She thought about all the data she’d gathered on the men who had betrayed Nico. What would happen to them? She hadn’t developed a plan for going back to Boston and finishing what she’d started, but somehow she’d thought she was hitting the Pause button on her plans for revenge. Working with the FBI meant committing to a future she hadn’t dared consider. Was she willing to let go of the past and step into the future? Was she even capable of doing it after all that had happened?
A knock on the door shook her from her thoughts.
“Angel?” Nico’s voice. “You okay?”
“I’m good,” she said, slipping the pregnancy test inside her jeans. She flattened the package and buried it under the bathroom trash, then rinsed her hands and opened the door. “Hey, you’re back.”
He and Luca had left the cottage to contact Marco and Elia through some kind of anonymous email channel they had set up for just such a purpose.
“And so are you.” He slid his arms around her waist and looked down into her eyes. For a minute, she was sure he could see her secret, that he could see right through her skin and bones to the heart of everything she was and everything she wasn’t sure she could be anymore. “How did it go?”
Panic raced through her body like a lit fuse. Did he know about the pregnancy test?
He smiled. “The dress?”
“Oh… right. The dress.”
He tipped his head, like he was trying to figure something out. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Just a little tired.”
“So? Did you find something for the fundraiser?” he asked.
“I did. Although…”
He lifted his eyebrows in silent question.
“Well, I never thought I’d say this, but I’m kind of hoping I don’t have to do any dress shopping anytime soon.”
He laughed. “Even the fun stuff gets old after awhile I guess.”
She grinned as his hands cupped her ass. “Not all of it.”
And it was true. Even now, tired and with her newfound secret between them, she wanted him, the familiar pull of longing tugging between her thighs, making her wet.
He lowered his head until she could feel his breath — clean and sweet — against her lips. “I should hope not.”
He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her deep and slow. She let her hands roam the wide plane of his back, felt his fingers at the crevice of her ass, close enough to her core to make her ache for him. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and an answering surge of moisture soaked her panties. She was pressed flat against his body, enveloped by his big arms, feeling as safe as she ever felt. She had a sudden desire to tell him everything. Come clean about the baby and all her fears.
He pulled away, smoothed the hair at the crown of her head. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked. “You could go back to Maine. Wait with David and Sara.”
She hated that he’d spent so much of the last year worrying about her. And he didn’t need to. She’d had four months to harden her heart against their enemies, to prepare for what was coming. There was no point thinking about the future, trying to protect something that didn’t exist as long as Raneiro Donati ran the Syndicate. She would tell him about the baby when it was over. When they could really celebrate their future together.
One thing at a time.
“No way,” she said, smiling up at him. “You’re not going to have all the fun without me.”
He returned her smile, but she saw a shadow cross his eyes and knew she’d made the right decision. He didn’t need any more reasons to worry about her. Whatever was coming, she could handle it.
37
The wind was cold, and Nico stopped walking to slide his jacket off his shoulders. He pulled Angel to a stop and held it up. “Put this on. It’s cold.”
She shook her head. “You’ll freeze. Besides, I have a sweater.”
“It’s not enough,” he insisted, slipping it up her arms and taking her hand.
He drew the sea air into his lungs as they continued along the craggy shoreline. He’d wanted to spend some time alone with her, away from the constant planning and anticipation of the fundraiser tomorrow night. The seaside town of Howth had been the perfect choice. Nestled on the outskirts of Dublin, it was small and green, the town winding its way down to a harbor filled with sailboats. He and Angel had stopped for lunch at a little inn, then walked past the harbor and along the wild coastline. Howth Lighthouse seemed to rise out of the sea in the distance, and farther out, one of the Martello towers that had been built along the Irish and English coastlines as a precaution against Napoleon at the end of the eighteenth century.
He looked down at Angel as they walked and was struck all over again by her loveliness. Her hair was long and loose, blowing around in the breeze, and her cheeks were pink from the cold. He was awash with love for her — love and lust and the desire to protect her from anything bad that might come knocking. He thought about his father, wondered if he’d felt the same powerful love for Nico’s mother. What would he do in Nico’s place? Would he have betrayed the Syndicate to keep her safe?
He felt sure the answer was yes. That kind of love trumped everything.
He pulled Angel’s hand up under his arm to keep it warm as a gust of wind blew in off the water. She’d been quiet the past few days, but he was under no delusion that she was actually considering his offer to let him and Luca get the Darknet file alone. Something else was up, and he could only assume it had to do with the possibility of working with the FBI. They hadn’t talked about it since the night he’d told her about his contact with Kane. He didn’t want to pressure her, but once they had the file in hand, they would have to decide what to do with it; hand it over to Raneiro on their own or work with the FBI. And they would have less than a week to do it by Raneiro’s deadline.
“I still feel bad about bringing Marco and Elia into this,” Angel said.
“They’ve been apprised of the risks,” Nico said. “Besides, having them here is just a precaution. We might not even need them.”
After much discussion, he and Luca had decided to have Marco and Elia wait outside the gates of Sean Murdock’s property. They would monitor the mic feed and watch the clock. If anyone went dark or something went wrong, Marco and Elia would come in after them. The added insurance was more about Angel than anything else. He could protect himself. So could Luca. But if someone tried to hurt Angel, he wanted every possible resource at his disposable. He would set the place on fire to get her out alive, but having two extra men couldn’t hurt.
“I hope we don’t,” she said. “They’re good men.” She hesitated. “Will they be on the list of people with amnesty if we work with the FBI?”
Nico nodded. “And everyone else in the family.”
He needed to call Kane. Find out if those were strings he could even pull. But there was no point doing it if Angel didn’t want to work with the Feds. He still thought it was their best bet, and he felt sure Luca would agree. But he wouldn’t do it without her blessing, too.
Her face was pensive as she gazed out over the water. “And you trust this agent? Kane?”
He thought about it, wanting to give her an honest answer. “I do. He fed me information that helped us find David in LA.”
She looked up at him, surprise written on her face. “You didn’t tell me.”
“You were upset,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I didn’t want to give you something else to worry about. But it was Kane who found the wire transfer from Dante’s aunt, and that was a big piece of the puzzle.”
“What did you have to give him in return?” she asked.
“I gave up a former member of the family, a man who insisted on continuing a business we made clear was off limits.” He didn’t tell her the guy had been running a child pornography ring. He wouldn’t bring anything ugly to her if it could be avoided.
“And that was enough?” she asked.
He nodded. “But this is different. Thi
s is big. Having their help makes bringing down Raneiro and disappearing when it’s all over a lot more possible.”
He saw the battle being waged inside her; revenge or possibility, the past or the future. He knew better than to think there was an easy answer.
38
“Close your eyes,” Nico instructed. “Let your intuition tell you when to push, when to shimmy.”
They were sitting at the dining room table, working on a lock attached to a doorknob Nico had removed from one of the bedrooms. She’d gotten used to the feel of the lock picking set in her hands, and she followed his instructions, keeping pressure on the tension wrench at the bottom of the lock with one hand and relaxing her hand around the pick in the other.
“Can you feel the pins?” Nico asked beyond the darkness behind her eyelids.
“Yes.”
“Good. Now remember; you have to keep the torque on that wrench while you press up on the pick.”
She’d been working with the set of lock picks for days, and she still couldn’t always open the lock. When she did open it, she wasn’t nearly fast enough. Basically, lock picking was not her forte. But it didn’t matter. If Sean Murdock’s study was locked, she would have to get it open somehow.
She refocused her attention on the mechanism inside the housing. There was slight give to the pins inside the lock as she pushed upward. The stubborn one — there almost always was one, according to Luca — was in the middle. She could feel its resistance, just a little bit greater than that of the others. She tried to see the different pieces in her mind, tried to match the sensory cues she was getting from the pick with her imagined visual of the lock.
A moment later she heard the soft click she’d come to associate with one of the pins being moved out of the way. It gave her confidence, and she continued with the remaining two pins. When she heard the last click, she opened her eyes and gave a little turn to the tension wrench. The knob turned freely.
“Nicely done,” Nico said.
She exhaled. “I’m still too slow.”
“That’s okay,” he said. “We don’t even know if the door will be locked. If it is, just stay calm, close your eyes if you have to. You’ll get it eventually.”
“Eventually” wasn’t very comforting, but there was nothing she could do about it. The fundraiser was tomorrow night. They were out of time. Luca was down at the local pub, preparing for the fundraiser in his own way. Nico and Angel had opted for a quiet night in. Tomorrow they would all be dressed to the nines, trying to steal something invaluable from Sean Murdock around all of his security and the dogs that were reported to be deadly.
He rubbed her back. “Why don’t you go take a bath. I’ll pour you a glass of wine.”
She nodded. “I think I’ll call David first. But I’ll definitely take you up on that wine.”
The words were out of her mouth before she had time to think about them. Could she have wine when she was pregnant? She thought she’d read somewhere that it was okay to have a little now and then.
She headed for the bedroom, thinking about the tiny life inside of her. The life that was part of Nico, part of her. It made her feel more conflicted than ever. She needed to make a decision about the FBI. Needed to tell Nico so he could make the arrangements. But she still didn’t know what to do.
She closed the bedroom door and picked up one of the phones, then dialed the house in Maine. The phone rang four times before Sara picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Sara, it’s me.”
“Hey! How are you?” Sara asked.
“I’m…” Angel sighed. “I’m good.”
“Are you sure?” Sara asked, her voice shaded with concern.
“I’m just tired,” Angel said. There was no point worrying Sara, or David, who would undoubtedly pick up on the fact that something was wrong.
“If you say so,” Sara said. “I won’t push, but if you need a friend, you know where to find me.”
Angel smiled. “Thanks. How’s David?”
“He’s really, really good,” Sara said.
“Yeah?”
“Yep. He’s even gained a little weight.”
Angel laughed. “Really?” She couldn’t imagine it. He’d done nothing but pick at his food in the months since his abduction.
“Really. It looks good on him.”
“And he’s still taking his meds?” Angel asked.
“Like clockwork.”
“That’s great,” Angel said. “You’re a miracle worker.”
“All the credit goes to David,” Sara said. “He’s really taken responsibility for getting well.”
“I’m so happy to hear that.”
She seemed to hesitate. “Are you guys getting close to being able to come home?”
“I think so,” Angel said. “Another week or so.”
It was the deadline Raneiro had given them. They would have to be done one way or another.
“That’s great,” Sara said. “David will be so happy to hear it. Do you want to talk to him?
“If it’s not too much trouble.”
“Not at all. He’s down on the beach. Hold on.”
She listened as Sara opened the doors off the living room and called to David. She could see it; the house in Maine settling into twilight, flames crackling in the fireplace, the sound of the waves crashing the beach below the house. Would she ever get back there? She hoped so. Or someplace like it, at least.
“Hi, Ange.”
“Hi, loser.”
“Someday that’s going to stop being funny,” he said.
“But not today,” they said in unison.
She laughed. “I miss you like crazy.”
“Me, too. Will you be home soon?”
“I think so. Another week or so,” she said. “How are things there?”
He sighed, but it wasn’t the tired sigh that had become so familiar. Instead it was filled with relief, with something too much like peace to be called anything else.
“They’re good, Ange. I’m good.”
“I’m so glad,” she said, smiling.
He lowered his voice. “What’s up, sis?”
“What do you mean? I’m just calling to say hi.”
“Liar.” He laughed. “It’s me, remember? So what’s up?”
She pulled at a loose thread on the old quilt covering the bed. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just feeling… pensive.”
“Sounds serious.”
“It’s not,” she said. “I don’t know. Maybe it is. I’m just… having a hard time putting the past behind me, I guess.”
“Because you thought Nico was dead?”
“That might be part of it,” she said. “And… I don’t know. I was so sad and angry all that time he was gone, and now it’s like I’m supposed to just forget about it because he’s back.”
“No one expects you to forget,” David said. “I haven’t forgotten what happened to me. Not like I could with this freak show of a hand I’ve got going on.”
Her heart squeezed, but she didn’t know if it was because it made her sad to be reminded that someone had hurt him or because it was the first time he’d been able to joke about it.
“So how do you do it then?” she asked. “How do you not forget and still manage to let it go?”
“I’m not sure I’m an expert,” he said.
“You’re doing it. That’s all the expertise I need.”
“I don’t know, Ange. I was so tired. So fucking tired. By the time we got to Maine after those bastards came after us in Boston, I could hardly hold up my head. I thought it was the medication, but now I’m not so sure.”
“What do you think it was now?” she asked softly.
“I think I was carrying too much shit around,” he said. “All this… bitterness and rage about what happened to me. It seemed so unfair.”
“It was unfair.”
“Maybe. But life isn’t always fair. We know that firsthand, and as shitty as that may be, I guess
I finally figured out that I only have a finite amount of energy to spend, and it’s kind of dumb to spend it being pissed about something I can’t change.”
“What if you could change it?” she asked.
“I can’t. And neither can you,” he insisted. “You might think you can, but whatever you do from here on out will only be to make yourself feel better. Except it won’t actually make you feel better, and it won’t change anything either.”
“Maybe.” She said it, but she wasn’t sure. She didn’t want to let go of her belief that seeing Raneiro dead would somehow level the playing field, give her back everything she’d lost.
“There’s no maybe about it,” he said. “Do you want to spend your life looking back? Or do you want to build something new?”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment, his words ringing in her ears. Finally she sighed. “Is that a rhetorical question?”
He laughed. “Not really.”
“Let me get back to you then.”
“It’s a deal. But Ange?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to build something new. It would be really cool if you were there with me.”
She smiled into the phone. “Love you, dork.”
“That’s a new one.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “I love you, too.”
She hung up and set the phone on the bed. Then she put her hands over her still-flat stomach, imagining the new life beginning to form inside her.
Do you want to spend your life looking back? Or do you want to build something new?
39
“How long do you want us to give you?” Marco asked the next night. He was every bit as gargantuan as she remembered, his gray eyes as cold as the wind in Maine.
He and Elia had arrived early that morning. They’d greeted Angel warmly, and she’d hugged them for all she was worth. She hadn’t realized how much she missed them, or how much she’d grown accustomed to seeing them on a daily basis in Boston.
Lawless: Mob Boss Book Three Page 14