Tasha's Got a Baby

by S Yvonne

  “I haven’t seen you!” Where have you been Pepper?” Tasha fussed while filling out job applications that wouldn’t require a diploma. She also signed up for a GED class during the day so QUA could keep Lyric and then go do his thing at night. The antidepressants were helping a little but she was trying her hardest to beat the depression.

  “I’m in rehab Tasha.” Pepper told her dryly as she started crying. “Rehab yo… can you fucking believe this shit. I don’t wanna be a victim Tasha. I don’t wanna be. I brought myself here in order to catch it before it gets too bad but ion wanna be a crack head… I don’t.” She sobbed.

  Tasha stood to her feet while pacing with the phone. “You damn right you not gone be no crack head round here sucking dick for a hit! You so much better than this Pepper… you so much better. You just gotta be strong!”

  “I’m not strong like you Tasha… I never have been yo. This is crazy but I’m trying.”

  “Tell me the truth… did Tru lace you?” Tasha quizzed vowing that she’d go back to the hood and fuck him up.

  “No… God no… he honestly didn’t… it was all on me. He’s not even talking to me right now unless I finish this program. He said he doesn’t want a crack bitch for a wife.”

  “Wife?” Tasha furrowed her brows.

  “Yeah…” She sniffed her tears away. “He proposed to me too… I’m gonna be his wife one day.”

  “Well I’ll be damned…” Tasha blurted barely above a whisper. “Congratulations on that.”

  “Thank you… thank you.”

  “I’m gonna try to visit you if I can okay? And just handle up Pep… you can do it okay?” She gave her some reassuring words. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” She hung up.

  QUA came rushing through the door once again that same night while Tasha was feeding the hungry baby. “Yo mama called.”

  “Yeah, well I don’t know what for.”

  “Talk to her…”

  “Fuck her.” She hissed. “Guess what? Pepper’s in rehab.”

  QUA tossed his jacket on the arm of the couch and washed his hands before picking up the baby. “Hey mama.” He cooed ignoring a call from his phone. Whoever it was called right back. “Look, I told you I was coming to spend some time with my daughter aiight? Stop blowing my shit up cause you don’t even want shit…” he frowned as he listened to whatever the response was. “What? Ion need yo permission bout shit and don’t gotta explain to you what’s going on under my roof. You knew my situation so if it’s too much for you then bounce.” He let the caller know after hanging up.

  Tasha stared at the computer in her own world trying to act unfazed but it bothered the shit out of her that she could never have a normal life again, she was too scared to have sex again too cause she didn’t wanna risk passing the shit on whether she used protection or not. It was just a lot to deal with in general but she was trying. “Girl problems huh? I’ll beat the bitch up if you need me to.” She teased trying to make light of the situation.

  “Nah…” He chuckled. “I’m sorry about that. Muhfuckas just get on my damn nerves. Give’em an inch they think they run you and shit.”

  “Nobody told you to go get you a girl though QUA… you know what comes with it.” She let him now.

  “Yeah well… you wasn’t like that.”

  She shrugged. “Everybody ain’t me.”

  She could tell she was making him think cause it was all over his face. “You right about that.” He mumbled. QUA was truly torn and just as fucked up as Tasha. The hardest thing for him to do was not be with the one girl he truly wanted and that was Tasha. He was glad he shared a baby with her and was able to see her everyday whenever he wanted but the fact that he couldn’t have the relationship he wanted with her tore him apart. “And Pepper… yeah I heard from Tru.”

  She spun around grilling him. “So why you aint tell me?”

  “Cause T… you’ve got enough shit going on right now. You dealing with your situation, your depression, and being a new mommy. You can’t worry about everybody else problems.”

  She swallowed hard cause she couldn’t even argue that. “You know what I think? I think I need to get out of this house… something I haven’t did in a long ass time.”

  “How about when Pepper comes back ya’ll can hang out and celebrate?” He suggested.

  Tilting her head to the side, she stared at him. “How about you take me somewhere until then?”

  “And whose gone watch the baby? I’m not leaving her with just anybody.”

  “Yeah… you got a point.” She exhaled hard standing up disappointed. “I’m gonna go shower.”

  In the shower, Tasha cried. She was afraid to tell QUA she’d been having suicide thoughts off and on, she was just afraid period. On top of that, bonding time with Lyric was getting worse. It was so on and off it was driving her crazy. Sometimes it was easy and most times it was just… hard.

  Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped the towel around her and walked into the room where she stood in front of the mirror allowing the towel to fall forming a puddle around her feet. She examined her body cause it had changed so much right in front of her eyes. She was still a nice size but it was the new tiger looking stretch marks on her stomach that were now a part of her. “I’m only 17 ½ with a body marked the fuck up. I’ll never be perfect again.” She said aloud to herself.

  “But you’re still beautiful.” QUA told her scaring the shit out of her. Her hands flew up to her breast as she covered them. “I’ve seen all that already.” He laughed.

  “QUA… get out! Now!” She fussed too embarrassed with cheeks as red as a beet right now. He was still laughing as he grabbed a pamper and wipes before walking out. She stayed in the room for a long time after that and after while, she smelled the aroma of food coming from the kitchen… at the same time, Lyric was crying.

  When Tasha walked out, Lyric was in her swing but fussing to get out. She looked from QUA to Lyric. From Lyric to QUA. He was busy frying something over the stove and noticed her hesitation. “Tasha… you can fight this shit. I see how hard it is for you sometime but you got it.” He encouraged her. She nod her head and slowly walked to Lyric picking her up from the bouncer as she rocked her and sat on the couch until she was quiet. “See… she wanted her mommy that’s all.” He told her.

  Tasha didn’t reply, just stared at her innocent baby and hoped that when she got older she turned out nothing like her. She did the shit she did by choice but she was going to make sure that Lyric didn’t have to be put in positions to do the shit she did. When she was good and sleeping, she placed her in the bassinet and sat at the table to eat the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and string beans that QUA whipped up, which was so good and the first time she ever had his cooking. It was so good it put her to sleep after, but when she woke up in the middle of the night… QUA wasn’t gone again like he would normally be. He was right there on daddy duty and she loved him for that.

  Fourteen

  Tasha and QUA had been getting real close again it was her 18th birthday. She didn’t know what she was going to do but she did start trying to get her life back. She was officially in her GED classes and when that was done she’d be able to work although QUA wanted her to stay home with Lyric who was now five months old.

  QUA and her still weren’t having sex but they were taking steps to get comfortable with each other even when it came to something as simple as kisses. It made her happy the times she’d see him online doing his own research on her situation in order to help them too. Today, he gave her some time to herself. He took Lyric while she got some much needed time to herself. She admired a cute ED Hardy outfit that he had copped for her and told her to wear tonight cause he was taking them somewhere as a family and she couldn’t wait.

  He had even woke her up to a brand new car this morning. It wasn’t much but the two door Honda was good enough for her and she was grateful. There was only one problem and that was she didn’t have her L’s yet so she had
that on the list to do. She still wasn’t feeling herself but she felt better. Picking up her phone, she looked at the time and decided that she would catch the bus to the hood. She hadn’t shown her face around there in forever and she did want to see Eli… and Summer too.

  She knew QUA wouldn’t be down with it but fuck it. She grabbed a hoodie and put it on over her clothes along with her favorite name plated Bamboo earrings and some Nikes. It didn’t take no time to get there but as soon as she got off the bus, the air was different. In came a familiar smell of fired chicken, piss, and liquor. Bottles were cracked on the ground, there was more graffiti, and the clockers were out too. Bad ass kids ran around all over the place. She pulled her hoodie far over her head and tucked her hands in her army fatigue pockets as she made her way to her old building. She wasn’t surprised to see an eviction notice on the door. Her heart pounded as she knocked on the door. She didn’t want to be greeted by her mama and God answered her prayers. RayRay answered the door looking a damn mess. “Damn Tasha… long time no see.” He let her in.

  Her eyes roamed the apartment and it was a mess. “Where’s Summer?” She asked.

  “Vashon sent her back with her mama when she got out of jail. Since you left it was never nobody to look out for her and you know I just got out too.”

  She shook her head and slowly sat down on the chair watching the little tiny roaches scatter all over the kitchen counters and floor thinking maybe if they washed the dishes they could fix that problem. “Where’s everybody else?”

  He sat down across from her. “You haven’t heard?”

  “No… heard what?”

  “Vashon had an episode so she’s in the hospital… almost overdosed in this bitch, found her a couple of days ago sprung out on the floor.” He said shaking his head.

  Tasha didn’t know if she was supposed to feel bad or not, but she didn’t. Cause Vashon didn’t give a fuck about her and never did. “And where’s Eli?”

  “Sssss.” He looked at her like she should’ve known what was going on around here. “I’ll let him tell you if you see em.”

  “Damn… that bad?”

  “Yeah… shit crazy.”

  She stood up to leave… “aiight… I’m out then.”

  “Heard you had a baby…”

  “I did… a lil girl.” She replied before walking to the door. “Take care of yaself RayRay.”

  “How is she?” He asked with a smile.

  “She’s good… lock the door.”

  “I got it.” He answered before locking the door behind her.

  Tasha never did really care for RayRay that much cause he was trouble and ain’t have a lick of sense. Always locked up for some of the dumbest shit she’d ever heard of. He was definitely special case and waste of good looks cause he was real cute but didn’t know what to do with himself or how to carry himself. Him and DayDay were nothing alike and they came from the same wound; shared the same sac and you’d never know based of their personalities and lifestyles.

  She wondered if she should call and check on Vashon; only for a brief second it slipped her mind as was gone that easy. Vashon ain’t check on her and when she did call it was probably for some money. Tasha had been like a walking ATM for Vashon for years and she knew it too. The way Tasha looked at it was when Vashon put her out, it was her loss. She wanted her out so bad but still wanted her money and for the life of her she couldn’t figure out how that shit was pose to work. Nothing like that would even hold up in court cause it was some straight bullshit.

  When she made it out and down the steps she had to hold back the tears. As soon as she rounded the corner she ran smack into Eli and couldn’t believe what she was seeing. There was the only brother she had left on the stoop with a pipe to his mouth. His used to be neat dreads were all over the place. His lips were ashy as hell and he’d lost a ton of weight too. He didn’t even realize she was standing there. She felt her lips trembling before anything came out of her mouth. “Eli?”

  His bloodshot eyes shot up at her as he smiled. “What up Tasha…” He spoke slowly. She couldn’t say shit. “What? You ashamed now? You cant talk to a nigga no more? You left… you don’t… give a fuck anyway.”

  The tears seeped from the corners of her eyes without her approval. “I left cause I had to! Why you doing this to yourself? What you tryna do huh?”

  He placed his mouth back to the pipe for a second and then to her. He just looked… dirty. “Don’t come round here judging me aiight? This is how shit is! My shit is fucked up and this is what it is and I’mma do what the fuck I wanna do…”

  “But.. but… Eli…” Her voice cracked as she examined him some more. Underneath his nails were even dirty and he would never have allowed that. His shoes were busted on the sides and he wore no socks. He looked like he had that same shit on for weeks… and he smelled bad, real bad.

  “No! Don’t judge me… just don’t be like me, be better than me. You ain’t like us Tasha… you ain’t never been like us… get the fuck outta here, these projects toxic….”

  She stood there frozen.

  “GO!” His voice boomed so loud it scared her causing her to snap back to herself. She took one last look at him and took off running. “That’s right little sister! Run!” She ran all the way to the bus stop with tears in her eyes. By the time she sat down her adrenaline was pumping so hard she had to catch her breath. She didn’t even give a fuck about how people were looking at her. Fuck them… she thought to herself. They didn’t know her or shit about her and if they did know her they better had sat there and shut the fuck up.

  She was so glad to see QUA hadn’t made it back home yet cause she didn’t see his car but when she walked inside, it showed he had been there and left again. The little apartment was filled with pink and gold birthday balloons. There was decorations on the table, a food spread, and a three tier cake with her name on it encrusted across the top blinged out. Tasha was at a loss for words, it was so pretty. Nobody had ever did shit for her for her B-day; QUA always got her a nice gift but family wise she never had a birthday party or a cake, not ever.

  She didn’t know what his plan was but she literally had no time to do anything besides shower, style her hair, and get dressed. When she was done, he was walking through the door with Lyric in a rush. “Watch her… gotta get dressed.” She did what he asked and pushed the thoughts of Eli to the side.

  You can find me in St. Louis rolling on dubs,

  Smoking on dubs in the club,

  Blowing up like Cocoa Puffs,

  Sipping bub, getting perved and getting dubbed,

  Daps and hugs, mean mugs and shoulder rubs.

  Nelly’s latest hit ‘Country Grammar’ blared from the speakers. An hour later their tiny apartment was filled with people they had both known for years. A couple of people from the Projects and a couple of people just from around the way. He had put together an entire little party for her since she hadn’t been able to get out and because they both would still be able to keep an eye on the baby. Tru was even in the building but nothing made her day more than to see Pepper walk in a few minutes after him looking well and healthy.

  Without a word they both embraced each other. What was understood didn’t need to be explained. In a matter of a 1 ½ they’d watch so much shit change right before their eyes but they appreciated both the good and the bad. “I’m so happy to see you!” Tasha beamed. “I’m glad you okay.”

  “It was tough Tasha but I’m aiight ya know? I had to check myself and catch that shit. I was being a weak ass bitch to the very same shit I said I’d never do… was turning into a straight coke head.”

  Tasha waved her off. “We don’t even have to talk about that. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

  “I know.” She dropped her eyes.

  “What?” Tasha questioned. “What is it?”

  “I saw Eli…”

  “Yeah… me too…” She shook her head. “But we can talk about that later. Let’s go party and p
lay some cards.”

  For the rest of the night they danced and had a good time mingling and talking to everybody. They ate until they got full, they sang until their voices were almost gone, they kicked ass in cards and took everybody’s money too. QUA was having a good time just watching her enjoy herself but Tasha could tell it was something on his mind cause she knew him, however, she was going to find out later cause now wasn’t the time.

  Pepper and Tasha hit all the latest dance moves and some old too. They shared a few lights drinks and laughed so hard their stomach’s hurt. They had worked up a good appetite and ate chicken wings, meatballs, sweet pork-n-beans cooked the hood way with extra sugar and potato salad too. Even QUA was happy to see her happy. She had that sparkle in her eyes again. The strongest girl he knew. He knew one night wouldn’t get her back to normal but he felt like it was a start.

  His phone rang all night from different girls that he’d been cutting off and he wasn’t even interested in talking to nobody either. Sure, he had plenty of sex throughout the last few months but none of it meant nothing. Sex was just sex, especially cause he wasn’t tryna go there with Tasha just yet. He wasn’t ready and wanted to take all precautions. However, he knew in due time it’ll all fall in place. He walked away for a second to go and check on Lyric. She was fine in her bed sleeping like the music wasn’t even bothering her at all and that’s cause they trained her to sleep through noise. The house was never super quiet, a TV, radio, or something was always on for this reason. They didn’t want noise to bother her or wake her up.