by SJ McCoy
“I’m not, I’m trying to be super objective about this. I’m just not a loving person. I’m not warm and mushy. I’m the kind of person who gets shit done. I don’t have time for excuses and failures, and I suppose I don’t have time for affection and feelings, either.”
Chance shook his head. “That’s not true. I’ve known you less than a day and I know that’s not true.”
“How? You can’t know that.”
He nodded. She had feelings; she might be scared of them, but she had them. “I do know that. I can’t tell you how, but I do.” His heart was racing in his chest. He might not be able to tell her how he knew, but he could show her. The way she’d been around him this evening had proved what he’d suspected this afternoon—she cared about him. She had feelings for him that she wanted to explore—just like he had feelings for her. He’d come over here tonight wanting to prove to himself that he didn’t really, but he’d been wrong. He had feelings for her. Strong ones that he’d like to explore, but he wasn’t going to force the issue on her right now just to prove his point. He smiled, forcing himself to back down. “Maybe we’re two of a kind. Maybe I’m just projecting my stuff onto you. But I think you feel, you’re not cold, you’re not hard, any more than I am. You might be scared. You might just be closed off, but you feel. I know it, and I think you do, too.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ve spent most of my life closed off, because when I let myself feel, I feel too much.”
Chance raised his glass. “Cheers, honey. I can sure as hell drink to that.”
She smiled and raised her glass.
~ ~ ~
Hope couldn’t help but wish he’d tell her something about himself. As she watched him drain the last of his wine from his glass, she knew he had a story to tell—a reason why he could sure as hell drink to that. She’d opened up, told him what was going on in her life, but she knew he wasn’t about to do the same. She emptied her own glass and smiled. “And that’s why we’re both loners, right? It’s easier not to feel anything than to feel too much.”
The pain in his eyes when he met her gaze took her breath away. “No, not feeling anything sounds like it might be a good place to be, but I’ve never been there. For me, I still feel too much for a past that’s gone. I can’t open up to the present or to a future because I don’t want to let go of everything I feel for the past.”
She nodded as her heart sank. It surprised her to realize that she’d been hoping he might feel something for her, but, in that moment, she knew it was impossible. What he was saying wasn’t just words; he wasn’t explaining himself to her in the hopes she might understand. He was simply stating his reality. She smiled sadly. She had a feeling she knew what his story was. He’d been in love. He’d had his heart broken. What woman would ever walk away from him? “She must be crazy.”
His eyes narrowed. His lips pressed together into a thin line. To say he’d shut down would be the biggest understatement ever. He was gone.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to criticize. It’s obvious you still love her. I just don’t understand how or why she would leave you.”
His face relaxed a little, but there was still so much pain etched into the lines around his eyes. “I do still love her. I always will. It wasn’t her fault.”
Hope didn’t know what to say. She could see that he didn’t want to believe this woman was to blame for breaking his heart, but as far as she was concerned, everyone was responsible for the choices they made. She didn’t need to push her opinion on him, though. “Maybe she’ll change her mind?”
He lifted his head slowly and met her gaze. “She can’t. She’s dead.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Damn. Why hadn’t she thought of that possibility? He’d lost the woman he loved and here she’d been saying she must be crazy to have left him. “I’m so sorry … I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay. You couldn’t know.” He gave her the slightest hint of a smile. “Anyway. What are you going to do with yourself now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you just broke up with the guy you’ve been living with. You’ve got a two-week break away from your real life. What are you going to do with it? And what are you going to do when you go home?”
“I don’t know. Until this afternoon, I thought I was going to spend my time walking the beach and thinking. I feel like I need to get my head straight. This whole thing with Drew has been a wake-up call. I was drifting through life, apparently not engaged with my relationship, and definitely not aware of the people around me. I could do so much to help, and even when it was right under my nose that I could help Toby’s mom, it didn’t even occur to me. I sat here feeling sorry myself this afternoon, thinking that I’d just have to spend my time working since I won’t be able to get around and walk much, but after a while I realized that maybe I still just need to make the most of this time and do some soul-searching. Even the idea that I need to walk on the beach while I think about things is pretty self-indulgent. I can sit right here on my ass and think if I want to.”
Chance chuckled. “Yep, I guess you can. The idea of a sea breeze blowing in your hair is nice, but it’s not exactly necessary, is it?”
“No, far from it. And what about you?” She wanted to know, so she decided to ask while he was smiling again. “What are you going to be doing with yourself for the next two weeks?”
He met her gaze. How she wished she knew what was going on behind those light blue eyes. He shrugged. “I’ll be going in to see my dad most days.” He sighed. “I’m in the same boat as you, I suppose. I envisioned myself walking the beach, thinking, taking stock, doing some soul-searching …” His voice trailed off and he looked away.
“You can still do that, can’t you?”
He looked back at her and nodded. “I can, it’s not like I twisted my ankle or anything, but now that I’m here, the reality is a bit different than I imagined. I can’t see myself wandering around down there for two whole weeks. I thought it was going to be cathartic somehow, that I’d walk the beach and somehow, I’d be healed. But when I was down there, there was no magic, there was just me, and the same old thoughts I always have.”
She smiled. “Until this dumb chick showed up and tried to break her ankle in front of you.”
He smiled back. “That was the highlight of my day.”
“It was?”
He nodded. “Well, not seeing you fall, but the getting to carry you up the steps part.”
She lifted her gaze slowly to meet his. “I liked that part, too.” She wished he’d pick her up again now. She’d love for him to hold her close to his chest again—love to wrap her arms around his neck.
He smiled. For a moment, he looked like he was about to say something, but then he stood up. He carried the dishes through to the kitchen. “Is your bedroom on this level?”
She sucked in a deep breath. Apparently, he was thinking along the same lines she was—only taking it a little further. “I … err.”
He laughed and came back to stand in front of her. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. That came out all wrong. I should get going, I just wanted to make sure you’re going to be able to sleep somewhere comfortable. If your room is upstairs, I’ll fetch you a blanket or something before I go so you can sleep on the sofa.”
She covered her eyes with her hands. Boy, did she feel stupid! “It’s okay. There’s one on this floor, I should be able to hobble there no problem.”
“You’re sure?”
She nodded. “Yep. You’ll forgive me if I don’t see you to the door?”
“I will. And I’ll be sure to lock it on the way out.”
“Thanks.”
He smiled and picked up his hat from where he’d hung it on one of the chairs. “Thanks for dinner, then. Goodnight.”
He turned and was gone before she had chance to reply. He seemed to be good at sudden exits. She closed her eyes and blew out a sigh—that was probably a good thing.
She had a feeling she would have made a fool of herself if he’d stuck around any longer.
Chapter Eight
Chance walked across the parking lot of the clinic. He was looking forward to seeing his dad. He’d spent most of the day holed up at the cottage reading. He hadn’t wanted to walk on the beach; it didn’t feel right somehow. He had wanted to go and check on Hope, but that had seemed like a bad idea. She affected him too much. He’d had to get out of there last night after he’d told her that carrying her home had been the highlight of his day, especially after she’d admitted it had been the highlight of hers, too. Some crazy part of him had wanted to pick her up in his arms again. Only this time he’d wanted to carry her to bed. He couldn’t go there. They’d spent the evening talking, admitting to each other that they were a mess. They’d both confessed that when it came to feelings, they felt too much. He’d decided it was best not to be around her.
When he reached the front doors of the clinic, he hesitated when he spotted Dr. Johnny talking to a guy in the reception area. Hope had said she talked to Dr. Johnny about him. He didn’t want to get into an inquisition about how they’d met. It didn’t look like he’d have any choice though. The guy looked up when the automatic doors opened and Dr. Johnny followed his gaze. He smiled and waved when he spotted Chance.
“Good afternoon. I should probably introduce the two of you. Chance, this is Toby. Toby, this is the guy you were asking me about yesterday, Chance Malone.”
Toby offered his hand, but eyed Chance warily as they shook. “Nice to meet you.”
Chance nodded. “You too.”
“If you’ll excuse me, I have to get to a meeting,” said Dr. Johnny. He smiled at Chance. “I’ll come to check in on you and your dad when I’m done. He’s doing very well.” He nodded at Toby. “I told you, you had nothing to worry about.”
Chance had to wonder whether he was referring to Toby’s mom or to Chance himself. They both watched Dr. Johnny walk away before turning back to look at each other.
“Thanks for taking care of her yesterday,” said Toby. “She would have been well and truly stuck without you.”
Chance nodded. He’d wondered what this Toby might be like. He seemed like a good guy; Chance had pretty good instincts about people. “I’m just glad I was there.” He didn’t know what else to say.
Toby looked uncomfortable, too. “I’m going to head out there to see her this evening.”
Chance’s heart sank. It was only realizing that now he couldn’t, that made him admit to himself that he’d been thinking about going back to see her this evening. “Give her my best.”
Toby raised an eyebrow and gave him a questioning look. “You’re not going to see her again?”
Chance frowned and managed to stop himself from asking what business it was of Toby’s. He was a friend and he was looking out for her; that made it his business, and Chance knew it.
Toby smiled, making Chance relax a little. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business. It’s just, I spoke to her this morning. She really enjoyed dinner last night, and I know she’s hoping she’ll see you again.”
Chance smiled. He couldn’t help it. “She is?”
Toby smiled back. “She is. She’d probably kill me for telling you, but I don’t know, it really isn’t any of my business, but she sounded happy when she told me about you. That hasn’t happened in a long time—if ever.” His smile faded. “I know she wouldn’t want you to go back out of some sense of obligation. If you’re not going to see her again, I’ll just tell her that, I can’t watch her waiting and hoping.” He raised an eyebrow. “Should I tell her that?”
“No.”
“Good. Maybe I’ll see you around?”
“Maybe.”
Once Toby had gone, Chance realized he was standing in the reception grinning to himself. He pulled himself together and made his way to his dad’s room.
“Chance.” Alice smiled and got to her feet when she saw him standing in the doorway. She’d been sitting in a big armchair by the window, and to Chance’s dismay, his dad was sleeping on the bed.
Alice took hold of his hand when she reached him and led him back out into the corridor. “Don’t look like that. He’s doing great. He’s not asleep because he’s sick, it’s only because he’s plain worn out. They work them so hard in here, and you know what your dad’s like. He has to work harder and do more than anyone else.”
Chance smiled. “Okay, if he’s that kind of tired, then I’m happy. It just struck me wrong to see him asleep like that. I’m thinking of him being here to make progress, to do better, you know? And seeing him asleep in bed like that took me back to seeing him in the hospital when he first had his stroke.” He shuddered. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
Alice smiled and linked her arm through his. “Well, it isn’t anything like that. So, you just put that out of your head. He’s doing great, working hard, and honestly, I don’t see how this could not help him, but even if it didn’t do anything for him physically, it’s great for him mentally. His whole attitude has changed since we got here.”
Chance nodded and patted her hand. They hadn’t known her long; she’d only come to take care of his dad after his stroke, but she felt like family. He was glad that his dad had her around, and if he was honest, he was glad she was there for him, too. “It sounds like he’s getting back to himself.” He smiled down at her. “You’re going to have to watch yourself. You’ve never known him in good form, have you?”
She laughed. “As far as I’m concerned, he’s been in good form the whole time I’ve known him. I can’t wait to see what he’s like when he’s feeling even better. I feel bad that you’ve had this trip over here to see him and he’s asleep. I don’t want to wake him, if you don’t mind. He’s had a big day and I’d like him to get all the rest he can.”
“No worries at all. And besides, I didn’t only come to see him. I wanted to make sure you’re doing okay as well. Do you have everything you need? Do you want me to pick up anything from the store for you?”
She smiled. “You’re such a sweetie, Chance. You might have most folk fooled with your strong, silent, surly act, but you don’t fool me. You’ve got a heart of gold hidden away in there somewhere, don’t you?”
He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to give her his most forbidding look, but he couldn’t pull it off. He was smiling. “Nah, I’m no good really, Alice, don’t you go fooling yourself. I’m everything they say I am and worse. I just have a soft spot for you, so you’re safe.”
She laughed. “Whatever you say, Chance. And thanks, but we’ve got everything we need here. This place is so good, they think of everything. And they have a little convenience store just by the reception, too. You don’t need to be going shopping for me, I’ve got everything I need. You’d do better to take yourself out to dinner, have a cold beer or two and enjoy yourself, for once. Relax, kick back a bit. From what I can make out, you rarely get a chance to do that.” She winked at him. “Who knows, you might even meet a nice girl.”
Chance shook his head at her. “I’m here to support you guys, not to …” He didn’t know how to finish, so he didn’t.
“You can do both, you know. It’d do you good.” Alice gave him a stern look. “You know how happy your dad is to see Missy married and settled down with Dan. You can imagine what it’d do for him to see you find a good woman.” She stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry. I got carried away. I know why you don’t want to find someone.” She looked so sad as she met his gaze. “I just want to see you happy, Chance. I want to see you live a full life. And forgive me for saying it, but I know your Chloe would want that for you, too.”
Chance swallowed—hard—and nodded. He wasn’t going to attempt to answer her. He sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out. For years, he would’ve bitten anyone’s head off if they’d dared to say such a thing to him. Hell, he and his dad hadn’t spoken for years over something similar, and here was Alice, a woman he’d only known for a short time and he was l
etting her say it. Not only that, but he was grateful for her saying it. She only said it because she cared. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to his side. “Thanks, Alice. It’s okay. Maybe someday I’ll get there.” He looked down into her eyes. “I’m better than I used to be.”
She reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I know. Even I can see that. You’ve come a long way just in the time I’ve known you. I’m just greedy, I guess. I want it all for you. I want to see you happy.”
“I know.” He hugged her to him, grateful that she’d come into their lives.
The sound of someone clearing their throat behind them made him turn to look. Dr. Johnny gave him an apologetic smile and Chance knew he wasn’t just here to update him on his dad’s progress.
Alice beamed at him. “Chance, this man is a true gift from God. He’s wonderful.”
Chance smiled. “I have to say he’s about my favorite person in the world right about now.”
Dr. Johnny smiled. “That’s quite a compliment, thank you. I’m hoping that your feeling that way might help me out.”
Chance cocked his head to one side, wondering what was coming.
“I understand you met my niece, Hope, yesterday.”
Chance nodded and refused to meet Alice’s gaze as she swung her head to look up at him.
“I’m wondering if you wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on her while you’re here?”
Chance smiled. “Sure. I think she’s going to be fine, though. The swelling seemed to go down quickly after we iced it.” Oh, shit! The look on Dr. Johnny’s face told him he had no clue what he was talking about. Hope had said she’d talked to her uncle yesterday and Chance had assumed it might have been about her ankle—apparently not.
“What happened? And why didn’t she tell me?”
Chance shrugged. “Like I said, it really wasn’t that bad. I’m sure she just didn’t want to worry you. She fell while she was running on the beach and twisted her ankle. I helped her get home—that’s how we met.”