by Rose, Ashley
Lily’s heart rate sped up. She wasn’t used to being yelled at. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Jaz must have realized she was doing more harm than good because she backed off a bit. “Just...where were you?”
“I was with Miles, at his house.”
“Miles?”
“He’s...a boy that I know.”
“Boyfriend?”
“No, I just met him two days ago.”
Both girls’ eyes widened. Jaz said, “You met him two days ago and you’re going to his house? Were you alone?”
“Uh, yeah, it was just us.”
Jaz blinked at her. Rikke cocked her head slightly.
“What?” Lily asked.
“Are you fucking him?” Jaz sounded surprised.
The phrase didn’t mean anything to Lily for a second, until her brain recalled that ‘fucking’ was used as a slang term for sleeping with someone as well as a curse word.
She jumped when she realized what she was asking. “No!”
Jaz didn’t look like she believed her, and Rikke looked confused.
“He’s just...a friend.”
“Yeah, well, ‘just friends’ don’t stay at a person of the opposite sex’s house late into the night, not after only meeting two days prior.”
“I...but we’re not...”
Jaz took a deep breath and ran a hand through her long hair. “Ok, that’s a different matter that you need to sort out yourself. But did you realize that none of us have your phone number?”
“Do you have each other’s phone numbers?”
Jaz glanced at Rikke. “Well...no. But none of us have some sort of medical condition that could be seriously dangerous.”
Lily was confused. “Rikke has an abusive boyfriend. Wouldn’t she be in more danger than me?”
That must not have been an okay thing to say because Jaz just stared at her and then put a hand over her eyes. Rikke turned away. There was a look on her face that Lily didn’t recognize. She’d have to look it up later.
“Just give us your number, Lily,” Jaz said.
Lily blinked. “Ok. Sure.” After swapping numbers between the three of them and leaving a note for Lorna with all of their numbers on the fridge, Jaz seemed to be satisfied and let Lily get on with her day.
Two hours later, after a class, Lily was in the school bookstore, which was in the corner of the Student Union building. The Self Help and Relationship sections were in the back. After thinking about what Jaz had said, she realized how little she knew about boys and how to understand them. For Lily, books were the best way to learn proper social skills. She picked out several books she thought would help her.
The Relationship Handbook promised to be the best book on relationships, though Lily recognized that as a sales technique.
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship looked interesting, if the title was anything to go by.
Lily was sure that her eyes almost popped out when she saw Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions. Would she need it? Was she going to have sex with Miles?
Become Your Own Matchmaker seemed like a good theory.
Her eyes skimmed the shelf until it landed on Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus. Perfect. All the things she might need in one book.
The Complete Idiots Guide to a Healthy Relationship made her giggle, so she picked it also.
Her plan was to read the relationship books first, to see if she was going to have to have sex or not, and then read the sex books.
The final book she picked because it sounded dangerous and she felt like she needed that. Uncensored – Dating, Relationships, and Sex: You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea.
She skimmed the rack a final time. She was curious as to how many books combined sex and relationships in the same book. The majority did, though there were a good number of books that were solely for sex. She gulped and headed for the register, hoping she wouldn’t have to come back for more sex books.
The lady behind the register gave her an odd look as she rang up the books, but Lily was too distracted to try to interpret it. The two heavy bags of books weighed her down as she left the store. Luckily for her, the store was in the same building as the coffee shop that Miles frequented and, sure enough, he was getting himself a drink. Lily licked her lips and wished she could crack open the books right now to figure out if she should stop and talk to him or continue back to her room. She walked slowly as she tried to decide, but in the end, Miles spotted her and solved the issue.
“Lily. Hey.” He rounded a coffee stand with a familiar smile on his face.
“Hi.”
“Are you stalking me? ‘Cause we seem to be running into each other a lot.”
She was pretty sure that had been a joke, so she smiled. “I was just doing some shopping.”
“So I see. Did you want something?” he asked, gesturing toward the coffee stand.
“No thanks.”
He glanced at the bags. “Textbooks?”
“Nope. Just some reading for me.”
“Oh yeah? Are you heading back to your room? I could help you with those,” he offered.
“Oh. Thanks, but you’ve got your coffee.”
“It just needs one hand.” He took one of the bags from her. “See?”
The happy smile stayed on his face as they left the large building.
“Thanks for walking me home last night.”
“Not a problem. It was really late.”
“Yeah...my roommates were mad.”
“Hm? Why?” he inquired, sipping his drink.
“Well...I was supposed to stay in the room, you know? Not go anywhere. But I did, obviously, and stayed out late. They were worried, I guess.”
“You didn’t tell me you were supposed to be taking it easy.”
She bit her lip. “I didn’t think it was important.”
He frowned and her heart sank.
“I’m sorry, Miles, I...” She’d failed. Miles hated her. She was never going to get this thing right. She felt tears welling up in her eyes.
“No, no, no, Lily.” He dropped her books and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to seem...It’s okay, I’m not mad or anything.”
“You’re not?” she mumbled against his shoulder.
“No,” he insisted, hugging her tightly.
She dropped her bag also and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry I’m so dumb about these things.”
“It’s okay.” He pulled back and looked at her reassuringly. “We’re working it out.”
She nodded. “I’m really trying. I got all these books, and I’m going to get it right, I promise.”
Miles looked puzzled. “All these books? What are...?” He picked up the bag and fished one of the books out. “Dating, Relationships, and Sex...” he read aloud.
She started to explain, “Yeah, I—”
But he grabbed more books. “The Relationship Handbook? Lily... Sex for Dummies? What—I don’t get it.”
She wrung her hands. “I don’t know anything about boys. And my roommate said something this morning. “
“So you buy a bunch of books on sex and relationships?”
She took a step back at his incredulous tone. “I need these, to understand what to do. How to act. What to expect. You know. It’s how I learn.”
“Learn what?”
“Everything.”
“What?”
“I don’t have inherent social skills. I have to learn them.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The brain damage I suffered when—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He stopped her, shaking his head. “Let’s continue this conversation somewhere other than the middle of the sidewalk, all right?”
“Okay.” He was acting weird. She really wished she could read a couple of these books.
When they reached her dorm, the only roommate there wa
s Lorna, who was sitting in the living room munching on popcorn while watching a movie.
“Hi,” Lily said quietly.
Lorna turned. “Hi.” Her eyebrows rose at the sight of Miles standing beside Lily.
“Did you get the note that Jaz left?” Lily asked.
Lorna nodded, her eyes on Miles.
“This is Miles,” Lily told her. “We’re just going to go to my room.”
Lorna nodded slowly once more and turned back to her movie.
Once in her room, Lily set down her bag and took the one Miles was holding, putting it down also.
He was looking around. “I like your room.”
“Thanks. It’s not as big as yours.”
“It’s a dorm room. It’s a decent size.” He set his coffee on her desk and went to survey the two floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, packed with her self-help literature and various other books that she had for learning people skills.
His eyes got wider as he took in all of the titles. She watched him nervously, wondering what he was thinking. When he finally turned to her, his expression was unreadable. “Time to talk.”
She gulped nervously. This was the tone her brother used when he had something serious to talk to her about. “Okay.” She slid up onto her bed, leaving her legs dangling over the side. “Do you want to sit?”
“I’ll stand.” He paced to the other side of the room and back. “So...okay. I am just going to be up front here, all right?”
She nodded
“I like you.” He paused to look down to the floor and then back up to her eyes. “I like you a lot.”
She was silent still, unsure of what to say.
“But, I feel like there is something you aren’t telling me. Something big.”
“I have never lied to you.”
“I know. But there’s something.”
She nodded again, more hesitantly this time.
“And I respect that we all have our stories,” Miles continued, “and we don’t all need to share them. So I’m not going to ask you to tell me anything you don’t want to. But at the same time, this seems like the kind of thing I shouldn’t be entering into blind. I feel like there is something I should know, for both of our sakes.”
She didn’t reply.
“Now. You aren’t a normal girl. And I consider that a good thing, though I know you said you try hard to be normal.”
She nodded.
“So is there something I need to know?” He prodded her to explain.
She took a deep breath. There were things that he needed to know. “Yes. It’s the reason I go to therapy and doctors every week. And the reason I’m not normal, and the reason why I have to learn how to be a person from books.”
He nodded. “And are you comfortable sharing?”
She took a deep breath, already feeling the relief of him knowing the truth. “Yes.”
He sat down on the other end of the bed. “I’m listening.”
She shared her story. It took almost half an hour, but by the end she’d told him all about the car accident she’d endured as a kid. It had caused serious neurological damage, which led to a variety of adverse mental and psychological effects. Along with losing most of her memories, she was unable to socialize properly or take care of herself. She informed him that she had spent the majority of the past twelve years in a long-term psychiatric institution, often heavily medicated. She told him about the seizures that plagued her, along with the drug-induced nightmares and various other psychotic effects.
“Right now I’m going to therapy once a week, and to a medical doctor. I am on a lot of medication, so everything is pretty heavily regulated.”
“What kind of meds?” he asked gently.
“Umm, some stuff to help my anxiety, and another kind to control my seizures and help with the electrical activity going on in my head, I really can’t explain it very well. But that is my most important one, for the seizures. I also have some pain meds that I take regularly, and then some stronger ones on an as-needed basis. I used to have others...growth hormones and some other stuff, but I’m off those now.” She proceeded to tell Miles how she’d made such great progress in the last few years with ever-improving drugs and the renewed support of her brother that she’d be able to move from the institution, to a halfway house, and now to a college dormitory.
Miles listened through the whole thing without speaking. He didn’t once look away from her or try to say anything, just listened. When she was done, he was quiet for a moment, as if he was still absorbing everything.
“So...” He shifted on the bed. “All of the books? You said that’s how you learn?”
“Umm, yeah.” She wrung her hands nervously. “Not only was I institutionalized for most of my developmentally important teenage years, I also suffered damage to the portion of my brain that allows me to socialize. Lately I’ve been able to be more and more socially acceptable, but it’s all from books. I don’t have the ability to experience something like that and learn about it. I have to read it and process it in an academic way before I can apply it. The social skills that I do have aren’t second nature. I have to think about things, everything actually, that I do or say.”
“Wow.”
“But I’m really smart. I’m not...stupid or anything. I get really good grades and love to read. And my doctor back home said that if I work and exercise the parts of my brain that were damaged, I might be able to get some of those areas to function again. I mean, I am getting better, and I will continue to get better.” She nodded vigorously. “I work really hard and I’m learning. And I’m so fast at reading, I’ll have these books down in a couple of days and I’ll know what’s right and what’s not right. I’m sure with just a little bit of work I can—”
“Lily.” Miles reached out and grabbed her hands, which were still twisting together.
She looked at him and waited.
“Okay...so...hmm.” He fiddled with her fingers while thinking.
“I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore,” she whispered.
He closed his eyes. “Lily, that’s not it. I’m just trying to think about this.”
“I would understand though, if you don’t want to get involved with someone like me.”
“I knew that there was something from the start. I did meet you in a therapist’s office. I just didn’t expect anything this serious. I mean, I just figured it was separation anxiety or emotional issues.”
“Oh. I do have emotional issues,” she assured him.
He laughed. “Well, honestly, Lily, none of what you said matters to me. I mean, sure, it kinda surprised me, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to get to know you better.”
“Really?”
“Of course. I mean, we’ve only known each other a couple of days. I don’t think that’s nearly enough time.”
“So it doesn’t bother you that I have no social skills?”
“Nah.” He grinned. “Social skills are overrated. Besides, I hate those girls who conform and pretend just to make themselves seem sexy or attractive.”
She smiled, relieved.
“So, let’s just take it from here?”
Lily nodded. “Okay.”
13
Lorna
Lorna was meeting Nash and Shep for a couple of hours alone today, and then staying for the group practice. She was nervous. Lily was still in her room with the mystery boy when she left, and she shook her head, wondering how Lily seemed to have managed to find a guy, a cute one at that, and yet she still hadn’t.
Lorna had actually had fun with Shep the night before. Once she had loosened up and just danced, she was fine. It was exciting to dance like that with a guy, though it didn’t really count since Shep wasn’t into girls.
Shep and Nash were already in the dance studio when she arrived. Shep was dressed in his usual casual clothes, but Nash wore striped warm-up pants and a muscle shirt, which meant he was dancing today, not just teaching. The muscle shirt framed his should
ers perfectly, showing off the large arm and shoulder muscles that he no doubt utilized when performing lifts and other stunts.
They both had their backs turned and didn’t hear her arrive over the music. As she dropped her bag and slid off the sandals, she watched Nash flip through the CDs, looking irritated.
“Chill.” Shep snatched the CDs from him and plucked out the correct one. “The dancers are going to love her, she’s great.”
“Did you see her yesterday, Shep? She flinched every time I touched her.”
“And I told you I’d take care of it. Don’t you trust me?”
“You know I do. I’m just worried.”
“It might take her a little time, but—”
“We don’t have time, Shep.”
“Okay, look. I took her out last night. She had a blast. We danced and once she’s comfortable, she’s fine. Maybe you just need to push her. Remind her of the reasons why she’s doing this, just be nice about it.”
Nash nodded, taking a deep breath.
“You need to relax, dude. I know this piece is a big part of whether you graduate or not, but it’s a great piece. You are going to do awesome, and they are going to love it.”
Nash nodded.
Lorna was surprised that he kept up such a confident front all the time. She supposed that he had to. But it was weird to see him stressed...it made her want to work harder.
She picked up and bag and dropped it again, to get the boys’ attention and make them think she had just arrived.
Shep turned. “Hey, sexy.”
“Hi.”
He snapped his finger at her. “Come on, girly, get undressed and warmed up. We’ve got a lot to cover today.” Though he had pretty much just ordered her around, the warm smile on his face made her comfortable.
She had expected more time to practice before meeting the group, but the performance must have been sooner than she thought because Nash sure was in a hurry to incorporate her. Today she wore spandex boy-shorts, which were tighter than her usual booty shorts, with a black sports bra on top.
She started to jog laps around the room to get warm. Nash continued to go through the music, focused on his task. She couldn’t get over how big his shoulders were. They weren’t huge for a typical athlete, but they were for a dancer. It made her wonder what was under those sweats. Most male dancers were lean and had muscle for sure, but you didn’t see a lot of dancers with the more bulky body structures. She tried to imagine him doing graceful ballet moves, but couldn’t. She realized she didn’t know what kind of dancing he did. She’d never actually seen him dance.