by Sarah Price
Benjamin stepped forward, taking the hymnbook from Henry. “I tried telling him last week that the Englische hymns still glorify God. Where is the sin in that?”
All eyes turned in Elijah’s direction as if they were not just expecting but waiting for an answer.
The color drained from Elijah’s cheeks. It was one thing to have an older brother who strayed from the faith, but to have the same brother try to force him to stray and to have a friend defend Thomas was clearly more than he could manage.
Seeking to release Elijah from Thomas’s badgering and Benjamin’s betrayal, Fanny finally found the courage to speak up. She was proud of Elijah for taking such a strong position about obeying their father’s rules, even when he was not physically there. She had been worried when Benjamin tried to lead him astray regarding the hymnbook. Now his own brother wanted to achieve that same goal.
“I . . . I think that singing Englische hymns isn’t proper and . . . ” she started to say, looking at Elijah while she spoke.
“Oh, nonsense, Fanny!” Thomas said, a harshness to his voice that startled even Mary. “There’s nothing wrong with singing hymns.”
“But your daed. . . ”
“Oh, fiddle-faddle!” Miriam interrupted her this time. “Daed’s not even here, Fanny.”
“Singing an Englische hymn is not a sin,” Henry added to the conversation, pausing before he said the word sin. Fanny looked at him, surprised that he spoke up at all. That was when she noticed that Henry’s eyes were focused on Miriam, the corner of his mouth smiling. And while Henry watched her, Jeb watched him.
Oblivious to the energy passing between the others, Thomas shot Henry a quick grin and then turned back to address Fanny. “See? And he’s related to the bishop.”
“Ah, but by marriage only,” Mary added, a light tone to her voice.
Miriam and Julia laughed too loud for Fanny’s liking. And when both women looked at Henry, the kitchen suddenly felt unusually warm to Fanny. She sat on the hard bench by the table, her hands folded on her lap as she watched everyone else crowding around Thomas. Everyone else except Elijah and Fanny.
Fanny stole a glance at him. He stood to the side, leaning against the kitchen counter. It pleased her that they were united in their refusal to succumb to the pressure of the others. She had always known that he was a righteous man, and apparently his infatuation with Mary did not trump his faith.
Maybe now he would see the limits of Mary’s character, for she had not spoken up in defense of Elijah like she had, Fanny thought.
Benjamin handed the book to Julia, who flipped through the pages, with Miriam quick to look over her shoulder.
“They’re in English,” Julia said, casually handing the book to Miriam. “I don’t know the words to sing them.”
“That’s the point. We don’t know them yet. But we will learn them.”
“There’s only one book,” Julia said at last, handing the book to her sister.
“We’ll share the book,” Thomas declared.
Miriam glanced at the cover. “This is definitely not Amish.” She didn’t seem disturbed by that, especially when Henry raised his eyebrow at her. “Not that anything is wrong with that, I suppose.”
Fanny stood her ground. “Your father would not approve.”
Ignoring Fanny’s objection, Benjamin moved so that he stood directly behind Julia. “Let’s pick one out. We can learn the words together.”
Julia watched as her sister turned a page, her eyes scanning the words of a hymn. Henry was far too close to Miriam and Julia scowled. As she turned away in disgust, she accidentally bumped into Benjamin. Smiling apologetically, she moved to the side, closer to Miriam so that she could position herself near Henry. “Where did you get this, Thomas?”
“Florida.” He paused. “From a Mennonite friend.”
Fanny raised an eyebrow. The way he said a Mennonite friend sounded suspiciously like it might be a woman. Perhaps that was why Timothy had sent Thomas home.
Henry moved behind the two Bontrager sisters. “Seems harmless enough,” he said as he reached over Julia’s shoulder and pointed to a page. “How ’bout this one, Julia? ‘Draw Us to Thee’?” When he withdrew his hand, his wrist brushed the side of her neck. From the way he smiled, Fanny was certain it wasn’t by accident.
When Julia blushed, Fanny responded by fidgeting and waiting for someone—anyone!—to say something to him. Instead, Mary laughed softly and Miriam fumed.
“You start, Thomas,” Mary said. “We can follow along if you sing it slowly.”
“I don’t like the idea one bit,” Elijah said as he raised his hand to rub his forehead.
Fanny’s silence was her dissent.
But Miriam and Julia eagerly agreed with Mary, and wanting to please his soon-to-be wife, Jeb joined along. Benjamin too showed no signs of disapproval, as his previous interest in singing Englische hymns had already been established when he showed a hymnbook to Elijah in the barn.
Elijah stood next to the kitchen table, watching with a look of disappointment on his face. Occasionally he would glance at Fanny, and for those moments, she felt connected to him.
That Elijah agreed with Fanny was not a surprise to her. Evidently he had thought long and hard about the hymnbook that Benjamin had presented to him in the barn. His resistance to the others meant that he agreed with Fanny, not them, that his father’s rule overruled his own curiosity.
In the Amish church obedience was everything. Whether complying with the Bible, the Ordnung, or the head of the house, Amish were expected, above all else, to obey. In all of her life Fanny had never refused to follow an order or directive, starting with her own parents, and once she moved to the Bontragers’ house, continuing with Timothy. If she disagreed with something, she would comply in silence. It was not her place to question the rules of those in charge, even if she did not like what they said.
Elijah was no different. It was the one thing about him that made everyone suspect that, one day, he might be nominated to become a preacher in the church. He rarely complained and always followed the rules. Even now, as he watched the rest of the gathering laugh and discuss how they would sing the Englische hymn, he appeared disheartened with their decision.
“Kum now, Elijah,” Mary said softly. She had left the others in the sitting area and joined Elijah by the table.
Fanny looked over her shoulder as Mary stood next to Elijah, her hand placed upon his arm. With her dark coloring and her deep blue dress, she looked particularly pretty, a fact that made Fanny’s heart begin to beat rapidly and her palms sweat.
“It’s just fun. Join us.”
Elijah lifted his chin and did not meet Mary’s eyes. “Nee, Mary. Not in my father’s house,” he said. “I will not do what I know my father would forbid.”
Henry laughed in a mocking sort of way. Miriam, overhearing what Elijah said, remarked, “Daed’s not here, now, is he?” Miriam smiled when Henry rewarded her mischievous comment with a wink.
Fanny grimaced at Miriam’s words as well as Henry’s flirtatious actions.
The more she saw of Henry, the more reasons she found to dislike him. Neither Julia nor Miriam seemed to realize that Henry was toying with them, and they often made fools of themselves in their attempts to vie for his attention. Henry in fact seemed to delight in their flirtatious antics, which grew so overt that even the normally clueless Jeb began to notice. Now with her back turned toward Jeb and her smile reserved for Henry alone, Miriam made no secret of her favor for the young man, a fact that Jeb seemed helpless to thwart.
After all, how could a young man control his fiancée?
With everyone crowded around Thomas so that they could try to see the words, they began to sing:
Draw us to Thee,
For then shall we
Walk in Thy steps forever
And hasten on
Where Thou art gone
To be with Thee, dear Savior.
Draw us to Thee,
Lord, lovingly;
Let us depart with gladness
That we may be
Forever free
From sorrow, grief, and sadness.
Draw us to Thee;
O grant that we
May walk the road to heaven!
Direct our way
Lest we should stray
And from Thy paths be driven.
Draw us to Thee
That also we
Thy heav’nly bliss inherit
And ever dwell
Where sin and hell
No more can vex our spirit.
Draw us to Thee
Unceasingly,
Into Thy kingdom take us;
Let us fore’er
Thy glory share,
Thy saints and joint heirs make us.
When they were finished, Mary tried one more time to coax Elijah. “See, Elijah? Everyone else is singing.” Once again she reached out to touch his arm. “Surely your daed would not be upset with singing praise to God.”
The way that she looked at him, her dark eyes so large and bright, seemed to melt away his determination to remain true to his moral compass. And Mary’s hand. It remained on his arm, just above his wrist, where his bare skin was exposed. Fanny bit the bottom corner of her lip, watching in disbelief as Elijah shifted his weight, moving ever so slightly in the direction of Mary.
“Elijah!” Fanny whispered. “You’re to be baptized in four weeks!”
For the first time in speaking to Elijah, Fanny’s words fell on deaf ears. He avoided looking at her. Instead, he maintained eye contact with Mary and gave the slightest nod of his head.
Unable to hold back, Fanny gasped.
Miriam shook her head. “Such a spoilsport, Fanny. Honestly!” she said, her tone light but cutting. She turned to Henry. “Isn’t she now?”
Henry did not respond, saving his scrutiny for Miriam at that moment. He let his eyes travel the course of her body and gave a wicked smile when she blushed. Fanny’s mouth opened in surprise and disgust, especially when Miriam did not move away from him.
With his decision made, Elijah moved away from the counter and joined the others who were already picking out the next hymn. Mary stood beside him, her hand still upon his wrist. When he looked at her before taking the hymnal from his brother, she rewarded him with a broad smile. “Wunderbarr!”
Fanny spun around on the bench, placing her elbows on the table and letting her head rest upon her hands. Her disappointment in Elijah’s choice caused her heart to ache. She had thought she knew Elijah, that he was her big “brother” and protector. Now, however, she couldn’t help but think that she barely knew him at all.
When the others began to sing, laughing when they missed a word or sang out of chorus, she stood up and quietly left the room. She wanted no part of their mischief. It was against the rules, and she refused to be coerced into disobeying the Ordnung—or Timothy—in order to please other people.
Outside, she wandered to the basket shed and lit a kerosene lantern. Rather than frolic in such a manner, Fanny decided she would put her time to better use. She could weave a few baskets, one of her favorite things to do anyway, and keep herself company by reciting Scripture in her head. Usually she enjoyed the peace of being alone. But this time the peace was broken by her disappointment in Elijah—of all people!—for not only had he sacrificed his values and beliefs, but he had done so for a woman like Mary Coblentz.
Chapter 8
OVER THE NEXT several weeks Thomas continued his antics, staying out late and failing to awake on time to help Elijah with the morning chores. When Fanny realized this, she began to slip downstairs at four in the morning to make a fresh pot of coffee before Elijah came downstairs.
“You’re up again, Fanny?” he said when he sat at the table one Thursday morning. She was preparing some coffee for them to drink before heading outside. “You really don’t have to keep helping me. It’s Thomas who should be up so early.”
Fanny shrugged. “I don’t mind. Honest, Elijah.”
He gave her a weary smile. “He’s been home several weeks now, ja?”
She didn’t answer, although she knew that it had been exactly two weeks. Two very long weeks.
“What does he do all day?” Elijah asked, more to himself than to her. “How can a man live with himself if he is not contributing to the well-being of the family? What sort of woman will ever want to marry a man with no constitution for work?”
Fanny bit her lower lip and turned away from Elijah. She wanted to reply that the same could be said for a woman who only wanted a husband who worked so that she would not have to. “Black, ja?” Fanny poured some coffee into a mug and walked over to set it before Elijah.
“You know it. But only in the morning, ja?” He wrapped his hand around the mug and lifted it to his lips. “Cream and sugar after chores.”
She smiled at him. “Black for the bitterness of waking before the sun and sweetened for the day after morning chores are done.”
“Ah, Fanny!” He smiled at her. “How well you know me! If only one day I could have a wife who is half as attentive as you are to my needs!”
If he noticed her smile fade, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he focused on putting on his boots so that, once he finished the coffee, he could head outside to begin preparing for the milking. Fanny, however, stood there in the kitchen for several minutes after he finally left the house.
The blind eye that he turned to her affection for him continued to surprise her. And while she initially wondered if he noticed at all, now she began to believe that he never would.
Outside, in the cool morning of mid-September, the birds were beginning to sing as the sky shifted from darkness to the tawny shades of dawn. Fanny walked to the dairy barn, already hearing Elijah talking to the cows, his voice barely audible over their soft moos as they waited for the morning routine to begin.
“Everything ready then?” she asked as she climbed through the gate to the pen.
“Ja, just need to ring them on down to me like usual. Hay’s out in the field for when they’re done.”
She nodded and, without needing to be told what to do, carefully made her way toward the back of the barn. She would herd the cows into the milking area, two on each side of the pit where Elijah would be waiting. Once the cows could not move further, Fanny would shut the gate behind them. With nowhere to move, the cows were ready for milking.
Fanny leaned against the gate and watched as Elijah sterilized their udders before placing the milking cups on them. The machine made a rhythmic clicking noise as the pump slowly pulled the milk from the cows’ udders. She could watch Elijah in peace while he worked. His focus was on the cows and not what she was doing. As he tended to each cow, he talked to it in a soft voice, occasionally running his hand across its stomach as he placed the milking cups onto its udder.
And, despite his inability to recognize her feelings for him, as she watched him Fanny still thought he was the best of men.
With the harvest brought in and last field of hay cut, there was more time for visiting in the afternoons. While Fanny didn’t mind spending time with Elijah, she did mind the fact that the Coblentzes made their way over to the Bontragers’ farm too frequently in her opinion. The way that Henry continued to trifle with both of her cousins did not go unnoticed by Fanny, and while she wasn’t one to speak her thoughts out loud, she made her displeasure known by remaining silent in his company. She could barely watch as Henry flirted with Julia one minute and then engaged in teasing discourse with Miriam the next.
On three separate occasions Jeb arrived to come calling on Miriam only to find himself displaced by Henry. The scowl on his face clearly expressed his disapproval of seeing Henry engaged in conversation with Miriam. But once Jeb arrived, Henry would immediately shift his attention to Julia, which seemed to suit her well enough.
Benjamin often joined the group too, seemingly eager to steal Julia’s attention when Henry was engrossed with Mi
riam. As Fanny watched the awkward dynamics of the group, she could only thank the good Lord that she usually had reason to stay away from the gatherings. Naomi often gave her so much work to do that she could easily escape to the shed or the garden.
Of course, the worst part was observing as Mary continued to exploit Elijah’s affections.
If she felt any thirst, Elijah would fetch her some water. If she wanted to stretch her legs, he was the first to offer to accompany her. While Thomas sometimes joined the young visitors, he did not seem to take any particular interest in Mary. Instead, he much preferred to leave in the early evening hours to visit with his own friends, rather than court a young woman.
And that left Mary with only one other person’s attention to misuse for her own gain: Elijah.
“Come sit with us, Fanny,” Mary said to Fanny.
It was early evening on a Saturday. They were all seated around the picnic table, a small open fire burning in a makeshift fire pit that Elijah and Benjamin had made from river rocks. Henry had not offered to help, claiming that he wore a new shirt that he preferred not to soil, and Jeb remained by Miriam’s side, not trusting either one of them if he were to leave to cart back the rocks.
“Nee, I cannot,” Fanny said as she walked from the barn, a bucket full of fresh milk in each hand. “Naomi wants me to make cheese this afternoon.”
“Cheese?” Mary laughed and looked at Elijah. “Why, Fanny, that’s such a long process to make cheese. It’s so much easier to simply go purchase it at the store.”
She stumbled over one of the rocks that had been carelessly left on the path. Henry stepped forward to grab her arm so that she neither fell nor dropped one of the buckets.
“Careful there, Fanny,” he said, his lips so close to her ear that she could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck.
She pulled away from him, eager to escape his touch, but her manners prevailed so she thanked him. “Danke. I’m fine,” she said, refusing to look at his face.
“I see that,” he mumbled under his breath. The hidden intonation of his words made her suddenly look up, startled to see him staring at her with the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes.