All conscious thoughts were crowded out by this powerful emotion that surged through her. Rod's mouth became more demanding, as though he were starving for the taste of her lips. Leslie was only faintly aware that the towel had fallen away from her body before Rod's hand moved up to gently cup her breast. His touch made her weak with a need that cried out for fulfillment, and she molded her body even closer to the muscular hardness of his, reveling in the sweet sensations that were awakening her entire being.
When he pushed her away, the action was so cruel and unexpected that she would have fallen if his hands had not been still gripping her shoulders. Leslie's nude body went suddenly cold as the warmth of his was withdrawn; her bemused mind seemed to freeze as she saw the chilling soberness of his face.
"I'm sorry," he said curtly. "That wasn't part of our deal at all."
Leslie's lips quivered as her mind struggled to take in this swift change in him. "It… it doesn't matter, does it?" She asked in confusion. "I mean… we are married, Rod."
His hands left her and he swung away from her so that he was no longer looking at her. "It does matter," he contradicted in an icy voice. "I want no emotional complications in my life, especially with you!" He turned around and his eyes glittered with unmistakable contempt as he gazed at her. "Go put on some clothes," he ordered roughly, "and don't ever tempt me like this again. I'm only human, after all!"
Not even bothering to pick up the towel that lay on the floor at her feet, Leslie ran blindly toward the bedroom. Tears filled her eyes so that she had to feel her way into the room. Once she was safely inside, she shut the door and flung herself across the bed.
Her entire body was trembling and cold and she pressed a knotted fist against her lips to keep from crying out from the pain and humiliation that raged through her like a dangerous fever. She had wantonly offered herself to Rod, had wanted him to make love to her, and he had brutally rejected her! The hurt was agonizing and she doubted she would ever get over the shame of it. Why had she been so insane as to respond to his attentions and why had he so coldly turned away from her? And after this how could she ever face him again?
A light tapping came at the door and Leslie sat upright. "Go away!" She cried out in a muffled voice.
"I want to come in and talk to you," Rod said.
"No. Just leave me alone!"
"I'm coming in, Leslie, whether you like it or not," came the answer, and as the doorknob turned Leslie frantically grabbed the bedcover and wrapped it around her still naked form.
Rod came inside and stood near the door. He watched her as she wrestled with the covering, but if he found any amusement in her actions he did not allow it to show. He eyed her in grave silence for a full minute before he spoke at last.
"I didn't intend to be so sharp with you in there," he said quietly. "If I hurt you, I apologize."
"If?" Leslie's lips quivered with indignation. "Don't be silly," she snapped. "I enjoy having a man make a fool of me. That's why I make a habit of it!" She looked down at the heavy blue bedspread that covered her body and blinked hard to keep back the fresh tears that were building up.
Rod came and sat down beside her and Leslie stiffened. "I swear I wasn't trying to make a fool of you," he said in a gentle tone. "My God, don't you think I know how awful that can be? I did it to protect you, don't you see? The whole thing was my fault. When I saw you standing there just barely covered with that towel and your face all pink from your bath and your hair a bit damp around the edges, I just… I just simply lost control. I"—his voice was husky—"I wanted you, Leslie. But you married me to bail me out of an awkward situation, nothing more, and I don't intend to take advantage of you. In a year or so you're going to want to go your own way, to make a real life for yourself, to find the man you can give your love to, and I—well, I suppose I just don't want to spoil that for you. You're such an innocent in a lot of ways and so generous and sweet that I…"
"Feel protective toward me like a big brother would," she finished for him in a voice coated with bitterness.
"Yes, I suppose that is how I feel," he responded, "and since I am responsible for you, it's my job to take care of you, not to be the cause of any hurt to you. Tonight we both got a little carried away," he said in a masterful understatement, "but from now on we'll be more on our guard." His hand came out and touched her chin, gently turning her face toward him. "Are we friends again?"
Leslie nodded wearily. There seemed nothing more to do in the face of his apology, though the hurt lingered and she vowed to herself that never again would she lay herself open to such humiliation from any man.
The following morning she dreaded having to get up and face Rod again after the horrible night. Despite his apology and his insistence that they were still friends, she cringed at the thought of seeing him, of having to pretend it didn't matter.
She dressed in brown slacks and a beige-colored velour top, for the morning was chilly. The mirror showed blue smudges beneath her eyes and her face was pale. She brushed her long hair and tied it at the nape of her neck with a bright burnt-orange scarf while she studied her reflection. What was it about her that attracted men who hurt her? Rod had said she looked innocent and needed protection, but his actions belied his words. He had aroused in her the passions that belonged to a mature woman and then had coldly shoved her away. That wasn't protection; it was cruelty. She was quite sure he had never rejected any of the women he had dated these past few years. He was far too virile and healthy a man. No, it was only herself, and it had nothing to do with her supposed innocence. After all, they were married, and whether the marriage lasted only a year or for a lifetime, a woman certainly did not need to be protected from her own husband's lovemaking. Rod had thrust her from him because of Estelle. Estelle had returned, bringing with her a vivid reminder of how much he still loved her, and with his mind filled with thoughts of her, Rod had not been able to bring himself to be satisfied with his wife.
And I really should be grateful he has something of a conscience, Leslie told herself as she applied golden-red lipstick to her mouth. At least he wasn't hypocritical enough to make love to me while he was thinking of Estelle. Squaring her shoulders, Leslie marched from the room.
When she entered the kitchen, she was tantalized by the aroma of sausages and coffee. Rod stood in front of the stove with his broad back to her. Leslie's eyes traced the lines of his upper back and shoulder muscles beneath the red sweater he was wearing.
She caught herself up sharply. After last night, she was going to have to learn to discipline her senses. It was the only defense she had against him. Now she sucked in a deep breath and said, "Good morning. I see you've got breakfast well under way."
Rod turned and smiled at her. "Morning. Sit down and I'll have your plate ready in a minute."
"I would have gotten it," Leslie said as she pulled out a chair. "Did I oversleep or something?"
Rod brought her pancakes and sausage. "No, I got up early and decided I'd impress you with my cooking abilities."
It was easier than she had believed possible. Neither of them mentioned the scene that had taken place between them. They made casual conversation about the weather and their plans for the day, and strangely enough it smoothed things so that soon there was a sense of ease, a renewing of the comfortable relationship that had existed between them before last night.
They began to talk about the hotels and to Leslie's surprise Rod asked her opinion about various operational activities and plans, and when she ventured to voice her own ideas he listened quietly and thoughtfully.
"You have some very good ideas," Rod told her approvingly. "How come you never mentioned them to me before?"
Leslie shrugged. "You never asked."
Rod grinned. "Remind me to ask from now on. I think maybe we should hire you as our idea person. I believe you actually like the hotel business, Leslie."
She smiled. "I do, and I really would appreciate it if you could find something for me to do to help out. I'
m afraid I'm going to be bored stiff just staying at home with nothing to do."
"Hmm, we'll definitely have to give that some thought. In the meantime, I don't see why you can't act in my place when I'm out of town. Until Dad retired I was vice-president of the company and acted on his behalf whenever he was away and problems came into the main office, but since he left I've never had anyone to take over for me. Carl Davis does a good job managing the local hotel but he wouldn't know what to do when a call comes in from one of the others in the chain. As my secretary, you've picked up a lot of knowledge about all the hotels, and I can teach you more. Would you care to do that?"
Leslie's eyes sparkled. "You really mean it? I would love it."
Rod nodded his head. "It's settled, then. Which reminds me—you'll get a chance to start next week as -soon as we get back. I have to be in Atlanta for a week."
They returned to San Francisco two days later. While they had been away, all of Leslie's personal belongings had been transferred from the apartment to Rod's house and unpacked in the room that was to be hers.
It seemed strange to be living in Rod's house, Leslie thought that first night in her new room with its shiny brass and clear glass decor. It was saved from being too modern and sterile by emerald and soft spring shades of green wallpaper, bedspread, and draperies. She supposed she had been more at ease in the cabin because it had been homey and rather plain, with no pretense to elegance. She was also sharply aware that night as she dressed for bed that a connecting door joined her room with Rod's. It made her nervous to think that he could open that door at any time he wished, and she eyed it warily.
Rod did not make use of the private entrance into her room, though, and after she had turned off the lights and climbed into bed, Leslie decided she was a silly idiot for having thought he might. Why would he bother when it was clear he had no interest in her as a wife, as a woman.
The day following their return Rod left town. Leslie drove him to the airport while he wrote out a list of things that might come up at the office. When his plane was called, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek, a cheery wave of his hand, and was gone, showing not the slightest bit of reluctance to be leaving her.
Leslie drove back to town with a feeling of letdown. Already she missed him, felt a void in her life, and she told herself how utterly ridiculous it was that in only one short week she had come to count on his presence and his company to such a degree. Moreover, it was foolhardy and dangerous. It was time for her to get back to work and fill her leisure time with the things and the people that had occupied it in the past.
During the next week she did just that. Benny, of course, had the house well in hand and had no need of her help, so each day she went to the hotel. There was plenty to keep her busy there as she handled the matters Rod had listed, and while the local staff and employees calling from the other hotels seemed surprised at having to deal with her initially, they accepted her authority because Rod had made it plain before he left that they were all to do so.
Rod telephoned each day and their discussions centered around business. It almost seemed to Leslie that they had resumed their former employer-employee relationship. Almost—except now she was occupying his private office and at the end of their conversations he would ask how she was doing or make some comment about the house or when he thought he would return home.
The nights were the worst because she had to stay alone in that vast house; Benny always left promptly after an early dinner. Leslie spent as little time in the house as possible. The first evening, she had dinner with Patsy; the following night she went to the opera with Ellen Simms; the evening after that she went alone to an art exhibit.
On Thursday Rod telephoned to say he would be home on Saturday. Leslie relayed this information to Benny and asked him to prepare a special dinner for his return, and together they worked on the menu.
When they had finished, Benny asked, "And what about tonight, Mrs. Castle? What would you like to have for dinner?"
The idea of spending the evening at home alone did not appeal to Leslie. "Don't worry about it, Benny," she said as she grabbed up her purse to leave for the office. "I'll eat dinner at the hotel. You can take the afternoon off."
That afternoon, Patsy called her at the office. "Is Rod still away?"
"Yes. He's coming back tomorrow."
"Then how about dinner tonight?" Patsy suggested.
"Sounds great," Leslie agreed. "Can you pick me up here? There's something wrong with Rod's car and I put it in the garage this morning."
"Sorry," Patsy said, "but my bomb's on the blink, too. Look, why don't we just meet in Chinatown about six? That's within walking distance of both of us."
"Fine. I'll see you later, Pat."
At ten after six, Leslie hurried down Grant Avenue. Patsy was already waiting for her inside their favorite restaurant, and after ordering duck for their meal they both relaxed over cocktails.
Patsy looked at Leslie assessingly. "I can't decide whether you look better or worse than you did that first night we had dinner. One thing about it, you certainly don't look like a glowing bride."
Leslie grimaced. "That's because I'm not," she reminded.
"Do you miss him?" Patsy asked.
"Not really," Leslie lied. "I've been keeping too busy for that. But what I don't like is staying in that house alone."
Patsy laughed. "Next time Rod's away you can move back in with me for the duration. I've been feeling sort of lonely myself."
Their dinner arrived, and as they ate the duck and the delicately cooked vegetables they caught up on their week. Patsy teased Leslie about the problems she now had being "married" to a large hotel chain, having all the money she could reasonably want to spend, a spacious, lovely house, and someone to clean it and cook the meals.
Leslie shook her head. "It sounds grand, doesn't it, Pat, but to tell you the truth, I was a lot more comfortable in my old life."
Both girls looked up at once as a man came over to the table. It was Dave Hammond. "Hello, Leslie. I thought it was you. Hello, Patsy. Nice to see you again."
"Hi, Dave." Leslie smiled. "Are you here alone?" At his nod she added, "Why don't you join us?"
Leslie leaned back in her chair and Patsy and Dave carried on the conversation. Patsy's beautiful face was suddenly vivacious and her green eyes were sparkling. Why, she likes him, Leslie thought in surprised amusement. She had not given either of them a second thought after the wedding, but she could see now that Patsy must have been impressed by Dave that day, and by the look on his face he must have been a bit impressed himself.
All three of them were reluctant to end the evening when they had finished dinner, and when Dave suggested they take in a disco, both girls agreed. It was after one when they finally left the disco and piled into Dave's car.
Dave dropped Patsy off first, and as he drove Leslie home she only half-listened to his enthusiastic comments about her old friend. She was very tired and wanted only to crawl into her bed and sink into sleep.
At the house Dave walked Leslie to the door, and when they reached it, he took her hand in his and smiled. "It was a great evening, Leslie. I'm so glad I met you at the restaurant."
Leslie, in spite of her sleepiness, had to laugh. "Liar," she said cheerfully. "What you mean is you're glad you met Patsy."
Dave grinned at that and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Just as he did, the porch light suddenly illuminated them.
Both of them drew apart at once. Leslie glanced toward the door and there stood Rod, glowering at them.
"Where in hell have you been all night? I've been calling everywhere trying to locate you."
"I'm sorry," Leslie said automatically. "I didn't expect you until tomorrow."
"Obviously," he said unpleasantly as he swung his smouldering gaze from her to Dave.
"We bumped into each other at a restaurant this evening," Dave said easily.
"And dinner lasted until one-thirty in the morning, of course," Rod snapped
sarcastically.
"Hey!" Dave laughed. "Back off, pal. Leslie, Patsy, and I took in a disco, that's all."
"Patsy?" Rod's face went blank.
Dave laughed again. "Yep. Leslie and I were well chaperoned, so there's no point in your getting all heated up. But I'll tell you this—if Leslie was my new bride, I sure wouldn't go off and leave her after only a week of marriage. If she did go out with another man, you could hardly blame her." He winked at Leslie. "Anytime you're ready to dump him for me, just let me know." He threw a mock salute in Rod's vicinity and ran down the steps toward his car.
Leslie felt like murder, only she was not sure who she wanted to kill first, Rod or Dave. Rod was frowning at her as though she had committed some dreadful sin and Dave had not helped matters at all. He had distinctly and deliberately left the impression with Rod that he would like to see her alone, and while she knew he was only teasing, she was not sure that Rod, in his present mood, would see it as a joke as well.
They entered the house and then stopped in the foyer. Rod's dark hair was disheveled and there were tired lines slashing across his forehead and crinkling the skin around his eyes.
"I… I'm sorry if I worried you," Leslie began hesitantly.
"You're damned right I was worried about you!" he exploded. "I couldn't imagine where you were. I thought maybe you'd had an accident. What I never gave a minute's thought to was that you might be out with a man… one of my own close friends at that! I thought I could trust you better than to go out with another man the very first time I was obliged to leave you for a few days, but obviously I was wrong. Now I wonder what really took place that night you went to Maddox's room! Maybe you're not so innocent as I had believed!"
Leslie's hand shot out and slammed against his face. The stinging sound of it reverberated through the wide foyer, shocking them both into momentary immobility.
Leslie's hand ached from the violent impact and she slowly brought it down to her side. Her face drained of color and her eyes widened in frightened dismay as an ugly red streak spread over his cheek.
Shadow of Love Page 7