by Adele Abbott
I hadn’t. I’d been miles away. “Sorry?”
“I said that I found out today that I have to work a case with Leo Riley.”
“Which case?”
“Did you hear that there’d been a bank robbery in Washbridge?”
“Yeah. I had to take a diversion because the road was closed.”
“There was also a bank robbery in West Chipping a couple of days earlier. The powers-that-be think that the two robberies are connected, so they want me and Leo Riley to team up. That should be fun; the man can barely bring himself to speak to me.”
“If you’d like me to mediate, you can always give me a call.”
“Not helpful, Jill.”
***
The next morning, Jack had to leave the house early because he’d arranged to meet Leo Riley. To say that Jack wasn’t a happy bunny would have been an understatement. I’d told him that he should learn to rub along better with people.
What do you mean that’s rich coming from me?
I made a call to Blaze.
“Have you heard from Daze?”
“No, thank goodness. I’m dreading her coming back. She’s going to kill me.”
“I thought I’d better let you know that the police are linking the bank robbery in Washbridge with one in West Chipping. The two forces are working together on this now.”
“They’re barking up the wrong tree. Slippery Sam didn’t rob the bank in West Chipping; I can guarantee that. And besides, he’s long gone now.”
***
When I walked into the office, Winky was sitting on the windowsill, little flags in hand. He didn’t acknowledge me; he was too busy semaphoring sweet nothings to his new girlfriend.
By the time I’d checked my emails, and looked through the morning’s post, Winky had jumped down from the windowsill, and was resting on the sofa. Semaphore was clearly hard work.
“I take it your new love interest is working out okay?”
“Couldn’t be better. In fact, I’ve invited Peggy over here for dinner.”
“And, of course, you were going to ask me if that was okay?”
“It’ll be one evening after you’ve finished for the day. And don’t worry, I’ll make all the arrangements—organise the food etc. You won’t need to do anything.”
“Good to know.”
The next thing I knew, Winky had jumped off the sofa, and crawled underneath it. Before I could ask him what was wrong, I had my answer. The temperature in the room fell dramatically, and moments later, the colonel appeared. He looked much happier than the last time he’d paid me a visit.
Before I’d even had a chance to greet him, he’d taken me into his arms, and given me a ghostly hug. It’s difficult to know how to describe being hugged by a ghost—it’s kind of weird.
“I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you, Jill.” The colonel eventually released me, and took a step back.
“It’s nice to see you smiling again, Colonel.”
“However did you do it?”
“I take it we’re talking about the house?”
“Sorry, I should have said. Yes, the property developer has been outbid. My beautiful house now belongs to a man with an unusual name. But then, you already know that, I assume?”
“I was hoping that Murray Murray would put in an offer for the house. He certainly seemed quite keen when I told him about it.”
“I believe he’s in the music business?”
“A pop sensation, apparently.”
“Sorry?”
“Just my little joke. Yes, he’s very successful.”
“How do you know him?”
“I don’t really. I helped him to recover his watch and wallet. We got talking, and he mentioned that he liked this area of the country, but had been unable to find a suitable property to buy. I told him about your house, and he seemed very interested. I’m glad it’s worked out for both of you.”
“It certainly has. The thought of the house being demolished was simply too much to bear, but now it looks as though a whole new generation will be able to enjoy it. And, of course, it means that Cilla and I will be able to continue to live there.”
“Where is Cilla, anyway?”
“She’s come down with the flu, so I told her to stay in bed.”
“Oh dear. Tell her I hope she feels better soon.”
“I will, and thanks again, Jill. For everything.”
No sooner had the colonel taken his leave than my phone rang. It was Kathy.
“Jill? Do you know anything about timeshares?”
Oh bum! I hadn’t gotten around to telling her that I’d used her address on the Merry Widows forum.
“Not really. Why?”
“The strangest thing just happened. Just after Pete left, a weird man came to the door. He asked to speak to Kathy. I said that I was Kathy, which seemed to throw him a little, but then he went on to ask if I liked to holiday with my children and grandchildren. Grandchildren? Cheek of the man! I asked him if I looked old enough to have grandchildren. Then he tried to sell me some kind of timeshare, so I sent him away with a flea in his ear.”
“That does sound rather strange.” It was too late now to explain about the forum—better to play dumb. “What did he look like?”
“Why?”
“No reason. Just curious.”
“He was bald. Probably in his early sixties. And he smelled like pork chops.”
“Nice. Anyway, while you’re on. I have a bone to pick with you.”
“What have I done this time?”
“You’ve dropped me right in it with Megan.”
“How come?”
“A few seconds after you disappeared the other night, she came out of the house, and caught me holding the paintbrush and paint tin. She thinks I was responsible for painting over her van.”
Kathy laughed.
“It’s not funny. She isn’t speaking to me now.”
“I’m sorry, Jill. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble. What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. I’ll probably tell her that I was sleepwalking.”
“With paint and a paint brush?”
“Have you got any better ideas?”
“Not really. Has she said anything to Jack?”
“Not yet, thank goodness. But I’m worried she might be biding her time. She’s already had the van repainted. It’s much more tasteful now. She’s got rid of the picture of herself, and replaced it with a picture of a lawn and flowerbed.”
“Good. Maybe she won’t be able to poach as many of Pete’s customers now.”
I’d no sooner finished talking to Kathy than my phone rang again.
“Aunt Lucy? Is everything okay over there?”
“Yes. Everything is fine. Well, I say fine, but there is something that I need to talk to you about, and it would be better if you could come over so we can do it face to face.”
“When?”
“Now if possible. I’ve asked the twins to come over too. Something has cropped up out of the blue, and I think we all need to talk about it to decide what we’re going to do.”
“Sure. I’ll come right over.”
I arrived outside Aunt Lucy’s house at the same time as the twins.
“I take it that you’ve been summoned too, Jill?” Amber said.
“Yeah. Aunt Lucy rang me a couple of minutes ago. She said something had cropped up, but she didn’t say what. Do you two know what it’s all about?”
“No idea.” Pearl shrugged. “She wouldn’t tell us on the phone. I hope she hasn’t dragged us out here just to have another moan about Lester.”
“Let’s find out.” I pushed open the door, and the twins followed me inside.
Aunt Lucy was in the kitchen; she already had the kettle on. On the kitchen table was a plate of cupcakes, and the Tupperware box containing my custard creams.
What? Of course they were my custard creams. Let anyone else try to pinch one if they dared.
“Thanks f
or coming over, everyone.” Aunt Lucy greeted us with a huge smile—that was reassuring, at least. If it had been anything serious, she would have looked much more concerned.
“Help yourselves to cakes.” Aunt Lucy turned around. “Oh? I see you two already have.”
The twins were already munching on cupcakes. I, of course, had been much more restrained, and was only on my second custard cream.
“Tea or coffee?” Aunt Lucy asked.
“Tea for me, please,” I said.
The twins elected to have tea, too.
Aunt Lucy joined us at the table. “Right girls. It seems that Grandma has decided it will be her birthday in three days’ time.”
The twins and I exchanged glances.
“What do you mean ‘decided’?” I asked. “Surely, your birthday is on the anniversary of the day you were born. You don’t get to decide when it is.”
“That’s right,” Amber said, through a mouthful of strawberry cupcake.
“It would be great if you did get to choose when your birthday is.” Pearl picked up a second cupcake. “I’d have one every month. Just think of all those presents.”
“Your grandmother doesn’t celebrate her birthday very often,” Aunt Lucy said. “So, she reckons that gives her licence to decide when she will have one, and she has decided that it will be in three days’ time. She informed me of this late last night, and also told me that she’d like a party and lots of presents.”
“That woman is unbelievable!” I said, then looked around to make sure she hadn’t crept in without me hearing her.
“That may be so.” Aunt Lucy sighed. “But she’s made her mind up, and I doubt we’re going to change it. The problem is it’s too late to book anywhere at such short notice. I’ve called all the usual places, and they’re all booked up, so we’ll have to have the party here.”
“Who are we going to invite?” I asked. “What about her poker buddies?”
“She said it should be family only, so it looks like it will be the four of us plus Alan, William, and Lester.”
Little did Jack know how lucky he was to have escaped this nightmare.
“I’ll prepare all the food,” Aunt Lucy said. “And you two.” She pointed to the twins. “You are responsible for getting all the balloons, party poppers, party hats and whatever else we need for a party.”
“What about presents?” I asked.
“It’s up to each of you to buy a present, and heaven help you if you get it wrong.”
Chapter 18
What did you buy for the woman who’d had centuries to accumulate everything? I had no idea, but I knew one thing for sure. If I got it wrong, I’d never hear the end of it. I’d racked my brains, and so far, had come up with nothing. But then it occurred to me that Kathy spent way more time with Grandma than I did. Maybe she’d heard her mention something that she would like. It was worth a shot.
When I walked into Ever A Wool Moment, I was surprised to find someone else behind the counter. Chloe, that was the name on her badge, was helping a customer to sign up for Everlasting Wool. I waited until she had finished.
“Are you new here, Chloe?”
“I’m a temp. I’m only here for a few weeks. Is there something I can help you with? Are you interested in signing up for an Everlasting Wool subscription?”
“No, thanks. I’m Kathy’s sister. You don’t know where she is, do you?”
“She’s up on the new roof terrace.” Chloe pointed. “You need to take the stairs.”
“Thanks.”
I made my way up the stairs. It had been quite cold outside, and I assumed it would be even colder on the roof. But, when I stepped out onto the terrace, I found myself in bright sunshine. It didn’t make any sense. When I’d walked down the high street, the sky had been overcast and grey, and there had been a cool breeze. But up there, the air was still, and it was hot. So hot in fact that I had to take off my coat.
The roof had been transformed. Artificial grass covered the floor, and pot plants were scattered around the perimeter. The terrace was buzzing with people all dressed as though it was the height of summer. Some were in summer dresses, others in shorts and T-shirts. One woman was even sporting a bathing costume. The majority of them were sitting on deck chairs and sun loungers. Some were sipping cold drinks through straws—others were busy knitting.
Kathy was carrying a tray, offering the customers a selection of cold drinks. I eventually managed to catch her eye, and she came over.
“I didn’t sign up to be a waitress,” she complained.
“How come you aren’t working downstairs?”
“That’s what I’d like to know. I assumed when your grandmother brought in a temp, the temp would be up here serving drinks.”
“How come she isn’t?”
“Your grandmother said she wanted me to take charge of this new venture.”
“Where is Grandma anyway?”
“That’s a good question. She’s left muggins here holding the fort, as usual.”
“How come it’s so hot up here?”
“Don’t ask me.” Kathy shrugged. “Your grandmother did try to explain it. Something about geophysics, science, and weather systems. She had me blinded with science.”
“It seems very popular.”
“No kidding. I haven’t stopped since I came up here. I’m just hoping nobody has one too many drinks, and forgets we’re on the roof. It’s quite a fall from up here. What brings you around here, anyway?”
“I wanted to pick your brain. I have to get a birthday present for Grandma. I need to buy something in time for the party.”
“Party?” Kathy was furious. “Nobody’s invited me to a party!”
Oh bum!
What an idiot I was. Why had I mentioned the party? There was no good way to explain why she hadn’t been invited. I had no choice but to cast the ‘forget’ spell, and get out of there as quickly as I could. I’d just have to work out what to buy Grandma by myself.
***
As I walked back along the high street, I was still thinking about what I could buy Grandma for her birthday. I had very little time to come up with something, and if I didn’t get it right, I would be in deep doo doo.
On the other side of the road, a few doors up from Betty’s shop, another new shop had opened. Those particular premises had been boarded-up for some time—ever since the sewing machine repair shop had closed several months earlier. The Final Straw sold fruit drinks, and made the unlikely claim of having one million flavours to choose from.
I popped across the road to check it out. Inside, the shop looked as though a rainbow had just exploded. Every table and chair was a different colour. One of the walls was yellow, another was blue, another green and the other one was red. The ceiling and floor were both pink.
I was quite thirsty, so decided I’d give it a try.
A young woman, wearing a multi-coloured T-shirt and cap, came skipping over.
“Hi, I’m Gina. Is this your first time in The Final Straw?”
“Yes. What flavours do you have?”
Gina pointed to the small tablets mounted on the counter. She twirled one around so we could both see the screen.
“The flavours are listed in alphabetical order. You can have a single flavour for two pounds, or three flavours for three pounds, or five flavours for four pounds. Which would you like?”
“I’ll go for the three flavours, please.”
I wasn’t convinced there were actually a million different flavours listed, but there were certainly a lot to choose from. In the end, I chose Pineapple Surprise for my first flavour, Passionfruit Supreme for my second, and Mango Max for my third.
Gina took my money and then walked away. I waited for a couple of minutes, but she showed no sign of bringing my drink.
“Excuse me?” I called to her.
“Yes?”
“I was wondering where my drink was?”
“Oh sorry. I’d forgotten this was your first time. The in
formation is all on here.” She took the receipt back from me. “Look, it’s printed there on the bottom. Table: three. Straw number: 1814.”
“Sorry, I still don’t understand how it works.”
“Table three is the green one over there in the corner. If you take a seat there, your drink will be with you shortly.”
This was all very confusing, but I did as she said, and sat at table number three. But I still had no drink. Then suddenly a small circular section in the centre of the table slid to one side. Moments later, a straw came up through the hole, and began to slide towards me. There was a small tag attached to the straw—it read: order 1814.
I took a sip. It didn’t taste much like pineapple, passionfruit or mango. It tasted more like flat cola. I glanced around at the other tables; everyone was drinking from similar straws. It was certainly a novel approach, and presumably saved on the washing up.
I checked the local news on my phone. The headline story was about a man who’d been found murdered in his home. Percival Berry was a retired civil servant and, according to the article, an amateur clown known as Mr Bobo.
I’d no sooner finished reading the news article than my phone rang.
“Have you seen the news about Mr Bobo, Jill?” Andrew Clowne said.
“Yes. I’ve just this minute read it.”
“Are you able to come over for an emergency meeting? I’ve already spoken to Don and Ray. They can be here in thirty minutes.”
“At Chuckle House?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I’d had quite enough of my pineapple/passionfruit/mango concoction. On the way out, I stopped at table seven, which was closest to the door. The young man sitting there was sucking on a straw while playing Angry Birds on his phone. I tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
“Sorry to disturb you.”
“Yeah?” He looked a little disgruntled at having been interrupted mid-game.
“I just wondered. What flavours did you order?”
“Banana Breeze, Apple Action and Plum Passion.”
“And what do you think of it?”
“It tastes like flat cola to me.”