“So what happened with Mr lover, lover? I thought you two were for keeps?”
Her face changes instantly and she doesn’t look pleased at all. “I already told you, he got boring. Plus, why settle for one when there’s plenty more to sample?”
“You seemed pretty keen on him, though.” Bloody god knows why.
“Yeah, well I was. That was until he decided to ditch me for someone else.”
Woah. I definitely wasn’t expecting her to say that. Why the hell would he ditch her for someone else? He really does think he’s some super, sexy love God. “I… erm, I’m sorry.” I can’t help it coming our as a question. Am I supposed to be sorry? When I look at her, I can’t help but feel bad because she looks absolutely devastated. She must have really liked him.
“Don’t be. I should have listened to you. It was obvious that I was too good for him and he’s proven it by not being able to keep up with me. I mean, I only bloody popped out to the shop to grab some food and when I came back, some little slut was in his bed. I don’t know where she came from, but I was only gone for about fifteen minutes.”
“How did you leave it?”
“You know what? I actually surprised myself. I just grabbed my things and walked away. I’ve never had that kind of thing happen to me before. I really never knew that I could be so calm. That stupid little girl’s welcome to him.”
“What do you say to us going grabbing a drink? We haven’t done that for ages.”
“Did you sleep with Jake?”
So now she’s playing that card? Sometimes I don’t know why I try to be nice to her. “Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t. I guess you’ll never know.”
“Piss off. Now I know that You’re lying. I’ll give it to you though, you’re a lucky son of a bitch. He’s beautiful.”
Okay, maybe I’m going to need to watch this one around Jake now that she’s no longer with Tash-man. Yes, he is beautiful, there’s no denying that, but I’m not sure how I feel about her physically drooling over him.
Calm down Lucy. You don’t want to start turning into a raving, jealous loon.
Roger greets me as soon as I step on to the terrace of McDougal’s and he’s got a wicked glint in his eye. “Hello you…”
“Hi Roger.” I smile back at him and I know he’s just waiting for me to explain myself to him. He’s got that preying look in his eyes.
“Will it be the usual for you?” He asks.
“Yes please and can I also grab two Malibu and lemonades, please. Actually, it’s probably best that you keep them coming.”
“Oh no. Please don’t tell me things with you and that hottie have ended.”
I laugh at him. I bloody knew it. I knew he’d want at least something from me. “Seriously Roget, you’re just as bad as Fran. Neither of you have any shame.”
“Listen, you know what happens on this island doesn’t stay on the Island. Everyone knows everything and when you try to keep stuff to yourself it only makes it sound much more interesting to know.”
“I know, I know.” I sigh at him in defeat. “But no, to answer your question, everything is perfectly fine with me and Jake, thanks.”
“Oh my, he has a name?” His hands fly around dramatically and land on his chest.
“Don’t take the piss. I’ve got enough on my plate with Fran. Let’s just say she’s dealing with some man issues herself and I think she’s ever found herself in this kind of situation before.”
“Please tell me that she isn’t pregnant.”
“Oh god, no. Nothing like that, well at least I hope not, anyway. I think she’s just experiencing a good old taste of her own medicine and she doesn’t know how to handle it.”
I look behind me to see what she’s up to. I shouldn’t be surprised to see her in a cosy embrace with Jose. Clearly heartbreak for her doesn’t last very long.
“Well, she looks like she’s doing okay to me.”
“I never thought I’d say this, but it looks like I’m about to agree with you. Maybe throw in a few shots with those drinks too.” I add.
I take a seat at one of the empty tables on the terrace as soon as our drinks are ready. Fran doesn’t notice my arrival and I can’t help but watch on in shock as she fawns all over Jose. Looking at the two of them it looks like the two of them might have some unresolved issues to work through, but I’m sure she swore that they were through the last time they had a rebound session.
I’m pretty sure that I asked her to come for a drink with me. Obviously that little bit of information has slipped her mind.
Oh well, as long she’s not running around like a woman possessed. Silver linings are a beautiful thing.
Present Day
“Can I have the bride and groom over here please.” The photographer shouts out above us. He’s definitely out to get his money’s worth. We’ve been none stop since they both said I do, and it’s easily been a few hours.
All I want to do is grab a bloody drink and rest my aching feet. I love Hannah, and I’m so happy that she wanted me to be her maid of honour, but she never warned me about the bloody shoes. Is she trying to kill me?
“You look beautiful, Lucy.” Both Hannah and Daniel say as I hobble over to them. I’ve had loads of pictures taken and I’m sure when she looks back on them she won’t want to see my mug on each and every single one.
“Oh, I didn’t want to tell you before the ceremony. To be fair I wasn’t able to string many words together was I? But, now that I remember, there’s somebody here that I’d like you to meet.”
“Meet? I know today is a celebration of Love Han, but it’s a celebration of your love. Do not start setting me up on your bloody wedding day.”
“Who said anything about setting you up?” Daniel pipes up, but Hannah’s face gives her away.
“Lucy, I really think that you’ll like him.”
If only she bloody knew what was going on inside my head right now. If she knew that my past was now stood somewhere in this venue, then setting me up with someone would be the last thing on her mind.
I can’t tell her. As much as I want to, Jesus, I always tell Hannah everything, but this? How can I throw this on her today of all days? I can’t and I won’t take anything away from her special day.
“We’ll see.” She smiles and leans over to kiss my cheek. “Thanks so much for being her today Lucy. There’s no way that I could have ever done this without you by my side.”
“I’d never dream of being anywhere else. But, this chick’s got to pee and I need to get some alcohol flowing in my system. My feet are horrendous.”
“Tell me about it. I’m going to run upstairs when I get a chance and change into some flats. I tell you what, they don’t tell you that they’re bloody devil worshippers when they’re discussing the price tag, do they?”
“I wish I’d bloody thought of bringing some flats with me. But, for you, I’ll happily suffer while silently plotting my revenge for a later day.”
The bar’s pretty crowded and everyone seems to be having fun, mingling and getting merry.
“Jesus Christ, get me some flaming alcohol.” I shout to myself, praying that someone will see me and allow me to pass. Instead, I pleasantly smile and join in on the general chit-chat.
“Lucy…”
I freeze. My heart stops for a minute and then I can hear it beating louder and louder in my chest. “No, no, no. Not here. Not now.”
I’m not prepared for this. I don’t think that I will ever be prepared for this.
I never thought I would see him again after I ran ten years ago. When I ran, I ran clutching my young, foolish broken heart and hopped right onto a plane and there I promised myself that I would never allow myself to love again the way that I loved Jake.
Love was good, but love was also soul shattering and can destroy every single part of you.
“Lucy, please. I need to talk to you.”
His voice still sends chills down my spine, as it I only saw him yesterday. My body, against all of
my wishes completely betrays me when it reacts once again to his touch.
As much as I don’t want it to, his touch, ever so soft against the bottom of my back, awakens me. I feel alive again. Like I have been starved of him.
But I have done so well to try and forget him. To come to terms with the fact that it was all just some silly little teenage thing that meant absolutely nothing apart from silly games in the sun.
Who am I trying to kid? It did mean something, well at least to me. To me, he meant everything. He was my everything and now that he is here, right next to me, the barriers that I have built over the past ten years come crashing down all around me.
Ten Years Earlier
“Fran?” I call out, knowing from the deathly silence that no one is home. “Fran, are you home?”
Nothing. Not even a peep. God knows where she’s disappeared off to again. I can’t keep up with her at all. One minute she’s all happy go lucky, and the next she’s self-destructing my getting her fill of every bloody guy that she comes across.
There’s no reasoning with her though. She just won’t listen and to be fair, I’ve given up trying to talk to her because it all falls on deaf ears and I just end up sound like a nagging parent.
She’s getting out of control and she can’t even see it. Maybe being out here, mixed with alcohol and struggling to deal with her emotions is getting too much for her. I daren’t mention it though because if I say something like that then the shit will definitely hit the fan.
I’ve learnt that staying out her way is the best way to go and if she goes out of her way to speak to me, then I’m all happy to have a chat, but that’s as far as it goes.
I came out here to have some fun and to make some memories, yet all I seem to be doing is working and babysitting my bloody roommate. I never know where she is and when I do, it’s like she needs supervising at all times, just in case she decides to fly off the handle.
I don’t really feel like staying in here all by myself. Maybe I’ll go see if Jake’s home. We’re supposed to be going on a little date later, but I can always surprise him with an earlier visit.
We haven’t really been able to spend as much time together over recent weeks, what with our crazy work schedules. I’m sure Liam’s changed them deliberately. I guess he doesn’t want anyone slacking on the job. Well, maybe he needs to look closer to home and have a word with Fran. Personally, there’s no way that I’d be taking liberties the way she is.
Deciding that I don’t need to take anything with me, I step out of the door with a skip in my step and make my way next door. I really hope he’s in. I’ve missed him so much and its torture having to wait until later to see him.
I know gently on the door, just loud enough for him to hear, but there’s no answer. I wait a couple of minutes and try again. Maybe he’s out. I know he was working last night so god only knows what time he got home. I look up and see that the window’s open a little. I’m guessing that he must be in bed as I don’t think that he’d leave windows open if he was out.
An idea springs into my head, just as I’m about to turn and leave. If he’s home and asleep, maybe his door could be open. Now that would be a surprise for me to walk in and wake him up. Or would it? Would I not be breaking and entering? No, surely not. He always told me that I could come around whenever I wanted to. Looks like I’m about to take him up on that offer.
I take in a few deep breaths and then close my hand around the door handle. I bet it’s bloody locked anyway. Oh well, here goes nothing.
My heart falters a little when the door opens. I never really expected it to be open.
“Now what?” I think to myself. I silently step forward, suddenly feeling that I’m doing something so very wrong. Am I acting a little bunny boiler-ish? Maybe, but I’m here now and it’s pointless turning back.
“Jake…” I whisper, trying not to be too loud in case he is asleep. The living area is empty, the only thing out of place is the empty beer bottles and takeaway boxes scattered around here and there. Yes, my guess is that he’s definitely still in bed. It looks like he had a late one with Liam. Maybe I should just turn around and come back later. He clearly needs to catch up on his sleep.
I hear him move in the bedroom and his hushed voice becomes more frantic. All I can hear him say is, “Shit, shit, shit.”
My first thought is that he must be late for a shift, but then I remember that he isn’t rota’d on until tomorrow. But this is Liam that we’re talking about. He likes to make changes at the drop of a hat. But would he really be that cruel to have a late one with him and then expect him to get up early the next day for work? Somehow it doesn’t sound right.
“Quit your moaning. Where’s your balls gone? I thought you were down for a bit of fun?”
I stop dead in my tracks at the sound of that voice.
Fran’s voice.
What the hell is she doing in Jake’s apartment and what the hell is she doing in his room? My head begins to spin and as much as I want to, I can’t move.
“Fran, listen to me…”
“Fuck off Jake.” Fran shouts back at him just as she walks out of Jake’s room in nothing but one of his t-shirts.
This can’t be happening. Why would either of them do this to me?
“Lucy?” Fran says, as soon as she spots me in the middle of the living area. “What are you doing here?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing. I thought we were supposed to be friends?” I ask, trying my best to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. Clearly she doesn’t matter who she hurts so long as she has her fun. But Jake…
“Lucy.” He almost runs right into the back of Fran when he sees me. “Lucy this isn’t what it looks like…”
Yeah, of course it isn’t. That bloody old chestnut. Fran’s stood in nothing but a shit and Jake’s stood in all his glory with just his boxers hiding his modesty.
How the hell could I have been so stupid. I should have known that Fran would make a move from the way that she has been with every other guy that she’s come across since we’ve been here. But Jake, wow, it hurts.
I really thought I meant something to him, just like he meant something to me. Everything that he’s told me has clearly based on lies. I bet they’ve been having a right good old bloody laugh behind my back. I’ve never felt so betrayed in all my life.
I take one last look at Fran and she stares back at me without so much as a trace of emotion on her face. Jake on the other hand looks shocked. Probably shocked that he’s been caught. “Goodbye Jake.” I say as I finally find the strength to turn around and put one foot in front of the other.”
“Lucy wait… Please…”
I don’t turn back around, instead I continue to make my way towards the door and as soon as I reach it, I pull down on the handle and allow the barriers to break as my tears fall free, desperate to escape, to find solace elsewhere.
My pyjamas have become my comforter and I’ve not been able to leave the house since I arrived back home. The thought of stepping one foot outside the door and facing reality fills me with dread and I begin to sob uncontrollably again.
Mum’s been great. She’s given me space, but I can tell that her patience is begging to wear thin. She doesn’t understand it though. She can’t grasp that I can be so upset over a ‘silly little holiday fling’ but me and Jake were so much more than that. At least I thought we were anyway.
Everything that we did, we did together. I was adamant that the feelings were mutual. But I guess that’s what happens when you’re naïve and young. Maybe I looked into too much, because it was the first time that I have ever felt that way about someone before. The first time that I have ever experienced anything like that with someone before.
As much as it hurts and boy does it hurt, I guess eventually I’ll have to face up to the realisation that I was just someone to pass the time with while we were out there. It would have been so much easier if he’d just been upfront with me, instead of drawing me in,
just to use me until he decided he wanted something more.
“Lucy, Hannah’s here. Should I send her up?”
Oh thank god for that. I’ve been desperately waiting to see her. She’s all I’ve wanted to see since the moment I walked out of that nightmare scene in Jake’s apartment. At least Hannah is always there for me, no matter what.
“Yeah.” I shout weakly back to my mum, hoping that she’s heard me. I don’t think she would ever turn Hannah away and to be fair, she’s probably eternally grateful for her arrival just so that she doesn’t have to pretend that everything will be okay. Maybe she’s secretly hoping that Hannah will be able to talk some sense into me.
“Lucy… my god, are you okay? I got here as soon as I could.” She whispers as she approaches me. I struggle to form any words from the lump in the back of my throat and instead just shake my head at her.
Within seconds her arms are around me, comforting me as she tries to tell me that everything will be okay. As soon as I left Jake’s apartment I made my way straight to the airport without grabbing any of my belongings. I decided that anything I had with me would always remind me of him, so it was best left dead and buried; just like us. Once I’d arrived at the airport I’d called Hannah and tried my best to tell her what had happened in between my fits of hysteria.
I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening to me. Fran was supposed to be my friend and friends were supposed to have boundaries. I guess I should have realised that she was always out for herself with the way she just casually went about her day to day business, without a care in the world to how anyone around her, or their feelings.
Jake, I just can’t understand why he would do something so horrible. He seemed like such a nice, genuine guy and even Amy was singing his praises before she went home. I don’t even want to think about how long it was going on for. Maybe that’s why Tash-man was no longer around and she just fed me any old sob story so that I’d feel sorry for her.
Since You've Been Gone Page 13