by Rose, Ashley
A sound came from the hallway, and they all turned to look. Lily was on the floor, pressed into the corner and shaking violently.
“Lily?” Jaz went into the hallway, Ben following quickly.
Rikke felt useless as they crouched beside Lily to figure out what was wrong. Ben looked at the girl for only a few seconds before turning to the cop. “We need an ambulance.” His tone was calm but firm. “She doesn’t look injured but something’s wrong. I think she’s about to have a seizure.”
The cop called for an ambulance on his radio while Ben turned to the other two girls. “Does she have any kind of medical condition or anything?”
Rikke looked at Jaz, who shook her head. “No...I...we don’t really talk to...no, we don’t know anything.”
Ben pursed his lips and stood up, addressing the cop. “I’m going to run down to the office and pull her medical card. I’ll be right back.”
9
Lily
Lily’s heart rate quickened, and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself in an attempt to control the shaking. It was all too much for her to handle, she knew that. All of the training that her doctors had given her to deal with highly emotional situations flew out the window as the familiar pain exploded in her head. She whimpered and moved into the hallway, trying to make it to the sanctity of her room. But she fell before she reached the door, landing hard on her knees and palms. She knew what was happening. The shaking and loss of balance were only the first stages of her meltdowns. She pressed herself against the wall and hugged her knees tightly, still hearing the commotion going on in the hallway.
She couldn’t see the violence anymore, but she could still hear it faintly over the pounding in her ears. It didn’t matter. She’d seen it once and that was enough. The slap that sent Rikke to the ground played over and over again in her head, accompanied by the sound of the pounding on the door.
She cried out and held her head in her hands as an agonizing headache threatened to make her pass out. And then the memories came. Just flashes. Of moments she never remembered until times like this. Memories of all the times when her emotions were high enough to cause an episode. Images and sounds flashed in her mind like a strobe light—only for a split second, barely long enough to recognize the image before it was overlapped by another and another.
The car crash. Squealing tires, screaming parents, metal-on-metal scraping, the sick crunch as the car folded like an accordion.
In her bed at the ward. People dressed in scrubs everywhere, holding her down, needles going in her arm, pills pushed into her mouth, padded restraints going around her wrists and ankles.
The images piled on top of one another until she thought that no more could possibly fit in her head, but they kept coming.
She groaned and rolled her head back against the wall. Her hands were now gripping her hair, as if she could pull the pain out of her head. It didn’t help. The headache increased until she was sure her head would explode.
Nothing happened. Her head didn’t explode and the images didn’t stop coming. Her body was now shaking so badly that her spine cracked repeatedly and painfully against the wall behind her. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but usually she was somewhere with doctors and nurses to either calm her or inject her with some drug.
So she gave up. She didn’t fight it. She dropped her head onto her knees and held on as tight as she could, praying she could ride out the storm.
Lily must have blacked out because the next thing she knew, she was being shaken gently, causing her eyes to open. Two people were in her immediate vision, Ben and a cop. Both looked concerned. Jaz was standing behind them, and Rikke was standing a bit further back in the hallway.
“Lily?”
She heard Ben saying her name, but it just echoed in her head.
“Lily?”
She blinked at the boy who was saying her name. He must have been doing so for a while. She wanted to push them away. They were too close but she couldn’t move—the commands entered her brain but they didn’t result in anything.
They were trying talk to her, asking if she was ok, if she could hear them, if she could talk, assuring her that an ambulance was going to arrive any second. Ben had what she recognized as the emergency card she had filled out at the beginning of the quarter, so they probably had an idea of what had happened.
The after-effects of the episode would take a while to fade. If she wanted to, she could concentrate enough to talk, but the effort always made her severe headache worse. She closed her eyes. It was bright in the hallway and the shaking started again.
She mustered enough strength to push weakly at the hand on her shoulder and mumble, “I’m fine.”
“Good. Good, just rest, okay? The EMTs are downstairs.”
EMTs wouldn’t help her—they just weren’t trained for that kind of thing. She wished Beck was there, like he used to be. She missed him so much.
She pushed the pain out of her mind and attempted to stand up. Her phone was in her bedroom.
“Whoa,” Ben said as she half fell on him. “Why don’t you just sit back until the techs get here? All right?” He leaned her back against the wall but she wanted to call Beck. She needed to hear his voice.
“My phone,” she whispered.
“Lily, you need to stay put until you get checked out. You can make phone calls later,” Ben said.
That answer wasn’t satisfactory, but the next attempt to get up earned her a heavy hand on her shoulder from the cop, keeping her in place. “Miss, we’ll get you your phone as soon as we make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
It was too late. Two more people joined them in the small hallway—two EMTs, going by their uniforms. They each carried a bright orange suitcase. Ben moved back to allow them to surround her. So many bodies crowding her personal space made her feel suffocated.
One med tech talked to her, trying to get a response, while the other rattled off questions for Ben or the cop. She was too used to the medical hands touching her to be surprised when a blood pressure cuff was strapped to her upper arm and fingers landed on her wrist.
She listened to the conversation through the headache and wished she could coordinate her limbs enough to move properly.
“Was she in some sort of accident? Any trauma? What triggered it? Does she have a medical history?” The EMTs were asking too many questions.
Ben handed over the emergency card, and after reading it quickly the EMT pulled out a phone and dialed a number, presumably the number of her doctor on campus.
Lily made a small noise of pain when a harsh light was flashed into her eyes by the man checking her vitals.
“Sorry about that. Needed to check your pupils,” he said. “We’re calling your specialist practitioner. Are you harmed in any way? I see that your knees and palms are slightly carpet burned and there is some possible bruising.”
“I’m fine,” she said quietly, knowing it was useless.
He smiled at her politely. “Do you remember everything that happened?”
She shook her head.
“This has happened before?”
She nodded.
“You heart rate and BP are way above normal. Were you dizzy? Is that why you fell?”
She nodded again. She wanted to talk to her brother.
The other guy dressed in the blue suit knelt down near her also. He had a phone to his ear and was relaying details to the person on the other end. She looked up at Ben, the cop, and Lily, who were now all standing together. As she watched, Ben gave her a reassuring smile before turning and joining Rikke in the living room.
“Lily?” The EMT was speaking to her so she looked back at him. He held out the cell phone. “Your doctor wants to speak with you.”
She looked at the phone, doubtful whether her arm would hold it. She lifted her arm slowly and took the bulky phone and brought it to her ear.
“Lily?”
She didn’t answer for a moment.
She looked at the people who were all still staring at her, then turned away from them and let her hair shield her face as she said quietly, “I’m here.”
“All right. Good. Now, they said that it appeared that you had some sort of attack. Was it the kind you’ve had in the past?”
She nodded, but then remembered he couldn’t see her. “Yes.”
“Do you feel like you need to be taken to the hospital right away?”
“No.”
“Do you need me to come over for an evaluation?”
“No. I’m fine.” Her voice was weak, though. “It wasn’t a mess up with my meds or anything. It was triggered. I’ll be fine. I just want to talk to my brother.”
“In a minute, okay? I need to make sure you don’t need any immediate medical attention. Now, what do you remember?”
Lily told him, explaining how she blacked out and when she’d woken up. Her doctor talked to her for several minutes, asking detailed questions and making sure that the trigger was gone.
“As much as I’d like to send you to a hospital for a full work up, I know that it won’t do your mind any good and it won’t tell us anything we don’t already know. So, I am going to talk to the EMTs a bit more, and I want you to rest for the remainder of the day. You should call a friend to stay with you for a few hours, just in case.”
“Okay.” But Lily didn’t have any friends.
Once her doctor was done talking to her, she handed the phone back to the EMT and waited while they finished doing whatever they were doing. Half an hour and a hazy conversation with Ben later, Lily was free to drag herself to her room and lock herself in. She curled up on her bed with her cell phone and called her brother. She almost cried when she got his voicemail. The only time he didn’t answer his phone was when he had it turned off for work, so she knew there was no chance of him calling her back immediately.
Lily thought about calling Carmondy, her brother’s girlfriend, but it just wasn’t the same. She wanted to get up and out of her room, away from the devastated Rikke and violent Jaz. They had told her to rest for the remainder of the day. Her roommates were supposed to keep an eye on her but Lily didn’t have any trouble sneaking out, probably because they expected her to hole up in her room and not come out.
A wave of nausea hit her when she saw the small dent in the drywall left by Rikke’s head. She was glad to be away from the room and her roommates. Unfortunately, she didn’t have anywhere to go. So she just walked in one direction, gripping her cell phone tightly, in case Beck called.
Lily ended up walking past the same coffee stand where she’d gone with Miles the other day. Before the thought had even faded, the dark-haired boy entered her vision.
“Lily! Wow, we must have our watches synchronized or—” He seemed to notice that something wasn’t right, because he stepped forward and peered at her closer. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” She was getting better at lying. It really was a nice skill to have.
“No, you’re really not,” he said.
“Yes, I am,” she said in a tone that she had learned made people take the hint. In addition, she turned her head away, hiding her face with her hair, yet another gesture that was supposed to make him leave her alone.
He didn’t, though. He reached out to brush her hair back. This move was completely socially unacceptable for two people who didn’t really know each other and she flinched.
Miles withdrew his arm. “You look like you need someone to talk to.”
Yeah, my brother. “Please leave me alone.”
“If you want to be left alone, you shouldn’t be wandering the most populated building on campus. Now, how about I get you an ice water and we can go upstairs, where it’s quieter, and you can tell me what’s on your mind?”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Okay, well.” He smoothly stepped to one side and asked the barista for the water. “We can go sit in silence.”
She hadn’t agreed to this. Wasn’t he supposed to leave her alone now? “I didn’t agree to this.”
He looked at her, slightly amused. “No. No, you didn’t.”
The water came and he held it for her, gesturing with his own coffee toward the wide staircase leading upstairs.
“I don’t...” This boy confused her.
“What are you gonna do? Wander around aimlessly all day, waiting for whoever’s got you with a death grip on that phone to call? Come on. Come sit with me.”
The look on his face said he was sincere, but she really wasn’t a very good judge of that. There was no harm in doing it though, so she sighed and walked with him to the sitting area upstairs. There were couches and chairs scattered about. Some people did homework; others slept. Miles headed for a loveseat toward the back of the room, giving them a little privacy.
As she sat, Miles put the chilly drink in her hand. She was grateful for the soothing effect it had as it passed down her throat.
He looked completely comfortable sitting in close proximity to her. He lounged back slightly, but still made it obvious that he was focused on her. She wished she could look as relaxed as he did in public. Instead, she settled onto the couch awkwardly, keeping as far away from him as possible.
“Thanks for sitting with me,” he said, sipping his coffee. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“I don’t think you were rude. But...peculiar, yes.”
He smiled. “I have been told that before. Now, what’s got you in this mood?”
“You don’t know me, so how do you know that this is not who I always am?”
He paused thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I guess. But you look like something has been bothering you, and if you looked like this all the time, well...that wouldn’t be good.”
She fidgeted on the couch, still wishing she had his grace for being in public.
“Relax, Lily,” he said, leaning forward slightly. “No one is watching, so stop acting like someone is studying you.”
“I can’t.”
His smile was reassuring this time. “Well, I’d suggest that we go somewhere more private, but that might be taken as inappropriate.”
Private sounded nice, but she didn’t know what he meant by inappropriate. “Private?”
“Yeah. You know, like my place or something. I rent a house with a couple others, but they’re all in class.”
A house with no people, no roommates, no roommate’s violent boyfriend…that sounded nice.
“Yes.”
He looked around. “Um...yes, what?”
“Your place. We can go there?”
“I—sure. If you want, I mean...you won’t be uncomfortable?” he asked, looking puzzled.
“You said that no one is there.”
“Right. But—”
She stood up, anxious to get away from the building full of people.
He didn’t move from the couch, though, a confused look still on his face. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, of course. You did invite me, didn’t you?” She was suddenly anxious. “I’m so sorry, I said something stupid. I—”
“No, no, no.” He stood up. “You didn’t. I just wanted to make sure that you would be comfortable coming to my place alone.”
“You’re going to be there, right?” she asked warily.
His mouth quirked up in a smile. “Yes.”
“Can we go then?”
“Of course.” He looked at her one more time before leading the way out of the building. “I live just off campus, so I walked. I hope that’s ok.”
“It’s a nice day.”
“Yeah.” He looked up at the sky. “It is.”
She liked being with Miles. He made her forget the things that bothered her.
“Are you going to tell me what has you so anxious to get off campus?”
She looked left as they crossed a narrow street. She sighed.
“It’s okay, if you don’t want to talk about it yet. You don’t have to. I’m just worried about you. Is there a reason you seem to be avoiding people like the plague?”
“If you insist that I talk about it, I’d like to talk about it later. When we are in your house?”
“Right. I can wait.”
His house really was just off of campus, just a few houses down. A pretty tree covered the one-way street to his house. It was a nice little place—old, but with character, and it looked well taken care of.
“It’s a four bedroom. I rent it with three other friends,” he said when he noticed her staring at the house. “We like it a lot.”
As she gazed at it, she said absently, “I don’t ever remember living in a house.”
He laughed as he unlocked his front door. “What?”
She looked at him, wondering why he was laughing, and his expression changed.
“Oh, you’re serious.” He opened the door and gestured for her to enter. “Where did you live, then?”
She looked around the comfy living room. “The earliest I remember, I lived at a long-term psych care facility. A nice one.” She admired the homey look of his house. “Later, I moved to one that gave me a little more freedom, but was still the same kind of place.”
“So...life in a dorm is the first time you’ve really been on your own?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, you seem to be doing great.”
“I prepped for months for the transition.” She ran a hand over the back of a leather couch, admiring the softness. “I got specialized tours of the dorm and campus before the other students arrived. I get lots of support through Disability Support Services.”
“Oh, that’s cool. So, did you want to hang out here in the living room?”
“Are your roommates going to come in?” she asked, slightly concerned.
“Well, they are going to get out of class eventually, and there is a chance they can get out early and come back, but—”
“Do you have a bedroom?” she interrupted him.
He cocked his head. “Yes. I do. In the basement.”
She waited expectantly.
“Ok...wanna go down there?”