by Faith Starr
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Yeah, me too.” The tears I’d been trying to hold back rushed to the surface. Joey wiped them. When he realized his hands couldn’t keep up with the heavy downpour, he rolled over to the edge of the bed and pulled some tissues out of the box resting on my nightstand. He handed them to me and held me in his arms. I rested my head on his chest while he played with my hair.
“That’s why I ended up in the field of psychiatry. When the opportunity presented itself, I jumped at it. I figured maybe I could prevent someone else from giving up. The same way my father had. I thought I could make a difference and possibly inspire someone to believe they had another option.”
His warm breath blew against my head.
“My mother called me over for a visit a few days ago. She still lives in the same house my father took his life in. I despise that place. All it does is bring back the memory of my dad in vivid color. She knows how much it affects me, yet she still asked me to come by for dinner. We never ate, though, because she sprang some big news on me.”
I stopped for a minute to compose myself.
“She informed me she’d had an affair before my father’s suicide. That…that my father had caught her in their bed with the man she’d been dating, has been with all these years.” I hiccuped. “He ended his life shortly after.”
My tears continued unabated.
“My father was the only person I trusted. There’s never been anyone else.”
“You have me now.”
His comment only brought on more tears.
I lifted my head and rested my chin on his chest. “You’re so thoughtful and kind.”
“I speak the truth. Whatever you need, all you have to do is say the word.” He stroked my hair and again wiped tears off my face. “I hate seeing you cry.”
I tried to force a smile. “I guess we both have shit from our past holding us back.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It hasn’t held you back. You’ve dedicated your life to helping others.”
“But the reality is I have no control over the end result. If someone wants to end it, he or she is going to do so no matter what I say.” I rested my cheek on his chest and rolled my fingers over his pecs. He continued to play with my hair.
“You know, I’ve listened to the words of your song ‘Long Gone’ repeatedly. I knew the song had to represent something from your past. I keep singing the part, “Long gone but not forgotten, the torment never ends, long gone but not forgotten, a heart that will never mend,” because those words sum up how I feel on the inside all the damn time.”
His chest rose and fell with a bit more oomph underneath my cheek. “Teva?”
I lifted my head to see him.
“I wrote that song about my father, which I’m sure you’ve figured out by now. But you know what?”
I shrugged, not giving him a verbal reply.
“Those ugly experiences from our past are just that, they’re in our past. They’re long gone. Maybe there’s a reason the two of us were brought together. Maybe it’s so we can face our pasts as a united front and move forward as a team. You know, the power in numbers thing.”
Breathing deeply, I climbed on top of him and kissed him with every bit of strength I had, totally agreeing with his team reference. In fact, I agreed with it so much, I planned to show him just how much of a team player I could be.
I pulled him up into a sitting position. He scooted back, resting against my headboard for support. I placed my hands on his shoulders and straddled him, taking him in his entirety. No need for foreplay. His words from a moment ago were all the foreplay I needed.
My pelvic area throbbed, an automatic response every time my body got near his.
Cupping his cheeks, I kissed him. It wasn’t an aggressive, take-me-now kiss, but rather a tender, make-love type of kiss.
His tongue engaged mine in a soft, rhythmic dance. His arms went around me and brought me in closer, causing him to fill me the max.
We ground against each other.
I felt connected to him from head to toe: our mouths, our bodies, and our passion for each other. It made all the mental anguish from our prior conversation disappear, with nothing except the two of us in this quintessential moment.
Up and down, I moved over him, assimilating myself to his large size, not that my body didn’t already have him memorized.
He steadied my hips and guided them in an even pace, not too fast, not too slow. Rather, the perfect tempo.
He broke our kiss and moved his lips to my neck. His breathing picked up speed. “I love being inside you. It’s fucking heaven.”
If he only knew what his words did to me. My heart swelled with pride. Between his words and his touches, my body took off to a higher plane.
“That’s it, baby.” He maintained an unhurried speed.
“Yes!” A simple three-letter word, the only one my mouth could utter in my delirious state.
From out of nowhere, he changed things up. He flipped me onto the mattress and placed me in a bent over position. He teased the sensitive flesh between my folds. A subtle moan escaped my lips.
“Does this feel good?”
Why did he bother to ask? He knew the answer.
I responded anyway. “Yes. Very good…exceptionally good.”
I closed my eyes, ready to take whatever he planned to throw in my direction.
He gripped my hips, widened my opening, and entered me. My back arched. His fingers molded to my skin. He pounded into me. The progression of the experience grew rougher, more animalistic.
My mind drifted. With every forward movement, he hit my target.
“That’s my girl.”
His words of praise only spurred me on, my body all but shattering around him. Joey was different from any man I had ever met. My heart was in deep shit because he already had possession of it. The entire thing too. Not just a piece. And not to brag, but I had a pretty big heart, so to say he owned the whole darn thing said a lot.
“I could stay buried inside you forever.” He continued with a measured but fixed pace.
Forever?
Ah.
The delectable in and out, along with the word forever, now ingrained in my mind, had me whimpering.
With every pummel forward he reached my core, his palm now making even circles over my clit.
Lightheadedness took over in the most scrumptious way. Stars danced behind my eyelids.
His grip on my hips tightened, signaling his impending release. He hardened inside me, thickened, which only filled me more. His cock pulsated against my walls, bringing the two of us over the top together.
“Ah!” I screamed out in pleasure.
He planted a hand on my back, stiffening inside and behind me.
“Have I…mentioned how…beautiful…I find you?” He kissed my lower back, then collapsed next to me, facing the ceiling. I dropped down onto my stomach. We joined hands and intertwined our fingers. He brought our clasped hands to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.
“I find you just as beautiful, Joey. Both inside and out.”
“Ditto.”
And with that, we both fell fast asleep in our naked and sated states.
32
Joey
I hated leaving Teva the following morning, but she had a shift at the hospital and the guys and I had studio time booked. Dani said she didn’t feel up to coming. That excuse didn’t fly with me. I planned on going home and dragging her depressed butt out of the apartment. She couldn’t isolate herself. It would only make her feel worse. She needed to be out among the living. Besides, the guys all knew the situation, so she didn’t have to hide her feelings or pretend to put on a happy face.
Her eyes were heavy from crying when I got to the apartment. Perhaps leaving her alone, and sleeping at Teva’s hadn’t been the best idea. But the bottom line was I couldn’t shelter Dani forever. I would be there for her no matter what, but the time had come for me t
o take care of myself as well, with Teva now a part of that equation.
“You ready?” I placed my keys on the marble table in the foyer. She chilled out on the couch watching television, wearing joggers paired with a sweatshirt.
“Can’t wait.”
Her sarcasm was crystal clear.
“Let me take a shower and change clothes first. I’ll be out in a few.”
She got up and followed me down the hallway. “Were you with Teva?”
“Yup.” What an amazing feeling to give her an affirmative reply. I checked out her response, delighted and relieved to see her bright and cheerful, the first I’d seen in her in a week.
“I’m so glad you worked things out with her.”
I knew she meant it too.
Dani was right, it was a good thing I had worked things out with Teva. We were in a good place, headed in the right direction.
A quick shower and change of clothes had me back in the living room in what felt like minutes. Dani had resumed her position, lounging on the couch with her feet propped on the coffee table.
“Let’s rock.” I waved for her to come.
“I’m not up to going to the studio today.” She rested her head against the back of the couch.
I sat next to her. “Nobody expects you to be jumping up and down for joy right now. But sitting on this couch doing nothing isn’t healthy. You need some fresh air and to get out of this apartment other than to see your therapist. Come to the studio with me. We’re laying down new tracks today. If at any point you want to leave, I promise I’ll bring you home.”
She rolled her eyes. I stood and stuck my hand out toward her. She hesitantly placed one of hers in mine. I pulled her up and off the couch.
“That look suits you.” I gestured to her attire.
“Screw you. It’s comfortable.”
Meanwhile, she ended up throwing on a pair of jeans but kept the sweatshirt intact.
The guys were busy jamming at the studio when we arrived. They stopped when the two of us entered. Their eyes went to Dani first, both Logan and Trevor like turtles hiding inside their shells, afraid to do or say anything that might possibly turn on the waterworks again. I had given them a heads-up about her current state of mind.
“I’m not going to break. You can resume what you were doing,”
I didn’t think they bought it. They kept themselves tightly wound in her presence.
She took a seat next to the keyboard, her usual spot during recording sessions. She loved to be in the studio with us where the magic happened and could be felt versus sitting with the engineers in front of the console.
“Before you start, I want to say thanks for your constant phone calls and visits this past week and a half. They meant a lot to me.” She spun her chair toward the keyboard and wiped a stray tear.
Neither Logan nor Trevor uttered a response. A lot of emotion filled the room. I was in the hope we could put it to good use.
We got into our groove. The hours passed quickly. I think it was the most productive day we’d had in a long time.
Camilla was going to be ecstatic with our progress. Fuck, I was ecstatic. We were far ahead of schedule. We only had about three or four more songs to record and the album would be completed. I wanted to get the new song I’d been working on finished before the new album dropped. I knew our fans would love its raw emotion.
“Anyone for pizza?” Logan set his electric guitar down. “I’m starving.”
“I’m game.” Trevor flipped his sticks in the air and caught them.
“Dani, what do you say?” I stepped away from my keyboard.
“Sure. I’m pretty hungry. I haven’t had anything to eat all day.”
I ground my jaw in disappointment, which she rebutted by putting her hand up to stop me from taking the conversation any further.
We grabbed our stuff and headed out of the studio, first telling the engineers we were calling it quits for a dinner break.
I plucked my phone out of my pocket to check for any missed calls or texts. I had left a message for Camilla, telling her the good news. She hadn’t responded yet, but I did discover several missed calls from Teva and one voice mail.
How odd. I knew she was at work and didn’t have time for conversations during her shift, only during her lunch break.
I had an uneasy feeling while playing the message.
“Hey Joey, it’s Lily. I’m using Teva’s phone to reach out, since it has your contact information on it and because I know you’ll respond as soon as possible if you think this call is from her. I’m not usually one to leave bad news on a voice mail, but I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for hours with no success. During Teva’s shift today, one of her patients went psycho. He was hallucinating and knocked her unconscious before she could get help from the techs and security. She’s been in the emergency room for several hours. The docs are running a few tests. Please call me as soon as you get this message, so I can update you on the situation and let you know where we are. And P.S., she doesn’t know I called you, but I felt you had a right to know.”
Fuck!
I hit the wall next to me, causing Logan, Trevor, and Dani to stop. We were in the entryway to the studio.
“What’s wrong?”
Teva’s phone was already ringing. I held up a finger to silence Dani. The three of them walked next to me, toward the exit, their concern evident on their faces.
Lily picked up on the second ring. I didn’t even wait for her to speak. We didn’t need pleasantries. I needed facts. “How’s she doing?”
“Hello to you too. I’m glad you got my message.”
“I just got it. How’s she doing?” I didn’t owe Lily an explanation for my delay in returning the call.
I paced back and forth outside the studio. I could tell Logan, Trevor, and Dani were getting a bit frantic for some news. They kept putting their hands out, questioning me without verbalizing their alarm. I held up my finger to quiet them. I had to focus on Lily.
“One of her patients went ballistic. He went after her, knocking her unconscious. He may have also cracked a rib or two when he kicked her after she fell on the floor.”
Christ!
Lily sounded more angry than concerned. I felt both.
“Anyway, since she vomited a few times in the ER, the doctor ordered a CT scan to check for a concussion. He’s in the room with her now, otherwise I’d put her on the phone. I’m out in the hallway. She’ll have to stay overnight for observation.”
I exhaled, only to inhale deeply, my breaths rapid. Frustration fueled me. It wasn’t directed at Teva but rather at her situation. It reminded me of several comments Lily had made regarding the danger involved with Teva’s job. Hell, I’d only known Teva for a few weeks, and in that time, she’d been injured twice.
“Please give me the name of the hospital and her room number.”
Dani handed me a pen and a piece of scrap paper from her purse to write the info down on.
Lily and I said our goodbyes.
Logan, Dani, and Trevor came at me all at once, asking me at the same time what the hell had happened.
“Teva got hurt at work today. She’s in the hospital. You all go eat. I’m going to head over there.”
Their faces turned white.
“Is she okay? Do you want me to come with you?” Dani put her hand on my arm.
“No. You go with the guys. I’ll let you know what’s going on as soon as I find out.”
“Let me go back inside and let the engineers know we’re done for the day.” Trevor bolted for the main entrance to the studio without waiting for an answer.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I assured my sister. I hated to sound so authoritative, but I needed to go. The fact my hands shook at the possibility of something happening to Teva was more overwhelming to me than the thought of the injury she’d sustained. “You have to eat and take care of yourself. Logan, will you make sure Dani g
ets home?”
“Of course, bro, anything you need, I’ll take care of it.”
And I knew he meant it too. We were brothers til the end.
33
Teva
My head pounded and my ribs ached whenever I made the slightest move. The doctor stood next to my bed, filling me in on what had happened and on my condition. Another Workers’ Comp issue because I’d gotten hurt on the job. Shit, the hospital would have to take out a new liability policy on my behalf alone with all the injuries I’d sustained lately.
The doctor kept talking, but all I could think about was my urgent need for something to take the edge off the pain. His words were going in one ear and out the other. I mean, come on, I knew the signs to watch for when it came to concussions. As far as my ribs were concerned, time would help them mend.
“Do you have any questions?” The doctor typed notes into the laptop on the portable rolling table.
I shook my head.
Ouch! Bad idea.
I winced and placed my hand on my head. It didn’t help ease the discomfort.
“I’ll have the nurse bring you some acetaminophen.”
What a novel idea. I had only been asking for it for almost an hour.
“I would appreciate that very much. Can you also send my friend back in when you leave?” I kept my sarcasm hidden, believing in the whole “you catch more flies with honey” thing.
He agreed, typed a few more notes, then made his exit.
Who would have thought I’d be lying in a hospital bed after being bulldozed by a patient? Certainly not me. It almost felt surreal. Things were getting crazy in the psych ER. I wondered if other hospitals had the same issues we did.
The sky was cloudy out the window. A perfect metaphor for how I felt—hazy with a chance of rain.
“Hey girl. I reminded the doc to order you something for pain. He said he knew and informed me he wrote the orders.”
Lily sat on the chair next to my bed, blocking my view of the window. I motioned for her to move. I wanted to see outside. It brought me solace.