by Adele Abbott
“You’ve never looked after young kids, have you, Jack?”
“No, but how difficult can it be?”
Men? Clueless. Every last one of them.
Jack had made dinner, so it was my turn to do the washing up. The sooner we bought a dishwasher, the better.
“Have you looked at this, Jill?” Jack was sitting at the kitchen table.
“What is it?”
“The wedding gift list for Deli and Nails’ wedding?”
“Not yet.” I’d deliberately ignored it ever since Mad had dropped it off.
“There are some very strange things on here.” He flicked through the pages.
“Such as?”
“All of the gift lists I’ve ever seen have included things like toasters, wine racks, cutlery, and that sort of thing. This one has an electric toenail clipper, and a home tanning studio.”
“I did warn you about this wedding. We should have declined the invitation like I wanted to. You’ve got a rude awakening coming.”
“I’m sure you’re exaggerating, Jill. You usually do. So? What do you think? The toenail clipper or the home tanning studio?”
Chapter 4
Thank goodness Mr Ivers wasn’t on duty at the toll bridge the next morning. I don’t think I could have handled another dose of Ivy. I was half way to work when I realised that I needed to call in and buy salmon for Winky. Five tins ought to be enough.
I’d just parked the car when my phone rang.
“Jill, I just wanted to check that Jack is still coming around to pick the kids up tonight?”
“Morning to you too, Kathy. Yes, I’m okay, thanks for asking.”
“Sorry. I’m just excited about the show tonight. I don’t want anything to spoil it. You and Jack are still okay to have the kids, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Jack can’t wait.”
“What about you?”
“I’m counting the minutes. Are they going to bring some toys with them?”
“We bought some retro board games at the weekend. We thought it would be a good idea for them to bring those. That way you and Jack can play with them.”
“Retro board games?”
“You know—Snakes and Ladders, Ludo, that kind of thing.”
“Why would anyone want to play those? They’re boring.”
“You only think they’re boring because you lost every time we played when you were a kid.”
“I did not lose every time.”
“The only time you didn’t lose was when you cheated.”
“I’ve never cheated at board games.”
“You have a selective memory, Jill. Can’t you remember when Dad sent you to bed early because you’d been sneaking money out of the Monopoly box?”
“I was framed.”
“If you say so. I’ll see you tonight, then.”
***
When I walked into the office, Mrs V glanced up, but didn’t speak. Instead, she went back to her typing. Her desk looked different, and it took me a few moments to realise why. There were no knitting needles or crochet hooks, or even balls of wool to be seen.
“Morning, Mrs V. How are you?”
“Good morning. Very well, thank you,” she said, without once looking up from the computer screen.
“Why aren’t you knitting today, Mrs V?”
“I’m rather too busy for knitting.”
Jules had been right. Mrs V wasn’t herself at all. Too busy to knit? Something was definitely amiss.
Winky was reading his hypnosis book, but put it down when I walked into my office.
“She’s been at it again,” he said. “The old bag lady was in here earlier, rifling through your drawers.”
“Are you sure?”
“I suppose it could have been a kangaroo. Of course, I’m sure. She’s acting really weird, that one.”
He was right. Mrs V wasn’t herself, and I needed to find out why. But first, I had to give Winky his salmon and cream.
“There you go, boy.”
“How very kind. You really shouldn’t have.”
For the rest of the morning, Winky had a stupid, self-satisfied smirk on his face, but I couldn’t work out why. He was definitely up to something. I would have to keep my wits about me.
I needed coffee, but with Mrs V being in the mood she was, I didn’t like to ask her to make it. And anyway, a bit of fresh air would be good for me. I walked down the high street to Coffee Triangle. I’d checked beforehand—it was tambourine day, so the noise levels shouldn’t be too off-putting. Outside Ever A Wool Moment, there was a crowd of people, staring and pointing at the window. What marketing promotion had Grandma come up with this time?
I managed to push my way through to the front of the crowd, and could now see what all the fuss was about. Grandma had once again surpassed herself. The window display had been turned over to a promotion for Dragon Wool, which according to the blurb was a unique range of colours never seen before. But it wasn’t the wool which was attracting everyone’s attention. All eyes were on the glass cage inside the shop window. Inside that cage was a small dragon.
“I’ve never seen such a realistic animated figure before,” the woman standing next to me said.
“It’s so cute,” her companion said.
I wouldn’t have called it cute. It was true that it was quite tiny, but it had sharp claws, and a mouthful of even sharper teeth. Several people commented on how realistic it was, and they were right. I had a horrible feeling the reason it looked so realistic was because it was a real dragon. That would explain why Amber had overheard Grandma talking about dragons. The woman was unbelievable. It was bad enough that she openly flaunted her magical powers in the human world, but it seemed that she had now imported a dragon as well.
Just as I’d expected, Coffee Triangle was very quiet. There were no more than a dozen people in there, and only a few of those were shaking tambourines. I’d only intended to have a drink, but the strawberry cupcakes called to me, so what could I do? It would have been rude to ignore them.
I’d just taken a big bite of cupcake when I heard a familiar voice.
“Jill, do you mind if I join you?” It was Hilary from Love Spell.
I couldn’t speak because my mouth was full of delicious strawberryness, so I gestured for her to take the seat opposite me.
“Sorry about that,” I said, once I’d managed to swallow the cake. “How are you?”
“Very well, thanks. How about you and Jack?”
“We’re doing great, thanks. Mind you, I’m not very happy with him this morning because he’s volunteered us to babysit my sister’s kids tonight.”
“You’ll enjoy it. And besides, it will be good practice for you two. I assume you’ll be starting a family soon?”
It was just as well I didn’t still have a mouthful of cupcake, or I might have spit it out.
“We’ve only just got our own place. There’ll be plenty of time for kids later.”
“That’s what they all say.”
It was time to change the subject. “How’s the dating business?”
“Business is booming at the moment. More witches than ever seem to want to move to the human world.”
“It’s funny you should say that because I’m actually giving a talk at Candlefield Academy of Supernatural Studies later this week. The headmistress wants me to point out to the pupils that not everything about the human world is rosy. She’s concerned about the large number of young sups who seem intent on moving here.”
“You’re going to CASS? I’m jealous. When I was a kid, I really wanted to go there, but I never got an invitation. Even now, I’d love to see the place. I assume that you’ll be going on the airship?”
“Don’t remind me. I’m dreading it.”
“Why? It’ll be amazing. And then there are the dragons.”
“I’m trying not to think about those. Anyway, I’m glad to hear your business is doing well.”
“It is. There’s only one fly in the o
intment. We’re having a little bit of trouble with our new neighbours. They moved into the building a few months ago, and ever since then they’ve been pestering us to vacate our office so that they can move into it. We’ve told them that we don’t want to move, and that we’re happy where we are, but they won’t take no for an answer.”
“You should tell them to ‘do one’.”
“Normally, I would, but they’re lawyers, and I don’t want to end up in court.”
“This firm of lawyers? They aren’t by any chance called Armitage, Armitage, Armitage and Poole, are they?”
“How ever did you guess?”
Before she left, I gave Hilary a few tips on how to deal with Gordon Armitage.
Hilary and I had been talking for so long that it wasn’t worth going back to the office because I had an appointment with the NOCA committee. We’d arranged to meet at their offices which appropriately enough were located in Chuckle House.
The receptionist seemed out of place because she looked as though she’d just spent the last half-hour sucking on a lemon.
“Yes?” She didn’t even try to hide her boredom.
“I’m here to meet with the NOCA committee. My name is—”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s that door over there.” She pointed.
“Don’t you need me to sign in or anything?”
“Doesn’t matter. You can go straight in.”
Despite her instructions, I felt I should at least knock on the door.
“Come in.” I recognised Andrew Clowne’s voice.
Seated at a round table was the aforementioned Andrew Clowne and two other men. “Do have a seat, Ms Gooder. This is Mr Ray Carter.” He pointed to the man seated to his right. He too was miserable. The only funny thing about him was his hair which he’d obviously tried to dye black, but which had turned out several shades of grey. “And this is Mr Donald Keigh.”
Don Keigh? Before I could stop myself, I laughed. “Is that a stage name?”
All three of them looked puzzled. None more so than Donald Keigh.
“Sorry?” he said.
“I just assumed that Donald Keigh must be a stage name.”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“No reason. Never mind.”
“I went to see Ms Gooder at her office, yesterday,” Andrew Clowne said. “I’ve brought her up to speed with our little problem. She wanted to talk to all of us together, which is why I’ve asked her here today. So, over to you, Ms Gooder.”
“Thank you, Mr Clowne.” I somehow managed to stifle a laugh. “Is it okay if I call you Andrew?”
“I suppose that will be all right.”
“I wanted to speak to all of you, so I could get your thoughts on the ‘problem’. Specifically, I’d like to know why you don’t want to take this to the police.”
“I do want to take it to the police,” Ray Carter said. “But I was outvoted.”
“Involving the police would be a mistake,” Donald Keigh said. “There’s a good chance that this is all a hoax, but if we bring in the police, then we can kiss goodbye to this year’s conference. Do you think they’ll let us go ahead with it if we tell them about the threats that have been made?”
“We can’t allow this to get out to the press,” Carter said. “It would be disastrous. Attendances have been down year-on-year for the last six years. If this was to be made public, then they would fall even more. We simply can’t afford for that to happen.”
“There isn’t much time for me to track down the extortionist ahead of the conference,” I said. “What’s your plan if I’m unable to do that?”
“The conference will go ahead anyway.” Andrew Clowne got in before the others could speak.
“Is that a good idea?” I asked.
“Cancelling the conference isn’t an option,” Donald Keigh insisted.
“That’s right.” Andrew Clowne nodded. “If you haven’t managed to catch the man before then, we’ll need you to go undercover on the day.”
“When you say ‘undercover’, what exactly do you mean?”
“You’ll have to attend the conference dressed as a clown, obviously.”
Dress as a clown? Me? That was all my worst nightmares rolled into one. I would have to solve this case before the day of the conference. Failure wasn’t an option.
“Do you have the letter with the extortion demands?”
Andrew Clowne opened his briefcase, took out the letter, and passed it to me. It had been produced by cutting words out of newspapers, and gluing them to the page. Unless thirty thousand pounds was handed over, two people would be killed during the upcoming conference. The extortionist said he had killed and wouldn’t hesitate to kill again. The committee had been instructed to confirm their willingness to pay the money by placing a short ad in the classified section of Clown Weekly magazine.
“What do you think we should do about the ad?” Ray Carter asked.
“Nothing. Let’s see what happens when he realises that you’re not going to play ball. With a bit of luck, calling his bluff may scare him off.”
We talked for another forty-five minutes, and all three men agreed to make themselves available for questioning if and when I needed them.
Chapter 5
I was still concerned about Mrs V, so as I was already in that part of town, I decided to drop in on Armi to see if he’d also noticed a change in her. Armitage, Armitage, Armitage and Poole had relocated across town, and now shared a building with Love Spell.
The young woman on reception ignored me until she had finished checking messages on her phone.
“Good morning,” she eventually managed. “Welcome to Armitage, Armitage, Armitage and Poole. How can I help you?”
Before I could reply, a familiar, but unwelcome voice interrupted us.
“What are you doing here?” Gordon Armitage was just as ugly as ever.
“Morning to you too, Gordon. Winky sends his love. How are you keeping?”
“I asked why you were here?”
“I’m keeping very well, thank you, Gordon. Nice of you to ask.”
“Still the smartass, I see. If you don’t have any business here, I must ask you to leave.”
“I’m here to see Armi.”
“About what?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“You’re in my offices; that makes it my business.”
“Speaking of offices, I hear you’re up to your old tricks again.”
“What are you talking about now?”
“What is it with you, Gordon? Why do you feel the need to expand your empire at the expense of others?”
“You’re talking in riddles.”
“I hear that you’re trying to drive someone out of their offices in the same way as you did with me.”
“Who did you hear that from?”
“Is it true?”
“It has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’d like you to leave or I’ll be forced to call security.”
“I wonder if the newspapers would be interested in the story of a firm of solicitors who take pleasure in driving out innocent businesses simply to extend their own premises? I doubt that would reflect well on Armitage, Armitage, Armitage and Poole.”
“Is that a threat?”
“More of a promise. I strongly recommend that you leave Love Spell alone. And now, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to see Armi, please.”
Gordon Armitage hesitated for a moment, but then stormed off. The receptionist, who had been transfixed by the confrontation, made a call to Armi.
“Jill? What are you doing here?” Armi appeared from a door on my right. “Is Annabel alright?”
“I was going to ask you exactly the same thing. Have you seen her recently?”
“Not for a couple of days. I’ve tried calling her, but she hasn’t picked up. And she didn’t return my messages. Hasn’t she been at work?”
“Yes, she’s there now, but s
he’s been acting rather strangely. That’s why I thought I’d better come and see if you had any idea what was going on.”
“I don’t, I’m afraid.”
“Not to worry. I’ll have a chat with her when I get back to the office, and try to get to the bottom of it.”
***
Armi had confirmed my suspicions; something was amiss with Mrs V. It was as if she was hiding something. Perhaps she was ill, or maybe she was having problems with her sister again. Whatever it was, I intended to get to the bottom of it.
She wasn’t at her desk when I got back, but I could hear movement from inside my office. It sounded as though someone was throwing things around. I wasn’t in the mood for Winky and his stupid games, and was all set to give him a piece of my mind.
“Winky! What do you think you’re—”
It took me a few moments to register exactly what I was seeing. One thing was for sure—the culprit wasn’t Winky. He was on the sofa, bound hand and foot, with a gag over his mouth. Mrs V had pulled out all the drawers of my desk; the contents were scattered across the floor. At that moment, it became clear that despite appearances, the person standing in front of me was not Mrs V.
“Who are you?” I shouted.
The ‘doppelgänger’ spell was obviously in play here. I closed my eyes, and focused, and then cast a spell which would reveal the person behind the ‘mask’.
“Alicia!”
She grinned that evil grin of hers. Suddenly, the room was filled with a thick purple smoke. I could hardly see my hand in front of me, and had to feel my way over to the window by touch. As I did, I heard the outer door slam closed. Once I’d managed to open the window, the smoke slowly began to clear. Alicia was nowhere to be seen, so I hurried over to the sofa, and pulled the gag off Winky’s mouth.
“Ouch!”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just untie me.”
Five minutes later, Winky was free of his bonds, and we were sitting side by side on the sofa.
“What happened?” I said.
“She came in here and started to go through your desk. I realised it wasn’t the old bag lady, so I jumped onto her back, and gave her a good clawing. But the next thing I knew, she had me trussed up like a turkey. Who was that, anyway?”