Nothings in that box.
It’s just an empty—
You can open it—
Don’t—
[He opens it.]
[Screams! On-screen.]
[Something in the box glows green. He looks at her in disbelief. She sips her Det Coke.]
[She takes the box and puts it back in the purse. She takes the purse. Closes it. And puts it next to her.]
[He looks at her. She takes off her wig.]
Okay. There are some things you need to know about me. I—
[He shakes his head.]
It’s just that I—
[He puts his finger to her lips.]
No, I do need to tell you. I—
[He puts his finger to her lips. He offers her popcorn.]
[She eats popcorn. She starts to cry.]
[He puts his paw on her leg.]
[Romantic music plays.]
[Maybe we hear something from the movie like: “I don’t care to return to that world, creature. I’ll live where you live. In outer space or at the bottom of the lake. As long as I’m with you.” Passionate kissing on the movie screen. Love music. They watch.]
I’m sorry, I just need to tell you I—
[She leans over and whispers in his ear.]
[He looks at her.]
And another thing . . .
[She whispers in his ear.]
[He laughs. He whispers in her ear.]
[Screams on the screen.]
[He puts his arm around her. She puts her head on his chest. The sound of the movie overtakes them.]
Leslie Ayvazian
Deaf Day
&nbs
p; from
The Best American Short Plays 2001–2002
setting
The set for Deaf Day is very simple: a chair. Maybe a footstool.
Perhaps some toys on the ground.
time
Early morning for first scene. Early evening for second scene.
production note
Deaf Day can be performed by a deaf actor or hearing actor, a woman or a man. The Sign Language must be authentic.
[A deaf mother talking to a deaf child, who does not appear onstage. Spoken aloud in English and also in Sign Language.]
Okay. Ready? Come on!
Sun’s up, day’s here. Let’s go!
Rise and shine.
That means: “Get up and . . . be happy!” Come on.
Don’t ignore me. Look at me! Yes!
We have to practice English. Yes. Today is practice day.
Your teacher said.
So look at me. Look at me!
Put your hearing aids in. Yes! Now!
Good.
Okay.
We’re going to the playground.
No, not at Deaf School.
In the park.
Yes, there will be hearing children there.
I don’t know if there will be any deaf kids.
You can speak to the hearing children.
Yes, you can. Sure, you can.
Remember the new boy on our street? Roger?
Maybe we’ll see new boy Roger and his dog!
You can talk to them. Yes!
And to other kids too.
Yes, you can.
You stand in front of them.
Look directly in their faces.
If they look away, say:
[No Sign.] “Could you please repeat that?”
[No Sign.] “Could you please repeat that?”
[With Sign.] Yes, you can! Say:
[No Sign.] “I can’t hear you because I’m deaf.”
[Continues aloud and with Sign.]
Some will laugh.
Some won’t laugh.
Talk to the ones who don’t laugh.
Come on, honey.
Yes.
Put your shoes on.
Put your shoes on!
I’ll put them on you!
Then sit down and put them on!
Sit down!
Now tie your shoes.
Good.
Okay.
Get up.
Get up!
Get up!
Look at me!
Don’t turn your head away.
Come on.
OK.
I’ll wait . . .
[She waits. She taps her foot.]
Hi.
Yes, I’ll stay in the park with you, of course.
I’ll sit on the closest bench.
You can talk to me whenever you want.
People may watch you.
And some may think: “WOW! Look at this kid!
He knows two languages! How cool!”
Well, some will think, “WOW!”
Some might be stupid.
We will ignore the stupid ones.
Do we feel sorry for the stupid ones?
Nah.
We think they’re stupid.
But some people will see how wonderful you are.
And those people will want to talk to you.
So watch their faces.
Read their lips.
If they walk away without telling you where they are going, don’t be mad.
Hearing people talk with their back to each other.
At those times, wave to me.
We will talk.
And then, we’ll come home. Yes.
And you can be quiet for as long as you want to be quiet.
No voices. Quiet.
Quiet.
Okay.
You ready?
Hearing aids, turned on!
Eyes open!
Let’s go!
No, we don’t have to march.
We can walk slowly!
We can walk real slowly.
And we’ll look at each other.
And we’ll talk.
In Sign.
We’ll talk.
I promise. [Without Sign.]
Good. [Without Sign.]
[Lights shift. Lights come up. It is the same day: evening. She speaks aloud and with Sign.]
Hey.
It’s almost time for bed!
Yes, it is!
And you have sleepy eyes.
Yes, yes, yes, you do.
But first . . .
Look at me, honey.
[Hits floor for his attention.]
[In just Sign.] Look at me! Good.
[Continues aloud and with Sign.]
Let’s practice English before we go to bed.
Practice Day is nearly finished.
Watch my face.
Come on, watch.
Let’s talk about the park.
No. No Roger! No dog. No.
But the seesaw! Yes!
That girl!
No, we don’t know her name.
But you two were perfectly balanced!
You sat in the air at the same time.
That’s very special.
But the slide. I know.
They pushed you down the slide.
They wanted you to go faster.
They said: “HEY! . . . HEY!”
They didn’t know that you couldn’t hear them.
So they pushed.
They pushed hard. I know.
It surprised you.
And it hurt you. I know.
They pushed you because they were frustrated with you.
But I think you can understand.
Sure you can.
Think about your deaf friends at school
When you want their attention, sometimes you grab them.
Sometimes you hit them.
Sure you do.
Because you want them to look at you.
And you get frustrated. Yes, you do!
So, next time, if the kids are waiting, you go fast!
Okay!
Go fast down that slide.
You kick butt!
Yes!
Then no one will push you.
And no one will laugh.
You need to be fast and quick, quick, quick.
Like a bunny.
Yes.
A fast bunny who kicks butt!
That’s you!
Yes!
Right! Jackie Chan!
Okay.
[Jumps up and does Jackie Chan stance.]
Jackie Chan! Auhhhhhh!
[Does tae kwon-do kick.]
We are Jackie Chan!
[Another move.]
But we have sleepy eyes!
Yes.
[Said in Korean, no Sign.] Cha-Ryut. Kyung-Net.
[Bows to him.] Tae kwon do.
[Back to Sign and English.] So get in bed, Jackie Chan!
And maybe, tomorrow we’ll go to the planetarium.
Or the zoo?
Maybe the park.
And you can get back in the saddle.
That means: “When you ride a horse and fall off, you need to get back on the horse right away.”
So you don’t feel scared.
Back in the saddle.
Back in the park.
Back on the slide.
Okay?
Okay.
Now sleep, honey.
Sweet dreams.
&nb
sp; [She waves.]
Sweet dreams.
[She leaves “his room” and sits. She waits. Then she gets back up and goes to his room. She sees he is still awake, but sleepy. She waves again. She leaves and goes back to her chair. She waits. Then she goes again and checks on him. He’s asleep. She returns to her chair and sits. She breathes a sigh of relief. Beat. She notices he has walked into the room. She speaks aloud and in Sign.]
What’s up?
Tomorrow?
Stay home?
All day?
No voices?
Quiet?
I’m thinking.
[She gets up and sits on the floor.]
Okay.
Tomorrow.
Quiet.
I promise.
Yes.
[In just Sign.] Quiet. Quiet. I promise.
[In Sign and aloud.] Good night.
[In just Sign.] Good night.
[She sits watching her son. Lights fade.]
Susan Miller
excerpts from
It’s Our Town, Too
from
The Best American Short Plays 1992–1993
Note:
This monologue may be performed by either a male or female actor.
STAGE MANAGER This play is called It’s Our Town, Too and all you need to know about who wrote it is she’s still here and constantly wondering.
[Beat.]
This first scene is called “An Ordinary Afternoon” and you’ll see two of our main characters, Emily and Elizabeth.
[A train whistle is heard.]
It’s 4 p.m. in our town. Last night the stars were out like a promise and someone kissed someone they’d never thought of kissing before. Teachers doubted their lessons and Mrs. Kim could be heard singing the overture to Carousel. If you were passing through our town, and you happened to stop at the general store for some of Terese Rivera’s peach pie, you might be lulled into thinking that people here were small and narrow and wouldn’t give a rightful place to the world’s concerns. But we’re no different from anyone else, trying to grasp the meaning of things. We’re mean and lost and fragile and shrewd. We’re lonely and aiming too high, bitter and good. We come up thinking the world is sweet but it’s every human’s experience to meet disappointment.
[Sound of a bird.]
Sometimes there’s a commotion that sets in over a new possibility. Like the summer three entire families swore they spotted a UFO when it turned out to be Emily Rosen’s hopes making themselves known in a burst of light.
[Beat.]
Which brings me to Emily and Elizabeth. I suppose there aren’t any two people on the planet put together in one place for very long, who don’t have their disagreements who don’t feel sometimes like maybe they made the worst mistake of their lives or wish the person they thought was so sweet just a few hours before would pack up and leave. There isn’t anybody who hasn’t looked across the dinner table and thought, I don’t know if I love you anymore. And it can drive good people to saying cold words. But it’s not really the fact. It’s no more true than the first day when you looked at somebody and thought, “She’s the one.” Thought, “I’m saved.” We’re just scared is all, every one of us.
Best Monologues from the Best American Short Plays, Volume Three Page 15