“Really, Ms. Baumgartner? You want one of us to go on the pa?” Trixi said.
Ms. Baumgartner nodded and even added a smile. Trixi couldn’t tell if the smile was meant to say Please do this for me after all the problems you’ve caused, or, I trust you to do the right thing. Whichever it was, Trixi would take a smile over a frown any day.
“Okay, Ms. Baumgartner. You can count on me,” Trixi said.
“Me too,” added Martin.
The principal led Trixi and Martin to the microphone. She pressed a few buttons, and then handed the microphone to Trixi, who spoke as if she went on the pa every day of the week.
“Attention, please, students and teachers at Upland Green School! This is an important announcement.” Then she handed the microphone to Martin.
“What do I say?” he said. All he got from Ms. Baumgartner was some arm-waving and from Trixi, a mischievous smile. He cleared his throat and put his lips to the microphone. “All classes are to assemble on the front field as poon as sossible… I mean, as soon as possible!”
“As poon as sossible, Marty?” Trixi said. “Where did you learn to talk? Maybe you can write, but when it comes to talking…”
Ms. Baumgartner banged the counter with her knuckles and waved Trixi and Martin back to her office. From a cupboard, she hauled out the megaphone they used on sports day and motioned for Trixi and Martin to follow her outside.
Moments later, the classes began to file out one by one onto the front field and line up just as they would for a fire drill. When the entire school was out, Ms. Baumgartner gave the megaphone to Trixi, along with a clearly written note.
Trixi put the megaphone to her mouth, pressed a button and slowly read, “Thank you all for coming out in such an orderly fashion!” Her garbled voice boomed across the field, and all eyes in the school were upon her. She was loving every moment.
“As with all assemblies,” she continued, “we will start by singing the national anthem. Adults are excused from singing for obvious reasons.” Everyone rose, stood at attention and waited. But without a piano or a teacher to lead them in the singing, they all just stood at attention, not knowing what to do.
Ms. Baumgartner quickly scribbled a note on her pad and held it up to Trixi. It read, You start the singing!
Trixi put the megaphone to her mouth, pushed the button once again and said, “Leading us in the national anthem today will be Martin Wettmore!” She shoved the megaphone in Martin’s face and said, “Okay, Marty! Do your thing! It’s show time!”
Martin stared out at the six hundred eyes looking back at him. There was nothing else he could do. In a voice that sounded like a cross between a frog and a sick camel, he croaked out the first line of the national anthem. Fortunately, as soon as he began to sing, everyone else with a voice joined in and belted out the anthem with more gusto than ever before.
As the final words of the anthem faded away, twelve students in grade seven yawned and lay down on the ground. A few seconds later, half of a grade-six class did the exact the same thing. Soon students in each and every class were yawning, lying down on the grass and falling fast asleep. Some slept on their backs, folding their hands behind their heads. Others curled up, sleeping with their knees tucked to their chests. One student, Jeremy Horsely, even slept standing up. And of course, there was plenty of snoring.
Only a handful of students—those lucky enough not to have taken a drink from the drinking fountain, remained awake. They gawked with amazement at a field covered in sleeping kids. Although none of the teachers could say anything, they ran frantically from child to child, trying to shake them awake.
Trixi lifted the megaphone to her mouth. “There’s no need to panic! If you’ve read the latest edition of the Upland Green Gossiper, you know that our drinking fountains contain a sleeping potion. Any students who drank from the fountains in the school will be asleep for a while. Unfortunately, the article didn’t say how to wake them up or how long they’ll sleep. Sorry about—”
Martin yanked the megaphone out of Trixi’s hands, pressed the button and shouted, “Don’t listen to her! It’s not true! None of it! The kids are probably just tired from pe class. All they need is a little nap, and they’ll be—”
Ms. Baumgartner wrenched the megaphone from Martin, shaking her head solemnly.
“Don’t worry, Ms. Baumgartner,” Trixi said. “It’s not so bad to have these kids sleeping all day. The school’s much quieter this way. Teachers like that.”
The few kids who weren’t sleeping were sent to sit on benches by the school, while Ms. Baumgartner walked up and down the rows of snoozing kids, closely followed by Martin and Trixi. The principal was looking desperately for signs of any snoozing students waking up.
“For your sake, I hope this isn’t a Sleeping Beauty sleep, Ms. Baumgartner,” Trixi said. “If it is, they’ll be sleeping on the front field for a hundred years. And where are you going to find enough handsome princes and princesses to awaken everyone? Princes and princesses are in short supply, you know!”
“Don’t worry, Ms. Baumgartner,” Martin said. “No one sleeps for a hundred years, except in fairy tales.”
“At this rate, they’ll probably have to change the name of this place to Rip Van Winkle School,” Trixi said.
Ms. Baumgartner kept walking up and down the rows of students, trying to ignore Trixi and Martin. But she couldn’t ignore Martin when he suddenly cuffed her on the top of her head. She whirled around and glared at him, giving him a look that was meant to say, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Sorry, Ms. Baumgartner, but you had a frog in your hair. A teeny tiny frog. I was just brushing it off.”
“Oh, yuck!” Ms. Baumgartner said. “I can’t stand frogs!”
“Hey, Ms. Baumgartner!” Trixi said. “You just talked!”
“I did? Yes! Come to think of it, I did!” Ms. Baumgartner said. “How strange!”
“It’s also pretty strange that a frog landed on your head,” Martin said. “I’ve never seen frogs around here before.”
“I have a feeling you may see a few more,” Trixi said.
She was right. Martin looked up and saw the sky was full of tiny dots. As the dots fell, he could see it was a downpour of frogs—thousands of tiny frogs falling from the sky and croaking up a storm. Everyone who was awake ran for cover. Everyone, that is, except Ms. Baumgartner, Trixi and Martin. They kept on trying to wake up the snoozing students before they were buried in frogs. Up and down the rows they ran, desperately shaking the sleeping kids. Halfway down one of the rows, the three of them stopped.
Above the sound of croaking frogs, they heard a voice squealing, “EEEWWW! Frogs! Two of them landed right on my face! They’re so icky!”
It was Jenny Butler. Seconds earlier, she had been snoozing on the grass; now she was wide-awake, on her feet and running for the safety of the school. Soon the air was filled with other sounds of “EEEWWW!” and “GROSS!” and “YUCK!” Kids were jumping up, peeling frogs off their faces and running for cover. The field quickly emptied of snoozing students as croaking frogs fell from the sky.
“If this doesn’t let up, we might have to call in a frogplow,” Trixi said, as she ran toward the school.
Even though Ms. Baumgartner could now talk, she didn’t say a word.
When he got home after school, Martin tried to sneak in the back door. But as soon as the hinges of the old door let out their first squeak, his mother flung the door wide-open and squeezed him so hard, Martin thought he heard his ribs crack.
“Thank goodness you’re safe! I heard that everyone at your school had fallen into a deep sleep. Someone even said you wouldn’t wake up for a hundred years!”
Martin rolled his eyes.
“Don’t expect him to say anything, Mom,” Sissy called from the kitchen. She was putting nail polish on her poodle, Crusher. “I heard there’s some weird contagious disease at the school and everyone’s lost their voice. Even some of the neighborhood dogs can’t bark.
”
“Is that true, Martin? Is that true?” his mother said. “Speak to me!”
Razor came down the stairs and shouted, “Nobody move! If that kid’s got a hamster, don’t let him in the house! I heard we’ve been invaded by an army of alien hamsters!”
“Is that true, Martin?” his mother said. “Please tell me it isn’t true!”
The phone rang and Martin shouted, “Don’t answer that!”
It was too late. Sissy had already picked up the phone.
“Hello? Yep, he’s here, but you can’t talk to him. He lost his voice like all the other kids at school, although I think he might have just said something.”
Martin snatched the phone out of Sissy’s hand and said, “What do you want?”
“Hey, Marty! It looks like we did it again!”
“Did what again?”
“You were there! You saw what happened!”
“Yes, I saw what happened. So what?”
“Man, are you thick! The paper, of course. Everything we wrote in the paper came true again!”
“We did not write the paper. You were responsible for that heap of trash. Plus, the paper couldn’t possibly have anything to do with what happened at the school.”
“You just won’t open your eyes, will you, Marty?”
Martin held the phone, not saying a word.
“Hey, Marty! Are you still there? Don’t hang up, okay?”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Well, because…because…because it would be rude,” Trixi said.
“I see. So now you’re the expert on telephone manners, are you?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I’m not exactly the most polite person, but I’ve got to talk to someone. And right now, you’re it.”
“Your parents are still in New York?”
“No, not New York. That was last week. This week, I think they’re in Las Vegas or maybe Atlanta. I’m not sure which.”
“Ms. Baumgartner’s going to shut the newspaper down,” Martin said.
“What are you talking about? How could she?”
“I know her,” Martin said. “She’ll shut the paper down.”
“It’s not our fault all that stuff happened. How could she blame us? We didn’t do anything wrong. Right?…Marty!…Are you there?…Talk to me, Marty!”
THIRTEEN
The next day at 3:00 pm, everyone was in their usual places: Trixi and Martin in their yellow plastic chairs and Ms. Baumgartner sitting behind her desk, her hands clasped together and resting on top of a file folder.
“In our first meeting, I asked the two of you to work together on the school newspaper,” Ms. Baumgartner said. “By combining your individual talents, I was hoping you’d create a really good newspaper that students in our school would want to read. I was so hopeful that things would work out.”
Martin slumped in his chair, his head flopping forward as if his neck were made of rubber. This time, he knew for sure what was coming.
Trixi sighed every few seconds, impatient with Ms. Baumgartner’s need to explain everything. She also knew what was coming.
“I’m afraid, after two tries, things just aren’t working out,” Ms. Baumgartner said. “The two of you can’t seem to work together. Either we get a newspaper no one wants to buy, or we get a trashy tabloid full of outright fiction.”
“So I suppose you’re shutting the newspaper down,” Trixi said.
“I’m afraid that’s right, Trixi. The paper just can’t continue.”
Martin had been sitting motionless, but he flew out of his chair, stood with his hands clenched and shouted, “NOOO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! THIS IS NOT MY FAULT! THIS IS TOTALLY UNFAIR!” His face was scrunched and twisted, and his body shook with rage.
“Now, calm down, Martin,” Ms. Baumgartner said.
But there was no calming Martin Wettmore down. “Do you know how miserable it is to be forced to work on my newspaper with HER?” Little bits of spit flew from his mouth with each p, t and b. “Do you know what it’s like to see my newspaper being taken over by HER?” His finger trembled as he jabbed the air toward Trixi. “Then, to top it off, because of HER, my newspaper gets closed down! If you shut the paper down, what am I supposed to do after school every day? Listen to my brother’s horrible rock band? Floss my sister’s dogs’ teeth? Help my mother cook macaroni and cheese for the fifty-fifth night in a row?”
“I’m sorry, Martin. I’ve given you my reasons. Keeping the newspaper going is out of the question,” Ms. Baumgartner said. “I’m sure you could find another hobby, like playing on the basketball team or joining our public-speaking club. You did so well with the megaphone.”
“I don’t like basketball, and I’m not interested in public speaking. I’m a writer!” Martin said.
“I’m sorry things turned out this way, Martin,” Ms. Baumgartner said. “There’s nothing more to be said on the matter. You can go now.”
“You bet I can go!” Martin said. He ran from the office, and Trixi watched through the window as Martin sprinted across the field, headed for who-knew-where.
Ms. Baumgartner flipped open the file folder on her desk. She took a deep breath before looking up at Trixi. “I was really hoping things would work out differently, Trixi.”
“I guess it’s school-bus washing for me, right?” Trixi said.
“I’m afraid that’s the way it is. I gave you an opportunity, but you refused to work with Martin. Then you disobeyed my instructions by selling a newspaper I hadn’t approved.”
“I thought you wanted me to write a paper that sold more copies than the old paper. And the only way to get people to buy the paper was to—”
“I know, Trixi,” Ms. Baumgartner said, nodding slowly.
“But in spite of being warned, you crossed a line with your last paper. You’ll be expected at the bus yard at eight on Saturday morning.”
Trixi stood up, stepped toward the principal’s desk and glared defiantly at Ms. Baumgartner. “Are you doing this because of my parents?”
“Eight o’clock at the bus yard, Trixi. That’s all I’ve got to say to you at this time.”
“You’re afraid my parents will find out you didn’t exactly fix the problem.”
“Trixi, that’s enough.”
“You just want to make it look like you’re doing something by punishing me.”
“Trixi. I think you’d better leave before you dig yourself into a deeper hole,” Ms. Baumgartner said, closing the folder.
Trixi could argue for the rest of the day and night if she had to. But she didn’t. Instead she left the office without another word. Trixi preferred action to argument. As she headed out of the office and down the hall, she was already thinking of her next move.
The next morning, Trixi stood on the sidewalk outside the school grounds and waved a newspaper. “Get yer paper here! Special edition of the Upland Green Gossiper! Read all about it!”
It didn’t take long for a crowd to gather around Trixi and her stack of newspapers. Within minutes, Trixi’s special edition was sold out. Everyone wanted to know what weird and wonderful things would be happening that day.
Just before the morning bell rang, a small group of kids gathered in the teachers’ parking lot and surrounded Ms. Baumgartner’s new car.
“I’ve never seen a swarm of gophers attack anything,” Paul Smirl said, looking around the parking lot.
“Do you think gophers can eat metal?” Kelly Brown said.
“Or maybe they’ll just chew the tires off.”
“All I know is I want to be here when it happens,” Paul said.
Another group was peering through the window of the staff room.
“That must be the closet over there!” Ingrid Ludwig whispered.
“Are you sure?” Elise Warren said. “That looks like a pretty small closet.”
“It’s the closest one to the coffee machine,” Ingrid said.
Meanwhile, twins Darren and Matthew Archer were pacing around the front fi
eld, making bets.
“I think it’ll land here,” Darren said, digging the heel of his shoe into the ground.
“Naw. There’s an easterly wind. It’ll blow in this way and land right about”—Matthew ran to the ball diamond and jumped on second base—“here!”
Inside the school, a group of eight kids was standing outside the girls’ washroom doors.
“No chance! I’m not goin’ in there!” Melissa Watson said, backing away from the door. “Those things are supposed to be the size of a cat, and some might even be bigger!”
“Yuck!” Tasha Walters said. “How are they supposed to get from the toilet into the principal’s office?”
“I guess they’ll just scoot down the hall,” Melissa said.
Trixi’s special edition of the Upland Green Gossiper was causing both panic and excitement. Excitement and panic for the kids, that is. None of the adults had seen it. They didn’t have a clue what was in store for them that day, as copies of the paper were stuffed in knapsacks, crammed into pockets or crumpled into desks. Not one teacher in the school had seen the headline:
PRINCIPLE’S CAR SWORMED BY AINGRY GOFERS!
Nor had they read this:
ANSHENT MUMMY IN STAFF ROOM CLOZET COMES ALIVE AND DRINKS ALL THE TEACHERS’ COFEE!
The groundskeeper arrived right after the morning bell to mow the field. He might have had second thoughts if he’d seen a copy of Trixi’s paper and read the headline:
TWISTER PICKS UP CAMPGROWND OUTHOWSE
DROPS IT ON UPLAND GREEN SCHOOL’S FRONT FEILD!
As for Ms. Baumgartner, she worked away in her office in spite of Trixi’s headline:
SEEWER RATS CRAUL OUT OF WASHROOM TOILETS!
BUILD NESTS IN THE PRINCIPLE’S OFISE!
All that day, everyone kept their eyes and ears wide-open, watching and waiting for the school to be thrown into total chaos once again. For the teachers, it was a pleasant change from the normal buzz of chattering students. No one said a single word. It was that quiet.
Tabloidology Page 9