JK Rowling Is A Wizard

by Alex C. McDonald

  I nodded to Beryl and we begin to shuffle out of the room. Beryl tapped me on the shoulder again.

  “What?” I said.

  “What are we going to do about these lot?” said Beryl. I looked up and realized that the entire office block had just seen me perform magic on the board and executive managers. They were all looking at me with a feared confused look on their faces.

  “Oh right,” I said and held up my umbrella. “Cuimhn ‘char as àirde.”

  Magic flowed out of my umbrella again and penetrated the minds of every office worker on that floor. They all turned to me with the same dumbfounded expression the executives of this company had done.

  “Right, what you just saw in there, you will all forget that happened. And me and my partner here, you will all cease to remember once we exit in that elevator over there,” I said, gesturing towards the elevator. “Do you all understand?” A number of ‘yesses’ came from various people. “Okay then. But the good news is that you all are probably going to keep you job, so you’re welcome.”

  I grabbed Beryl’s hand and coolly walked towards the elevator, the doors closed and I prayed that now everyone was doing exactly as we had planned. We would find out in the morning when the merger is supposed to be official and McKilson and Stanley were ruined.

  “What now, should we call for the limousine?” said Beryl as we exited the building.

  “No, I need to walk, I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight,” I said.

  “Me too. Let’s walk,” said Beryl.

  Chapter 20

  Winning

  That night was the most wonderful night I had ever spend with another human being. We walked the streets of London all night, chatting away. A lot of the time about Harry Potter, but also about life, our dreams and hopes. We stopped in at a pub every now and again for a quick drink here and there, sat on park benches. Ate. Caught the tube to various stations. Visited Buckingham Palace.

  I learnt all about Beryl’s dreams to help the world. Her passion for Celtic mythology and how she believed magic was going to help solve all of the world’s problems.

  “It’s true, you know,” I said as we sat in a late-night pub near London Bridge, mulling over a pint. “It’s a huge thing amongst Potter fans that the wizarding world never would help the world. I mean wizards and witches in Harry Potter can literally manifest water out of thin air, but there is nothing about them helping those in need of clean water in the world.”

  “I know Sean, and I know that tomorrow is a big morning for us, but it can’t be the end,” said Beryl.

  “What do you mean?” I said.

  “Look, let’s not jump in. We can enjoy the money for a bit, but let’s be honest this world of ours is a mess. No one in politics is doing anything real to help solve the world’s problems,” said Beryl.

  “What do you mean, Beryl?” I said.

  “Look, the most legendary leader of England is King Arthur, his tales have lived on for centuries and that’s because he had a wizard by his side the whole time advising him,” said Beryl.

  “Merlin,” I said.

  “Yes, Merlin, Sean. That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” said Beryl.

  “Are you talking about becoming some kind of ruler?”

  “Maybe, but not yet, I want to buy a Louis Vuitton bag first,” said Beryl and we both laughed together.

  The sun was rising as we trudged our way to Hyde Park, we had exhausted all conversation and were tired. Beryl lay down on a park bench and closed her eyes. I plonked myself down next to her and lay my head back.

  “Excuse me, excuse me, sir and madam?” said a voice, I looked up and it was a police officer.

  “You can’t sleep here, I’m sorry,” said the police officer.

  “I’m sorry officer,” I said. “What time is it?”

  “Quarter past-nine. Geez have you two had a big night or something?” said the officer who walked off. I rubbed my eyes and pulled out my smartphone. I flicked it across and clicked on my internet browser and headed straight for the news pages.

  My mouth dropped, it was all over the news as the headline story. Major merger between two huge Pharmaceutical Companies breaks down, McKilsson and Stanley Finances stocks plunge to pennies.

  “Beryl, Beryl,” I said.

  “What?” said Beryl.

  “It happened, we’re rich,” I said.

  “What? Really?” said Beryl snatching my phone off me and reading the headlines. She began screaming giddily and we both jumped up and began dancing around in joy.

  Chapter 21

  Schadenfreude

  About a week later, we had moved into a trendy penthouse in Soho and I was looking into renting some office space to continue building DA finances. I even had a couple of stockbrokers lined up to interview with me to help me grow. We had covered our tracks and paid back our initial 5 million to Abdul Rahmed Sarraf, who had returned to his Instagramming gig. Beryl and I, on the other hand, were 90 million pounds in the black. We were completely and utterly, legally rich.

  About a week later, it was a barmy night in London as I went for an evening walk by myself. In a jovial mood, I noticed a couple stumble out of a pub in the heat of an argument. I couldn’t help but look out of curiosity and suddenly realized that the young woman with straight black hair was Penny the girl I had fancied back at McKilsson and Stanley. She was laying into her boyfriend.

  “Oh my God, it’s Gary,” I said as I realized that the guy with his face in his hands was my once sinister colleague who had snatched my stock pitch from right under my nose. Here they were though, arguing with each other. I couldn’t help but listen in.

  “We’re ruined Gary, ruined!” said Penny screaming at him.

  “Look it will be all right,” said Gary.

  “How? You idiot. We’re two-hundred thousand pounds in debt and both out of a job,” screamed Penny.

  Whoa, two hundred quid. That’s a fair chunk of cash. Not for me, but probably for them.

  “Look, it was all going well, it was supposed to be a sure thing,” said Gary.

  “This was your deal Gary. Not only have you brought us down, but you’ve brought the whole company down too. No one in the world is going to hire you now! Your bad reputation will precede you,” said Penny.

  “All right, all right,” said Gary.

  The Germans call it schadenfreude. Meaning taking pleasure in other people’s misfortunes. And boy did I have a serious case of schadenfreude going on right now. I could feel my face smiling from end to end. I had to go and approach them.

  “What’s the plan Gary?” said Penny.

  “Hello, everything all right here?” I said smarmily.

  “What? Sean?” said Gary, he pointed his finger at me angrily. “You! You did this to me!”

  I quickly grabbed his finger, pulling his arm behind his back and then slammed him against the wall. Holding him tight.

  “No, Gary, you did this to yourself. Lost a bit of money have you? Well, do your research next time you slimey git,” I said. Man, that felt good. “There was never going to be a merger, you idiot. I didn’t tell you the whole story, APL were going to be pull out at the last minute, their stocks have risen because of it. And mine too. Unlike your predicament, I’m rich.”

  “What?” said Gary as I let him loose pushing him away. “You bastard!”

  “No, Gary, this is what happens to low-life’s like you from now on. Good guys don’t finish last they finish first. I’m going to change all that crap about slimey people like you getting the better of everyone. It’s going to end.”

  “I’ll find a way,” said Gary. “To get back at you.”

  “No, you won’t,” I said. “What you’re going to do though, is go back to your miserable life, pack up all of your belongings, and find something good to do with yourself. Because this city is changing and people with your outlook on life are no longer welcome.”

  “What outlook?” said Penny.

  “Oh
hi, Penny, Sean Morris is my name,” I said. “I used to work with you.”

  “Yes, I kind of remember. You were let go right?” said Penny.

  “Let go? Yes, fired actually, basically because Gary pinched my pitch, shame though he’s not smart enough to have waited around to hear the best bit,” I said. “Oh yes, and here’s another thing he took from me, you.”

  “I beg your pardon?” said Penny.

  “Look, I’m not saying you would have gone for me, perhaps not. But the truth is that day when Gary first asked you out for a drink, that second phone call you received was me,” I said.

  “I remember that,” said Penny.

  “Yes, sorry about my nerves and all, it’s just the only reason Gary asked you out is because during that lunchtime I had revealed to him that I was going to ask you out. So he did it to basically be an asshole,” I said.

  “He has done a number of asshole things in our relationship I must admit, but I always felt like he knew what he was doing with this big deal. He made me co-sign for a huge loan,” said Penny.

  “Did he? What an asshole,” I said.

  “Anyway, Gary. I wouldn’t bother ever trying to get back into the stock business, because I now own the biggest up and coming firm in London and I will do everything in my power to ensure you never, ever get hired again,” I said. I then turned around and walked off.

  “Sean, wait,” said Penny, I turned and looked at Penny. “Do you want to get a cup of coffee?”

  Now, I’m with Beryl and I am in love, but hell, the tears forming in Gary’s eyes were just too much for me to not turn this offer down.

  “I’d love to,” I said. I then took Penny’s hand and hailed a cab.

  The rest of the events that happened that night, well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.

  Chapter 22

  Where your loyalties lie

  The next year, Beryl and I spent building up DA finances. We grew to our huge office in London with over a 100 staff, I even gave Penny a job in the accounting department and helped her to settle her half of the debt she had accrued with Gary. Though I grew bored of my affair with Penny and we soon avoided each other around the office and kept to ourselves, realizing we weren’t a match. Besides, I had someone better, Beryl.

  Beryl inspired me to create a vision for DA. A vision that I had never even thought possible. We opened up offices in New York, Paris, Sydney, Luxembourg, Singapore, Hong Kong and Tokyo. The growth of our company seemed to have no bounds. One of my greatest achievements is when my personal bank manager called me to say the ‘B’ word.

  “You’re a billionaire, Sean,” he said. I was stunned. I immediately booked tickets for the whole company to fly to Tahiti and party for 4 days.

  The money still kept rolling in. All because of one thing, magic. Beryl and I fixed and manipulated so many deals that we were destined to climb the mountain as the richest people alive. Sure, it wasn’t all magic, we had the best finance people in the world working for us now, but magic played a huge part. Particularly on those slight hunch deals that a broker would present to us. We’d make those deals happen and reap the benefits.

  One afternoon when I was sat in my plush London office sipping on tea with Beryl, my personal assistant, Suzanne, walked in.

  “Um, sorry to burst in Mr. Morris, but the Chancellor of the Exchequer is here,” said Suzanne.

  “I beg your pardon, the government is here?” I said.

  “He is demanding to speak to you, immediately,” said Suzanne. I looked at Beryl who simply shrugged.

  “Okay then, send him in,” I said.

  In strode The Right Honorable George Hammond of the ruling Tory party. He walked in with a look of someone who expected respect, regardless of who was in front of me. It kind of annoyed me.

  “Mr. Morris, I presume?” said George.

  “Yes, George, is it?” I said, not standing up.

  “Yes, it is. May I sit?”

  “No, but you may ask my personal assistant if I have any meeting time available and then make an appointment,” I said. “I am very busy.”

  “Right, I suppose my sudden intrusion does warrant an apology,” said George. I sat there waiting for an actual sorry, but none came. “Listen Mr. Morris, I have been asked to come not as the Chancellor of the Exchequer, but as a representative of my party. The Prime Minister and other leaders of my party thought it best to send someone of higher ranking and respectability to talk to you. I thought otherwise, but here I am.”

  “Yes, here you are,” said Beryl. “I’m Beryl Wintersham by the way.”

  “Do you often do this, George? Walk into businesses around London unannounced?” I said.

  “This is a first, but yours is an exception,” said George. “You see Mr. Morris, we have become acutely aware that your business has become highly successful in a short period of time.”

  “Oh yes, you and every other media source out there. All you have to do is read the Evening Standard,” I said. “People leave copies on the tube all the time.”

  “Yes, but we have also noticed that you don’t seem to have any political affiliation yet. And we were wondering where your loyalties lie?” said George.

  “You mean you’ve come here looking for donations?” said Beryl.

  “Look, I have two tickets here for an upcoming ball at the Houses of Parliament. And I was wondering if you perhaps would like to come?” said George, he took out two tickets from inside his jacket pocket and gestured towards me.

  “You mean a fundraising event?” I said.

  “Yes, that is part of the program,” said George. I stood up and walked towards the Chancellor of the Exchequer.

  “This is new to me, Mr. Hammond. I’ve had media outlets hounding me, business insiders desperate to know what my secrets are to success, but this is a first and maybe not the last, a politician pandering to me,” I said.

  “The Party thought it would be best for me to come,” said George.

  “Why not send the Prime Minister?” I said.

  “Well, the Prime Minister cannot be seen to be doing this?” said George.

  “Really? Well, can we call her, like right now?” I said.

  “That would be extremely bad manners, Mr. Morris,” said George.

  “Really?” I said and then I began tearing up the tickets and dropped them on the floor. “Like the manners you displayed by just thinking you can walk right into my office? I wouldn’t be caught dead at any of your party’s fundraisers.”

  “Just as I had suspected. A juvenile delinquent who got lucky. I told them you wouldn’t come around,” said George.

  “You know what, George? You’re the Chancellor of the Exchequer. I’m supposed to come to you to ask you to do things, just like the other people of this country. But you don’t really do much, do you? You have backstabbed and lied and cheated to get to where you are. And now your kind of where you think you’re something, don’t you? Well you’re not. You’re just a blood-sucking vampire like the rest of them,” I said.

  “Clearly, I am not wanted here,” said George and he turned around and walked out of my office.

  “Next time you come begging for money, bring a bit more tact,” I said as the door closed.

  “Merlin’s beard, can you believe that?” said Beryl.

  “No, I can’t,” I said.

  “You know if you’re asking for something you should come in with a bit more game than his bloody attitude. Who does he think we are? Some kind of pushovers?” said Beryl.

  “I don’t know, that was some kind of incredible,” I said.

  “So, if your loyalties, as he said, are not with his party, then who are they with?” said Beryl.

  “You know, I don’t know, it’s not with any of the others either. They are all just as bad as each other. They are all just career politicians who have lied and backstabbed their way to the top or are just billionaires who have bought their way in. Although, I’m a billionaire and I could buy my way in if I so wishe
d.”

  “Would you?”

  “Would I what?”

  “Do that, be a world leader?”

  “Well, I don’t know, maybe. Depends, I mean I am a billionaire and can buy anything,” I said.

  “No, Sean, you’re not a billionaire, you’re a wizard,” said Beryl.

  “What are you suggesting?”

  “Look Sean, we’ve got everything we could have ever wanted. Properties all around the world, cars, boats and of course love,” said Beryl, coming closer to me.

  “I do like love the best,” I said.

  “But there is one thing, Sean. One more thing we could have. Power,” said Beryl.

  “Well, we do have a significant amount of power already,” I said.

  “No, I mean real power,” said Beryl. “The power to change things, change the world.”

  “Are you saying what I think your saying?” I said.

  “I want Downing Street,” said Beryl.

  Chapter 23

  Magic Takes the Problems Away

  I needed time to think through what Beryl was proposing. So, I rented a grand old-manor in the countryside that was far away from any civilization and left the company in the hands of one of my top executives. It did not need Beryl or I to run it anymore anyway, as it would move along just nicely without us. In fact, the high of scoring big on stocks had pretty much died. Out here in the fresh air was where I could clear my mind, get away from the money market and focus on my real-craft, wizardry.

  I read my father’s notes morning, noon and night, then went out to the fields to practice. As a week went by, I knew I was a better wizard. Beryl and I would sit outside when the weather was nice and sip on expensive wine and chat, or when it rained, we would put on a dumb movie and pass the night away. As a week turned into a month, I realized that I had not seen anyone except Beryl as she normally went out to do the grocery shopping. You know what though, I was happy. Happy in this serenity.