I scanned the floor and Alana and Sven were pressed against each other. Legs and all. My sister found a guy to dance with. Keith and Keirsten were moving to some slow tune only they could hear and Serena was nowhere to be found.
I made my way to the back of the house. I needed to get away for a minute. Gather my thoughts, until Alana decided to stay or needed me to take her home or something drags me back out there. I climbed up a short flight of stairs and noticed the window I was about to take was already opened allowing me to crawl through with ease.
SERENA
Holy shit my feet hurt. Maybe I shouldn’t have worn heels this high. I stood over the hidden jacuzzi I knew Sven’s parents owned. You couldn’t get through by just going to the backyard. You had to go through his parents’ room or a small hall window. Anyone could see it but not everyone knew how to get to it.
I took the heels off my feet and a loud sound escaped my mouth as blood rushed back to my toes. I had to get these soaking or the walk back to the car was going to suck. I looked around to make sure no one could see me before I shimmied out of my tights. I threw them on top of my shoes and switched on the Jacuzzi. I didn’t bother to test the water. I put only my legs in the water allowing the steam to warm the rest of my body.
I pulled out my phone and dived into a book I had been reading. You would think I would’ve partied longer. I would’ve made some new friends and talked freely with everyone in there, but I got to be alone. Alone for the first time in a long time without wondering when my mom would come back. When she would get me and what mood she would be in. This was nice and if college was anything like this, than I was even more anxious to leave.
“You’re reading at a party?”
I jumped and clutched the phone to my chest. Brandon was standing behind me with a sly grin on his face and my pulse calmed. Of course he knew how to get here, he and Sven used to be best friends.
“Yeah, and you look like you’re hiding.” He had this expression on his face that told me he reached his limit. Brandon may like talking to people now, but he still hated parties. Being out here seemed to make him feel better.
He groaned and rubbed his face. “Alana’s got troll feet, Serena.”
I laughed. “I could’ve told you that. She can pick up moves but that’s it.”
I patted the spot next to me, offering him to sit. His brow rose in slight surprise. He pulled up his pant legs, and took off his shoes and socks before joining me.
He leaned close to me. The heat of his body stronger than the steam from the water. His voice was low, and I could feel it running through my belly and to my toes. “You having fun, though?”
“Mostly.” I smirked, my voice as low as his. “I just needed to get away for a bit before I have to go home.”
“You’re going home already?” He said, and the word home left a sour taste in my mouth.
“I’ve still got time.” An hour. An hour wasn’t long enough.
I felt his hand touch mine. Small sparkles of electricity tickled the tips of my fingers and my breath hitched. Electricity surged through me as he covered my hand in his. I flipped my hand over and tangled my fingers with his, because I could. Because I wanted to, and no one could stop me. His hand felt good, and reassuring and I wanted to keep it there for the rest of the hour.
“But not a lot of time?” he whispered.
I nodded. “I’m not ready to go back home. It’s been so long since I had this much fun. Or, I don’t know, felt normal? Is this what freedom feels like?” I laughed at my own question, saying that felt weird. “But I’m still afraid though. ‘Cause I know this is temporary.”
“I don’t think college will be,” he said, he let go of my hand and coldness covered it. He brought his hand up to my chin. “You’ve got a few more months, and this won’t be temporary. You can sit outside and read books on your phone all night. You can do what the rest of us get to do and more than that.”
He sounded so sure of himself. What if he was wrong? What if I couldn’t leave? I didn’t have a car like he did. I didn’t have an easy way out. I knew my mom didn’t use to be like that and I didn’t know if she would go back to my old mom and if she didn’t, what would I do? If I was as worthless and useless as she said I was . . .
“Serena.”
I blinked coming up from my thoughts. Brandon had my head in his hands. Concern and worry laid heavily on his brow. I struggled to breathe. Each breath I took caused a knife cutting pain to hit my chest. I was scared. He pressed his forehead against mine, staring me straight in the eyes. “Breathe with me, Serena. Slow, deep breaths.”
The pain dulled as I followed his instructions. After a few minutes, I was okay. Everything was okay. I was still at the party. I was still safe from trouble. For now.
“Better?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” I felt his breathe on my mouth and my heart raced for a reason other than fear. I didn’t remember his eyes always being so green, or maybe I just didn’t pay attention. I wasn’t sure if I was always attracted to him or not, but something about him was keeping me there. Maybe it was the affection he was showing me at that moment. It didn’t matter what it was. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss him, and I wanted him to kiss me too.
His hands left my cheeks instead. I missed his touch immediately, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he could see the disappointment on my face. It wasn’t like we could kiss anyway. We were partners in a semester long project and that could make things difficult. Not to mention the repercussions that could come from openly liking him and my mom finding out. I was good at hiding things from her but not that good.
We both turned away from each other, our hands resting next to each other not even daring to meet again. My phone rang. It was Keirsten and it was 10:30.
“I’ve gotta go.” I lifted my legs out of the water and gathered my things. “I’ll see you on Monday.” I didn’t bother putting my tights back on in front of him. I just had to freeze until I got back to the car. I turned around after I got my shoes on. “Thanks for . . . um . . . keeping me calm.”
“Anytime, Ree.” He smirked and I pretended to groan at the sound of that nickname as I left.
14
Serena
I waved goodbye to my friends as we all separated. I stood in front of the house I lived in. It was ugly. A dark hole compared to what it used to be. I used to be happy coming home, but now the end of the street was far more appealing. I had never wanted so badly to be treated like a normal girl preparing to graduate from high school. Romance had fallen in my lap at the worst time. In the form an old friend I trusted with everything I had. I wanted to be able to trust someone that much again. To explore romance like everybody else I knew, but I wouldn’t get the chance.
I opened the door and was greeted by my mom’s voice.
“Get those dishes washed and take out the trash!” she yelled from her bedroom. “And make a bucket of warm water. I’d like to get a pedicure tonight.”
“Please don’t make me touch your fucking feet,” I mumbled as I dropped my backpack in my room. She could just grab a chair and fill her bathtub. She was already in her room.
“Okay!” A flip switched in my brain and I moved on auto pilot. I cleaned a small bucket, squirted lavender soap into the bottom and filled it with warm water. I carefully walked the bucket to her room. I set on the floor and knocked even though the door was wide open.
“You can come in,” she said, waving me over. Could she not look at me like my face makes her skin fall off for once? I set the bucket on the floor in front of her feet and stood, waiting for further instruction. “Grab my nail stuff and a towel out of the bathroom for me.”
I grabbed my mom’s small box full of nail supplies and a towel and place them where she could reach them.
“Now go and finish your chores. I might need you to help me scrub my feet for me.” I wanted to tell her I’d rather die instead. I’d rather her beat me like she did the last time I snuck out t
o get some ice cream with my friends. She thought I was going to see Jace, the little church boy. But I bit my tongue and did what I was told. I was still seventeen anyway.
BRANDON
I didn’t get home until two in the morning, and I couldn’t sleep. I almost kissed Serena, and I regretted not doing it. I could have kissed her. I should have, but I didn’t. I was afraid she’d push me away or reject me. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know I cared about her, but I didn’t want to force that on her.
Serena was strong and resilient. Maybe she had forgotten that about herself, but I respected that. She took things at her own pace and when she did, she did it with everything she had. I didn’t know if that was still her, but from the pieces of her she’s let me see, I knew it was still there. I wondered if she would find that part of herself again. If she did, I bet her mom would be terrified.
I hoped she would be okay when she got home. I noticed how her nose wrinkled and the dark brown in her eyes almost turned black at the mention of home. I hadn’t seen her that scared since my family and I almost died during a blizzard years ago. I turned over, staring at my desk trying to get her off my mind so I could sleep. I knew she would follow me in my dreams, but I tried anyway.
15
Serena
I might just be paranoid, but it feels like everyone is watching me. Every person I passed seemed to be whispering about me. I was definitely paranoid. Nobody was talking about me. The only person talking about me was the voice in the back of my head reminding me everything what’s wrong with me. I opened my locker and stuffed everything except for the things I needed for art class inside. I placed my art supplies in the purse I barely used and shut the door.
“So, I was thinking . . .” Keirsten’s face appeared and she handed me a muffin.
“That already sounds bad.” I smiled.
“Hear me out first.” She looped her arm and mine and we walked towards our first class. “I think you should’ve kissed him.”
“We haven’t talked about this since Friday. I thought we were going to drop it.” I sighed. I had pushed Friday out of my mind. Summing everything up to either him not liking me, yeah, I know, or it being a bad idea anyway. I planned to move on from it and act like nothing almost happened.
“I will. I promise, but I think you should have. You could keep things at school, you know, if the kiss was good.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off. “I’m just saying, as an option and your hopeful bestie. You don’t have to listen to me.”
“I probably won’t.”
Keirsten and I walked into class and took our seats. Brandon and the others were already inside and my stupid cheeks burned when I saw him smile at me. It was so easy for him to affect me and Friday night was a clear example of that. Even when he was trying to comfort me, I was affected. Then there was the nasty glare I was getting from Alana. Was it me or did this girl need to own every single cute guy she met?
“Hey tramp!” Someone yanked my arm and swung me around while I tried to head to my next class. Alana’s eyes boiling with anger and I shook her off of me. I returned her frown with a smile and it only made her angrier. Tramp wasn’t a nice thing to call someone, but it wasn’t like I didn’t hear the word enough from home.
“What do you want?” I hissed and I could have sworn something in her eyes almost backed down. .
“I just want you to back off of my man.” She rolled her around and poked me in the chest. I’ve never gotten suspended, but if she touched me one more time I was going to shove her to the ground.
“You’re man?” I almost laughed. That was cute. As much as she throws herself at Sven you would think she’d be trying to claim him too. “You’re not dating, and he’s not property.”
“We may not be dating right now, but I asked him out, you didn’t.” She wiggled her finger at me, and I almost clenched my fist. “I saw him leaving the same corner you did, and I saw the way he looked at you today. I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t have time for this.” I took a few steps back. “If he wants you, you can have him. I’m going to class.”
“Fuck you, Serena!”
“Have a nice day!”
Brandon’s car was parked outside of my house when Trinity and I got off the bus. We decided to meet as a group and sketch out our ideas together, but my heart began pumping fiercely in my chest when I saw him sitting on the porch. Did I mention how fine he was? He looked magnificent sitting on those stairs in all black, like a bad boy in a magazine. My heart stopped when he noticed me. If I was going to die by a smile, I wanted his to be the killer. His smile was too beautiful for me to handle. I had to get myself together.
“Are you going to keep standing there?” Trinity said and I looked at my legs. I was still on the curb. Trinity and Brandon’s lips twitched. She turned away and his sparkled. Were they laughing? I sucked in a breath and sashayed up to him. If I was going to feel like this, I needed to know if I affected him as much as he affected me.
I placed myself next to him on the steps, hoping he couldn’t feel my pulse or hear my heart screaming. I crossed my legs and met his arm with mine just enough. I heard his breath hitch and I smiled. “Want to go inside and warm-up?”
“Hmm…” Brandon’s eyes pointed upwards before they pointed back to me. “I think your blush will keep warm enough.”
Dammit. He was good. My cheeks heated more. If I wasn’t careful I’d have to surgically remove the smile from my face.
“So . . .” I turned my gaze towards Trinity, and I see the smirk on Brandon’s face from the corner of my eye. “When is Kay gonna get here?”
“I don’t know. She left late.” Trinity checked her phone just as Keirsten’s car turn into the driveway.
“Sorry I’m late!” She jumped out and grabbed everything, running up to us. “Let’s get started already, because I suck at coming up with drawing ideas.”
I hopped up and unlocked the door, allowing all of us to enter the warm air.
BRANDON
We were all sitting in different spots in the living room focusing hard on our sketches. Serena and I were sharing the couch, Trinity had the chair and Keirsten occupied the floor.
“Are we allowed to look at each other’s stuff?” Keirsten smacked her legs with her sketchbook. Her face seem to stretch with frustration.
“We can talk about it,” Serena said and sat up.
“Okay great.” She popped out of her seat and smacked Serena’s legs until there was enough room for her to sit. “So, I’ve got this butterfly-”
“No,” Trinity said. “I am not a butterfly. That’s so girly. That’s what I’m using for you.”
“Ugh.” Keirsten drew a huge ‘x’ over the drawing and returned to her seat. “I’ll just use a taco. What are you doing, Serena?”
“I don’t know.” She slumped in her seat. She tapped her pencil against the sketchbook and released a puff of air. “I’ve got seven ideas, and I can’t make a decision, but I don’t want to tell anybody either.”
“Why not?” I asked and she gave a confused look.
“I think . . .” She propped her legs on the couch. “I think it’ll ruin how important the project is.”
I nodded. It made sense. The project was a self-portrait from the other person’s point of view. How do you know someone if they fix every inch of the piece before you finish it? “Do you want to see what I got?”
“Nope.” She closed her eyes and smiled as she shook her head. “Surprise me. I don’t care if you make me look like a train wreck. If it’s real to you, that’s what I want to see.”
SERENA
TRINITY: What are you doing right now?
SERENA: Trying to sleep. What’s up?
I was lying in bed on top of the comforter near the end of winter. My mom had the heat set on eighty-five degrees fahrenheit. Eighty-five degrees. My eyes were dry. My lips felt raw and my skin felt like crinkled paper. I wanted to switch it to seventy overnight but if I didn’t switc
h it back before she woke up, she would have a fit. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her, especially after she got rejected by some random boring business guy.
TRINITY: Luciano wants to know if you like breakfast food.
SERENA: What?
Luciano was Brandon’s middle name and the female equivalent to Trinity’s. I was able to understand that much from the text but breakfast food?
SERENA: Just call me.
I answered my phone after the first ring and moved to the closet, keeping my voice as low as possible. “What?”
“You know your blinds are open, right?” Brandon’s warm voice floated into my ears and my eyes almost rolled shut.
“Yeah.” I could see Brandon standing in front of window, and I went to mine. “What about them?”
“Your bra is nice.”
I squeaked and dropped to the floor. I could hear Brandon laughing on his end as I rolled to the closet for a shirt. “It’s eighty-five fucking degrees in here.”
I probably glistened with sweat. No wonder he could see me.
“Why is the heat up so high?”
“She’s probably trying to boil me, so she can eat me.” I returned to the window and smiled as he laughed. I liked his laugh a lot. It was the kind that made me feel fuzzy on the inside. It gave me energy. It was life.
“Want to get food?”
“Yeah.”
I didn’t hesitate at all. I knew I would get in trouble. There was no way I would make it past my mom this time. Not after 1:30 in the morning. I didn’t want to take my answer back. I wanted to see him. Besides, who would deny free food? If he was buying.
“I’ll meet you buy my car.” I felt giddy. To me this was stepping into danger. This was probably normal for regular teens. “Don’t get caught.”
Longing for the Impossible Page 9