Within These Walls

by J. L. Berg

  He made me sit the entire time, but I managed to help wash potatoes and chop them up. Once again, we made a good team, working in tandem as we talked and laughed. A day hadn’t gone by where I didn’t learn something new about him, and vice versa. Every little new thing I’d learned was like falling in love with him all over again.

  Dinner was fantastic, and I thought even Jude was pleasantly surprised. I offered to help clean up, and he adamantly turned me down. He picked me up and settled me onto the couch to rest. I watched TV until I heard the dishwasher start running, and then I felt his fingers slide up my legs.

  “Do you want to watch a movie?” he asked.

  “No,” I answered, shutting the TV off.

  I placed the remote on the floor and gently moved my feet before coming up onto my knees. I crawled over to where he was sitting. He silently watched as I moved over him. I slowly straddled his waist while his hands found my bare skin.

  “Are you sure, Lailah?” he asked, his voice heavy with emotion.

  “Yes.”

  The second the word was spoken, his mouth came down on mine—devouring, licking, and tasting me. With his hand around my waist, he stood, and I coiled my legs around him. Our kissing briefly faltered as he stopped along the way to his bedroom to press me against the hallway wall to remove his shirt.

  After he stumbled us into the bedroom, he placed me down on the bed. It was the first time I’d seen him completely shirtless, and I took it all in. The dark scrolling pattern going up his forearm continued over his massive bicep and went around his shoulder. I wanted to trace it with my fingers and lick it with my tongue.

  “You need to stop looking at me like that,” he warned, his expression hooded.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you want to eat me.”

  “I kind of do,” I admitted, my hands snaking up his chiseled torso.

  “Jesus, Lailah,” he growled as he hovered above me on his knees. “You’re going to kill me.”

  Fingers danced along the edge of my shirt, lifting it slightly, and he bent down to kiss the exposed skin. His hands slid underneath the fabric and skimmed up the sides of my body with the shirt. I helped, lifting slightly, so he could remove it the rest of the way.

  “I need to see all of you,” he said as his eyes hungrily took in my simple cotton bra.

  There was no staring at the large red scar running down my chest before disappearing into my bra. There were no gasps or dodgy eyes. He looked at me like I was a woman. I wasn’t broken and weak in his eyes. I was beautiful, sexy, and sensual.

  He removed my shorts, sliding them down my legs, as he placed greedy kisses along my thighs and calves. His eyes wandered up my body, and he watched me as I reached behind and unhooked my bra.

  “You’re exquisite,” he whispered. Leaning forward, he ran his hands over my thighs, teasing the sensitive flesh, then over my hip bones, and across my rib cage until he was palming my breasts. When he pinched my nipple, I moaned, squeezing my thighs together to prolong the pleasure.

  He gave me a wicked grin, hooking his fingers into the waistband of my panties, and he slowly dragged them down, removing the last piece of clothing from my body. They fell onto the floor, and his hands drew a lazy path up the inside of my thighs, parting my legs, so he could move in between.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, so we’re going to go slow,” he said.

  His lips closed over the tight bud of my nipple. His tongue made circles over my rosy flesh, and I gasped out loud when his fingers skimmed my sensitive core.

  “Oh God!” I cried as his thumb rubbed my clit.

  “Shit, touching isn’t enough. I need to taste you again,” he growled against me.

  He crawled down my body, kissing a wet path as he went. The second his tongue touched my slick folds, I instinctively pushed against him, needing more.

  “That’s it, angel. Take what you need.”

  I heard him groan as his mouth licked and sucked at my core, and I writhed and moved against him. Tightening in my belly and tingling up my spine like I’d never experienced before intensified until I was pawing at the sheets and crying out his name. His hands clamped down on my thighs, making me helpless, and then he sucked down hard on my clit. I saw stars, and I might have traveled to another universe.

  He crawled up my body and tenderly brushed the hair from my face, and then he bent down to kiss me. “Ideally, I’d love to do that about two more times to make sure you’re really ready, but I’m afraid that might kill you in the process,” he said with a small grin.

  “I’m ready,” I answered.

  His grin disappeared, and he became more serious as he stared into my eyes. “What’s your number one?” he asked as his hand drew shapes down my arm.

  “You’ve already fulfilled it,” I answered, evading the question.

  “What is it, Lailah?”

  “To fall in love,” I finally answered, looking up at his eyes with a questioning expression.

  Wordlessly, his lips crashed down onto mine, branding me with his kiss. I felt his body lift as he shed his clothes. My hands curled around the curve of his butt and pulled him back down. Skin on skin, his soft green gaze sliced through me, and I knew the depth of his love even without the declaration.

  He loves me.

  I felt him hard and ready against me, and my heart raced in anticipation.

  “I need you to tell me if I’m hurting you. If you feel weak or—”

  “Jude,” I said, gripping his arm, “I’m not going to break. Please, make love to me.”

  His eyes softened and warmed. “Always,” he vowed.

  Reaching into the drawer by the bed, he grabbed one of the condoms he’d bought as a precaution. I had a birth control implant in my arm for years, but considering pregnancy was basically a death sentence for me, he wasn’t taking any chances. I watched as he broke the wrapper open with his teeth and pulled the condom out. The whole process kind of fascinated me. I couldn’t help myself from reaching out to help him, and I started to put it on. His strangled gasp startled me, and I quickly pulled away.

  “Having you touch me is like tugging on a pin of a grenade. I’m about to explode,” he said, taking my hand back to his cock.

  I wrapped my small fingers around his large girth and watched as his eyes closed, and his head fell back.

  “Stroke it,” he commanded.

  I moved my fisted hand up his bare shaft and back down again. He groaned, and his eyes flew open.

  “I need to be inside you.” Taking over, he quickly finished sheathing himself with the condom and pushed me back onto the mattress.

  Our eyes collided as I felt the tip of him hit my wet core.

  “Say it, Lailah. I want to hear the words.”

  He pushed in slightly, and I felt my body tighten around him.

  “I love you,” I said.

  He moved slowly, inch by inch. “Again,” he demanded.

  I felt him enter me completely. There was a slight pain, but when he pulled back, slowly moving inside me, it quickly changed from pain to pleasure.

  “I love you,” I moaned.

  His head fell, and he kissed my neck as he pushed my knee forward. It changed the pleasurable feeling to intense, smoking-hot bliss. I cried out, gripping his shoulders, as he began to thrust slow and deep into me.

  His body was magnificent, even more so when it was making love to me. He moved with grace and raw masculine power. Every thrust was exotic and thrilling to watch. I ran my hands everywhere—over the curves of his butt, the deep V of his hips, and around the wide expanse of his shoulders.

  His mouth returned to mine, his tongue moving in the same rhythm as his body. A hand snaked between us and went to the sensitive spot between my thighs, pressing down, as he moved against me. Every time he slammed into my willing body, his thumb hit my throbbing clit.

  “Oh God, I’m going to…” I cried, feeling everything in my body tighten.

  He moved faster, harder, and our
bodies began slapping together in a fast-paced tempo. I climaxed, and my body tightened around Jude just as I felt him go rigid above me. Groaning, he kissed me furiously.

  Some time later, he got up and went into the bathroom to get rid of the condom. When he returned, he collapsed onto the bed and tucked me into his side. I wrapped my legs around his and kissed his chest. We cuddled while talking, laughing, and kissing into the late hours.

  “I want to take you somewhere tomorrow,” he said.

  I started to feel sleep taking me under.

  “Okay,” I answered with a yawn.

  His fingers gently stroked my hair, and his warm lips on my forehead were the last things I remembered before I fell asleep.

  SLEEP HAD NEVER come easily to me in this place. Ever since the night I had rushed into the ER, cuts and bruises scattered across my body as I’d screamed Megan’s name, the ability to drift out of consciousness and find peace had eluded me.

  If I was being honest with myself, sleep and I hadn’t been friends for quite a long time before the accident. I couldn’t count the number of sunsets I’d watched blaze into the horizon, morning after morning, as I had counted down the days until graduation. It had felt like doomsday. The clock had been ticking, and freedom would soon be over. Like most of our friends, Megan had been thrilled. After four years, we had almost been done. All our hard work had paid off, and after crossing that stage with a fancy degree in hand, we would be set to go out and tackle the world—together.

  Late at night, I would hold her as she slept. I’d watch the way the moonlight hit her dark chestnut hair and the way a small smile formed on her lips as she dreamed. I would watch her, and I’d worry. I’d worry about everything I’d so neatly kept from her over the years. As far as she had known, I was going to work for my dad. It had been what most of our friends were doing as well, so it should have been no big deal. Except, I wouldn’t have been going to work for my dad. I would have been handing my freedom over to him on a silver fucking platter. He’d shown me the status of the company, and we hadn’t been doing well. They had been counting on me to turn things around, and it wouldn’t have happened overnight.

  My life had been about to change drastically, and I hadn’t even told her.

  Would she have hated me? Would she have resented me for bringing her blind into a situation?

  I had planned on telling her everything after our trip to Hawaii, but I’d never gotten the chance.

  She’d died, believing our life would have been perfect, and God willing, I would have given everything to make it so.

  Am I making the same mistake with Lailah by withholding the truth about Megan’s accident?

  As the first light from morning cast its rays through the bedroom window, I looked down at the angel sleeping in my arms. Her long blonde strands fell across her body like a golden silk sheet, and I couldn’t stop myself from bending down to kiss her bare skin.

  Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled.

  “Good morning,” she said softly, her voice still groggy from sleep.

  “Morning,” I replied. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “You can wake me like that anytime.” She grinned shyly, stretching her body in an innocent way that looked anything but. Her arms went above her head, which accentuated her bare breasts and hips. She arched her back and lifted her knees while she let out a small sigh.

  “What?” she asked as she curled back into me.

  “That was the sexiest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

  “What was? Me stretching?” she asked. “You’re insane.”

  Reaching out, I placed my hand on top of hers and guided it across my stomach and down to the apex of my thighs, letting her fingers brush against my sensitive skin under the sheets. When fingertips reached my hard and ready cock, she gasped.

  “Does that feel insane to you?” I asked.

  I didn’t expect her to answer my question by touching me nor had I anticipated her eager small hands to boldly reach out and grip my shaft.

  “Shit!” I cursed through my teeth.

  Her hand stilled, and she looked up at me. “Was that wrong? Am I supposed to grip it harder…or softer? I’m sorry. I suck at this, don’t I?”

  Her hand was still gripping me, and I was going to pass out soon if she didn’t start moving her palm again.

  “You know I love it when you babble. It’s damn cute. So, please don’t get mad at me when I say this, babe,” I said before pausing. I waited until she met my gaze. “Shut up, and for the love of God, please keep going.”

  Red stained her cheeks, and a sly grin spread across her face. “Like this?” she asked as her blessed hand moved back up my dick and slid back down.

  My head fell back as I groaned. “Yes,” I answered.

  I was so completely taken by the feeling of her hand moving up and down my cock to notice that she was moving, shifting around, until her body was facing me. I felt her knees brush against my thighs as she straddled me, and I looked up.

  “Those books you got me in the library,” she started, rubbing a slow circle with her thumb on my sensitive tip. “They were very educational in certain areas of study…and I’d like to, um…try something,” she said, the blush spreading further down her neck.

  “I thought we were going to read those books together,” I joked, positioning myself up on my elbows so that I could watch her stroke me.

  “Maybe later,” she replied. “But I wanted to read a couple first by myself.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  She leaned forward, her eyes still trained on me. “So I could learn to do things like this,” she answered.

  She bent forward, and I watched her tongue dart out before licking my shaft from root to tip.

  “Holy fuck!” I shouted as her warm, wet mouth closed over my cock.

  Eyes the color of ocean water met mine as her mouth moved up and down, her cheeks hollowing as she sucked and licked. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing or doubting herself. She was fierce and confident as she loved me. I watched every single second, and it was sexy as hell.

  “I need to be inside you, Lailah,” I managed to say.

  One last lick, and she was crawling up my body, scattering kisses up my torso and chest. Her hair fell forward as soft pink lips found mine, and a beautiful sun-kissed cocoon of golden strands surrounded us.

  I reached into the drawer next to the bed and grabbed a condom from the box I’d bought. This was something I would never forget. I’d read Lailah’s chart backward and forward. I knew the risks if we ever forgot this simple step. Other men could risk an accidental pregnancy with their girlfriends but not me, not when it could kill her.

  Reaching down between us, I slid on the condom and then brushed my fingers along the inside of her thighs. She was already wet and ready for me.

  “Are you sore?” I asked, softly rubbing my thumb over her clit.

  “No,” she answered softly, the blush slowly returning to her cheeks.

  She’d just given me a blow job—her first, no less— that had damn near killed me, and she was now blushing over the mere mention of us making love last night.

  The pads of my fingers danced across her pink cheekbones. “Never lose this. I love the way you look when you blush,” I said, gazing up at her.

  I positioned myself and joined our two bodies together once again. Her look of pure rapture would stay with me until the day I died. Her eyes unfocused as she pushed back against me.

  “That’s it, angel,” I coaxed.

  Her hips began to grind back and forth against me. My hands ghosted up her thighs and wrapped around her waist as I sat up. I wanted to touch her everywhere, all at once, and brand myself to every inch of her skin. Being inside her, feeling her wrapped tightly around me as she wound her body around mine, felt like coming home. She was the solace I hadn’t realized I was searching for. She gave me strength and peace and a reason to watch the sun rise again.

  She continued to ri
de me as I met her thrust for thrust while I gripped her shoulders and slammed into her with wild abandon. Always conscious of her health and how quickly she could get tired, I grabbed her and flipped us, so she was on her back against the mattress. Eyes locked, she wrapped her legs around me as we moved together. She moaned and cried out as my thumb grazed the sensitive flesh of her clit.

  “Oh God, I’m going to come!” she screamed seconds before she tightened around my cock. She broke apart, shaking and crying out my name.

  It was like music to my fucking ears.

  Every thrust I made while she climaxed sent me spiraling closer and closer to my own release. As the orgasm took over her body, she squeezed my cock like a vise until I lost control, slamming into her. Fireworks exploded as my body came so hard that I collapsed down beside her.

  Lying on my side, I lightly kissed the smooth curve of her shoulder before reaching up to briefly touch my lips to hers.

  “You said you wanted to take me somewhere today,” she said.

  I smiled. “Yes, I do. But first, I think we need to make a trip to the library.”

  Her eyes widened as her lips rounded with humored shock. A pillow was launched at my face seconds later.

  Probably deserved that.

  “Why are we back at the hospital?” Lailah asked as we pulled into the familiar parking lot.

  “This is where I wanted to take you,” I answered before stepping out of the car.

  I went around the front to grab her door.

  “You know I’ve been here a few times before, right?”

  She smiled as I took her hand, and we headed toward the entrance.

  “Yes, smart-ass, I know that, but you haven’t been to where I’m taking you.” I brought our joined hands to my lips, and I kissed each knuckle.

  As we approached the double doors, I stopped and turned toward her. “This is something I need to do…” I started before taking a long deep breath. “To move forward. I want you to be with me.”

  Her expression turned tender, and she nodded. “Of course. I don’t want to be anywhere else,” she answered.

  She silently followed behind me as we made our way through the hospital and down to the lonely long hallway I’d claimed as my own. When we reached the wide wooden beach, I stopped and turned to face the closed door of my past.