Since You've Been Gone

by S. M Phillips

  Not knowing does absolutely nothing for my nerves, the ones that are quickly building deep inside of me and this whole situation is driving me crazy. “Where are we going to go then?” I finally ask.

  “Come on, you’ll see.” He grins a little, then grabs my hand tightly before pulling me up off the sand. My legs are unsteady and I’m pretty sure that if Jake didn’t have a firm hold on me then I’d be flat back on my arse. “You see those over there?”

  I follow his line of sight and see that he means the beach huts that are located close to the food shack. “Uhh-huh…” I say with no confidence at all.

  “Don’t worry. We’ll be safe in there, and dry too.”

  If I’m honest, I really don’t know how I feel about all this. I mean, come on. A bloody beach hut in the middle of a storm, how safe is that going to be? What if we get ripped away by a force as strong as a tornado and end up in Oz? I think I’d be too damaged and shaken to follow the yellow brick road to try and get back home.

  Trust it to bloody happen on the one day that I decide to hit the beach. It could only happen to me.

  The first clap of thunder sounds around us just as we step inside the hut and I jump out of my skin for the second time today.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Jake asks when I look at him.

  “Yep.” I lie. My answer comes out so fast that even I surprise myself. There’s no way that I want him to know how much of a soft arse I really am, but then again, how the hell am I supposed to hide it from him while we’re cooped up in this bloody thing?

  “Hopefully it will pass as soon as it came.”

  “I bloody hope so for my own sanity.” I think to myself and nod in response to Jake.

  I look around the beach hut and I’m left speechless. From the outside it looks tiny, like a little shed that you’d find at the bottom of the garden back home, but on the inside it’s actually quite spacious. It even comes complete with furnishings too. Not much, but at least we have somewhere to sit until this nightmare passes.

  Another loud rumble sounds above us and then the sky is lit up by a huge bolt of lightning.

  “Fuck… fuck… fuck…”

  Why don’t you come and sit down? Just standing there isn’t going to help or make you feel any better.”

  Jakes voice soothes me a little and gives me the courage that I need to slowly put one foot in front of the other. As soon as I am in reaching distance, Jake grabs me and pulls me down into his lap. He wraps his arms around me and cocoons me in a blanket of his safety.

  “Lucy, talk to me.” He urges, but I don’t want to admit my fears to him. Instead, I lower my head slightly and follow the instant pull that desperately draws me to him.

  I kiss him slowly at first. My nerves still on edge, but when his hand connects with my waist, sparks ignite all over my body and it has nothing to do with the electricity brewing outside.

  Just from his gentle, delicate touch alone my body explodes, desperate for more of him. My mouth searches his hungrily and my tongue automatically roams freely, greedily and desperately, seeking more. Small goose bumps ripple all over my body and the feelings that he is bringing out in me are all part of this mysterious unknown to me.

  All I know is that I don’t want them to end.

  Another loud rumble and a bright bolt of lightning strikes again causing the whole hut to light up and me to jump and pull back from Jake, albeit reluctantly.

  “I’m so scared.” I whisper when I rest my head on his chest, secretly hoping that he hasn’t heard me over the madness outside.

  Ugh… I really, really hate storms. It’s just my luck that I’m now stuck in a bloody flimsy beach hut with Jake and any minute now I’m going to have a complete nervous breakdown and start crying like an inconsolable baby.

  “Scared?” I feel his breathing falter a little and then his forefinger and thumb suddenly cup my chin, slowly lifting my face up to meet his. “Why are you scared? Is it the thunder? Don’t worry Luce, I’ve got you. You’re safe with me, I promise.”

  What am I supposed to say to him now? Me and my bloody big, stupid mouth. Am I supposed to be honest here, or really honest? How honest is honest in this kind of situation?

  Do I admit to the thunder fear, finally admit out loud that I’m just a big baby or do I try to shrug it all of this off as nothing important? Do I tell him exactly how I’m feeling, including my feelings towards us, or am I supposed to leave that kind of stuff unsaid?

  I’ve got absolutely no idea and I’m completely in the dark here. I’m so out of my comfort zone with all of this. Don’t get me wrong, the chemistry between us is out of this world, but how am I supposed to explain my little situation to him?

  Who knows, maybe if I told him then he might not want anything more to do with me. He might just see me as a silly little, inexperienced girl who’s afraid of thunder and lightning.

  Yes, I’m absolutely petrified of storms, but that’s got nothing on how I feel right now, being so close to him in such a confined space.

  I’m being silly and I know it. I haven’t even known him long enough to validate these kind of feelings, but there’s just something about him. Something that scares me to even think about what it would be like to lose him. I’ve got this uncontrollable, strong need to be with him at all times, no matter what.

  “Lucy, you need to tell me what’s going through your head. I might be many things, but a mind reader isn’t one of them.”

  “I know, ignore me. I’m just a little shook up, that’s all. It’s nothing really and it’s not that important anyway.”

  “If it’s bothering you, then it’s pretty important to me. What’s going on? We’ve got a lot of time, so talk to me.”

  Oh, well. Here goes nothing, or maybe everything. It’s not like I can actually back out now that I’m practically shoved into a corner is it?

  “Yes, okay, so I’m pretty sure that you can tell that I’m a big baby and I hate storms more than anything else. There, I’ve said it so please don’t judge me.” I struggle to meet his gaze and instead, I focus all my attention on my twiddling hands that are currently trapped between us.

  “Yeah, I’ve already noticed that much.” He laughs sympathetically. “The last thing that I would ever do is judge you, Lucy. But I know that’s not all of it. I know that you’re not telling me everything. You’ve been on edge ever since you stepped inside this hut.”

  “Well just look at it. It’s not exactly the safest place to be, is it?”

  “Lucy…” His face is set and his voice serious and I know that he isn’t about to let this drop, not until I’m completely honest with him.

  Okay, okay. I’m on edge. So what. I’m on edge because of the bloody devil worshipping weather outside and I’m on edge because I’ve never been this close to someone before. I’m really struggling here because I’ve never wanted to act on something so much in my life, but I don’t know how.

  “Jake…”

  “It’s okay. You know you can talk to me, right?” His words are soothing, as is his hand that’s gently working its way slowly up and down my spine.

  “Yeah, but for some reason I’ve got a strong feeling that I’m going to end up regretting this. I’ve never been this close to someone before, it’s completely new to me. I’m scared right now for a number of reasons. Mainly because I know that when we leave here,” I signal around the hut. “I know that nothing will be the same between us again.”

  “Lucy, I don’t…”

  “I’m scared of losing you.” I cut him off, because if I don’t say this now then I’m pretty sure that I never will. “I’m scared of needing you too much and I’m scared of not knowing what it feels like to be without you, now that I have you. Does any of that make sense? I’m scared of acting on any of these unknown feelings that I’m experiencing.”

  I feel a small tear roll down my cheek as I wait for him to say something….

  ...Anything, bit nothing comes. I’m so overwhelmed and my emotions are all over
the place. All I can hear is his shallow breathing and the strong whistling winds outside.

  I knew that I shouldn’t have said anything. Me and my bloody big mouth strikes again. If anything, I’ve probably gone and pushed him away for good now. No one wants to deal with a soft, moaning and needy hormonal wreck, do they?

  When the silence gets too much, I bring myself to slowly lift my eyes up to his and I’m well and truly petrified of what I’ll find. Will his sparkle still be there? His perfectly mischievous grin and dimple? Will he still be my Jake when he looks back at me?

  He’s still positioned below me, holding on tight, so I guess that has to count for something. Or at least that’s what I’m allowing myself to believe. I suppose it could have been a lot worse. I could have found myself thrown outside into the storm, but so far that hasn’t happened yet.

  When my eyes connect with his, I don’t think anything could have ever prepared me for the look on his face. His mouth is closed, actually clenched shut and his eyes are wide. The deep intensity of his blue eyes pierce right through me as they reflect the ocean outside. I can’t help but feel like I’m naked, sat here laid completely bate before him.

  “Lucy…” His voice is deep and needy and a cold chill shoots down my spine. Now I know that I have really limited experience when it’s comes to the opposite sex, but I know enough to work out that Jake isn’t annoyed at my sudden declaration.

  No, he’s definitely not annoyed. In fact, it looks like he’s filled with a raw need, and passion. That much I can definitely tell.

  Holy shit. If I thought I was scared before, it’s got nothing on how I’m feeling with him looking at me like that. Before I have a chance to respond to him, his hot, soft, warm lips come crashing down on mine while his hand bunches my hair in an iron fisted grip.

  My mouth responds to his touch automatically, allowing him complete control to seek out whatever it is that he needs. I place my hands firmly on his chest to steady myself and also to assure myself that this is real and that it really is happening.

  My body is on fire and I can feel the heat of Jake’s body through the thin fabric of his clothes. “Jake, I…” I try to say something to him, but he kisses me harder, preventing the words from leaving my lips.

  “All I’ve wanted is this since I first laid my eyes on you.” He breathes in between kisses.

  Everything around me disappears until it’s just me and Jake, and the loud thudding of my heart pounding out of my ears. It’s like I’m a woman possessed and I have no control whatsoever over my actions when I’m with him. He brings confidence out in me that I never knew that I had. Before I can stop myself, Jake’s shirt is suddenly bunched up in my hands and I’m pulling it over his head, while he does exactly the same to my poor, battered vest top.

  A loud gasp escapes him as I straddle him in nothing but my shorts. His eyes are glazed over and that’s’ all that I need to spur me on. To give me the go ahead that I need to seek out what my body craves.

  Him.

  I always thought that I would be pretty self-conscious with my body so openly on show, but with Jake, for some reason it feels right, completely natural.

  “You’re something else Lucy. Do you know that?” He growls at me, while nipping my neck gently and I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks again.

  “You’re not too bad yourself.” I grin back at him.

  He pulls his head back and looks at me for a moment before saying “are you sure you want to do this here?”

  To be honest, I hadn’t really given it much thought. My body is on pins right now and I think that I’d physically combust if he were to pull away from me right now. Looks like Fran was right when she was trying to tell me all about the heat of the moment. You really don’t’ think of anything other than what your body needs.

  “Lucy, I’m being deadly serious. I don’t want you having any regrets.”

  “Regrets?” I repeat back to him.

  “Luce, come on. I hate to be the passion killer here, but you don’t strike me as the type of girl who sleeps with just anyone, anywhere.” He raises a questioning brow at me as he waits patiently for me to answer him.

  “No, I’m not that type at all. But you make me feel safe and comfortable anywhere.”

  “Lucy…”

  “Are we done with the questions?” I snap at him, but really I don’t mean to.

  “Yes ma’am.” He laughs and I feel completely at ease with him, as if I’ve known him an entire lifetime.

  I place my lips on his again, hoping that this time it’s met with no distractions. I lightly and slightly nervously trail my fingertips up and down his chest in a desperate bid to explore his body and become more familiar with it. With each quick gasp that he makes, I take that as my cue to continue.

  Sparks fly towards the middle as soon as his hand skims my nipple and I can’t help but let out a little gasp of my own, as my hips buckle under his touch.

  “You okay?” He whispers and all I can do is nod back at him.

  The sensations that are taking over my body are too much and I wouldn’t be able to talk even if my life depended on it.

  As Jake’s hands work their way south, I really have to concentrate on my breathing, especially when I feel his own arousal press hard against my thigh. I’m in the dark here and I’ve got no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. So instead, I follow what my body needs and what it needs is to somehow relieve this pressure that keeps building and building.

  Shifting my hips slightly, I position myself so that he’s pressed against my centre and I begin to slowly rock myself back and forth.

  Oh sweet Jesus. Who knew that Fran would end up being so, so right?

  “Oh, hello sleepy head. I wondered where you’d got to.”

  Fran’s voice greets me as soon as I step into the living area. Am I dreaming? I she actually here? I rub my eyes a little and see that she is in actual fact, sat right in front of me, drink in hand and by herself.

  “Bloody hell, pot, kettle, black springs to mind. Where’ve you been and when did you get back?” I ask. She’s been gone for days. I’d already decided that once I’d spoken to Liam I was going to arrange a search party to go out looking for her.

  “Same old, you know? But fear not my little one, Mamma’s back and boy have I missed you.”

  She has? Well, that’s a new one. “Where’s Tash-man?”

  “Oh don’t worry about him. He’s what we like to call old news.” The laugh that comes from her sounds bloody evil and slightly deranged. Should I be running in the opposite direction right now?

  “Old news, hey? Bored of him so soon?” Wow, this is all too much for first thing in the morning. I walk over to the kettle and flick it down. I’ve got a feeling that I might need something a little stronger for this, but caffeine is all I have right now and It will have to do.

  “He just turned out to be really boring and predictable. You know how I hate boring and predictable. I need fun and adventure and he just wasn’t giving me that anymore.”

  “Okay…” I think to myself. I guess after my time with Jake yesterday, I can now kind of understand where she’s coming from. In all honesty though, I don’t think I could ever get bored of Jake. A huge smile spreads over my whole face as I think back on the memories that I have already stored away. What a bloody way to get over one of your fears though, or at least make your way through it.

  My only issue now is how do I face him? What will I say? Will he even want to speak to me? Oh shit, what if I did something wrong?

  “So what have you been up to since I’ve been gone?” Fran asks as I perch my backside on the sofa. Oh boy, wouldn’t she like to know.

  “Nothing much.” I lie and I hope that she can’t see right through me like everyone else seems to do.

  “Bullshit. I’ve been gone for ages. You’re actually sitting there trying to tell me that you and Jake haven’t been making the most of these two empty apartments?”

  “Not everything’s always abo
ut sex, you know Fran.”

  “Oh my god. You have haven’t you. You’ve finally gone and popped your love bud.” She squeals and I really wish that she’d stop. Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Why do I have to be such a crap liar?

  I don’t have the words to say to her, so instead I just play dumb and hope for the best, while allowing her to waffle on. I’d love to know what she’s been on because she’s bouncing around the room like a mad woman.

  “I can’t believe it. I’m so proud of you, but I’m a little bit offended that you didn’t come to me first. I thought we’d discussed this already?”

  We did? “I’m pretty sure that you planned on getting me laid by the end of summer. Your words, not mine and in no way, shape or form did I agree to any of that.”

  “Come on, you slept with him, didn’t you? You can tell me.”

  “Fran, there’s nothing to tell. I let you get on with your own little adventures, don’t I?”

  “I’m gonna take this as the closest yes that I’m going to get from you. So, where is the little hottie? Still in bed? Oh please tell me that he’s going to walk in here at any minute in just his boxers? Now I wouldn’t mind getting an eyeful of that.”

  “He’s not here. He’s probably still at home, in bed or something.”

  “You mean he’s not been staying here? Bloody hell, Luce. At least I allow them to stay the night, what’s wrong with you?”

  “Fran, you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about so just quit it, okay?” I snap at her. Everything’s a joke to her. And she bloody wonders why I’m not sat down and confiding in her right now. I hate feeling this way towards her, but I’m not going to be someone she can get gossip from just for her to pass the time.

  “Touchy… touchy…” she mocks, fully aware that she’s getting to me. I just need to keep my calm and refuse to rise to it, because I know that’s what she wants.