by M. O. Kenyan
“I do. I am asking you to spend forever with me, with the knowledge that I could never love you or…”
“Or have sex with me. Rubi has pointed out my lack of sex appeal a few times.”
“That’s far from it.” His gaze took in every inch of her covered body. Everything about her said stay away. Plus, her cardigans were more of a stop sign, a road block. “You could change your look without having to expose your leg. It’s obvious that’s what’s making you self-conscious.”
“That, and the fact that there is a better looking version of me out there. Why have Rae when you can have Rubi?”
“Okay, we are getting nowhere. Let’s just go to my house.”
“I thought you had a loft. Rubi told me about it. That and everything she has lost, not including you.”
“I took your sister there. I’d rather not have any more reminders of her.”
“Then you are going about this the wrong way.” Rae pointed at her face and smiled.
“Yeah, I got that.”
“So you get your revenge, and I get a life away from Rubi.”
Something in her tone told Yvan that she wasn’t convinced about what he was offering her. Who could blame her? He wasn’t totally sure either.
“What do you want?” he asked. “The money and the lifestyle aren’t enough?”
“I’m not interested in that.”
“I figured. So what do you want?”
“A friend, someone I can talk to. I want to wear shorts and not have to feel guilty just because it makes you uncomfortable. I want someone who likes me because I’m Rae Santos. I want you to be nice to me because I’m a person and not just because I’m a cripple.”
“You are not a cripple.”
“And you are not a bad man, but you insist on acting like one.”
“I’m the devil himself, my little angel.” Yvan chewed the corner of his lip. It was a bad habit he’d developed, but it was a sign that he was seriously thinking things over. “You want a friend, I want a savior. I think we’ll suit just fine.” He reached over and took her hand. Rae yelped in pain and pulled it back. He frowned. “You can’t be that fragile.”
“I’m not, I’m just… My hand hurts, that’s all.”
“Why?”
“It’s nothing.”
Honest Rae had told her first lie. Yvan pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned his overhead light on. He had to see what a lying Rae looked like. No doubt it was one for the record books, maybe even a wonder of the world.
“You are lying to me. I don’t want to think that the only honest person I know is turning into a liar. I couldn’t have contaminated you that fast, you’ve only spent an hour with me. What’s wrong?”
“I’d rather not say.” Rae pulled the sleeve of her sweater down and fisted it in her palm. She was hiding something.
“Rae, are you hurt?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“I’d rather not say.”
At least she wasn’t lying.
“Give me your hand.”
“No.”
Yvan let out a frustrated breath and gently took her arm. He pushed her sweater up and saw an angry-looking red swelling on her wrist. No way had he done that. He hadn’t grabbed her that hard. At the orphanage his anger had gotten away from him, but he didn’t remember her saying her wrist hurt.
“Did I do this to you?”
“No.”
“Did Rubi do this to you?”
Rae didn’t answer. She wasn’t going to lie and was definitely not going to rat her sister out. Silence seemed to be how she dealt with questions she couldn’t give an honest answer to. It was as good as an admission to Yvan.
Lightning streaked the sky in a brilliant show of clashing spears. It was a perfect reflection of how he felt. He felt protective over Rae. No one had kept her safe from Rubi’s jealous rage. Now it was his duty to protect her, from Rubi and the world.
Yvan drove Rae to the emergency room. No doubt they would think he was the one who hurt her. He didn’t care what other people thought. He just needed Rae to be safe.
* * * *
Rae didn’t know what to say to the man with a permanent frown set on his face. She watched as he took her bag and walked away into the dark. The house was dimly lit, so that the night they left outside seemed to come in with them. Regardless of the fact that there was barely light in the house, there was no warmth. It didn’t feel like a home. It was as barren as the day it was built.
“I’ll show you to my room. I’d give you a room of your own, but I think my father is here. And the last thing we need—”
“—is for him to mistake me for Rubi and climb into my bed?”
“You’ve got to stop finishing my sentences like that. People might actually think there is something between us.”
“God forbid.” Rae knew he was teasing, but she couldn’t help but feel hurt. What would it take for a man like Yvan to see her as a woman? A new leg and a personality transplant. “So where are you going to sleep?”
“Where do you think?” Yvan’s brown eyes crinkled in the corners and his mouth settled into a gentle curve.
“I was afraid of that,” Rae murmured.
“You don’t have to worry. You are safe here.”
Rae saw a kindness in his smile, warmth…and something else that softened his features.
“I believe you,” she said.
“Because you trust me, or is it because you think I could never be sexually attracted to a woman with one leg who insists on hiding her body like a nun?”
“Well, at my age, I might as well be one.”
Ignoring that comment, he said, “Follow me.”
Rae paused at the bottom of the first step. She didn’t have that much of a problem when it came to climbing stairs as long as there weren’t many of them. However, looking at the winding stairway, she didn’t think she would be able to manage half of them. Her bridled pride wasn’t going to let her ask Yvan for help. She was fine on the first step, but the second was taken with a wince. Normally, she would be able to get halfway, but with Rubi’s anger still throbbing hot on her body, she couldn’t get far.
Swallowing hard and closing her eyes, she called out to Yvan. “I-uh…”
“Sure.” Yvan hurried back down the stairs. He looked into her eyes for a second before he bent over and scooped her into his arms.
Rae felt a chill of awareness slither down her spine as the heat from his touch penetrated through her clothes and branded her flesh. She bit her tongue and buried her face in his shoulder, anything to keep her from making any sound or saying something that would leave her thoroughly embarrassed and scar her for life.
Yvan cleared his throat and Rae looked up to see a large, open door. She hadn’t even realized that they had arrived.
“Do you want me to carry you in or should we save the over-the-threshold stuff for tomorrow?”
“Just put me down.”
It felt weird to be on her feet, like she was floating on a cloud or a sensation equally irrational.
“This is a big room,” she said. “The size of my apartment actually.”
“It’s okay.”
Rae noticed that Yvan hadn’t crossed into the room. He just stood there on the outside, a frown on his face and his hands behind his back.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said.
Nights of solitude weren’t new to Rae, but watching Yvan retreat left a void in her chest that quickly began to fill with fear—a quiet, defeated sort of panic that guaranteed her the right to any hurt, one that she believed no one could possibly understand.
She lay on the big bed and wrapped the cold sheets around her body, and with deep, wracking sobs, she cried herself to sleep.
* * * *
The next afternoon Rae couldn’t stop trembling. She was standing before an old man with a permanent frown around his mouth. His voice rattled on like a stone in a tin can as he read out their marriage vows. His
red hair, shot through with silver, bounced with each nod he made.
“I do,” Yvan said.
Yvan drew her into his arms. Rae fell into the protective embrace that had woken up a burning passion inside her. One day he would fall in love with her, she hoped, because at that moment, when the sun’s rays peeked into the room and fell with affection upon his glowing face, she knew she could love him forever.
Rae had always believed in love at first sight. She had read about it in books and watched it in movies. Rubi thought it was naïve of her, but Rae always knew. Now she was standing before the justice of the peace, about to kiss the man she hoped could love her one day.
Her eyes were just about to shut as his lips lowered to hers. When she looked into his she noticed that he wasn’t focused on her but on someone behind her. Her own eyes were probably dream-shadowed but his gave Rubi a penetrating look. She knew it was Rubi…who else could make his usually calm, honey-brown look turn into that of a stormy sunset? Plus, she could feel Rubi’s mocking smile burn into her back.
This wasn’t her wedding day, it was a nightmare. Too bad she was wide awake.
Chapter 4
Yvan didn’t expect Rae to turn her head away at the last minute. Instead of seizing her lips for a passionate display for Rubi, he ended up kissing her cheek. A chaste kiss that most likely resembled that given to an older woman one respected—a teacher, or a nun at a Catholic school. Great, just great.
At the tiny lunch his mother had arranged, Yvan sat next to Rae. Across from him was his father, nibbling on Rubi’s ear. And his mother sat with her arm around her pool boy. This was his family and Yvan couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself. Another look at his father and Yvan noticed the old man’s amused grin, deepening the grooves that framed his mouth.
“It takes a good man to leave his girlfriend to his father and marry…”
“A cripple?” Rubi asked.
“And it takes a whore to sleep with both father and son,” Yvan’s mother said.
“Says the grandmother sitting at the table with her midlife crisis,” Rubi responded.
“Yes, but at least my midlife crisis knows he won’t be getting anything more than trinkets and sex with his mistress. Do you?” His mother’s triumphant smile unnerved Yvan. It made her look calculating, evil. “You do realize that your sister bagged the only available D’Alessandro. My husband may buy you things and give you change, but your sister is the smart one. She got the goose and not just the egg.”
“Maybe you should take it easy on the booze, Mrs. D’Alessandro. Ronaldi is the goose. And I will marry the goose.”
His mother laughed. Yvan didn’t know if she thought Rubi’s misconceptions about his father were funny or if she just realized that Rubi had been misled. “If Ronaldi marries you, he loses everything. Sweetheart, D’Alessandro’s don’t get divorced. It’s the only way they can keep their money. But they can have as many affairs as they want. You aren’t the first and most certainly won’t be the last. But you know who is always going to be here—me. And now Rae.”
Yvan had been sitting in silence, watching his mother’s horrific display, fuming at how intimately his father touched Rubi. He couldn’t help thinking about the fact that only days before his hands had been doing the same thing his father’s were now doing. Yvan had been so engrossed in his own anger that he had forgotten about Rae…that was until his mother mentioned her. A look at Rae and Yvan could tell she was enjoying the spectacle before them. However, her expression was completely void of any emotion. She stared at her plate often, not looking at him.
“Rae, are you all right?”
“Don’t mind her. She’s used to being ignored.” Rubi gave him a bawdy wink.
His gaze went back to Rae, and he watched as she slowly rose from her chair and walked away without a backward glance.
“Is she dumb as well as lame?” his father asked.
Yvan decided it was time to take his leave. He went into the den and started on his fifteen-year-old scotch.
* * * *
Yvan stood at Rubi’s front door. His fist had a mind of its own as it knocked. Rubi opened it, wearing red silk shorts and a matching spaghetti-strap top. He had bought them for her on one of their weekend trips. Yvan took a step into the house and pulled Rubi’s body flush against his own. She opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with a brutal kiss. He wanted to calm the raging madness inside him that demanded he take Rubi. He was going to have her any way he wanted and punish them both with pleasure.
Yvan turned her around and pressed her up against the wall. He pulled her shorts off, and just as he suspected, she had nothing underneath. He massaged her ass as he used his feet to spread her legs.
“Yeah, baby, give it to me good,” Rubi said in a lust-filled moan.
“Shut up,” Yvan commanded.
He had just begun to undo his belt when Rubi spoke again. “If you are here, it means my innocent little sister isn’t that good in bed. Or maybe you didn’t even touch her. Did she lock herself in the bathroom, hiding from the big, bad wolf? She must have seen your huge dick and had a panic attack. The bitch is hopeless. But don’t worry, you can have me anytime and anywhere you want. Come on, baby, what are you waiting for?”
The alcohol haze blocking his better judgment seemed to clear in an instant. He looked at his left hand. There was no ring, no symbol that he was married. He stared at the woman in front of him—she was so cold and evil, nothing like the sweet girl waiting for him at his home. Yvan looked down at Rubi’s legs and immediately felt like they weren’t right. His wife had one leg, a kind and trusting heart, and was probably sitting up waiting for him.
He leapt back as if Rubi’s body scorched his hands. “What am I doing here?”
Rubi turned around, licking her lips. “You’re here because you know no one can fuck you like I can.”
“I have a wife.” The words buzzed around his ears. I have a wife, he said to himself. “You are never going to see me again. You aren’t worth my time or effort. I’m never going to think about you again. The revenge is over.”
“If the revenge is over, divorce that crippled bitch.”
Yvan hated that his gaze followed her fingers as they caressed her inner thigh and toyed with the curly hairs at her center.
“D’Alessandro’s have affairs. I don’t mind being a mistress.”
“I’m not my father.” Yvan backed away from her. He realized the door was still open. Was he so crazy that he was about to have sex with her with the whole world watching? He turned around and walked away, Rubi’s cruel laughter nipping at his heels.
His lust baffled him. It refused to give word or heed to the reality happening around him. As he stared at nothing, stillness settled within him like fractured pieces of time. The cool air hit his face and Yvan made himself a promise. He wasn’t going to touch another drop of alcohol in his life. He needed something to blame and his drinking was the villain for now.
When Yvan got back home he stood at his bedroom door, not sure whether or not to go in. He knocked and Rae opened the door. Her eyes were red-rimmed and tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Were you with her?”
Lie. But he couldn’t. Not to Rae. “Yes.”
“Did you kiss her?”
Not really. “Yes.”
“Did you have sex with her?”
I wanted to, but I didn’t. However, that didn’t seem like an appropriate answer, so instead he said, “Almost.”
Rae nodded as if she understood. But she didn’t. Hell, he didn’t understand.
“Your father was here. He said something about Madrid.”
“Did you let him in?”
“No.”
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
“It’s my room.”
“Apparently it’s mine too.” Rae’s calm face suddenly darkened.
“I’m not going to spend my entire marriage standing outside my bedroom door begging you to let me
in.”
“Well,” she huffed. “When you can manage to want me and not my sister I will let you in. Until then…” Rae shrugged her tiny shoulders.
“You don’t get it.”
“Actually, I do. You like me—pure Rae, sweet Rae, Rae who doesn’t lie. But you want my sister’s body. It’s not as if I could fool you…you know, pretend to be Rubi. The second you take my skirt off you’ll realize that I’m not her.”
Yvan felt his heart slowly hush as a fresh tear rolled down her cheek. It killed him that he was causing her so much pain. So, as his hand cupped her cheek, his heart beat in its unbroken silence of death. Everything that he thought he felt and desired from Rubi died at that moment.
“May I hold you?” he asked.
“No.” Rae pulled his hand away. “You should probably go speak to your father.”
* * * *
Rae banged the door closed before her resolve weakened and she let Yvan in. She pulled her prosthetic leg off her throbbing stump and sank to the floor. As much as Rae tried not to, she could almost envision Yvan and Rubi together. His lips probably traced heated kisses from Rubi’s lips to her neck and body. But Yvan said they hadn’t slept together. Rae didn’t have a reason to believe him though.
She got to her single foot and decided it was time to go to the place she felt at home...the orphanage. When she came down for late breakfast, Yvan was in the dining room engaged in a shouting match with his father.
“You have to go to Madrid.”
“I can’t. I just got married.”
“Take her with you.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Ronaldi barked out a laugh. “Your one-legged wife not sexy enough for you? Aside from her missing limb, I am quite sure that with her clothes off she’s just as hot as her sister.”
Rae cleared her throat as she walked into the room. Her appetite had now disappeared. She looked at Yvan and said, “I’m going to work.”
“I shall leave you two.” Ronaldi walked by her and lightly brushed up against her.
“Don’t pay any attention to him. He’s just a pathetic old man,” Yvan said bitterly.
“Pathetic…is it because he was also sleeping with your girlfriend, or is it because he now wants to sleep with your wife?” Rae moved to a chair when a sharp pain shot up her leg. Her limp more pronounced than ever, she didn’t try to hide it from him.