Visitation was on the fifth floor. They called us back in groups of four. We were told to walk single file down the hall, hugging the wall. When we were told to ignore the inmates if they called out to us, I felt like I was in elementary school all over again. Walking past the inmates was unnerving so I couldn’t imagine having to sleep in the same room with half of the women that we’d passed.
An officer took us to a larger room, which was divided into four rows. At the end of the row was a glass door. I didn’t notice the steel gate in front of the door right away.
“Your inmate will enter through the glass door,” the officer informed us.
I was relieved we’d get some form of privacy, but I was still nervous. I waited for over thirty minutes before I saw my mother, which is when I noticed the gate. I thought my heart was going to break when I saw her. Her hands were shackled behind her back as she shuffled along on shackled feet. I struggled to hold back the tears, but I was fighting a losing battle. As the officer bent down to unchain her feet, I lost it. I felt like I was watching an episode of CSI, but this was life, in prime time and living color. Unlike television, I couldn’t change the channel just because I didn’t like what was showing.
My mother’s eyes reached mine beyond the glass. She smiled in recognition but it quickly died as reality set in. I could feel her pain and I knew she felt mine. No child should witness their parent behind bars. She shuffled toward me as if her feet were still shackled. I raised my hand and touched the partition, which separated us, and lifted the phone.
For a minute she didn’t move. I felt like she was drinking me in like a cold glass of water on a hot summer day. After a few more seconds, she sat down and raised the phone to her ear.
“Hi,” I whispered. I wanted to hate her for leaving me alone but it was a selfish thought.
“You shouldn’t have come.”
It hurt that she didn’t want me to visit her. If she only knew how difficult it was for me to come, she might not have said it. I was so concerned about me, how I felt, I hadn’t really given her feelings much consideration. Tears flowed freely from both our eyes.
“Of course I was going to come. I’m not going to lie to you. I was scared, but you should’ve known eventually I would come.”
She nodded her head as she wiped her nose. Snot dripped freely from both of our noses. The only difference was I was able to use a tissue out of my purse to wipe mine away.
“You doing okay?” I asked, but after I said it, I realized how dumb of a question it was. How the hell could anybody be okay in jail?
“Yeah, how about you?” She reached up and touched her eye.
I hadn’t even noticed it was black until she did that. It wasn’t a fresh bruise but it was apparent she didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t press the issue.
“I’m making it.” I didn’t know what else to say to her. Everything that was going on in my life seemed so trivial compared to what she was going through. “What are they saying about your case?” We only had thirty minutes so we didn’t have time for all the niceties.
She shrugged her shoulders and it pissed me off. When she was on the outside, she would have slapped the shit out of me for doing it. Now, I understood how she felt.
“I haven’t been told anything yet.”
“What is your lawyer saying?” She’d been locked up for almost two months, so I assumed she’d been appointed a lawyer and would know something. She looked up with a hopeful expression on her face.
“Gerry hired a lawyer . . .”
Damn. I didn’t even see it coming. More tears leaked from my eyes, as I realized I was going to have to be the bearer of bad news. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth, so I just shook my head.
Her smile turned upside down as she slumped back against her chair.
I wanted to offer her some encouragement, but what the hell could I say? “Aren’t you entitled to a public defender?”
“Yeah, so they say. I guess I’ll see one eventually.” She didn’t sound bitter but I would have been raising hell if it were me.
“There is one lady in here who has been waiting for a year to see a public defender.”
“Damn.” I shook my head. This wasn’t acceptable.
“I’m sorry I missed your graduation.”
I didn’t even want to talk about the ceremony because it would only remind me of the pain I’d been carrying since her arrest. At the graduation, I didn’t have any family to stand for me when I walked across the stage. If it wasn’t for Reshunda yelling and screaming like she’d lost her mind, the auditorium would’ve been silent. “We can talk about it later; we don’t have much time left.” Both of our eyes gazed at the clock on the wall. The second hand practically galloped around its face.
In spite of the circumstances, I was happy to see my mother. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her until she walked through the door.
“I’m innocent,” she whispered.
Relief washed over me because I needed to hear her say it. In my heart, I knew she wasn’t capable of murder. This is what I wanted her to say and I prayed it was true.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know all the details, but I’ve had plenty of time to speculate on what went down. Kym called me and said she had to make a run. We were supposed to go to the mall but she had to cancel at the last minute. However, she didn’t go into any great detail about the run.” Her eyes glazed over as she got lost somewhere in her mind.
“Mom.” I snapped my fingers. “We don’t have a lot of time.” I hated to keep reminding her to stay on point but I needed to make sure I had a full understanding of what went down before I had to leave.
“Sorry, in hindsight, taking the ride with her was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
I didn’t say anything because I agreed with her, even though I didn’t know all the details. That trip landed her here, in jail, so there had to be quite a bit of ignorance involved.
“Anyway, she told me her sister-in-law, Candace, was making some major moves in New York in the drug game. I asked her what she had to do with it because to my knowledge she didn’t do drugs. Kym said she introduced Candace’s man to a guy named Trent and business in Atlanta was going good. Kym said the only thing she did was introduce them and I believed her.”
“So how the hell did you get into this?”
“Kym was my friend, but I swear, I didn’t know anything about what she was doing until she called me. It’s very important to me that you believe me.”
“I do, Mom, but what happened? How did you get here?”
“Shit hit the fan, that’s what happened. When we got to the meeting, everybody was all pissed off. Kym said Candace usually made the exchanges, but she’d never actually touched the drugs before. Kym would meet Trent after the drop and he’d break her off. This time, Candace said she couldn’t come and Kenny insisted that Kym go with him to make the exchange.”
“Mom, that was dumb on so many levels.” If things were different, there was no way my mother would have tolerated me calling her dumb.
“Tell me about it. When the cops questioned me, I didn’t know anything, but when they brought me here, I found out the real deal. The guy Candace was dealing with in New York was DEA gone bad. According to the rumors I’ve heard, Candace was killed because she was stealing like a motherfucker from him. He wanted to meet Kym to find out if she was involved in the shit.”
My mother was throwing a lot of information and names at me. I didn’t bring a pen so I tried my best to remember everything she said. “So what’s the name of the guy Candace dealt with?”
“I don’t know, we didn’t get around to introductions. He shot both of them and hauled ass. He left me standing, so the cops are throwing the book at me because one of their own was taken down.”
“His name has to be in the police report. Can’t you tell the police he was crooked and dealing for himself?”
My mother s
hook her head. “It don’t matter. They need someone to pin this on and I just happened to be the last person standing.” She appeared nervous.
I could tell she wasn’t telling me everything she knew about this man. “Why didn’t you run, Mom?”
“I couldn’t. My friend was lying on the ground bleeding. I couldn’t just leave her—”
“What about this Trent guy?” She never really explained where he fit into the entire equation. I was grasping at straws. I understood where my mother was coming from when she spoke about leaving her friend. I’d probably do the same thing for Reshunda, if the situation was reversed.
“I don’t know where Trent is. Most of what I’m telling you I heard here and you can’t trust everything you hear up in this bitch.”
“Well, you have to tell everything you know to the public defender so he can start looking for him.”
“The public defender’s office is the biggest joke in here. The woman I shared a cell with when I first got here didn’t get to see her PD until the day of her trial. She’s on trial for murder too, so they had to postpone her case so they could prepare. The fucked-up part is that she’s been in here since 2008 and still hasn’t had a trial.”
“Three years? Are you serious?” I could not fathom my mother being behind bars that long.
“Yeah, and if that wasn’t bad enough, this bitch tried to rape her and my celly killed her. Now, even if she gets off on the original charge she’ll probably get at least ten to twenty years for the lady she killed. But I don’t blame her. I’ll do the same thing if some bitch rolls up on me like that.”
“Time,” the guard called out and stood behind my mother, waiting for her to stand.
Big tears rolled down my mother’s face as she stood. She put down the phone and probably didn’t hear what I said.
“I’m gonna get you out, Mom! I promise, I’m gonna get you out . . .”
Chapter Ten
VALENCIA ROBERTS
I didn’t take the bus home from the jail; I needed to walk. I needed to feel the wind against my face. There were so many things I took for granted, and freedom was one of them. Seeing my mother behind bars made me more appreciative and my priorities shifted. My mother used to warn me about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and I finally understood what it meant. She put herself in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I needed to make some fast money. If I was going to keep my promise to her, I needed to hire a lawyer. I couldn’t rely on the criminal justice system to help. I would have to do it myself. However, I was at a loss as to how I could make the amount of money I needed in the short period of time I had before I left for college. My counselor was able to get me a full scholarship to a pharmacy school in Boston and I couldn’t wait to leave. I would have to do two years of undergrad work before I could shift over to my major, but I was cool with that. Mrs. Wells surprised me with the news the day before graduation and I hadn’t had the opportunity to share it with anyone. Leaving would be bittersweet, but I didn’t get it twisted; I was going no matter what happened.
I stopped by Reshunda’s house, hoping she’d be home. I had so much on my mind, I just needed to talk. I knocked on her door but Ebony answered. I wanted to be nice to the bitch but something about her appeared fake and I couldn’t stand fake-ass bitches.
“Hey Valencia, how’ve you been?”
Stunned by her reception, I stood in the doorway. I felt like I’d knocked on the wrong door and stepped into another dimension.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I wasn’t even gonna fake the shit with her.
She laughed and turned away from the door, waving me in.
“I understand what you mean, but I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf.”
Whoa, what the fuck was going on?
Reshunda came out of the bedroom. “Who was at the door? Oh, hey Val, what’s up.”
Both of them were wearing these shit-eating grins that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“Okay, what’s up?” I had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and something told me to turn around and take my black ass home.
“Nothing, we were about to get something to eat. Do you want to come?”
I expected Ebony to come up with an excuse not to hang with me, but she shocked me again.
“Yeah, come on, it’s going to be fun.” She slung her bag over her shoulder and opened the door.
I was hungry and I probably had enough money in my purse to order something off the dollar menu at McDonald’s, but sharing that information with Ebony didn’t appeal to me one bit. My eyes shifted to Reshunda, praying she’d give me an out. However, she was still grinning as she linked arms with me, practically dragging me out the door.
“Girl, come on, Ebony’s treating.”
They didn’t give me a chance to say no. We walked out of the apartment and stopped at the same late-model Honda Civic I’d seen her driving a few days before.
“Whose car is this?” It was one thing to borrow someone’s car and take it back, but this one was parked in front of their house and I was reluctant to get in.
“It’s mine,” Ebony proudly announced as she used the key to open the door. Reshunda looked a little stunned, but it did not stop her from jumping into the front seat. Still trying to figure things out, I got in the backseat.
Instead of going to McDonald’s we went to Olive Garden. I loved Olive Garden, but it was definitely not in my budget. As a special treat, my mother used to bring me there when I did well in school. I started to tear up as I remembered those special moments we spent there. I needed to speak to Reshunda about what was going on with me, but it would have to wait until we were alone.
“Get whatever you want,” Ebony announced as she ordered herself a glass of white wine.
“I want lobster tails,” Reshunda announced.
“I’ll have the soup and salad.” Even though Ebony said she was treating, I wasn’t trying to break the bitch.
Laughing, Reshunda slapped me on the arm. “Girl, stop lying. You know you want some lobster too.”
I didn’t appreciate Reshunda calling me out and I waited for things to get ugly. “Shit, did it ever occur to your ignorant ass that Ebony might not be rolling like that. Hell, she just brought a fucking car.” I sat back and shot Reshunda an evil eye.
“Valencia, if you want lobster, get it. It’s cool. Let’s make a toast.” She raised her half-empty glass. Reshunda raised her glass of water and I did too.
“What do we toast to?” Reshunda inquired.
“To the future. I mean, who knew that the three of us could stand to be in the same room together,” Ebony said, chuckling.
We clicked glasses, but I was not amused. Part of me agreed with her toast because were it not for the sins of our mothers, I’d never choose Ebony as a friend. But I still had questions. I couldn’t understand how we went from happy meals without cheese to lobster tails and wine. I was bugging when Ebony ordered an entire bottle of wine after finishing the first glass. Since Reshunda and I were underage, she would have to drink the whole bottle or leave it behind.
I waited until our food arrived before I started asking questions. “Can one of you tell me who hit the fucking lottery?” Reshunda shot a look at Ebony. I felt like I was standing on the outside looking in and it made me feel uncomfortable.
“Shit, will one of you say something?”
“Go ’head, Ebony, tell this nosy bitch what’s going on.”
I didn’t take offense to Reshunda calling me a bitch, but it would’ve been a whole different conversation if Ebony had said it.
When we finished eating, Ebony raised her glass again and emptied it. “I’ve been working at a club downtown and believe me when I say the money is good.”
I damn near choked because this was the last thing I expected her to say. “Is she for real?” I asked Reshunda.
She nodded her head yes. It seemed like everyone in the room had stopped what they were doing and
all eyes were on our table, but it was just my imagination. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about Ebony’s decision to degrade herself. However, I was concerned about how her decision would affect Reshunda.
“Okay.” They continued to stare at me as if they were expecting a different reaction.
“That’s it? What do you think about it?” Ebony had a bored look on her face.
I had an opinion, but I didn’t think she wanted to hear. “What does it matter what I think? Hell, I ain’t nobody.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Ebony slurred. She’d consumed the entire bottle and was back to ordering by the glass. She was clearly drunk at that point.
“Ebony, you said you were going to be nice,” Reshunda said, pouting.
“I am being nice. I bought the bitch dinner, didn’t I?”
Reshunda gulped air, her eyes wild and uncertain because I’m sure she expected me to go off, but Ebony didn’t offend me. She said exactly what I’d been feeling but had enough tact to keep to myself. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t gonna let her fly-ass remark sit on the table alone.
“Right, right. Dinner was lovely but why should I care if Ebony shows her ass like some stank ho? It ain’t like I give a fuck about her anyway.” There was no animosity in my heart. I just kept it real, but maybe a little too real for Ebony’s taste.
“Ah shit, here we go.” Reshunda started to get up from the table but I wasn’t trying to show my ass in public and she should have known that about me. However, Ebony was operating off of liquid courage and started loud talking both of us.
“See Reshunda, I told you this high-yellow-stuck up-boogie-bitch thought she was better than us. Well, I’m about to break my foot off in her bright-yellow narrow ass.”
Reshunda went around the table to block Ebony from getting out of her seat. For a second I thought she was about to side with her cousin against me.
“Just pay the damn check, Ebony, and let’s get out of here.”
“I ain’t going anywhere until I show this bitch who the fuck I am.”
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