by E. L. Todd
After a minute of silence, the judge pronounced his decision. “We’ll reschedule. But this is the only postponement you’ll receive.”
“Thank you, your honor.” Judge Bates and I were on good terms. I served my internship directly under his wing, and he was a good friend to my father. I suspected his bias would come in handy for the trial.
At least luck was on my side.
“We’ll reconvene the following week.” Judge Bates struck his mallet down. “We’ll let the jury know.”
When I turned to leave I got another look at Peter. His face was blank, without an ounce of emotion whatsoever. He looked like a serial killer, someone who was unable to feel a single ounce of remorse.
Moments like this made me wish we had the death penalty.
***
Since I had a long lunch that day, I decided to stop by Rose’s office. Now that our relationship reached a new level, I could come and go whenever I wanted. I didn’t need to make up a reason to see her.
I walked inside and saw her working at her desk. A mechanical pencil was in her hand and her eyes were glued hard to her paper. A calculator and a protractor sat beside her. She was so absorbed in her work she didn’t even notice me walk inside.
“Hey.”
She dropped her pencil in surprise. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” She clutched her heart and looked up, her eyes unusually bright. She wore jeans and a t-shirt, what she always wore to work. Her office was unnaturally cold, so I suspected that was why she never wore dresses or skirts.
“Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart.” I walked further inside her office and placed my hands in the pockets of my suit. Whenever I was dressed like this she paid more attention to me. I suspected she liked the way my body filled it out, my shoulders broad and my chest powerful.
“You’re fine.” Like never before, she rose from behind her desk and came toward me. Normally, she remained in her chair and just stared at me. But now she was going out of her way to give me affection.
I hoped it would be a kiss this time.
She wrapped her arms around my waist and moved into my body, her face pressed against my chest. She was wearing flats, so she was shorter than usual.
I held her against me and rested my chin on her head. She was the perfect height and shape to fit within my arms. If I could hold her forever, I would. My heart beat at a certain pace just for her, so slow that it might stop altogether. She was a tide of peace that washed over me.
“How are you?”
“Good,” she whispered. “You?”
“Really good—now that you’re here.”
I grinned from ear-to-ear. “Can I take you to lunch?”
“Please.”
I grabbed her hand and guided her out of the office. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Anything but pizza.”
“What do you have against pizza?”
“I had it last night.”
“How about sandwiches?” We were right outside a sandwich shop anyway.
“I could go for a sandwich.”
We ordered our food then sat at a table near the window. She took small bites of her sandwich, barely eating anything even though she was hungry. She ate unnaturally slow for a person, and I suspected that was why she was so thin.
Now that our relationship was different I didn’t feel guilty for staring at her. I did it when I wanted and however long I wanted. My eyes were glued to her face and I spotted the miniscule freckle in the corner of her mouth. No matter how many times I looked at her I always spotted something new. The feature I was most obsessed with her were lips. They were full and curved, and I desperately wanted to feel them against my mouth. I’d give anything to kiss her—just once.
When she realized I was staring at her she met my gaze. Instead of looking awkward or uncomfortable like she used to, she stole a chip from my bag and ate it. She was at ease around me, basking in my attention.
“Have you thought about coming with me to the wedding?” I wanted her by my side the entire time. France was a beautiful place, innately romantic. Maybe our relationship would pick up and progress. Maybe being in a new place would give her a fresh start.
“Yeah.”
“And what have you decided?” If she said no, I wouldn’t be able to hide my disappointment. I was looking forward to this trip, eating cheese and drinking wine. She would only say no if she wasn’t comfortable with me, and I hoped that wasn’t the case. Up to this point I’ve been able to hide my sadness when I didn’t get my way. But I wasn’t sure if I could do it anymore.
“I’d love to go—if you’ll have me.”
I couldn’t stop the smile from stretching across my face. “I’ll always have you.”
***
It was nine in the evening on a Wednesday and I was standing in front of her door. No matter what I did I couldn’t get to sleep despite the fact I had a long day tomorrow. I tossed and turned and found myself wide-awake.
Perhaps Rose could help me.
She opened the door, clearly not expecting to see me at this time of night. She was ready for bed, wearing pajama shorts with a t-shirt. Her hair was in a messy bun and her face was free of make up. But she made the look sexy. “Hey. Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine.” I didn’t walk inside like I normally would. This behavior should be okay, but I didn’t want to push my luck. “I’m having a hard time sleeping. I have an early day tomorrow but nothing I do puts me out. I was hoping I could crash here. I always sleep well when I’m with you.”
All the anxiety left her face when I finished speaking. “Of course.”
I walked inside, glad I was getting my way. At some point in time I expected her to take a step back from our relationship, to get freaked out over how close we’d become. But thankfully, that didn’t happen. She was in this for the long haul.
And so was I.
We went into her bedroom just as we did last time, and once my clothes were off we cuddled together under the covers. I spooned her from behind, my arm tucked tightly around her waist. My face rested against the back of her neck, inhaling her scent like a drug. The second I was in position, I was comfortable. I was in a peaceful place, where nothing could bother me.
“Kyle?”
“Sweetheart?”
“Is there anything I need for the wedding?”
“Nothing but your dancing shoes.” My lips moved brushed past her skin as they moved.
“You’ll dance with me?” The smile was in her voice.
“Yes. And I’m an amazing dancer.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah.”
“I look forward to it.”
I tightened my arm and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent.
“Will your whole family be there?”
“Just my mother and I, along with a few close friends.” Both of my parents had been only children, and my grandparents were gone. So, my family had always been small.
“Your sister isn’t coming?”
I tried not to tense at her question. My sister had been gone for years now and I had enough time to heal, but whenever people asked about her I dreaded telling the story. It was heartbreaking—to me and everyone else. “No…she’s not.” I was still on the fence about telling Rose the truth. A part of me thought it would be a good thing. Rose would know that I’d been through something similar, that I understand exactly what she had been through. But then another part of me feared it would make her push me away. “My sister passed away a few years ago.”
“Oh…” She stopped breathing, letting my words echo.
I waited for the questions that were bound to come.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”
“What happened to her?”
It was the moment of truth. “She was walking home late one night in the city. Some guy snatched her, raped her, and then killed her.” Whenever I retold the story I forced myself to think about
something else. In that moment, I was thinking of the huge cucumbers she would grow in her garden. She refused to tell Mom and I what her secret was.
Rose’s entire body stiffened in panic when she heard the terrible tale. Her breathing increased rapidly, going from calm to distressed.
Now I wasn’t sure if telling her the truth was wise.
She turned around and faced me, the sadness heavy in her eyes. They were already coated with tears, her reaction immediate. She gave me the biggest look of pity in the world, like her heart just shattered in her chest. “Oh my god…” Her hand moved to my chest in an attempt to comfort me.
“It was hard for all of us. My dad passed away shortly after the trial. The doctors said it was a heart attack that took him, but I think it was a broken heart. He was devastated.”
“I can imagine…”
“Thankfully, the guy is sitting in jail for a life sentence. Now he can’t hurt anyone else.”
She stared at her hand as it rested on mine.
Now was the time for her to tell me the truth. I told her one of my darkest secrets, something that she experienced as well. I knew better than anyone what she had to go through and I wished she would confide in me. Rose was lucky enough to escape with her life. My sister wasn’t. Despite all the painful things she experienced, that was one thing she should be grateful for.
But she was silent.
Her eyes were glued to my chest and she breathed quietly, her face covered in a mask of pain. Her fingers dug into my chest gently, like she was reliving the past behind her eyes.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” We’d reached new levels of this relationship, and I felt entitled to the truth. I wanted her to trust me—completely. I wanted her to know that the past wouldn’t change our future.
But she still kept the secret to herself.
I tried not to be disappointed. I had no right to be since I’d never experienced anything like that first hand. But I wished she would see the significance. Before I knew about her past I felt a distinct connection. It happened the moment I laid eyes on her. And the moment I found out the truth I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. We both experienced severe hardships. And that brought us closer together.
I just wish she would realize that.
“I’m so sorry…”
“It’s okay.” I kept the disappointment out of my voice. She wasn’t going to confide in me, and I had to let that go. “It was a long time ago.”
“But that’s still so devastating…”
“It was. It is.” My sister and I weren’t particularly close but we loved each other like all siblings did. She was a beautiful person, on the inside as well as the outside. And she was the spitting image of our mother. Not a day went by when I didn’t think about her. “But we have to be strong and move on. If we focus too much on it we’ll become crippled. I know my sister wouldn’t have wanted that. We would want to treasure her memory and smile every time we thought about her, not imagine the brutal way she died.
She nodded.
“And putting her murderer behind bars gave my family some closure. It doesn’t erase what happened or bring my sister back, but it gave us some sort of satisfaction.”
She rubbed my chest gently, trying to comfort me.
And I’d put her assailant behind bars as well.
Rose pressed her forehead to mine then ran her fingers through my hair. She felt the soft strands gently, her eyes looking into mine. The sorrow burned from deep within her soul. She felt the same pain I did, carrying it as a burden so I wouldn’t carry it alone.
Her fingers slowly drifted down my cheek until they reached my jawline. She felt the stubble that started to come in immediately after I shaved. She felt each strand like she wanted to memorize it, to treasure it.
Her hand migrated to my chin. She felt the stubble there as well as the skin just below my bottom lip. Her eyes were glued to my mouth, appreciating it just the way I appreciated hers.
My body stiffened in anticipation.
She cupped my cheek in a loving way and moved in slightly, her lips almost touching mine.
It took all my willpower to remain still, to keep my hands and lips to myself. I wanted this, more than I could ever explain in words. My body was hot on fire and my heart was about to give out.
Rose crossed the last few inches and slowly pressed her mouth to mine.
Wow.
Her lips remained idle, sitting against mine. They were plump and firm, everything I suspected they would be. I could feel the softness of her skin, and when her deep breath fell on my upper lip my dick became hard.
I wished it wouldn’t.
Rose kept her mouth there, breathing hard and growing accustomed to the burn between our lips.
I’d never felt this sensation in my life. When I kissed other women I felt a spark that ignited into a fire. But with Rose, it was an inferno the moment we touched. My fingers sizzled, and my heart skipped a beat every few seconds. The kiss was sexless and practically PG but it was so sexy at the same time.
I couldn’t believe she kissed me.
She breathed into my mouth, her bottom lip trembling slightly. I could feel her hesitation as well as her desire. She wanted to kiss me more, kiss me harder.
And I hoped she would.
It took all my strength to not seize control of the moment and suck her lips until they were puckered in red. Naturally, I wanted to roll her to her back and kiss her hard, kiss her everywhere. I wanted to take charge of the moment and kiss her until her lips were chapped.
Somehow, I restrained myself.
Rose gently pulled away, our wet lips slowly breaking apart. The ecstasy was in her eyes, the same kind in mine. Her fingers slowly trailed down my cheek until they moved to my chest. Her breathing was still haywire.
I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to keep going and never stop.
Her fingers were digging into my chest, nearly breaking the skin, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes were still glued to my lips, as if she couldn’t believe what she just did.
I wanted to move in and keep going, but I didn’t want to pressure her.
She loosened her grip on my chest when she realized what she was doing. She quickly pulled it away, apologetic for hurting me.
My cock was rock-hard and unable to be subdued. That kiss brought it to life, made it crave something it hadn’t had in a long time. It desperately wanted Rose, to be inside her and never leave. I couldn’t just make it go away with a simple command. It would take several minutes, maybe an hour, for it to finally deflate.
Rose moved away from me slightly, putting space in between us again.
I didn’t want distance. I wanted our bodies to be so close together they formed a single entity. “I want to keep kissing you.” I had to train my body to do things differently. Instead of doing what I wanted I had to ask her permission first. Sometimes my desire blocked out all my logic and I turned into a carnal man in desperate need of affection. But I had to keep in mind how different this situation was. I couldn’t afford to take one wrong step.
With her breathing still irregular, she stared at my lips.
I held myself back, waiting for her consent.
“I…I’m sorry.” She started to move further away, getting out of the bed altogether.
“Sweetheart, that’s fine.” I grabbed her wrist and steadied her. “Please don’t go.”
She sat at the edge of the bed, her wrist still clamped tightly in my fingers.
“Come back.” I didn’t pull her in any direction. My fingers were just loose enough that she could pull away if she wanted to.
She turned back to me, the hesitance in her eyes. “I’m sorry…I’m not trying to lead you on or yank your chain—”
“It’s okay. Really.” I gently pulled her toward me, making her glide back into bed. “If you ever want to kiss me again, go for it. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine too.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear and avoided eye contact with
me. “Maybe this won’t work—”
“It will work.” I wasn’t letting go. “Just relax.” I released her altogether and got back into bed. I lay back and remained calm, wanting her to do the same. I rested one arm behind my head and breathed normally.
She got back into bed a moment later, pulling the sheets over her body.
I loved that kiss so much that I couldn’t regret it. But if it drove her away I’d have no other choice but to resent it.
“You must be frustrated with me. If you want to leave and be with someone else, I wouldn’t hold it against you.”
There was no one else in the world that compared to her. I moved next to her and wrapped my arms around her, making sure she couldn’t slip from my grasp. “I’m only frustrated when you push me away. Don’t say things like that. I don’t want anyone else but you.”
“But—”
“I don’t want anyone else but you.” I’d say it as many times as she needed to hear it. “Now let’s go to sleep. I don’t know about you but I have a long day tomorrow.” I spooned her from behind and kept my hips slightly out, not wanting her to feel the hard definition in my boxers. It would be unfair for her to hold that against me, something out of my control, but I kept it far away from her and avoided the problem altogether.
France
Rose
When I kissed Kyle I wasn’t thinking. The pull came over me, and my body leaned forward without thinking. A desire burned deep inside me, and the pain from his revelation hit me square in the chest. I wanted to comfort him.
I wanted to comfort myself.
That kiss sent me high into the sky—to the universe. It was powerful and earthshattering. I couldn’t keep my feet on the ground for even a second. My lips were so hot they burned, and the rest of my body ached in the same way. It was the first time I wanted to be with a man.
The kiss wasn’t the problem. The definition of his hard-on in his boxers wasn’t the problem ether.
I was the problem.
Could I be with him without telling him the truth? Would that be right? I had the perfect opportunity that night. His sister experienced the same nightmare I did. We shared a common experience. Of all people, he would understand.