by Amber Lacie
“Because he’s her ex?”
“No, because he still lives in the area. Which most likely means he’s the tie to her dad’s company.”
“Not anymore.”
Theron reached for my arm, but I stepped back out of his reach. “Whatever you are thinking, it’s not a good idea. You want to be with her, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then let her fight whatever is happening on her own.”
My brain was telling me he was right, however, my heart held its own opinion. The last time I ignored it, I ended up walking away from the best thing to ever happen to me. I’d be damned if I was making that mistake twice.
Tomorrow I was going make my little vixen come clean about everything. The hard part was going to be keeping my hands clean until I could get to her. Looking at Theron in his yellow vest while they measured his arms gave me a laugh. At least I will have something to entertain me while I wait. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I took a quick picture of Theron and sent it to Eve.
“Come on, man. I didn’t sneak pics of you.”
“That’s your problem, not mine. Besides, I sent it to Eve. It’s not like she’s going to put it online.” I gave him my best smile knowing that, as I stood there watching him get fitted, there was a good chance Eve was already posting his picture with a clever tagline. A few seconds later my phone chimed with a new message. My thumb slid across the screen and opened to a picture of Theron with ‘My handsome honeybee’ written under it. Laughing, I slid my phone back into my jeans.
“She did, didn’t she?” Theron asked, mortified.
“Oh, yeah, she did. You’re such a cute honey bee,” I chuckled.
“Fuck you.”
I was right––the next few hours were entertaining. After the tux fitting we had to swing over to Robert’s place to grab some of the gifts that were already arriving. His fiancé felt the gift table would look better if it included all of the gifts, not just the ones brought that day. Her shrill voice over Robert’s car speakers echoed around us as we drove back towards his parents. I ended up popping my ear buds in trying to distract me from her, as well the uncomfortable feeling of having my legs pressed up against the dash. There was never enough leg room. All I kept thinking was, If he goes through with it all, he will forever have to answer to her. He is a much braver man than me.
Evan
I t was after nine when I was finally able to crash onto the bed waiting for me back at Theron’s guesthouse. The entire day had drained me, but I still had research to do. Reluctantly, I grabbed my laptop and made myself comfortable. I thought about pouring myself a glass of whiskey, but I needed to focus on Chandeleer, and how to get Kayla as far away from it as I could. Drinking wasn’t an option.
The benefit of doing what I do is all of the connections I have made in the past. After a few quick phone calls and one text, I had five people combing not only the layout of the building, but also following Paul, as well as tracking all of his assets. I was just about to hit send on another text, when Kayla’s name lit up the screen on my phone, followed by a stream of texts, assaulting me.
You suck.
What the hell? What am I sucking?
I hate you.
Why?
Your face is sexy and stupid and I hate it.
Whomever was texting me…it wasn’t the Kayla I knew. Where are you?
Where your stupid face isn’t.
She has to be drinking. Not helping your cause. Are you drunk?
Nopes. I just had drinks. Why do you care?
Because you’re my girl.
I’m not yours. You can’t make me like you.
Stop avoiding the question. Where are you? Just give me something to work with. Anything. A minute went by with no reply, so I texted her again. Where. Are. You.
OMG. FINE––I’m at home. Today sucked and my heart hurts. You just make it worse. I just want someone to love me. I don’t want to be used anymore. I won’t be.
Either Paul or her dad had hurt her. That much was obvious. In that very moment, I made a promise to myself, once I found them, I would eliminate them from this world. No one was going to make her cry anymore. She was hurting, and I was way too far away from her. Within minutes I was in my Jeep, headed towards my beautiful blonde angel. I was going to make things better.
The loud pounding from my fists echoed in the hallway of her building. “Kayla, open the door,” I shouted, pounding on her door again. After waiting with no response, I sent her a text.
Come open the door.
No. You do it.
Baby, I can’t. I’m not inside your apartment. Open the door for me.
I could see her shadows blocking out the thin line of light escaping from beneath the door.
Please don’t make me cry.
Never.
A moment later, the latch behind the door softly clicked and it slowly opened, revealing the saddest eyes I had ever seen, surrounded by a mess of long blonde curls. Thin black lines ran down her cheek as she wiped her nose.
“Why are you here?” she stammered.
“Because this is where you are. Why are you crying?” I asked in concern.
A deep sob racked through her body as she crumpled to the floor, clutching a mess of tissues in her hand. They broke her. “Am I being punished? I just don’t understand,” she sobbed between breaths.
Picking her up off of the floor, I carried her to the couch and sat her down in front of me. Keeping my eyes locked on hers, I asked, “Why would you think that?”
“I killed them. I don’t know what I did. I read all the books, and I measured everything. I even made sure the chemicals were right and I killed them anyways.”
Confusion painted my face. “Who?” My eyes scanned her apartment trying to pull the fragmented pieces she was giving me into one clear picture. That’s when my eyes fell on the fish tank. Three small orange fish floated lifelessly in the water. Not even a flick of a fin. “Your fish? You think you killed them?”
“I know I did. It had to have been me.”
Placing a soft kiss on her forehead, I walked over toward the tank and checked to make sure the filter was still running. As I got closer an odd scent hit my nose. Grabbing an open bottle of water off the table next to the tank, I smelled it. Bleach. Someone had poured bleach into the water.
“Kayla, when is the last time you cleaned the tank?”
“I don’t know. A few weeks ago? Jyllyan brought home some bottled water for me so I could change their tank. I promise I’m not a bad person. I tried so hard to take care of them. I changed their water and made sure to top it off if it got low.”
“And this is the water you used?” I asked, holding up the bottle.
“Yeah––but not that specific bottle. I was gone for a few days, so Jyllyan was doing it. Why does God hate me?”
Carefully setting the bottle of water down, I walked back over to her. Kayla’s heart was so pure. For fucks sake, she was crying over fucking goldfish. Pulling her into my lap, I brushed the hair from her face. “They’re fish. They don’t last forever.”
“Fuck you, Evan. I know that, okay? But they were mine, and they were all I could have. I get it now––if I can’t keep fish alive, why the fuck would I deserve a baby? God knew I was fucked up, so he punished me.”
A thousand knives slammed into my chest. This was so much more than fish, and once again, I was an asshole for not knowing better. “Baby, no––that’s not how that works. No one is punishing you.”
“Prove it. First, Paul leaves me because I can’t have kids. Then you show up and disappear like a fucking ghost. Next, my father takes Paul under his wing and blames me for everything. I was a whore and now I am paying the price.” She began to sob once again.
The tick in my jaw tightened with every word that fell from her mouth. Who the fuck favors a cheating bastard over their own kid? Fuck Paul and her dad. They are going to pay.
“Fuck both of them. Neither deserves you. You loved th
ose fish, didn’t you?”
“Please don’t make fun of me,” she pleaded.
“Never.” I lifted her tiny body from mine and set her back on the cushion beside me. One thing I have learned about grief over the years is the need to say goodbye. If you don’t get that closure it will eat at you until your world eventually collapses.
After rummaging through the kitchen, I found a small plastic bowl to put the fish in. Carefully scooping each one out of the tank, I gently placed them in the bowl. They are going to get a proper burial, or at least as close to one as a fish can get.
I made sure everything in the bathroom was set up perfectly. A candle was lit on the back of the toilet and I had placed a few fake flowers from the large vase in the corner along the rim. If someone would have walked in at that moment they would have declared me insane and taken me away. But I wasn’t insane––I was head over heels for the girl with a broken heart just outside the doorway I was standing in. She didn’t deserve to hurt like this––no one did.
“Kayla, I’m going to need you,” I said softly. Sniffling she wiped her nose on her tissue and walked over to stand next to me in the doorway. “Before I start, did they have names?”
“Yes, but don’t laugh.”
“Never.”
“So, the tiniest one was Swim Shady because he hid a lot. The one with a fancy tail was Captain Cuntfins because he liked to show off a lot, and the last one was Huck Fin. He was my favorite.”
Fuck me. How the hell am I supposed to say those names and keep a straight face? Religion wasn’t my forte, but I prayed to the Gods anyway, because at that moment, I needed help. Taking a deep breath, I held her hand in mine as I began to speak.
“Swim Shady, Huck Fin, and…I’m sorry, what was the last one again?”
“Captain Cuntfins.”
“Right.” Clearing my throat, I started again. “Swim Shady, Huck Fin, and Captain Cuntfins weren’t just any fish, they belonged to my beautiful girl, which makes them the most amazing fish to have ever swim on this Earth. You will be missed.” Carefully pouring the contents of the small bowl I was still holding into the toilet water, I pushed the lever. Kayla wrapped her arms around my waist and within in seconds they were gone.
Her big eyes had so much life and sparkle in them that I often forgot how much smaller she was than me. That night was different. The sparkle had faded from her eyes and I couldn’t get over how small––how fragile she looked to me. Her tiny frame stood, desperately clinging to mine. Not wanting her to break, I carried her into her room and laid her on her bed.
I could hear her sniffle as I moved around the apartment, cleaning up the wine bottles, tissues, and the full glass of wine she still had sitting on the counter. Grabbing a clean glass from the dish rack near the sink, I filled it up with ice and cold water before heading back toward her room.
“I’m sorry about your fish,” I whispered.
“You gave my fish a eulogy––” She seemed shocked.
“I did.”
“In the bathroom…with a lit candle and everything.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I handed her the glass and sat beside her. “Are we going to keep talking about the fish, or are you going to tell me what happened today.” I could tell by the way she puffed up her chest that she was going to argue with me, so I cut her off with a kiss to her forehead. “Don’t get mad, but I know something happened. You can’t hide things from me. It’s my nature to dig for the truth. If you don’t tell me, I’ll find out on my own.”
A heavy sigh fell from her lips as she tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “My meeting today was with Paul. And before you say anything, I know I fucked up. Okay?” I held my hands up in front of me waving a white flag of truce. She was finally talking to me and I was not about to stop her. Kayla took a sip of water and pulled her knees to her chest. She looked at me, dropped her head, and whispered, “I hate him.”
“Then why go? Why put yourself through that?”
“Because I needed the money. Things were going great until I switched jobs within the company. They promised me a raise. I never got one. Then, after six months, they cut my hours. Not just mine, though, they cut everyone’s. They called it ‘downsizing’. It’s not like I could go back to my old position, they had outsourced it.”
Wiping away one of her tears with my thumb, I tilted her face up to meet mine. “What happened today? Fuck what happened yesterday. Tell me why he made you cry.”
“My father contracts me out for logistics sometimes. I went to them for help because I was drowning in debt. I hate working for him, but it is what it is. Paul was supposed to bring me some bids to look at today, but he showed up empty handed. Then, he told me I was basically fired, followed by him asking if I had a date to the wedding. Apparently, my father told him I was in the market for one.”
“I’ll fucking kill him.” I was pissed, and everything she told me only added fuel to the fire.
“Hold on, big guy, there’s more. When I laughed at him for thinking I would take him he threw our relationship back in my face. He said I couldn’t blame him for looking up other skirts when mine was broken. I snapped. The next thing I knew he was laying on the ground with blood on his face, and I was being escorted into a back room of the restaurant.”
I have never in my life been so pissed off and proud at the same time. Picturing her knocking Paul on his ass made me feel proud. On the other hand, I was pissed at him for thinking he could talk to her that way. “I came over here tonight thinking I could save you from whatever happened, but it seems to me you already did that.”
“I did, and my knuckle still hurts from it. See?” Holding up her right hand, she showed me her middle knuckle, which happened to be slightly larger than the rest.
“I’m impressed. When Eve hit Thomas, she broke her hand. You’re tougher than you look.”
“Not really. A couple years ago Eve and I took some self-defense classes because some guy tried to feel me up at a bar. Theron took care of it for me, but I wanted to be able to take care of myself. We didn’t learn any crazy karate or anything, just basic self-defense.”
Clenching my jaw, I took a breath, “What do you mean Theron took care of it? Did the guy live?”
“No one killed anyone. He pushed the guy off and got him removed from the bar.”
“Then he didn’t take care of it. If I were there the guy wouldn’t be walking right now.”
She chuckled, and I looked down to catch her looking up at me. Her eyes were big and beautiful, completely back to normal. “I was drunk when I texted you earlier. You didn’t have to come here.”
“Drunk or not, you were here. It only made sense that I was here too.”
“Why? Why now?”
“To be honest, I failed you. I failed both of us. It shouldn’t be a now. I should’ve stayed then. I’m not good at this stuff.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I tried to explain it the best I could. “When I left, I tried to escape everything. You were the exception.”
“Oh.” She looked shocked…and confused.
“Yeah, I know. Tomorrow, when you’re sober, we are going to discuss some things, but I think right now we should sleep.”
“Sleep? I could think of better things we could do,” she said with a devious smile.
Fuck me, if my dick didn’t jump when she started sliding her hands up my shirt. Grabbing her wrist, I pulled her fingers to my lips and kissed them softy. “Not tonight…not like this. Tomorrow you can decide if you still hate my stupid face. If you still think I’m good enough to keep around, then I will fuck you until you can’t walk. However, your headboard is going to need some padding first, because I’m won’t stop until I break you.”
She took a sharp breath and her lips parted, allowing her teeth to capture her bottom lip. Everything in my body was telling me to pull them to me and make them my own. But I didn’t. I wanted her to want me when she wasn’t hurting. I needed to know that she wanted me just like I wanted her.
That night, I lay awake, staring at her ceiling, her body curled up next to mine. I wasn’t the same person I was a few years ago when I found her in the gazebo. If anything, I was colder towards the world. Either way, I held her tight and closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hold it against me.
Kayla
H ot. That was the first thought in my mind when I opened my eyes. I was way too hot. Brushing the hair from my face, I stared at the source of the heat. Evan was lying beside me with one arm behind his head and the other lying at his side, stretched out towards me. I had woken up a few times during the night to find his body wrapped around mine. He had clung to me like a child does their teddy bear. It was cute for about the first two minutes, but then the sweat started, so I had to push him off me. The man was a furnace.
My head felt like it was going to split in half and then that half would spit again, the cycle repeating until nothing was left. There was no one else to blame but myself––and the three empty bottles of wine in the trash. Every time my world crumbles I lean on liquor…at least, I thought I did. After being sober and fitting all the pieces together, it seemed Paul was the repeating pattern. If I cleared my life of him for good, I was certain everything would improve exponentially.
Sitting up, I quietly pressed my feet to the floor as I reached for my phone lying on the bedside table. Two missed phone calls from Eve and one from Paul. Fuck him. I had no intention of ever returning another one of his calls. If my father chose to cut me off because of it, then so be it. I would have to deal with my problems one at a time. The first: Cutting off Paul. I mentally checked my list and added ‘Figuring out Evan’ to slot number two. He was an enigma; silent, stealthy, handsome, and confusing all at the same time. I had no idea what to expect from him from one minute to the next. We went from hot to cold, then freezing to boiling. My mind and body were both mixed up from the temperature changes.