Rolf's lip curled with doubt and disdain. “Who, besides Noah, have you lost in your life, Lauren?”
I sighed, and Gabriel let out a soft, disapproving grumble. “Are you sure you want to hear that litany, Rolf?”
“I’ve lived for the last ten thousand years and watched everyone I love wither away and die around me because of my curse," Rolf hissed. "Yes, I want to hear who you’ve lost, if only to compare your grief with my own.”
I shrugged, still petting Gabriel. “Everybody hurts, Rolf. Using your grief as a measuring stick only belittles others and makes you relive your misery.”
“Tell me," he growled. "I need to hear it.”
“All right." It came out as a resigned murmur. "The first death I can remember that affected me was when my uncle Wilson died when I was four years old. He was my mother’s brother, and by no means was he a perfect man, but he was the perfect uncle and I loved him. His funeral is one of my most vivid memories. I remember it so well because he didn’t even look like himself when he was lying there in the casket. He looked like a wax dummy instead of the person he used to be.”
“Go on,” Rolf pressed.
My stomach squirmed with the effort it took to keep my emotions in check. “Two years later, Noah disappeared, and it shattered my world. He was my best friend. He was nice to me when no one else was. He cared about me. Even though we were just kids, seeing him every day made my life better. He understood me. He didn’t care that I was that weird, space-cadet kid who spent all day every day living in her imagination. He didn’t care that I was socially awkward, and that I was an only child who had no idea how to get along with the rest of the kids in our class. He was my anchor. Losing that was a hell of a trauma for me. Do you really need to hear the rest?”
Rolf's expression was impassive, his demand flat. “Yes. Please continue.”
I sighed and shoved my hands through my hair, ruffling it in one of my standard agitated ticks. I could feel a headache forming, and I was trying to ward it off. I reached back down and started petting Gabe again, anchoring myself in the dog's soothing, empathetic presence. I'd always found animals soothing and most people unsettling, and that situation proved no different.
“Two years after Noah disappeared, I lost my mother’s mother. Granny Irene uprooted and left her whole life in England behind to move to Bay Minette, Alabama, when I was born." Tears welled in my eyes, just like they always did when I talked about her. "She quit her career as a hairdresser just to come live near my Mom and me. Granny Irene lived in the house next door to my parents from the moment she knew my Mom was pregnant with me until the day she died." My voice cracked, and I gave in to the crying as I continued talking. "She took care of me. She watched me every day while my mom and dad worked hard at their respective careers. I spent every day of the first eight years of my life with her. She was my other anchor, and when I lost her so soon after losing Noah, something inside me broke. I haven’t been the same since.”
Gabriel let out a distressed whine and nuzzled my hand, encouraging me to pet him some more. I did so automatically, as much to calm myself as him.
“Ah, yes." Rolf studied me, his expression guarded. "I can see how that might cause some genuine grief similar to what I felt when we lost Kieran.”
“How did it happen?” Sam had told me about the fall from the window, but I wanted to hear Rolf's perspective on it.
Rolf sighed. “Sigrid’s relationship with my great-grandson was always tenuous, at best.”
It was my turn to study the swarthy man across from me. “Why?”
“Because of the nature of what he was," Rolf murmured. "My grandson, Kieran's father, was never quite right in the head, even from the first moment he entered the world. Wulf had plenty of charm, but he was always selfish, callous, and capricious. He courted Sigrid because he wanted power and respect more than anything else in this world. When the Daraglathian high council made it clear to him that he would never rule Daraglathia, he took it out on Sigrid." The way Rolf said it sent a shudder down my spine. "She genuinely loved him, but she was nothing more than a tool in his eyes. He was determined that if he couldn’t rule, at least his bastard would. Wulf raped Sigrid."
I stared in open-mouthed horror at Rolf as he pressed on with the story in clinical tones. "Savage doesn’t even begin to describe the way he treated her. She killed him in self-defense, but not soon enough to stop him from getting her pregnant. Still, she did her best to love the child and raise him to be better than his father was." Rolf paused there for a moment with a wistful smile. "Not long after his sixth birthday, Kieran-the little daredevil-was playing while his mother tended his new companion, Adele. He fell to his death from a tower window, after which Sigrid had a garden built in the courtyard where he landed." He shrugged, as if searching for the right words to continue. "Something about losing the child, even though she’d never really wanted him, made Sigrid snap. She used her magic to search out a doppelgänger of her son, and when she found one, she took him without giving it a second thought. I loved Kieran, and I couldn’t blame her for what she did. I would have done the same.”
“Oh my God,” I stammered, shaking my head. “That’s why she was so livid about the garden. I thought she was being irrational about her dumb flowers, but now I understand.”
Gabriel let out a distressed whimper, and I heard soft, broken swearing behind me. I turned and spotted an ashen-faced Noah being supported at the elbow by Mack, who looked equally upset.
"Is it really true, Rolf," Noah demanded in shattered tones.
"I'm afraid so," Rolf nodded, his expression grim. "Every word."
Noah swayed on his feet for a moment, as if he were lightheaded. He steadied himself with a little help from Mack, and bolted like a frightened deer when Rolf opened his mouth to speak again. I ran after him with Gabriel whining at my side, but I guessed that Noah wanted some alone time to process things when he tripled his pace and lost me.
Mack jogged up beside me, and Gabriel nuzzled my hand as I caught my breath. "You look pale," the dwarf noted. "You should rest. Give him time to process things."
I sighed and nodded. "Good idea."
I shuffled back to my room to rest with Mack and Gabriel in tow. I curled up in bed with the cocker spaniel and frantically petted him until I drifted into a restless sleep with Mack standing guard over me.
18
Noah
I spent my morning coordinating siege preparations with Mack through carrier-pigeon-like messages tucked in Gabriel's collar. Putting the bored dog to work, rather than just having him uselessly follow Mack and me around, had been the dwarf's idea, and a brilliant one it was. Gabriel seemed much happier with having specific, productive tasks to do, and it also kept him from being trapped in my room all day with nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I hadn’t seen Noah, who I then refused to call Kieran in my mind or otherwise, in almost twenty-four hours when he finally caught up with me in the caverns. I was afraid to look him in the eye after the way he’d reacted to the news that all of the life he was able to remember was a lie. Instead of acknowledging him, I continued focusing my attention on making sure that those who were incapable of joining the impending fight against the queen were comfortably settled in the caverns.
“Lauren?” His tone was less harsh than I was expecting, so I paused to acknowledge him.
“What’s up?” I was going for sounding neutral, but it came out a little cold.
He was staring at me with a confused, furrowed brow. “Are you angry at me?”
“No, I’m not angry," I gave him a gentle, halfhearted half-grin. "I was a little surprised that you reacted so poorly to the truth, but I don’t blame you and I’m not mad about it. I’d probably feel the same way if I were in your position.”
He reached for my hand, but when he'd covered half the open space between us, he changed his mind and let his hand fall back to his side. “If you’re not angry, why have you been avoiding me?”
&nbs
p; “I wasn’t avoiding you," I replied with an awkward shrug. "I was giving you your space. There’s a difference, you know?”
“My space?” I could tell that I'd only succeeded in confusing him more.
I sighed, realizing that as an only child, my way of processing things might differ from a normal person's. “You know…time alone to process this massive bombshell news?”
Noah sighed and shook his head. “Did it ever occur to you that alone might be the absolute last thing I wanted to be after finding out my whole life, for as long as I can remember, has been a lie?”
“No." I shook my head and gave him a pained look. "That didn’t occur to me, even for a second." I paced back and forth in front of him, wringing my hands as I tried to explain where I was coming from, and what my intentions were. "I’m an only child, Noah. Alone is my norm. When I’m upset or freaked out, I need time alone to process things. Solitude may not have started out as a choice for me, but it’s my safe place. I retreat into aloneness when I need to center myself. Does that make any sense to you? I assumed you would need time alone because that’s what I need when I’m in emotional distress. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay," he murmured, looking somewhat abashed. "You don’t have to apologize. It never occurred to me that you might cope with things differently than I do.”
I let out an ironic chuckle and paired it with another half-grin. “I guess that makes us even, then?”
I stared at him in fascination as he nodded. It was as if Kieran's brash mannerisms and personality were warring with the Noah I remembered, quiet and self-conscious. “I guess so.” His shrug was awkward and heartbreakingly familiar. Part of me wanted to reach out and pull him into a fierce hug, but the part that won out was afraid of weirding him out.
I sensed that there was something else he wanted to say, so I decided to give him a gentle nudge. “Was that all you wanted to talk about, or was there something else?”
He took a deep breath and almost spoke, but stopped several times. I watched some sort of internal struggle play out in his dark eyes. “I was wondering if you could tell me about our world, and maybe about my family?”
“Sure," I beamed at him, glad he was better coming to terms with the truth. "I’ll be happy to. Why don’t we talk about it over lunch, after we take care of getting these people settled in?”
“I’d like that,” came his relieved response.
“So would I.” So much more than you know.
We worked side by side for the next six hours, doing what needed to be done to see all the elderly, infirm, and children settled comfortably in the caverns. Each cavern had a specific function, and the people assigned to each cavern had been instructed in how to support that function with the impending emergency facing the fortress and its population. We had a solid plan, and with that plan I felt like we stood a pretty good chance of holding out against Sigrid and her forces. By the time we finished getting those who would not be able to fight settled in the caverns, each group of people selected a leader to help manage the work they would be doing in the caverns, and the leaders delegated jobs according to people’s skills and abilities. Each cavern could be a self-sufficient community, while also aiding the rest of the fortress.
Mack was in charge of going from cavern to cavern and educating the leaders on escape routes and emergency procedures. Burns was in charge of taking each community to the armory to arm themselves. Sam was making progress on the spell craft we’d discussed. Tamara and her father were distributing the finished linothorax, and Adele was none the wiser to all that was going on right under her nose. I couldn’t have been happier with how well things were progressing.
When it was time for lunch, I walked in companionable silence with Noah to the dining hall, and we exchanged nervous smiles as we loaded our bowls with hearty chicken stew, full of potatoes, carrots, and cream. I couldn’t help looking around for Adele, and was relieved when I didn’t see her. “Hey…Noah?”
He wrinkled his nose, and I guessed he was trying to decide how he felt about me using his real name, as opposed to the name he'd assumed was his for the past 11 years. “Yeah?”
I searched the room for Adele again, and wondered who Rolf had keeping the she-elf entertained and out of the loop because it didn't seem to be Noah's assignment anymore. I thought about asking Noah where she was, but I didn't want him to take it the wrong way. I also didn't want to start him thinking about her. “How would you feel about maybe eating and talking in my room, so we won’t be interrupted?”
He nodded and shrugged, as if it didn't really matter to him one way or the other. “That sounds okay to me.”
“Cool." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Let’s go through the kitchen on our way. Wynne is on kitchen duty, and she promised to save me a bowl of chicken scraps for Gabriel.”
“All right," the awkward, noncommital shrug reappeared, followed by an interested frown. "Let’s do it. Where is Gabe, anyway?”
I couldn't help beaming proudly. “He’s been running messages back and forth between Mack and me all morning.”
Noah shook his head, looking befuddled. “What? How?”
I shrugged because it made all the sense in the world to me. “You just write up whatever you want to say, tuck it in the collar Mr. Lindsey made for him, and tell him who to take the message to. He follows directions perfectly.”
Noah stared at me and shook his head. “How in the world did you come up with such an idea?”
"It wasn't all my idea." I shook my head. “It was actually Mack's suggestion. I just wanted something for Gabriel to do so he wouldn't be shut up in my room all day, bored out of his mind." It was my turn to give an awkward, self-conscious shrug. "People used to use carrier pigeons to do the same thing, and Gabriel is way smarter than any pigeon. I just knew it would work. Does that make any sense at all?”
Noah shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, I suppose it does.”
We strode into the kitchen and I gave Wynne a cheerful wave. “Got those scraps for Gabe?”
“I sure do!” She beamed at me and passed me a bowl full of scraps that didn’t look fit for human consumption, but I was sure Gabe would love them.
“Thanks so much, Wynne. I really appreciate it!” I took the bowl, gave her a quick hug, and gave Noah an encouraging grin as we exited the kitchen and began the long climb up to my fourth-floor room.
"So," I started, my voice vibrant with excitement and interest. “What do you want to know about our world?”
“I want to know if it’s the same as the dreams I sometimes have. And I’d like to hear about my family, if you don't mind.”
I gave an eager nod as I opened the door to my room. “Okay. Let’s start with you telling me about your dreams because I need a point of reference for the comparison.”
Noah nodded in return and shut the door behind him. “My dreams look so different from this world, and yet many things are the same. Also, I see certain things and know what they are, but I can’t remember their names.”
An idea struck me like a bolt of lightning out of the blue. “Would it help if I showed you some pictures from our world? Seeing pictures of those familiar things might help refresh your memory.”
He tilted his head and stared at me in confusion. “Pictures? How would you have pictures?”
I chewed on my bottom lip as I studied him. “I have tons of them on my phone. I think it’ll be easier for you to digest if I just show it to you, okay?”
He nodded his agreement just as Gabriel scratched and barked at my door to be let in. I set his bowl of chicken scraps in the floor, let him in, and checked his collar for possible messages from Mack. As long winded as Mack was in person, I was glad to find that all his missives were short and too the point.
Cavern migration and setup complete. Now we wait to see whether or not Sigrid issues demands before she attacks.
I petted Gabriel as he wolfed down the bowl of chicken scraps with overwhelming eagerness. I scribbled a note to Sam to please brin
g me my phone, and when Gabe was done eating, I hugged him and petted him before tucking the scrap of parchment in his collar. He sat and wagged his tail at me, awaiting the directions he knew would come. I beamed at him like a proud mother.
Frost: An Otherworld Tale (The Otherworld Tales Book 1) Page 24