He didn't answer her. It was like he'd gone somewhere else.
She tugged on his arm. “Merc?”
He broke out of his trance, shaking his head. “Sorry. Hey, I need to hit the head. Stay here with Aaron and Ethan. Don't leave their side, got it?”
He waited for her to nod in agreement, and then he melted into the crowd. Nightshade caught the long glance between Ethan and Aaron and her worry for Merc intensified. Their little group got quiet, everyone's expressions changing from laid-back laughter to unease.
“Actually, I need to go too,” Ethan said. “Ladies, hang here with Aaron.” He gave Kate a quick peck on the cheek and headed in the same direction as Merc.
The hairs on the back of Nightshade’s neck prickled. There was something going on here. Aaron kept a small smile plastered on his face, but his gaze had gone hard, his body taut and on high alert. Celine bit her lip while Kate scanned the crowd, seeming to systematically search for something. Or someone.
“You think he's okay?” Nightshade asked Aaron, trying to sound nonchalant but feeling anything but.
Aaron's gaze slid to her briefly, then went back to assessing the room. “Oh yeah, he’s good. Should be back in just a sec.”
That was a bald-faced lie, but she knew she’d get no more intel from him. Surely her father hadn’t been stupid enough to show his face in this town – or even one of his hired hands. Nightshade knew firsthand that TF-S ran like a well-oiled machine, constantly looking. They’d know the moment something was out of place.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” Celine placed a hand over her stomach and Aaron turned to her, the worry on his face clear.
Nightshade spotted the open opportunity. If Aaron wasn't going to tell her the truth about what was really going on, she'd go find out for herself. “I have to go to the bathroom, too.”
“Wait till they get back,” Aaron said automatically.
Nightshade crossed her arms and arched a brow, giving him a once over. “Sorry, mother nature can't wait. The ladies’ room is right next to the men's. I'll probably bump into Merc and Ethan.”
Before Aaron could stop her, Nightshade plunged into the crowd, slipping between the hot sweaty bodies, carefully sidestepping a two-year-old with his arms and legs wrapped around his mother, screaming at the top of his lungs for popcorn; past a cluster of teenage boys laughing next to a gigantic poster advertising some crazy-looking movie about alien space worms; and just barely missing a group of girls that couldn’t be past twelve but with enough make up for a grown woman.
When she emerged on the other side, she moved into the dimly lit hallway, shadows lurking along the sides and in corners behind life-sized posters. Twenty feet later, the hallway came to a T, forcing her to either go left or right. The crowd started to thin, but was still thick enough to slow her progress.
Careful to move as inconspicuously as possible, she quickly scanned each face she passed, searching for any hint of familiarity but having nothing pop up on her radar. Up ahead to her right, a man emerged from a recessed doorway, his back to her but his long, gleaming black hair so familiar she stumbled a step straight into a huge wall of a man.
“Hey there, little lady –”
Nightshade cut him off with a wave of her hand and kept moving. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene by kneeing some overzealous stranger in the nuts.
A huge crowd burst out to her left in a steady stream, completely blocking her path forward. Heart thumping in her chest like a piston, Nightshade dove forward, pushing through the tightening noose of people. Not for the first time in her life, she cursed her short stature. She rose up on tiptoes, trying to see over the group, only to come back down frustrated — the black head of hair was no longer visible.
She had to be imagining things. Surely her dad wouldn't show up and blow her whole mission, would he? Maybe he thought she’d taken too long.
“You’re too weak. You’re too soft. Why can’t you just do as you’re told?”
The harsh words from her past, words from her father’s lips when he’d repeatedly taken her to task for her failures, sifted through her mind like hot coals, burning her insides.
“You can do better. You can run faster. How could you let me down like that? Don't you want to save your sister?”
Her erratic heartbeat tumbled to her stomach. No longer caring about being noticed, she sliced through the crowd, shoving people out of her way. She spotted the man again, nearly running now.
Then she was ten feet away. Seven feet. Five feet.
She was finally within distance to reach out and touch her father’s arm. He turned slightly, and when she caught a glimpse of his profile, she nearly went to her knees.
It wasn’t her father; it wasn't Jack Mankel.
She hadn't failed him.
Hands shaking and stomach tight, she bolted into the women's bathroom nearby and slammed into a stall, gulping in huge breaths of air as she tried to get her pulse under control.
What was wrong with her? She'd never lost control like that? Even in the most life-threatening circumstances, she always remained in complete control of her surroundings and, most importantly, of herself.
No, she knew what was wrong. Nightshade had gotten comfortable in her twin sister’s life. The open loving family of Francis and Harriet and Fernando tapped into a well of longing she’d kept buried for a long, long time. She’d never wanted money or power or even acknowledgment. She just wanted to know what it was like to be loved.
And that was the weakness her father had so frequently tried to drill out of her.
When she’d found out about her twin sister, Nightshade knew she’d finally have someone love her unconditionally. She’d thrown herself into this mission at high speed and had lost control. She would crash at the current trajectory; there was no doubt. And when she did, she’d take her entire team down with her.
She banged a fist against her forehead, clenching her teeth as she tried to get herself back under control. She could do this. She just had to pretend a little bit longer, and then she could escape Harriet’s warm hugs and Francis’s delicious meals. She could escape Cotter telling her how much he loved her every day. She could escape the scorching intensity and desire between her and Merc.
She had to.
No matter how much she wanted this picture-perfect life, she had to remember it wasn’t hers to keep.
Nightshade shoved open the stall door and staggered to the mirror, thankful the bathroom was empty. She looked at her reflection, so different than normal. The red lipstick, red dress and heels. The curly hair and makeup. “See? None of this is real anyway. Do you think these people will love you when they find out the truth?”
Nightshade felt a familiar emptiness creep back into her soul, spreading until she was fully engulfed.
No, when they found out the truth, they would hate her.
Chapter 21
“Yo, Merc, wait up,” Ethan called out from behind him.
Merc reached the end of the left hall, the man from his memory nowhere in sight. Shit. What the hell was wrong with him? There's no way his old teammate could be alive. The only memory Merc managed to hold onto was him bleeding out on the street.
“Merc, what is it? Who did you see?” Ethan sidled up behind him, his hand hovering near his waist in the vicinity of his Beretta.
Merc scanned the rapidly emptying hallway again still unable to shake the uneasy feeling. “I don't know, man. Thought I saw something strange.” Like a dead man from my memory without a name.
“Do we need to call it off?” Ethan asked all seriousness.
For a figment of his imagination? How did he even know that one memory he'd managed to snatch was real? Fuck, the empty black hole in his mind was a threat. “No, I think we’re good. I didn't see Mr. J or any of his known assets. Come on, let’s get back to the group.”
“You sure? You say the word and we’ll call this off right now.”
“I'm sure. Let's go.”
/>
They went back to the lobby, and as soon as he saw Aaron standing with Kate and Celine, he filled with dread. “Where is she?”
“She took off but I think she was going after you. You see her?” Aaron asked.
“Dammit, no.” How the hell could she disappear so fast? That knot of trepidation turned to full-out fear. If Caroline had followed him down the hall, he should've seen her on their way back.
Forcing himself to walk and not sprint, Merc retraced his footsteps down the hallway, but she wasn’t there. The theater next to him rattled, and Merc's hand went immediately to his weapon. He glanced up at the sign above the door – the newest 007 movie was showing.
It was just the movie. Just a movie…
He stalked back down the hall, ready to barge in each and every single theater if he had to. Something was wrong, he knew it. He hadn't been imagining the guy from his memory.
Merc was halfway to the next door when one on his right opened and Caroline stumbled out, paler than she’d been only minutes before.
Sweet relief hit him first and he yanked her to him without thought, folding her into his embrace, needing to feel her body next to him and to reassure himself she was okay. Then like a roaring wildfire, he jumped to fury. “What the hell do you think you're doing, disappearing like that? Anything could've happened to you.”
Caroline pushed against his chest and he released her. Then she lifted her chin in that stubborn way he'd come to recognize and said, “I had to go to the restroom.”
Merc stooped over, putting his face within inches of hers. “So you left Aaron’s protection because you couldn't hold it five minutes? You put yourself in danger on purpose?” How could she be so cavalier when she knew the threat Mr. J still posed? “How the hell are we supposed to protect you if you won’t stay where we tell you to?”
Instead of backing down, Caroline inched closer, her beautiful blue eyes narrowing. “And what about you? You're the one who took off down the hallway like he'd seen a freaking ghost.”
“In case you failed to notice, I'm a trained operative. It's my job to assess and neutralize threats. Not yours.” He no longer cared about what he thought he’d seen. Didn't she realize how terrified he'd been when she’d disappeared? What if J had spies planted everywhere and he'd done a snatch and grab? If J took her, Merc knew without a shadow of doubt he'd never see her alive again. And that thought shook him to his core.
“Yeah, I get you’re the big bad soldier boy, and you're supposed to protect me and all that stuff.” She flipped her hair back over her shoulder, purposefully pulling the girly move. “But I can walk to the bathroom by myself. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on here? Is there a threat nearby I need to know about?” Her cheeks flushed and her lips parted in anger.
Dammit, she was sexy even when she was pissed. But somehow he had to make her understand that until J was caught, she’d always be in danger. And he couldn't bear the thought of losing her.
Merc took her hands in his. “I know it might not mean much to you, that you scared the shit out of me, but J is the most dangerous man I know, and we don’t know where or when he’s going to strike next. He’s not here right now, but what if he kidnapped you again – or worse, finished what he started at the palace and ended your life? Think about it. Think about Harriet and Francis and your father. Think about Celine and Kate. I've never seen so many people love and care for anyone as much as we love you.”
Caroline sucked in a breath. “We?”
Had he really said that out loud? He should tell her not we. He should tell her it was everyone else, but that would be a lie. Somehow he’d fallen in love with Caroline Cotter.
He shoved a hand through his hair, frustrated and at a loss for words. He wasn't a poet. He hadn’t even been able to complete the simple task of ordering her flowers, for fuck’s sake. He was a soldier, a mercenary who lived only for revenge. What did he have to offer her?
“Merc, what did you mean when you said we?” Her expression was completely unreadable.
He’d never been so scared before, thinking he lost her like that. How could he have just now realized how important she was to him?
Because your whole life you’ve been obsessed with revenge. She’s the first light in your existence.
And he was scared to death because the only thing he knew how to handle was hate – not love.
“I know I'm not on your level. I mean, it's bad enough I’m in the military, but it’s even worse that I’m an operator. Hell, you live in a mansion.” He squeezed her hands. “I know I don't have anything to give you. You deserve so much more than what I have to offer. And I’ve been telling myself that I can’t, that I shouldn’t. But I do. I love you, Caroline.”
* * *
How could this giant of a man, this strong trained soldier, love her? He loved her.
No, he loved Caroline Cotter.
God, he might as well have put a gun to her chest and pulled the trigger. Merc didn't love Nightshade. He was in love with her twin sister.
He shifted his weight to his right foot, nervous. “Say something, please.”
Staring into his intense gaze, she saw fear and hope. He was scared she would reject him? Her? Even before he knew her, he’d saved her life. And then he turned into a companion, an ally, a lover, taking her side even against Cotter. How could she ever want to reject that?
God, she wanted him so badly. The way he was looking at her now gave her hope that maybe if she told him the truth, after this was all over he would understand and forgive her. He had to, because she didn't know if she could live without him.
“I love you, too.”
His arms were around her in an instant, lifting her off the floor, his chest rumbling with a sigh of pure relief. “Damn you’re gorgeous.”
How could her chest swell any more without bursting?
Feet dangling a full foot off the floor, held up by Merc’s huge muscular arms, Nightshade cupped his face in her hands, taking in every single inch of his hard sculpted jaw and perfect lips. His expression was full of open adoration. She wanted to remember this moment for the rest of her life.
He took her lips in a gentle caress that she felt straight to her toes. Soft, as if they had all the time in the world, his lips brushed over hers. Then he backed her to the wall in the recessed area by the door and Nightshade sensed the hunger that he was holding back.
The moment she opened her mouth to his, their tongues met in an explosion of passion. She wrapped her fingers in his hair, holding him to her, unwilling to let him stop when she needed more. His answering groan as he pressed her harder against the wall made the aching pressure between her legs intensify.
At some point, his hands moved from around her waist to cup her bottom, and her legs wound automatically around him, pressing her aching core against him. His hard length swelled through the material of his jeans, and at that moment, she needed him more than she needed anything in her entire life.
Merc broke the kiss, dropping his forehead to hers as they both panted to catch their breath. She tugged him to her, trying to reestablish that lost connection, but he held back. “Not here.”
Unable to speak, Nightshade bit her lip and nodded. He inched her to the floor, and Nightshade twined her fingers through his.
“I promised you a date, and we’re not done yet.” Merc tugged her down the hall to rejoin their group, who were staring at them with knowing expressions.
Ethan asked, “Is everything all right?”
Merc looked down at Nightshade with a smirk. “Everything’s perfect.”
The girls shot her their own secret smiles and Nightshade blushed, but she lifted her chin in defiance. She wasn't ashamed. She would never be ashamed of loving Merc.
Chapter 22
Nightshade squeezed into the corner booth, tucked up as close as she could manage to Merc’s side without being indiscreet. Flat screen TVs nearly the size of the wall filled up every empty space even though what was being shown
on TV was drowned out by loud music pumped continuously through multiple overhead speakers.
Their waitress approached in a black and white pinstripe outfit resembling a referee. “What can I get you to drink?” Obviously used to working here, she yelled out the question in order to be heard.
The guys and Kate ordered a round of beers. Celine ordered something called Pinot Grigio.
Nightshade swallowed, suddenly nervous. She'd never had a drop of alcohol before. Having lived and trained in a government facility her whole life, the strongest thing she’d had was Gatorade. But there was one thing she'd always wanted to try. “I'll take a glass of champagne.”
The waitress popped her bubble gum, gave her a wink and sauntered off to the long bar stretched across the far wall crowded with men hunched over chrome and red leather stools.
Merc placed his arm around her practically enveloping her, but Nightshade didn't mind in the least. The sports bar was loud, smelly, and packed – and she loved it.
Merc leaned down and whispered in her ear, his hot breath sending chill bumps racing across her neck. “Figured you usually go out to fancy places. Thought you might like to see how the rest of us live.”
That would probably be true for Caroline, who undoubtedly frequented five star restaurants. But since Nightshade spent 95% of her life secluded from the rest of the world, she couldn't imagine anything better. “Are you calling me a snob?”
He dipped a finger under her chin, and that small touch fanned the fire burning low in her belly. “I'd never call you that, not when you can apparently handle a rifle as well as any of my men.”
His praise sent a rush of pleasure through her, warming her even more. If she wasn't careful, she'd be climbing in his lap in front of everyone.
She laughed and faced the rest of the group, needing to break the spell Merc constantly held her under. Kate and Ethan grinned at them like idiots, but Nightshade refused to let them see her embarrassment. Ethan had his arm just as tight around Kate as Merc did around her.
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