Colin had gone to close the curtains, and Melanie’s whisper had taken him away from the shadow by a tree. But that wasn’t entirely true. He’d wanted to be seen. He’d wanted his last time with her to be witnessed, not as much the sex but his easy escape after.
He clenched his fists. Kate never let him touch her. This weekend she’d brought him to climax but didn’t want him inside her. Only now he recognized her detachment and distance. She played the part as much as he did, and if she could make love to him without wanting him, could she watch him with another woman then walk away? The Kate he married would be able to that. She would disappear without confrontation.
Melanie had cried when he was leaving. She’d tried to hide it when she hugged him at the door but he’d seen the clouds in her eyes. The control of emotion hadn’t seemed like her. The venom on the phone had disappeared. He’d thought her tears were for him having to take care of a cold wife, but he wasn’t so sure now.
He ran to the phone, praying he was wrong. He called Jeanne first. “Have you seen Kate?”
“Yes, she left this morning. Did she tell you about your visitor yesterday?”
“No. She’s not here.”
“Oh, well.” He heard, in Jeanne’s intake of breath, the delight in telling him her news. When she finished, he felt inside out. “Do you know who it might be?”
“Yes.” The word barely made it up his tight throat.
“Good. I’m sure Kate is fine. She looked much better this morning, I have to say.”
He hung up.
Melanie didn’t answer the first or second attempt. The third time, her cracked voice came down the line. “What do you want?”
“What did you say to Kate?”
“Ask her.”
“She’s not here. What have you done?”
“What do you think?”
“Outside the window… Did she—”
“Yes.”
He moaned with disbelief, and she hung up on his self-pity with force.
There was no use in trying to call Kate. Her mobile phone had been left in rubble two years ago. She’d wanted to hide away and refused to have one, and up until now he’d seen the benefits.
He sat in his armchair all night, the top buttons of his shirt undone and his tie loose. At one point, he put on the television. The screen flickered in front of him but the sound didn’t reach him. It was a bubble of noise, and he wondered if this was how Kate felt all those nights when she waited for him to come home.
* * * *
The next day, Jeanne looked out the window and saw Kate walking up her street with a handsome dark-haired man. She was smiling, her auburn hair blowing across her face. They were not holding hands but they seemed to be touching each other. It made Jeanne remember her first years with Frederick before work kept him too busy.
They stopped at the driveway of Kate’s house. He shook his head and touched her cheek before she disappeared inside.
Jeanne waited until Kate emerged with a large bag on her back. Then she went quickly from her sitting room and opened her front door as the couple was passing. “Kate!” She didn’t mean to sound so severe. As Jeanne walked with stiff steps, she wasn’t sure if it was the thought of Colin’s rudeness or the memory of what she’d once had and lost that made her want to bite.
“Jeanne, this is Christian.”
Jeanne nodded briskly, but her attention went straight back to Kate. “Are you leaving?”
“Yes.”
“Does Colin know?” Jeanne had been surprised to get his phone call last night. His voice sounded shaky and harsh when he asked if Kate had been out much. Only in the last few weeks, she’d told him. It was a great thing to see her venture out at last—she’d become too pale and drawn. He’d grunted something rudely and hung up.
“He does now. I left a note telling him where I’ll be.”
Jeanne looked at Christian, and Kate laughed. “No, I’m staying with my friend Stephanie. You never met her.”
Jeanne turned to Kate, feeling more at ease since Christian was taken out of the equation. “You look…”
Kate smiled. “What?”
“Different.”
“Thanks.”
Jeanne gave a reluctant smile as she thought of Colin’s haggard face that morning. She’d gone to him when he’d walked down his driveway and looked down his street, left to right, as if Kate would be idling nearby. “What’s happened, Colin? Is everything all right?”
He’d stared hard at her. “Can’t you mind your own business for once?”
“I...” Jeanne had felt tears prick her eyes. She’d experienced the look he gave her more than once from Frederick. It was strange how a gaze had the ability to eat at skin. It was easier to look out her sitting room window than rummage around her own rooms. The last time she did, she’d found a receipt for a hotel she’d never stayed in.
“I have to go,” Colin had barked. So many things had lodged in Jeanne’s throat as she’d watched Colin walk away, but she couldn’t say them then.
Kate and Christian were about to go. “Does this have anything to do with that visitor?” finally found its way out of Jeanne’s mouth.
Kate shrugged. “Yes and no.”
“So it’s my fault.”
“It’s nobody’s fault, Jeanne.” Kate put a reassuring hand on Jeanne’s shoulder. “And if it was, I’d thank you.”
Chapter 15
Kate sat at the kitchen table in Stephanie’s apartment. Her coffee had grown cold while she stared out the window at the blue sky. No clouds marred its perfection and it made her feel hopeful. In two days, she was going for a job interview to be a manager in a homeless center. She knew she wouldn’t have had the courage to apply without Stephanie’s and Christian’s support. Now, she just wanted her divorce to come through.
With the sound of the letter flap, she stood and walked to the door slowly. This was her third day to wait in expectation. She was not disappointed. The first letter addressed to Kate Giovanni lay like a white flag on the wooden floor. She picked it up, and for a full five minutes, she grazed her maiden name with her finger before finally opening the envelope with trembling hands. Kate stared at the decree absolute, which legally ended her marriage, as if it held the secrets of the world.
It had been a quick divorce. Colin didn’t contest it. Kate had refused to see him without her lawyer. She couldn’t bear the idea of having to listen to his apology. The unbelievable sadness in his voice would be enhanced by his watery brown eyes, which had only started to truly see her when she left him. She’d sat across the table from Colin in the lawyer’s office, and when she met his gaze, he’d studied her with an intensity that had eluded them in their last years together, as if only with their distance he was drawn to her.
Kate hadn’t trusted his look. She’d thought it another act. This pretense of interest was to draw her back toward him, and she’d turned away from the softness in his eyes without a change in her expression.
Her phone ringing took attention from the paper. Retrieving it from her pocket, she smiled upon seeing Christian’s name and answered it.
“Well?” he asked.
She felt butterflies rise in her belly with the sound of him. “It came.” She could hear his breathing in her pause. “You at home?”
“Yes.” His voice came out light, the word drawn out as if he’d been holding it in for too long.
* * * *
Christian’s door was off the latch when Kate arrived. She went up the stairs, feeling her heart jump with each one. So many times she had climbed them, but in a numbing bubble. She had refused to relish his scent, which was a mixture of soap and paint, afraid that it would open her up to him. Nor had she dwelled on the warmth of his smile and the strength of his arms when he held and supported her.
While she’d waited for the divorce to come through, they had worked to keep a distance, though it had gotten hard to see him without wanting more. Lying alone in bed, she had imagined what it would be l
ike to kiss him and feel his hands on her body.
She knew he felt it too. It was written in his eyes every time they met. She saw the appreciation and desire in them before he managed to rein it all in by turning away. She loved him for his patience. He never spoke about what they both wanted, but showed it in small gestures, like brushing the hair from her forehead with his finger or giving her a lingering gaze.
When she entered his studio apartment, he stood by the kitchen’s entrance, wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt. His feet were bare, and she noticed his hands didn’t have the customary flecks of paint. For a long moment, her gaze stayed fixed on his long fingers before she found the courage to look at his face.
There was a hint of a smile there as his eyes studied her with naked interest. She felt him look at her in a way he’d never done before, as if he owned her. “Hello, Kate Giovanni.”
She nodded shyly. Nervousness had risen in her belly and she wanted to cry out to him that she was stuck between wanting too much and being so damned frightened. Her mouth opened and she was sure he leaned toward her in expectation. “Christian.” A low whispering of his name was all she was capable of, but it was enough.
He moved to her quickly. “Katie…”
Her answer was lost on his lips. He kissed her gently, his tongue tasting every inch of her mouth until she eased into his hold. When he moved back, she tried to smile. “I’m scared.”
His eyes fixed on hers as he brought his hand softly down her neck and between her breasts. “Don’t be.”
It was all the answer she needed.
Christian opened the buttons of her blouse with tender ease. Kate watched his hands and wanted to be lost in them. She felt the air on her skin as if it was the first time and knew he saw the expectation in her parted lips.
He touched her neck, her shoulders and her arms, then cupped her breasts and skimmed the surface of her nipples down to her stomach. She couldn’t breathe as he pulled her jeans down her legs and over her feet before rising to kiss her, and she swallowed her gasp when he moved his fingers through her pubic hair.
Kate held onto him like he was an anchor as he touched the softness between her legs. Sighing, she closed her eyes with the feel of his caress.
“You’re unbelievable,” he whispered.
Christian took his hand away, and the need to feel him screamed at her as he led her to the couch. She sat, and he lifted her legs so they bent in front of her. He stroked her face with one hand while guiding her fingers to that space she had not touched in so long. “Feel how beautiful you are.”
Her eyes widened.
“Feel it, Kate.” He let her hand go and smiled when it remained where it was. He kissed her amid her stillness. When they found each other’s tongues, he caressed her breast, and her waist finally rose, as if her body had taken command and couldn’t wait any longer. She moved her fingers slowly, loving herself, as he caressed her nipple. Surges of pleasure moved from his mouth to her crotch. She sighed as her body opened, and she felt the warmth start, trickling at first, like a dam just opened.
The feeling running through her was delicious yet almost unbearable. She wanted to take her hand away before she burst. She didn’t know if her body would have the strength to contain it. She moaned as much in fright as in pleasure.
He touched his lips to her neck and kissed her collarbone, then her breast, her nipple. Christian slid his tongue down her stomach while she explored herself.
Then he put his mouth on her pubic hair and found her hand with his tongue. Her writhing stopped as he licked her fingers. She lay back with a silent gasp moving from her half-opened mouth as she relinquished control to his tongue. He explored her softly and when she came, she shook for a long time.
The tears tumbling down her cheeks were canceled by the ease of her body. For once, she felt no shame, as if Christian had erased all fear and doubt with his mouth. She was impatient to have him inside her so everything could start fresh. This man would be the only one she would think of as ever having her fully. Everything before him would be erased, as part of an old story.
Kate sat up and pulled his t-shirt over his head, his arms were slack and gentle, bending to her need. He watched her, and she thought with his still and rigid body, he was as nervous as she had been. She could take her time, make him quiver with small kisses all over his body, but she wanted to feel the swell of his erection. She opened his trouser button, her actions hurried and his breathing deep. She only had to tug at the denim and make a play at pulling them down before he helped her.
With the jeans still around his ankles, he sat back on the couch and pulled her to him. “I can’t wait any longer,” he whispered.
Christian lifted her slightly until she straddled him. She clutched his shoulders as he guided his cock inside.
Her pussy rubbed against his length and came alive. She felt like her body had been waiting to let this pleasure loose for years and now that it had started, it overtook her. Her whole body trembled. She could feel the wave of an orgasm start from her bent toes. He put his hands on her back, and she felt the tight ownership of them as he moaned with her sways. The wetness that had come from his mouth was nothing compared to what flowed over his erection.
Kate never wanted their lovemaking to end, but she could feel the tightening of him and could hear his small gasps of “Oh God” as she rose on his shaft and lowered herself again. She threw her head back with her groans as she felt the shudder of his penis. With his face buried into her chest and his hold on her back tightening, he shot inside her.
They stayed, grasping each other until their bodies stilled. When he moved back and touched her face, she understood they had just begun.
With her legs wrapped around him, he carried her to his bed, and the day drifted by as they explored each other. He had bought champagne to celebrate her divorce and they drank it between kisses. Later that evening, they ordered pizza, and when he lay on top of her, she felt the tiny crumbs stick to her skin.
* * * *
It was hard to leave Christian the next morning, but Kate had to go home and get dressed for the interview. She traveled with an image of him lying in bed and his promise that he would be waiting for her.
Getting off the train at Central Station, she allowed a smile with the irony that her interview in the homeless shelter was so close to The Beauty Suite. In a gray trouser suit and her CV in hand, Kate couldn’t imagine going back to the parlor. The day she saw her husband with another woman was the last time she needed to be Jade. She had thought her two personas—the long-suffering wife and the confident, sexy masseuse—were two entirely different people, neither needing the other to survive, until she walked out of her house for the final time with her bag on her back.
“Kate?”
The sound of her name made her freeze. She had been afraid of bumping into one of the girls from the parlor, but she couldn’t ignore the eagerness in which her name had been called. With a sigh, she turned to see Nikki standing before her with a grin on her face. Kate couldn’t help smiling back.
“I thought I’d never see you again. You just disappeared.” The small girl’s eyes were wide with curiosity.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Nikki waved her apology away with a flick of her wrist. “It’s okay. How have you been?”
“Good.”
In the following silence, a frown creased Nikki’s face. Kate hated the tension that had risen from her taciturn response, but she didn’t know where to start with this girl. She wanted to forget about Colin but seeing Nikki brought it back. The memory of Jade and the old Kate sat like a weight in her belly.
Nikki’s smile was sad, touched with more than a hint of disappointment. “I just wanted to say hello.”
“I know. It’s okay.” There was so much she could say about living with Stephanie and seeing Christian, but the words wouldn’t come. They were blocked by her need to move on with her life.
“I should go. It was good to see you.
” Nikki started to walk away, her shoulders hung.
With her sad retreat, Kate glimpsed her loneliness once again. She wanted to do something to alleviate it. “I got a divorce,” she said.
The young girl stopped and when she looked at her, Kate was sure her smile was one of gratitude. “That’s great.” Still, there was something sad about the girl, as if the distance between them was entirely of Nikki’s making.
“Thanks for everything, Nikki.”
Only when Nikki nodded and started to leave again did Kate realize her thanks might have sounded like a dismissal. She wanted to follow Nikki and take hold of her hand, guide her to the benches where not long ago they had sat and talked, but she couldn’t move. No matter how much she yearned to, she couldn’t go back to that person who had gotten to know Nikki, and she hated that Nikki might believe she had done something to cause Kate’s coolness.
She watched the petite girl exit the station and smiled as the sun touched her light blue jacket. Only when Nikki’s small body disappeared did Kate start toward the exit and her new life.
Marianne Brun
Marianne Brun was born in 1972. After obtaining a degree in social psychology and sociology, she spent some years traveling before settling down to write.
She is the author of Primrose Drive and has won some poetry competitions. She is also a screenwriter. She lives in Ireland with her three children.
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Lyrical Press books are published by
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Copyright © 2010 Marianne Brun
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First Electronic Edition: August 2010
The Masseuse Page 17