After a few minutes, they caught up to the gray wolf, which had stopped in the middle of a small clearing. This part of the mountain was fairly steep and covered with lodgepole pines, although just above them only snow-covered rocks paved the way to the top of the mountain. Ana wondered why he’d stopped and switched her attention to her sense of smell. She closed her eyes and tried to block everything else out. The pungent aroma of the pines was strong, but she could definitely identify Lifen’s scent. She lifted her nose, followed it a few steps forward and bumped into a scratchy tree trunk.
When she opened her eyes, Ryan shook his head side to side. He lifted onto his hind legs and placed his paws on the tree while staring into the boughs above them. Ana backed up to focus on what held his attention. Jordan didn’t have enough room to move so he just held still, looking to the others in silence. Derek trotted to the far end of the clearing with Ana and made a funny bleating noise.
She wished she could talk, that any of them could talk. What was Ryan doing, and what did he see? While she studied the frosted pine tree she noticed something moving in the breeze. A dark piece of fabric brushed against a snowy branch, high above them at the top of the tree. Lifen’s shawl.
Ana glanced at Derek’s long, white face, and saw that he too had located their target. They moved to the base of the pine, joining Ryan, who was attempting, futilely, to claw his way up the trunk. There was no possible way for Ana to get to the top of the tree. Not unless she grew wings and flew, and that would be breaking Lifen’s “one animal” rule. Derek seemed to be thinking the same thing as he stared at his hooves, buried in the snow.
Jordan snorted and Ana thought of an idea. She looped around the horse and tried leaping onto his back but instead collided into his rounded belly. Having fallen onto a fluffy white cushion of snow, Ana shook off her soreness and righted herself. Ryan’s steamy breath rolled over her fur and she stared at him. He was staring at Jordan’s back and then at the tree. After one last look, he ran back the way they’d come.
Jordan’s big brown eyes blinked and he turned to follow the wolf from the clearing. Frustrated that the others gave up so soon, Ana paced around the trunk. There had to be a way to get the shawl. Unless it was impossible in the forms they’d taken. Maybe it had required more planning ahead of time. Maybe they should have discussed four animals that had different abilities and traits.
She wasn’t the type to give up, but without the guys, there wasn’t any point. Derek stood staring at her, and she realized just how creepy ram eyes were. His body was positioned to follow the others, but he was waiting for her. Ana sighed and gave a little yip, which was the closest thing to a groan she could muster, and followed him away from the clearing.
They wandered slowly back the way they’d come, avoiding their detour across the lake to the bear den, and all the way back to Lifen’s driveway where she stood, with her arms crossed and a frighteningly serene expression on her face.
“Welcome back,” Lifen said. “I see you returned without my shawl. This wasn’t exactly a practice in teambuilding, was it? Never mind, it’s time to shift back. Ana, here you go.” Lifen opened up Ana’s robe for her.
Ana stepped around to the opposite side of the cloth, where she was hidden from view from the boys, and focused on her human form. It was easy shifting back. It was always easy returning to normal, like releasing a breath after holding it for an extended period of time. The cold wintery air brushed against her exposed, pink skin and she slipped her arms through her robe and wrapped it around her quickly to avoid more goose bumps.
Lifen held out a robe for each of the guys, who shifted quickly and covered up without anyone seeing more than a bare arm or leg. “I watched the entire time. You boys gave up far too easily and thought you knew the best forms to take without even discussing it as a team. I often wonder why I bother training men. You are so set in your ways—selfish and egotistical. I am never surprised when you fail.”
Snowflakes began to fall from the sky, which created a feathery crown on all of their heads. A piece touched Ana’s eye and she blinked in pain. She felt Lifen was being unfair to the boys. Maybe they weren’t perfect, but they didn’t deserve such condescension.
“Ryan saved me,” Ana said. “I thought I saw Chance, but I was wrong. It was really a mama bear getting ready for hibernation. If he hadn’t stuck with me, I’m not sure what would have happened.”
Lifen turned her stony gaze to Ana and she held her breath. Sharp, stabbing pains permeated her feet from standing in the snow, but she was afraid to move, unsure if she’d angered her mentor.
“I am disappointed to learn you were chasing after the ghost of your boyfriend, Ana. I thought you were trying to lead the others straight to the shawl. Why you would risk your life for an undeserving man, I do not understand.”
Ana’s heart thundered in her chest and her throat tightened. How could Lifen be so cruel? Afraid of saying something that she’d regret, Ana pinched her lips together and breathed heavily from her nose.
“You all must be tired. You may go inside and make yourselves lunch. I will not join you, but I will expect you for an afternoon meditation at two o’clock. Clearly you all need more focus.”
The guys turned in silence and started down the stairs. Ana gathered up her boots from where she’d left them sitting in the snow earlier, and followed the guys down. She didn’t turn to look at Lifen again. She was too upset. By the time they got to the front door, her feet were bright pink and nearly numb.
Derek rested his hand on her shoulder and offered her a sympathetic grin. “Why don’t you grab a shower? No offense, but you look like you could use it. Just a quick one and we’ll eat some lunch.”
Noiselessly, she nodded and dropped her boots at the entryway with all the other shoes. She shuffled down the hallway and Ryan walked with her until he got to the stairs heading down to the lower level and the boy’s rooms.
“Thanks Ana,” he whispered.
She couldn’t believe her ears and turned around, but he was already gone. Ana went into her bedroom and closed the door. As soon as it latched, off came the wet robe into a pile on the bamboo floor. The cool air hurried her, and she pulled out some fresh clothes from her dresser and rushed into her bathroom.
Ana didn’t waste any time getting into the warm water. She just stood under the shower’s steady stream, letting its heat chase away the chills. Her hair plastered to her face and she placed her hands on the tiled wall. The pain she’d locked away erupted into tears and she felt her face pinch up into a silent cry.
Would she ever see Chance again? And if she ever did, would she be prepared to help him? It felt like Lifen was trying to keep her from learning what she needed to. Like she was trying to keep her from Chance. Was she such a miserable person that she needed to make everyone else around her unhappy?
Ana began to doubt her choice to follow and trust in her new mentor instead of chasing after Chance. She hadn’t learned anything about healing yet. She knew it’d been less than a week, but still.
Lifen’s words burned through her mind. Why would you risk your life for an undeserving man? Chance was the most deserving man she knew. He’d saved her life twice and she loved him. How bitter would you have to be to hate men so much?
Ana shook her head and reached for her shampoo. Maybe she was just being emotional. It had been a shock running into a bear preparing for hibernation when she’d thought, or maybe hoped, it’d been Chance. It had also been disappointing not completing their challenge. Who knows, maybe Lifen was just as disappointed as Ana was in their performance and she was taking it out on them. Either way, Ana didn’t feel like waiting any longer to learn about healing. This was why she was here. Shapeshifting was awesome, but it wasn’t going to help her save Chance. If Lifen wasn’t going to help her, then there wasn’t any point in her staying.
By the time she finished her shower, Ana had calmed herself down and was resolved to ask Lifen about healing lessons. She missed her mom an
d sister and wouldn’t mind heading back home, although it scared her when she seriously considered it. If she went home, it would mean she’d failed.
The only way to get through this was if the guys were on her side. It was time to draw a line in the sand. She’d had enough of Ryan’s comments and Jordan’s resentment. They weren’t on opposing sides and it was time to stand up for herself.
Ana ran a brush through her hair quickly after her stomach made a threatening growl. She threw on some clothing and her slippers and felt almost human. Voices echoed down the hallway as she approached the kitchen. All three of the guys were there, busy with food prep. Derek and Ryan were on either side of the island sharing supplies, making the largest sandwiches she’d ever seen. Jordan was curled over a skillet, frying up some eggs and what she could only guess was Canadian bacon. The smells hit her nose and her belly groaned its demands.
First things first. Ana cleared her throat. “I have something to say.” The guys looked over their shoulders and she plunged ahead, not letting her nerves get the better of her. “I know my coming here hasn’t been a good thing for you and I’m sorry I’ve caused issues for you guys, but I don’t have a choice. I came here because I had nowhere else to go for help. Chance is out there with the sickness and time isn’t on his side. Lifen’s the only one I know who can teach me what I need to know. Ever since I got here, I’ve been made to feel like I don’t belong. The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing. All of this is scary and I’d rather have friends with me who know what it’s like being different—who can support me and each other when we’re having a bad day instead of being made to feel bad about who I am. For the record, I’m far from perfect. I make mistakes all the time, and hopefully this isn’t one of them. So . . .”
She waited for their reactions and looked at Derek tentatively. He gave her a subtle nod and didn’t answer, clearly knowing her speech hadn’t been directed at him.
“Okay,” Ryan said.
“Yeah?” Ana ventured a look at him.
“But I won’t change who I am and I can’t promise my mouth won’t get me in trouble.” Ryan winked at her and Jordan gave her a reserved nod.
Ana sighed. “I’d never ask you to change who you are, just stop with the Miss Perfect comments.”
“Great! Now that it’s settled, let’s eat!” Derek said.
“Good, because I’m so freaking hungry!” she announced and cradled her abdomen.
“Well, I hope you don’t mind,” Ryan said, “but Derek and I’ve been building you a mega-sandwich. If you don’t like any of the ingredients, well, just close your eyes while you eat it.” He pressed down on the top half of half a French bread loaf. Meat and veggies bulged out the sides. He cut it in half and handed her the plate.
Ana looked at Derek who gave a nod and grin in encouragement. She couldn’t believe it. Ryan wasn’t even slipping in any inappropriate comments. Yet.
“Wow—that looks awesome! I wouldn’t complain even if you put sardines in it.” She accepted the plate and stared wide-eyed at her lunch.
“Thanks for the idea. Next time, girlie.”
“Hey, Jordan, how close are you over there?” Derek asked over his shoulder, “Let’s all sit together.”
“Yeah, it’s done,” Jordan said. “Just gotta plate it.”
“What about drinks?” Ana asked and went to the fridge. She pulled out a container of orange juice, tucked it under her arm and then grabbed four cups.
They all wandered into the dining room and set all of their food on the long wooden table. Ryan flung out a bag of chips before he took his seat. Jordan pulled up next to Derek, so Ana sat next to Ryan. The room went quiet except for the sound of chewing. Everyone was too hungry to make small talk.
It wasn’t until she’d eaten half of her sandwich that Ana paused to say something. “Sorry guys. I totally shouldn’t have run off like that. I bet you thought I was trying to cheat or something. Anyway, I just wanna to say thanks, Ryan, if you hadn’t followed me and backed me up, I might have had to test out my healing abilities. And your sandwich is awesome by the way.”
A piece of lettuce hung between Ryan’s lips while he chewed a large bite. With his mouth full he said, “That’s cool. It was fun. I thought you were out to showboat us, but then it got exciting. Glad to get some action finally.” He set his sandwich down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “And thanks for trying to stand up for me . . .”
“No problem.” Ana stared out of the floor-to-ceiling windows at the snow falling outside and rubbed her temple. “So, I’ve talked to Lifen a little and it’s pretty obvious that she’s not a big fan of men, but that was nuts earlier. Seemed really unfair. Does she say things like that to you guys regularly?”
It was Derek’s turn to pause and answer. “Yeah, she’s got her bad days. We sort of try to avoid her triggers on those days and try not to rock the boat.”
“What are her triggers?”
The guys shared a look and Ryan said with a grin, “Selfishness, dishonesty, weakness of character. So, basically us.”
“And here I thought she was super nice.”
“It freaked you out that she tore you down, didn’t it?” Ryan said. “Not used to that, I can see. Must have a mommy and daddy who love you.” He popped a chip into his mouth and reached into the bag for a handful. “It’s nothing new to me. I mean that’s what I grew up with. I probably would have been kicked out of the house even if I wasn’t a shifter. That just gave them a good excuse to toss me out.”
Ana studied his face. Ryan wasn’t joking around or being cocky for once. She could see the pain in his eyes and her heart went out to him. “They kicked you out because you’re a shifter? That’s . . . I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, when I was sixteen. They didn’t like all my tats or my skateboarding. I don’t think they really liked me, period. Had to take care of myself, but that worked out well. I didn’t have to deal with them anymore. Lifen found me living on the beach near Santa Cruz when I was eighteen. Even though she may be hard on me, I know it’s because she just wants me to become a better person, so I guess it makes it bearable. Mostly. I make her work for it though.”
“Just so you know,” Ana said, “you’re wrong about me having a mom and dad waiting at home for me. My mom may be annoying, but she’s the best person I know, and my dad left when I was younger because he wasn’t getting along with her and he couldn’t take the stress of my heart condition.” Ana curled her finger over the neck of her shirt and pulled it down so they could see the top of the scar that ran the length of her sternum. She was thoroughly impressed when Ryan didn’t make a smart comment about her undressing. “I was born with a heart condition. If you can believe it, I almost died from it. Actually, I did. Chance gave his life to save me.”
“Wait, I thought shifters couldn’t heal? That’s what Lifen told us . . .” Jordan said with a frown.
“Oh, but they can. It’s just not something easily controlled. If you start a healing connection, I guess it’s hard to disconnect. It’s not natural to shifters and it’s dangerous to try. His grandfather warned him about it.”
As painful as it was revisiting those sad times, it wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it would be. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she felt comfortable talking with the guys. Or maybe it was because she wanted to offer something in return for Ryan’s honesty.
“Um, I’m confused. I thought your boyfriend was alive?” Derek asked and scratched his tight brown curls.
“He is. After he sacrificed himself for me, his grandfather did the same for him. Niyol willingly gave his energy to Chance so he could live.”
Ryan shook his head. “Dude, that straight-up sucks. Sorry about that. And now he’s got the sickness?”
“Yeah, but not from his grandfather. His cousin apparently had the sickness and had been hunting us down. He found us in Mexico and just as he was about to try to kill me for a second time, Chance killed him to protect me. That’s the Reader’s
Digest version.”
Jordan’s eyes were wide and she could only imagine what frightening thoughts were racing in his head. Maybe Lifen didn’t talk about these sorts of things. Ana and Chance had had no idea there were shifters in the world set on killing others for power.
“Somewhere in that story does it explain how you’re a shifter?” It was only a matter of time before Ryan would go back to being himself, but that was okay. She wanted to tell them. It was time.
They all stared at her and appeared to be holding their breath, eager for an answer. “So, I guess when Chance healed me, it took all of his energy and his sacrifice planted the seed of his powers in me, and because I’m a woman I naturally have the healing abilities of a woman as well, or at least that’s how it was explained to me. After my heart stopped, I woke up after the most incredible and real flying dream I’d ever had. We discovered he hadn’t only brought me back to life, he’d healed my heart. We thought that was all until I shifted into a horse. I was desperate to get to Chance when I thought his cousin was going to kill him. It was a crazy day—one I can’t forget.”
For once, Ryan wasn’t ready with a smart retort, and Derek couldn’t seem to think of anything to ask. Jordan appeared to be having a frightening realization that there was a lot more to the world than Lifen’s small shapeshifter preserve. And he was right.
Chapter 16
Chance was tired of running. For days they’d been traveling north, and now they were in Texas. Despite their grueling pace, Batukhan made sure they stopped regularly so Chance could rest, which he said was important so the sickness didn’t progress, but Chance kept losing sight of why he was sticking with Batukhan. Part of him, a very large part, wanted to strike out on his own and go as fast as he could in whatever direction that led him to Ana, but the voices in his head were constantly at odds. The softest one, and the most familiar of all of them, urged him to continue on his journey—to meet the person Batukhan was taking him to. It was Niyol’s distant whisper in the moments of waking that held him to his companion.
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