Leslie swallowed her disappointment. It was only to be expected, after all, that Rod would be visiting his father, and since there was no telephone in John Castle's little intensive care cubicle, she would just have to be patient. "Well, tell him I called, will you, Isabel, when he returns?"
"I certainly will," Isabel answered.
During the afternoon Leslie busied herself handling a multitude of details that had piled up during the time they had both been away, and she grew more uneasy each hour that passed because Rod didn't call. He had promised he would, knowing when she would be meeting with the bankers, and she was certain he would be interested in knowing the outcome, but by closing time he still had not returned her call.
It was ten that evening before he finally did call. Leslie was just on the point of calling it a day and going to bed.
"I'm sorry I waited so late to call," he began in a voice that was thickly coated with exhaustion, "but Dad had another attack this morning, so naturally Aunt Lucy and I stayed at the hospital all day."
"That's terrible!" Leslie cried. "How is he now?" she asked anxiously.
"They say he's holding his own again," he answered dully. "This one was not as severe as the other one, but the effect of it is just as bad because of his already weakened condition." He sighed loudly. "Leslie, the way things are now, I don't have any idea when I'll get away from here. Frankly, I'm afraid to leave. Aunt Lucy fell to pieces today and I had her on my hands as well as worrying about Dad."
"I just wish I could be there to help you," Leslie murmured.
"So do I. I feel like it's been a year since I last saw you and it was only yesterday."
Leslie felt the same way and wished fervently that she could be with him, hold him in her arms, and comfort him somehow with her love. Impossible dream! They were an entire continent apart!
"Rod, I… we got the loan," she said, suddenly remembering.
"Did you? That's wonderful." But there was a notable lack of enthusiasm in his voice, and although she understood the situation and the strain he was under, Leslie could not help but feel a letdown. Her wonderful news had all gone flat.
She spent a lonely weekend around the house, missing Rod and feeling a little sorry for herself. She called Patsy, but apparently she was out of town because her phone just kept ringing. She could have called some other girl friend, she supposed, or taken herself out to dinner or to a movie, but she could not whip up the effort. She was tired from the eventful week just past and really wasn't in the mood to go anyplace. It was just that the house was so huge and quiet whenever she was in it alone.
She occupied herself with little tasks to keep busy. She moved her clothes into one half of the closet in Rod's bedroom, smiling a little to herself as she did so. It was the only pleasurable activity of the entire weekend. The rest of the time she did mundane, dull things, and she was very glad when Monday arrived and she could return to the office. She plunged into the work with a feeling of actual gratitude that here, at least, there was something meaningful to do that was guaranteed to gobble up long hours of her time.
On Tuesday she had a surprise, and unwelcome, visitor. Jenny buzzed her on the intercom. "A Mrs. Parini to see you, Mrs. Castle."
Estelle breezed into the room, wafting perfume before her. As usual she was stunning, this time in an aqua dress topped by a deeper toned jacket. Her hair looked like strands of sunlight glinting against the sea.
"Hello," Estelle said with a smile. "Actually, it's Rod I came to see. Is he around?"
Leslie shook her head. "Sorry, but he's out of town."
The smile faded. "Then what are you doing here in his office, sitting at his desk?"
Leslie shrugged. "Running a chain of hotels."
"You've really dug yourself in, haven't you?" Estelle said unpleasantly. "Now you're taking over the business when Rod isn't here?"
"That's about the size of it." Leslie's voice was crisp. "Was there something in particular you came to see Rod about," she asked, "or can I help you?"
Estelle smiled again but it did not reach her eyes. "I can hardly imagine any possible way in which you could help me," she said with scorn. "What I wanted to see Rod about is none of your concern."
Leslie's smile was a mixture of amusement and dismissal. "I didn't suppose it was," she said mildly, "so, that being the case, you'll excuse me if I get back to my work?" She picked up a folder from the desk and opened it.
"Listen!" Estelle was suddenly incensed and her lovely face was marred by an ugly sneer. "You'd better know that all this"—she waved a hand around, indicating the office—"will get you nowhere. There's only one way to hang on to a man, and believe me, this isn't it. Rod may admire your business sense, but in the long run it won't be enough. You're the wrong type to appeal to a man like him."
Leslie dismissed Estelle's words from her mind the instant she left the room. The woman was determined to make her feel insecure and inadequate, but after those few days with Rod in Florida, Leslie was more certain of her relationship with him. True, he had not actually told her he loved her, but he felt something for her and she hoped that in time, if she were patient, she would be able to exorcise the ghost of Rod's old love for Estelle.
That hope crumbled abruptly and cruelly one week later after Rod had come home. He seemed genuinely delighted to see her, and early that evening, in the bedroom they would now share, he made eager love to her. Afterward they lay side by side with only a sheet covering their bodies, talking companionably about Rod's father's improvement and about business. Leslie was quietly joyful, feeling herself truly married as they shared all things together, and even when the telephone rang beside the bed her happiness was unruffled.
Rod scooped up the phone and spoke into it, was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Certainly, I'll be glad to." He threw a glance at the clock. "How about eight? All right, I'll be there."
When he hung up the receiver, Leslie inquired, "The hotel?"
Rod shook his head. "It was Estelle. It seems there's some problem concerning her inheritance of part of her husband's estate. She was quite upset. She asked me to look over some legal papers she has and see if I can help her straighten it out."
Leslie froze. "You're not a lawyer," she pointed out quietly.
"No," he agreed, "but I am a friend and she needs me. I might be late getting home," he added, "so don't wait up."
Chapter Seven
Leslie entered the crowded drugstore and made her way toward the booths in the back. Patsy was there already and lifted a hand above the crowd, waving to her. "Well, how goes it?" she asked as Leslie sat down. "It seems like I haven't seen you in years."
"I know," Leslie agreed, "but the last weeks have been so busy I simply haven't had a moment to myself."
"How'd you manage to get away today?" Patsy asked curiously. "Aren't you still running your hotels, madam executive?"
"No. Rod got back home yesterday and he's at the office today, so I didn't see any point in tagging along." She shrugged. "I need a couple of new outfits, so I thought I'd come downtown and have lunch with you and then go back with you to the boutique to see what new things you've got."
Patsy looked at Leslie and observed critically, "Either marriage or business isn't agreeing with you, Les. I've seen you looking better when you were just recovering from a bout with flu."
Leslie stiffened. "What do you mean?" she asked warily. "I thought I looked all right."
"Don't be silly. Despite the makeup you're wearing, there are blue circles under your eyes and you're awfully pale."
So much for her careful makeup job before setting out this morning, Leslie thought despairingly. The truth was that last night she had lain awake for hours. She had pretended to be asleep when Rod returned from Estelle's around eleven, but in actual fact it was a long time even after his rhythmic breathing told her that he was asleep before she finally fell into a restless sleep herself. She had known how horrible she looked this morning when she saw herself in the bathr
oom mirror, but after plastering makeup on, she had felt certain that no one else would be able to detect how awful she really felt. It had been foolish of her to forget what eagle eyes Patsy had.
"I suppose it's just the pressures of the past couple of weeks," Leslie prevaricated now. "We've been so worried over Rod's father and then, of course, I've had my hands full with the office. I guess I just need to catch up on my rest. Otherwise, everything's fine."
"Hmm, if you say so," Patsy said, quite plainly not believing her.
Leslie forced a bright smile to her lips. "Well, now it's your turn. Tell me how your love life is going. Have you been seeing Dave lately?"
She was amazed to see soft color stain her friend's delicate cheeks. "Yes," Patsy answered. "I have. We've been seeing each other regularly."
"Have you now?" Leslie said in surprise.
Patsy nodded. "Weekend before last, he took me to Lake Tahoe to visit with his parents in their weekend house."
Leslie's eyebrows rose. "I'm impressed. Parents, hmm? This must be serious!"
Patsy twirled a paper napkin with her fingers. "I don't know about that. I had met them already here in town and they're very easy to get along with, but whether it all means anything…" She shrugged. "It's a little soon to tell."
Their lunch arrived, and while they ate they swapped the latest news from home. Almost before they realized it, the hour had sped by and it was time for Patsy to return to the boutique.
Leslie accompanied her, ending up buying a pair of slacks and a couple of blouses, and then, after promising to call Patsy soon, she left.
It had been gray all day, with heavy fog earlier in the morning, and by the time Leslie left the shop it had begun to drizzle. The depressing weather matched her feelings exactly. Heedless of the dampness that quickly wet her hair and began to soak through her light jacket, she headed down the slick sidewalk, relieved to be away from Patsy's sharp eyes. Now her shoulders hunched dispiritedly and the carefully fashioned smile she had worn throughout lunch was forsaken.
The hurt she had felt last night when Rod had rushed off to Estelle still lay like a stone on her heart. She could not stop thinking that, though Rod seemed fond of her and even enjoyed making love to her, the moment Estelle had called he had forgotten her altogether in his eagerness to rush to the other woman's side.
She reached her car, a shiny new Honda, which Rod had ordered earlier and which had been delivered to her last week while he was still in Florida. It had been a surprise and the gesture had pleased Leslie immensely, but now, as she stowed her packages on the back seat and then slid beneath the wheel, she took no joy in it. She had thought it very kind and generous of Rod at the time, but now bitterness welled inside her as she shoved the key into the ignition. It was easy enough to appear generous when you were as wealthy as Rod Castle, and giving her a car of her own meant little, merely freeing him from feeling obliged to drive her on errands, she decided with derision. It had been a convenience for himself more than for her.
Leslie was both angry and hurt but from somewhere deep inside pride rose and wrapped her in its cloak of dignity. Rod had never pretended that he loved her and though he had broken his own rule of emotional noninvolvement when he had taken her in his arms that night in Miami, it still in no way altered the truth. She might please him in a number of ways in their new life as husband and wife—in the way she grasped and handled business details, in the way she considered his comfort at home, and even in the satisfaction she gave him in a purely physical way—but none of those things obliterated the fact that she existed only in the shadow of his love. The sunlight belonged to another.
By late that afternoon, as she bathed and dressed before Rod returned home for the evening, Leslie vowed solemnly to herself that he would never find out about her love for him, would never discover how deeply he had the power to hurt her. It was a secret that would remain locked up inside her, never to be exposed to the ridicule or pity of others.
That evening, Rod idly suggested they give a dinner party on Friday night.
"Certainly," Leslie agreed at once. "Just tell me who you wish to invite."
"There's an architect and his wife who will be here from Cincinnati and I wanted to do it mainly to entertain them," he told her. "We can invite the elder Hammonds, of course, and Dave as well." Then he went on to name a few others with whom he did business but who would also make pleasant guests for a party.
"I think I'd also like to have Patsy," Leslie ventured, thinking of Dave.
"Sure." Rod nodded. "Anyone you want." He took a sip of his drink, then added thoughtfully, "It might be nice if we invited Estelle as well. She's still quite upset about this inheritance problem with her husband's grown children by his first marriage. She could use a little cheering up."
Leslie went cold. Rod could not even give an essentially business party, it seemed, without including Estelle, and he sat there now calmly expecting her to go along with it without the slightest objection! It was more than she could bear and for a moment such blind fury surged through her that she had an insane urge to hurl something at him.
Common sense reasserted itself in time to stop her from giving in to an impulse that would have completely given her away. She had promised herself only hours ago that Rod would never know of her love for him, and if she reacted like a jealous shrew he would have to be entirely stupid not to figure out the reason, and she had never been under any illusions about his intelligence.
Fortunately, Benny came to announce dinner at that moment, so in the end Leslie was spared making any comment whatsoever about the addition of Estelle to the guest list. As they stood up to go into the dining room, Leslie congratulated herself that Rod did not suspect in the least the wild emotions that were churning inside her.
She was only able to pick at her meal. Her stomach was tense from the pain that had spread throughout her body and she even found it difficult to engage in casual conversation. He wants Estelle here. He wants Estelle here. He wants Estelle here.
"… not eating. Are you feeling all right?" The sharp question penetrated through the layers of dark brooding and Leslie returned to the present with a start.
"What? Oh, yes. I'm… er… just not very hungry tonight. I had a late lunch today."
Rod's eyes bore into hers. "That may explain your lack of appetite, but it doesn't explain why you are so silent and haven't even heard a word I said during the past five minutes." .
Leslie's eyelashes fanned down over her eyes to shield them from the intensive probing of his and she stammered, "Of course I heard you."
"Yes?" The voice was mocking. "What was I saying?"
Leslie sought frantically in her mind to remember what he had been talking about. None of it had seemed important at the time. "S-something about the beaches in the Bahamas and…" she began uncertainly.
"And?"
She shook her head, defeated. "I'm sorry."
"I was talking about the possibility of our spending a Christmas holiday there if it would please you. What is the matter, Leslie?"
"Nothing," she lied. "Just a small headache. A couple of aspirin and a good night's sleep and I'll be as good as new—you'll see." She forced a smile to her lips as she lifted her lashes to glance at him once again.
Concern darkened his eyes and his brows were lowered in a frown. "If you aren't feeling well, you ought to get straight to bed." He pushed back his chair and came around to assist her to her feet. "Come along. The sooner you get to sleep, the better."
Fifteen minutes later Leslie lay in bed in the darkened room. Rod had brought her aspirin and water and even a damp cloth for her head, and after she had swallowed the tablets he had kissed her lightly on the lips and gone away. Now that she was alone hot tears came to scald her eyes and she did not even bother to brush them away.
Damn him anyway! she thought furiously. Why, after he had hurt her so cruelly, should he turn right around and behave with such kindness and concern? It would have been better if he had
been cold and unfeeling, because then it would have been so much easier to learn to hate him. And for her own salvation that was what she was somehow going to have to teach herself to do.
With morning came a more positive frame of mind. Yesterday she had been tired and had tended to wallow in self-pity, a foolish, destructive thing to do. This was a new day and she was still Rod's wife. Above all else, that fact alone surely put her in a stronger position than Estelle. She still lived in his house and shared an intimate life with him in the way only a wife can do, and no matter how often Estelle called him to her side, Leslie was the one who shared his bed night after night, saw him across the breakfast table, tended to his clothes, and knew all the hundreds of little things about him that a person can only learn about another when their lives are so closely intertwined.
She was glad now that she had not allowed Rod to see the true state of her feelings last night. Once Rod knew of her love for him, she would be forced to bow out. She could never stay with him, loving him and having him aware of it when he did not return that love, but so long as he did not know, she stood a small chance that someday he might… just might learn to love her, too. If she could only be patient, perhaps the miracle would happen.
Leslie dressed in a pair of brown corduroy slacks and a white pullover sweater and brushed her long hair until it crackled. Despite her unhappiness during the past couple of days, she had slept well last night, and this morning there was a definite sparkle in her eyes—perhaps, she mused with slight amusement, it was the light of battle. She dabbed a bright-toned lip gloss to her mouth and left the room.
Rod was in the small breakfast room just off the kitchen. It was Leslie's favorite place for meals—much more cheerful and intimate than the formal dining room. Green-and-white gingham-patterned wallpaper gave it a cozy look and the hanging planters and potted ferns gave the room a touch of spring. As she walked into the room, Rod, already dressed for the day in a dark blue suit, glanced up from the morning newspaper and smiled.
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