She continued crying and Jared didn’t know what else to say. So he simply held her until her crying softened to hiccups and then the hiccups faded into the soft even breathing of sleep. Jared watched the sun rise through the window before sleep claimed him.
* * *
The next few days faded together for Sparrow. She spent most of her time in bed. She just wanted to lock the rest of the world out. Her emotions were raw and ripped wide open. Part of her was still very angry with Jared. Another part longed for his comfort.
They compromised. He slept with her every night, holding her tight, but it didn't go further than that. And during the day, he came to check on her, but he also gave her plenty of time by herself.
Squirrel would often come sit with her. They would sit together and play checkers or just talk. It was during one of these visits that she was finally forced to talk about it.
“You know he's hurting too.” Squirrel leaned across the table and took a sip of the water. Sparrow jumped his red marker. They were playing checkers again, and it was a close game. “I've never seen a man so tortured over a girl before,” Squirrel added. “You must've done a real number on him.”
Sparrow leaned back in her chair and lifted an eyebrow. “Or maybe he’s the one who did a real number on me. He didn't believe in me. He doesn't trust me. What kind of relationship can be built on that foundation?”
Squirrel double jumped her two. “I talked to his brother. Jared has never been in a real relationship before. And never with a firecracker like you. The only thing he's ever known is war. Combat. Fighting. Not exactly the kinda thing that makes a man trustin’.”
The words reached inside and touched a part of her. It made sense to her. “But I'm not his enemy.”
“No. You're worse. You're a girl.” Squirrel smiled and jumped another of her checkers.
“And what's so wrong with being a girl?” She leaned forward, letting him know she was not okay with that statement.
Squirrel held up his hands in surrender. “Nothing ‘cept that boy ain’t got no idea how to handle a girl.”
Heat rose to her cheeks and suffused her entire body. Jared knew exactly how to handle a girl. He had handled her with expertise. And she’d lapped up every bit of it.
“All I'm saying is you should at least talk to the boy. He screwed up. He knows it. And I’m tired of watchin’ him mope around here like he’s out of whiskey.”
As if on cue, Jared called from the kitchen, “Supper’s about ready.”
Squirrel looked her up and down, sniffed, and said, “You need a bath.”
Sparrow tried to look affronted, but couldn't quite pull it off. She hadn't change clothes in two days. She knew she looked a mess and smelled like one too.
“Think on what I said.” Squirrel got to his feet, walked to the doorway, and shouted, “Better have me some potatoes. Don’t like all them green vegetables you keep cookin’.”
Sparrow got to her feet and turned to the dresser to grab a change of clothes. Hayden had brought over a whole bag of them for her to wear until she recovered enough to buy some of her own. She didn't avoid her reflection in the mirror this time. The girl staring back at her looked older, harder, and about ten pounds underweight. Her hair was messy, her clothes ill fitting. Was this the girl she wanted to be for the rest of her life? A shadow of herself?
Maybe Squirrel was right. Maybe it was time to try trusting her heart again. Hopefully this time it wouldn’t almost kill her.
Sparrow went to bathroom and took a bath. She’d just finished towel drying her hair when she heard a soft knock at the bedroom door. “Come in.”
The door snaked open and Jared poked his head inside. “Listen, I know you don't want to see me or be around me and I can't blame you for that, but you have to eat.”
His words carried a firm command, yet there was still hesitance in his tone. Sparrow turned to face him, a slight smile on her face. He really was the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on.
As he eased his way into the bedroom, his gaze raked over her like hot coals, setting her skin on fire. “Sparrow, I…” He rubbed a hand through his hair and blew out a frustrated breath.
“Yes?” she asked.
“I think you need to eat more. You're losing too much weight. And if it takes me leaving to make you feel comfortable, I'll do it.”
“Why would I want you to leave?
His dark gaze snapped to hers. “Because you hate me for what I did to you. I shouldn’t have left that morning without talking to you first. Without letting Merc know what was going on. I ignored my instincts until it was too late. It's all my fault and I can never make it up to you. Never.”
She decided to have a little bit of mercy and took a stroll across the room. Sitting down on the bed, Sparrow curled a leg beneath her. She had on a low-cut top and fitted cotton pants. Hayden had called them yoga pants. Whatever that was. She knew she didn’t exactly look sexy with the black sling around her arm, but his eyes locked on her with banked heat.
Sparrow leaned over and picked at the bedspread, “So let me get this straight. You screwed up, and now you’re just fixin’ to give up?”
She watched as his jaw ticked and he slowly closed and reopened his glittering eyes. “Listen, I deserve that. I know you don't want to be near me. I promise, as soon as I can, I'll find somewhere else for you to live.”
“What if I'm comfortable right here?”
The dark circles beneath his eyes looked like small bruises. His cheeks had hollowed out too. She’d been so focused on her own misery she’d failed to notice his.
“Here?” His face was a mask of confusion. As if it didn’t even occur to him that she might be giving him a second chance. Hell, maybe he was afraid to let himself believe it.
Sparrow realized that she was going to have to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. She got to her feet, unfolding her body from the bed, and walked to him. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek. “Yes, Jared. Here with you.”
He trembled as his hands wrapped around her waist. “With me? After what happened?”
“You made a mistake. I'm sure I’ll make mistakes too. And I think if you love someone you should fight for them. Not give up on them.”
Jared ducked his head and sucked in a shuddering breath, resting his head on hers, his lips inches away. A tremor passed down her body and chills raced across her flesh. Her heart rate accelerated from the slow, steady rhythm of a woman full of confidence to out of control.
“Sparrow, I love you. I don't want you to leave. Will you please stay with me?”
She nodded, tears forming in her eyes. Part of that hollow burning in her chest eased just a little bit. “I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere.”
His lips close over hers, taking possession of her mouth, and she opened willingly to him. Heat coursed through her body. He slid to the bed, pulling her down with him, careful of her arm. But any pain she’d felt was forgotten as he slid between her thighs and worshipped her body. Sparrow slipped into a cloud of bliss from which she never wanted to return.
Epilogue
Hoyt leaned his head against the bedroom wall, the sounds of Jared and Sparrow making up was a soothing balm to the soul. They would be able to heal together. They would be able to move past what had happened. They would move on.
And he would be stuck here, trapped as a prisoner in his own body. A body that didn't belong to him anymore. He turned away from the wall then, took a sip of his orange juice, and got up to shut his bedroom door. He sat down on the bed, fingers clenching the covers. Images of being trapped in that small room slashed at his mind and a cold sweat broke out across his body. His scars from all the cuts seemed to reopen and bleed. His throat closed off, and he hunched forward to suck in air that didn't seem to exist. He put his hands on his knees, gasping at the sharp pain in his chest as his rib cage constricted around his lungs.
A part of him knew that he was having a panic attack. Hell, he probably had some form of P
TSD after all that shit he’d survived. But that was the logical part. And right now the logical part of his brain only made up about zero point five percent.
Terror sent him to his knees and he crawled to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and collapsed half between the rooms, clutching at his chest and sucking in air. Slow. Count to ten. He repeated the mantra over and over.
Hoyt didn't know how long he lay there, only that when he opened his eyes his fist was clenched on his chest; the other hand dug into the carpet. And when he lifted the fist, he realized it was clutched around a pill bottle. Oblivion. He quickly unscrewed the lid and poured out four pills, knowing one pain pill had no hope of touching his kind of agony.
Hoyt lay there until his body began to ease. He climbed to his window, threw it open, and fell across the bed. The pill bottle was tucked safely in his pocket. If he had to choose between feeling everything or nothing, right now it was no decision at all.
THE END
Want to see what happens next in Mercy, MS? Click here to get Hoyt’s story: Ravaged River: Men of Mercy
Ravaged River:
Special forces operative Hoyt Crowe wasn't just damaged… he was broken. After suffering brutal torture in captivity, his once lively spirit is shattered. Now his greatest adversary isn’t some unknown terrorist in a foreign country, it’s himself.
Hayden James watched Hoyt slide into a private purgatory of post-traumatic stress disorder, taking her heart with him. No longer warm and loving, he is cold. Hardened. A shell of his former self.
When an old enemy threatens Hayden’s life, Hoyt must find the strength to slay his inner demons or lose the woman he loves forever.
Click here to get Hoyt’s story: Ravaged River: Men of Mercy
Ravaged River: Men of Mercy
Special forces operative Hoyt Crowe wasn't just damaged… he was broken. After suffering brutal torture in captivity, his once lively spirit is shattered. Now his greatest adversary isn’t some unknown terrorist in a foreign country, it’s himself.
Hayden James watched Hoyt slide into a private purgatory of post-traumatic stress disorder, taking her heart with him. No longer warm and loving, he is cold. Hardened. A shell of his former self.
When an old enemy threatens Hayden’s life, Hoyt must find the strength to slay his inner demons or lose the woman he loves forever.
DOSSIER
TASK FORCE SCORPION (TF-S)
A branch of Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC)
Ft. Grenada, MS
MACK GREY: Detachment Commander, Captain
♣Recruited from the 75th Ranger Regiment, Ft. Benning, GA
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special reconnaissance, interrogations specialist, psychological warfare
♣First in Command. Responsible for ensuring and maintaining operational readiness.
♣Height: 6’
♣Weight: 195lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Gothic Serpent, Somalia. Operation Desert Storm, OIF, Operation Crescent Wind, Operation Rhino, Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Mountain Viper, Operation Eagle Fury, Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles
HUNTER JAMES: Warrant Officer, Detachment Commander
♣Recruited from the 75th Ranger Regiment, Ft. Benning, GA
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special reconnaissance, psychological warfare
♣Responsible for overseeing all Team ops. Commands in absence of detachment commander.
♣Height: 6’3”
♣Weight: 230lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Enduring Freedom, Operation Crescent Wind, Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Mountain Viper
RANGER JAMES: Team Daddy/Team Sergeant, Master Sgt.
♣Recruited from the 75th Ranger Regiment, Ft. Benning, GA
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special recon
♣Plans, coordinates & directs Team intelligence, analysis and dissemination.
♣Height: 6’4”
♣Weight: 225lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Enduring Freedom, Operation Crescent Wind, Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Mountain Viper, Operation Eagle Fury
JARED CROWE: Weapons Sergeant, Sgt. 1st Class
♣Recruited from Delta Force, Ft. Bragg, NC
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special recon, Sniper
♣Weapons expert. Capable of firing and employing all small arm and crew served weapons
♣Height: 6’0”
♣Weight: 220lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Enduring Freedom, Operation Crescent Wind, Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles
HOYT CROWE: Asst. Weapons Sergeant, Staff Sgt.
♣Recruited from Delta Force, Ft. Bragg, NC
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special recon, Sniper
♣Weapons expert. Capable of firing and employing all small arm and crew served weapons
♣Height: 6’0”
♣Weight: 210lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Enduring Freedom, Operation Crescent Wind, Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles
AARON SPEIRS: Medical Sergeant, Sgt. 1st Class
♣Recruited from Delta Force, Ft. Bragg, NC
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special reconnaissance, medic
♣The life-saver. Employs the latest field medical technology and limited surgical procedures
♣Height: 6’1”
♣Weight: 195lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles
RISER MALLON: Asst. Medical Sergeant, Staff Sgt.
♣Recruited from Delta Force, Ft. Bragg, NC
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special recon, medic
♣The life-saver. Employs the latest field medical technology and limited surgical procedures
♣Height: 6’2”
♣Weight: 215lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Anaconda, Operation Jacana, Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles,Operation Mountain Viper, Operation Eagle Fury
MERC: Engineer Sergeant, Sgt. 1st Class
♣Recruited from Special Operations Group (SOG) of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special recon, Demolitions, psychological operations
♣Demolition expert. Trained in psychological warfare, conducts field interrogations.
♣Height: 6’5”
♣Weight: 250lbs
♣Combat Experience: Classified
ETHAN SLADE: Communications
Sergeant/Commo Guy, Sgt. 1st Class
♣Recruited from the 75th Ranger Regiment, Ft. Benning, GA
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special recon, communications
♣Communications expert. Employ latest FM, multi-channel, and satellite communication devices.
♣Height: 6’0”
♣Weight: 200lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles
CORD CARTER: Weapons Sergeant, Staff Sgt.
♣Recruited from the Marine Corps Forces Special Operations Command (MARSOC), Camp Lejeune, NC
♣Specialized Skills: direct action, unconventional warfare, special reconnoissance, weapons expert/sniper
♣Weapons expert. Capable of firing and employing all small arm and crew served weapons
♣Height: 6’1”
♣Weight: 210lbs
♣Combat Experience: Operation Iraq
i Freedom, Operation Condor, Operation Summit, Operation Volcano, Operation Achilles
Chapter 1
Hoyt Crowe tilted back the bottle of whiskey as he faced his reflection in the bedroom mirror. The man staring back was so poisonous he destroyed everything around him…friends…family…and, fucking worst of all, himself.
Hoyt didn’t deserve to be alive - not anymore.
A car door slammed outside and he jerked, almost dropping the bottle. Goddammit. His control was gone, destroyed. How could he protect his team if he flinched at every little sound?
Sweat drenched his body. Hoyt lifted the bottle for another drink, spilling some liquor on his chin. His once sniper-steady hand shook like a new recruit on his first mission.
Laughter erupted over the music from the living room, thrusting Hoyt back to that shack in the woods on Crowe Mountain. Three months ago, he and Jared had taken a trip to the past and returned to their former home - the place they'd fled as kids. Of all the mistakes he'd made in life, it was the one he regretted most. He'd been captured and tortured by his cousin and his cousin's girlfriend, who'd mistakenly thought he could give them the deed to the mountain. They'd trussed him up and the bitch had taken a flaying knife to his skin. He'd never forget the look of glee in her eyes as she sliced into him. Her shrill, screeching laugh. The same sound that was streaming in from the living room, except this time it was lacking the edge of madness.
And just like an untrained newbie would have done, he’d blubbered and begged for his life.
He took another swig, praying the fire from the whiskey would burn through his shattered nerves, and spilled more on his shirt. He ripped it off and threw it in the corner. Bile clawed up his throat, lacerating him from the inside out. I can’t even take a damn drink without shaking.
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