by Rose, Ashley
“It’s all right,” he said quietly.
She finished with the sketch and looked at it. It looked like him. His mouth was angry but his eyes were more neutral. “Well, thanks for letting me draw you.”
“Done?”
“Yeah.” She turned the book to face him and slid it across the table.
He peered at it for a while before sliding it back. His wrist flashed beneath his jacket when he extended his arm. She caught a view of the edge of his scars before he pulled back. She’d almost forgotten about them.
“You’re a good artist.”
“Thanks.” She opened her mouth to ask about the scars, but then stopped herself, realizing how stupid that would be. Instead she closed the book and stood up. “I’d like to draw you again,” she said, putting the sketches under her arm. “If you would be okay with that.”
He nodded slowly. “I guess. Umm, I’m here most afternoons, doing homework.”
“Cool. I’ll swing by then, to see if I can catch you.”
He nodded and looked back down to his homework. Instead of chancing an even more awkward goodbye, she turned and left.
Bishop. The name suited him.
But she still liked Snickers better.
27
Rikke
Rikke stood in line to get a sandwich at the on-campus eatery. Adam was in another line, waiting for pizza. When she glanced over at him, he grinned and mouthed something, probably dirty. She just smiled at him and turned back to the line.
She wore jeans, his jeans, because he wanted her to wear them. And a baggy sweatshirt, also his. They smelled like they hadn’t been washed in a while, and she wrinkled her nose as the line moved.
“Rikke!”
She turned at Ben’s voice.
“My god, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Leave me alone, Ben.” She looked past his shoulder. Adam wasn’t watching. “Just go away.”
“What? No. You were gone yesterday morning. I looked for you all day, talked to your professors. You didn’t go to any of your classes, your roommates have barely seen you.” He stepped closer, and she tugged the sweatshirt up so he couldn’t see the hickies.
“It’s none of your business. Leave.”
“The hell it isn’t. It’s my business big time.”
She turned to leave, to get something else to eat and to get out of Adam’s sight. If he saw her with Ben...
She hurried out of the side door onto the sidewalk.
“Don’t walk away from me, Rikke.” Ben grabbed her wrist to pull her to a stop.
Rikke cried out as his fingers closed on her layer of tender bruises. She turned back to him, trying to pull away.
But Ben just yanked up her sleeve and exposed the bruises, plus more that were on her arms. “Rikke...” He looked up, peering at her face. “You’re wearing a lot of makeup.” His hand brushed the bruises on her jaw and she winced, turning away.
“Let go.” She tugged hard on her wrist but he just grabbed her arm to hold her in place.
“You’re with him again, aren’t you? With your ex?”
“My life is none of your business, Ben.”
“After everything he did to you? You sneak out of my room to get back with him? What the hell, Rikke!”
“Baby?”
Rikke looked up and saw Adam coming through the door.
“Is something going on out here?” Adam came to her side and put his arm around her waist. Rikke watched Ben’s face the whole time, watching it go from anger to disbelief.
“No, nothing,” Rikke said, glancing down.
“Stay away from my girlfriend,” Adam warned. “You may have authority as a fucking hall monitor where you live, but I’m not in your building, so don’t fuck with me.”
“Rikke...I can still help you.” Ben disregarded Adam’s statement. “You know you don’t want this. Just say the word.”
“Get out of here,” she said in a monotone.
Adam squeezed her torso. “You heard her. Move along, asswipe.”
Ben just stared at the both of them. “Fine. You know what? I give up. I tried to help you, Rikke. I could get fired because of you. But if you don’t want my help, fine. I give up.” He left, shoving his way back through the door and into the building.
Adam looked down at her, a dangerous expression on his face. “What was that about?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.” He dragged her across the campus and back to his dorm.
“So.” Adam shut the door to his room once he had her trapped inside and stood against it, glaring at her. “What was that thing with your RA about?”
“Ben? Nothing?”
“It was obviously more than that.” He slipped his arms around her, a cold embrace. “Just tell me. I won’t be mad.”
He definitely would be mad if he found out that she’d slept with him. Or that she’d even stayed in his room. “It’s nothing really.”
“Hmmm.” He eased them onto the bed, her on her back with him straddling her hips. “It sounded like more than that.” His hands pushed her shirt up. “Like...he was worried about you, protective even. But that doesn’t make sense, unless you guys had a thing.”
She had never been able to keep anything from Adam. It was stupid to believe that this time would be different.
“We didn’t. Like I said, he’s just—”
He covered her mouth with his hand, leaning down. “I don’t believe you.”
Something flared in his eyes, something she’d seen before but never on this level. He was pissed, pure anger with a candy coating, like a psychopath.
“Now.” He removed his hand and trailed them down her chest to grip either side of her ribs, right over a deep purple set of bruises. “You’re lying to me, and you know I hate that.”
She didn’t respond.
“So, just tell me the truth. You want to be a good girlfriend, right?”
She nodded.
“And I’m such a good boyfriend.” He leaned on her ribs. Pain shot up her torso from the bruises. “I deserve the truth. Don’t I?”
“Y-yes.”
“So tell me.” He leaned down. More pressure caused her to groan, but he just smiled. “Did you fuck him?”
She froze. All she needed to do was shake her head. Say, no, of course not. But she remained silent, wondering for the first time if she’d made a mistake in coming back to him. The look in his eyes terrified her. Did terror have a place in a healthy relationship?
Probably not.
A sharp pain on one side of her face pulled her out of her thoughts. Adam had slapped her, hard enough to make her ears ring. She turned her head back to face him slowly. There was no denying it now. He knew.
“What a goddamn slut.” His voice was surprisingly calm, but it didn’t last long. “You suddenly decide that I’m a bad boyfriend and go off and sleep with the first guy who’ll have you!” He slapped her again.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, raising her hand to her cheek.
“You’re sorry?” He shook her shoulders. “After everything I’ve done for you...and you betray me?”
“I didn’t—”
“Shut up!” He abruptly shoved her off the bed.
She winced as her body hit the ground but quickly scrambled to her feet. “Adam!”
“No! You don’t get to talk!” He shoved her against his closet, the doors rattling on the hinges. “I’ve never cheated on you, Rikke. Never!”
She cringed and turned her face away. “Just tell me what I need to do.”
He grabbed her shoulder and slammed her back against the door again. “There is nothing you can do, Rikke. Do you understand how much this hurts?” He did it again. “Do you?”
“No,” she said quietly.
He released her with a shove and went to the door. He applied both locks before moving to his stereo, turning the volume up loud.
“Adam... don’t.”
“Don’t what?” He advanced on her
slowly, shoving his roommate’s chair out of the way. “Don’t teach you a lesson?”
“Please...”
“It’s too late for that.” He eased up to her, hands on her arms, then on the sides of her neck. “I’ve always been so nice to you, so kind. And this is how you repay me?”
“I thought we’d broken up.”
He laughed dryly and pressed his lips against hers. “It doesn’t matter, Rikke. You’ve always belonged to me.” He pulled back, and she didn’t even see the fist coming. But she did feel pain explode in the side of her face, the impact sending her sideways, crumpling her to her knees.
She couldn’t even process what had happened before he yanked her upright and shoved her against the wall. She couldn’t stay up though. The blow had disoriented her. He landed another blow to her stomach as she fell, pushing all of the air out of her lungs. She fell to her hands and knees, gasping for air. Her vision swam and arms shook, as if the floor was moving under her.
Adam kicked her in the ribs, sending her to her side. She got a glimpse of him, expecting his face to be angry. But it wasn’t. It was completely passive, void of emotions. He swooped down and grabbed the back of her neck, using it to pull her up and toss her onto the bed.
“No! Adam, stop!” she wheezed, one arm around her middle, the other prying his off of her neck. She managed to break free of his hand and lunged for the door. He tackled her from behind, landing on top of her on the floor.
She struggled to breathe as his hand pushed her face into the floor. He was saying something but she couldn’t make it out against the pounding in her ears. Adam turned her over and backhanded her. He hit her more times in her stomach until she felt nausea along with the pain.
He shook her shoulder some more, yelling something. She didn’t understand any of it as the back of her head connected with the floor repeatedly. Her vision went from bad to worse until she gave up and closed her eyes. She lost each of her senses in rapid succession before falling unconscious.
* * *
She came to what must have been just a few minutes later. The situation was pretty much the same. Except now Adam was having sex with her. She was naked from the waist down, Adam’s hands on her wrists while he shoved in and out.
“Adam...”
His eyes flicked to hers. “You don’t get to look at me.”
He pulled out and flipped her over. Whether he meant to do it or not, he rammed her forehead into the floor, sending her into darkness again.
* * *
The next time she woke up she was alone. It was dark. Her sluggish brain deemed that it was nighttime. She’d been out for a good while now. She was still naked from the waist down and her entire body hurt.
Adam hadn’t been gentle with her, as if he ever was. As she rolled over, she found one of her arms completely useless, pain radiating from her shoulder. The odd feeling told her that it was dislocated. She managed to flop onto her back and realized she wasn’t in his room anymore. She wasn’t even in a building. A blurry night sky looked back at her and she realized she was on concrete, but didn’t know where. Adam must have dragged her, dislocating her shoulder in the process, out of the building to wherever she was now.
Different pains came to her slowly. Her legs burned, probably from being dragged on the concrete. Her stomach hurt and when she touched it with her working hand it was tender. Adam had really done a number on it. Lower down she felt something rough that rubbed off in flakes. Dried blood smeared along her inner thighs. She hurt there too. Most of all, her head hurt, and she could tell there were several lumps along with a severe headache.
She tried to sit up but a pain shot up her back, and she fell back down with a gasp. She didn’t know where she was or how long she’d been there. As she lay there, she hoped the pain would subside and she would be able to sit up. The pain just got worse, especially the one in her stomach.
She closed her eyes against the pain and felt a tear roll out from under her lids. She wasn’t sure if she was falling asleep, or if consciousness was leaving her again, but all of her energy was gone and she let her mind go with it.
“Here she is! I found her!”
Rikke wasn’t sure if her eyes were open or not, but she couldn’t see anything, just hear voices.
“Call an ambulance, she’s hurt!” Hands touched her arms and legs hesitantly. “Rikke? Are you awake?”
Something settled over her lower half, a blanket or a coat.
“She’s not responding.”
Fingers on her throat. Some scuffling sounds and a second voice joined the first.
“Her pulse is weak,” Ben’s said, his voice choked with fear. “Where’s that ambulance?”
“On its way.”
Someone tapped her face lightly. “Rikke? Rikke, wake up.”
Hands touched her shoulder, the other voices spoke. “Her shoulder’s dislocated. Looks like it’s been that way for a while.”
A different set of hands, Ben’s, touched her stomach. “Something’s wrong.”
“She’s pale.”
“I know.” Ben but a tiny bit of pressure on her stomach. “I think she’s bled into her abdomen.”
“That’s bad.”
“Rikke,” Ben said, “Can you talk?”
She opened her mouth but it was dry. One pain was outdoing all the rest now. Her stomach felt like there was a truck parked on it. “Stomach... hurts.”
“I know. I know, sweetheart.” Ben touched her face gently. “The ambulance is almost here, just hang tight.”
“I...made...a mistake,” she rasped out.
“Shhh.” Ben stroked her hair. “Don’t worry about that now, okay? We’re gonna take care of you.”
She opened her mouth to speak again but darkness came and she welcomed it. Passing out was better than being awake.
28
Lily
The next twelve hours seemed like an eternity for Lily. She floated in and out of reality, the sirens continuing to ring in her ears even though they had stopped a long time ago. The lights still flashed in her vision, though those too were long past.
When she was moved from the ambulance to a hospital bed, the bright lights in the Emergency Room set off another attack. Not knowing what kind of seizure she was having, they rolled her onto her side while it passed, and then affixed her wrists and ankles with padded brown leather restraints.
She wanted to fight them, scream at them to stop, but she was only getting vision in flashes, and the white-hot pain in her skull made it impossible for her to form coherent words.
Faces swam around her. Unknown nurses and doctors, all trying to figure who she was, with someone in the background scrambling for her medical history. Her hearing started to return and she caught portions of conversations. The doctors were trying to figure out what kind of anti-seizure meds to give her, and what kinds of painkillers, since her writhing and crying signaled she was in pain.
It must be taking a long time to get her medical records because they didn’t give her anything, not even as her headache went from agonizing to torturous. The spasms from her brain, mixed with the searing pressure in her head, caused her body to pull so hard against the restraints that it felt as if her muscles were tearing away from bone.
She tasted salt as her free-flowing tears ran into her open mouth. Her scream was a silent one, until her voice suddenly returned with a shock. The horrible sound ripped from her throat before she could stop it, and once it started she couldn’t silence it.
The scream continued until her voice gave out, and she was left gasping for air. The medical staff was crowded around her now, all talking at once. A needle was inserted into her arm, and she soon felt the familiar artificial calm that came with drugs. While it calmed her and slowed her heart rate, it didn’t fix the problem.
She twisted and thrashed weakly on the bed, mumbling unintelligible fragments of sentences, trying to ease the pain that threatened to drive her insane. Just as she thought she was going to die, a familiar
face pushed through her crowd: her doctor, someone who knew what was wrong with her.
He had a syringe in his hands, and she had never been more relieved to see a needle go into her arm. But before he hit the plunger, the headache won out and she slipped away. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she mercifully passed out.
Lily didn’t know how long it had been, but when she woke up again she was in a different room, alone. A dull ache radiated through her body, probably from the abuse she’d subjected it to. The other pains, like the headache, were thankfully masked with a drug-induced haze.
As she stared up at the ceiling, she tried to gauge exactly how well her brain was functioning. It seemed all right, but she wondered how long she’d been out.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and searched her memory for what she remembered. She remembered a pretty good amount. She always hated the post-seizure time. Her mind always seemed unusually clear and each and every thought resounded in her head. She missed the millions of analytical thoughts that usually drowned out the silence.
What dominated her thoughts were those minutes she’d spent seizing in front of Miles. All because of a fire alarm. Her brain automatically calculated the fire drills she was likely to experience in a year, and then for the rest of her projected life span. Too many. That number, combined with the number of seizures caused by other things, was overwhelming. Sure, they would decline over time—at least they should. But there were still too many.
There were too many to be fair to a long-term partner. Miles was so sweet. He seemed like the perfect guy in her eyes. So what was he doing with her? Was it out of pity? She’d avoided that most of her life. It really didn’t seem like pity; but then again, Lily wasn’t the best at reading emotions. Either way, Miles was a fantastic guy, and she was an unstable complication. He deserved someone normal, someone who could process his human emotions and give them to him in return.