by Alice Bright
She looked at me with a combination of surprise and distrust.
"I'm really sorry, and I know it's weird, but do I look okay?"
The woman's face softened as she leaned in and whispered, "Sweetie, you look amazing. You're going to knock his socks off."
Without another word, she led me swiftly through the crowded restaurant to a small, second-floor table in a secluded corner. I wondered if Alex usually reserved this table and, more importantly, I wondered how often he brought other women here. I tried not to be jealous. For all I knew, Alex was a virgin. Or gay. But somehow I didn’t think either was true.
“Good evening, Mr. Smith. Your guest has arrived.” Alex stood and pulled my chair out for me like the gentleman that he was. He had changed from his work attire but was still dressed in a nice suit, only tonight he wore red converse with that suit.
“I like the Doctor Who shout-out,” I commented on his shoes as he kissed me lightly on the cheek and pushed my chair in for me. He sat with a pleased smile and placed his cloth napkin in his lap.
“Ah, a fellow Whovian,” he commented with pleasure. “A woman after my own heart.”
I blushed and smiled slightly, picking up my menu to breeze over my options. Before I could even think about what to order, a waiter appeared and flourished two glasses of wine in front of us.
“To a wonderful evening,” Alex nodded at me as he lifted his glass. We knocked them together, careful not to spill any wine, and each took a long, deep sip. The wine tasted smooth and fresh. I guessed it was expensive. I wasn’t much of a wine person, but this was exquisite.
“To a wonderful evening,” I murmured as I continued to glance over the menu. By the time the waiter returned, I was ready to order. Alex ordered a steak and several appetizers. I stuck with chicken and a side salad. While everything at Lalla was exquisite, I wasn’t exactly ready for something too challenging to eat. I wanted to make a good impression with Alex – not ruin it because I couldn’t cut my steak or kept spilling soup on myself.
When the waiter had left, Alex smiled brightly at me. “So how do you like working for me?”
“I love it,” I told him honestly. The words flew out of my mouth before I had even thought about them. It was true. I loved the hours, the pay, and Alex was no eyesore to look at.
“But?”
“No but,” I told him. “I really love it. You’re great. The hours are good. I have no complaints.”
“How does that boyfriend of yours feel about you being a big-shot receptionist?” Alex raised an eyebrow at me. Did he know? Was this honest conversation or did he have any idea about what had happened? I knew there was no way that he could tell. I still didn’t feel ready to jump into any hoopla about my relationship status – or lack thereof – but I didn’t really have any reason to hide it. At least if he knew, Alex would feel comfortable flirting with me openly. Not that he didn’t already do that, but if he knew I was single, the flirting would be different. It might lead somewhere, and I didn’t know if I was ready to go there with Alex.
“What boyfriend would you be speaking of?” I asked as I began to break off of piece of a roll. The butter knife shook in my hand as I trembled and tried to apply butter. Placing a cool palm on the top of my hand, Alex took both the bread and the knife and buttered my roll for me. He handed it back calmly, gently, and let his hand linger just a bit as he met my gaze.
“What happened?”
I sighed, trying hard not to cry. I wanted to so badly, to just let the pain out. How had I been so easy to replace? How had I been so easy to cheat on? How had I been so easy to throw away? Tim had viewed me as completely and totally replaceable. I had thought, for a long time, that he had loved me, that we had something special. But I had been very, very wrong.
“Life happened, I guess," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I thought you two seemed pretty serious,” Alex commented, suddenly seeming compassionate and gentle. He always had such a tough exterior, but I supposed that was necessary when you were a lawyer. You could be the sweetest guy in the world, but you couldn't show it. Not in the legal world. There the only thing that mattered was being firm and powerful. There you had to be strong.
“I thought we were." I paused before adding, "We broke up yesterday and I moved out. There’s really nothing to be salvaged.”
“Were you having a lot of problems?”
“Nope. Just one giant problem named ‘Sandy’ that I didn’t anticipate, I suppose.”
“I’m sorry, Liz. That’s really tough.” Alex reached across the table and placed his hand on top of mine. I stared at his bright, snow-white watch, the paleness of his skin, and the tiny freckle just beneath his pinky finger. I tried not to enjoy the way that his skin rubbed against mine. I tried not to think about the way that Alex sent goose bumps throughout my entire body.
“I’ll be okay, but thanks, Alex.”
“Do you need a place to stay?” Ah, the offer. Alex was a gentleman and I wondered if he would offer to let me stay with him. I didn’t want to intrude. I barely knew him. Yes, he was gorgeous, rich, kind, and handsome, but was that really what I needed right now? Every part of me wanted to scream "yes," but it seemed like such a bad idea. What if he had expectations that I couldn't meet? What if he wanted more from me than I was ready to give? What if he viewed me only as a roommate and nothing more? I had so many unrelated and unexplained emotions running through my head that any decision seemed like it could be a wrong decision.
I shook my head softly, knowing it wasn't a great idea. Mixing business with pleasure was one thing. Moving in with my boss was another, especially right after a breakup.
“I got a room at the Hotel Blue.” I knew before I had even finished speaking how the conversation would end.
“At the Hotel Blue? No, no, you can’t stay there. Liz. Honestly now, that’s not a safe place to stay.” He shook his head slightly as he sipped his wine, looking concerned.
“It’s not that bad, really.” It was true. The room was clean and it was fairly quiet. Sure, there might be a few hookers wandering around the lobby, but that really didn’t bother me as long as they didn’t wander their way into my bedroom.
“I have a guest room. Please, you should stay with me.” He offered again. "It wouldn't be any trouble at all."
“Okay.” The word slipped out before I could stop it, and I pursed my lips together immediately. Alex looked nearly as surprised as I was about my easy acceptance of his offer.
“No arguments?”
“No arguments.” I raised my glass and he did the same.
It was going to be a wonderful adventure.
Chapter 12
The blankets on my new bed were soft and warm. I shifted in them, happily, letting my entire body relax as I melted into them. It seemed strange to live in a place as comfortable as all this. I avoided thinking about whether it was the “good” or “right” or “proper” choice in staying with Alex. I was, after all, a grown woman. If I wanted to stay at a man’s house and make adult decisions, I was old enough to do so. Was I making the right choice? No matter how much I told myself I wouldn’t think about it, the thought kept creeping back in. Was I making a huge mistake? Would Alex break my heart, too? Jumping from one boy’s bed into another’s didn’t seem like the wisest choice, but at this moment, in these soft blankets, I didn’t really care.
The “guest room” that Alex had offered me had turned out to be much more than that. In fact, it was more like a guest apartment than a guest room. It was fully furnished not only with a bed, dresser, and desk, but also with a mini kitchen, table and chairs, and full bathroom. There was even a stackable washer and dryer set in one corner of the room. I felt like I was in apartment heaven. The walls were bright and colorful and almost every inch was adorned with paintings and pictures. I loved how full and vibrant it was. I couldn’t imagine ever being in a bad mood, not in this room.
I’d never lived in a place this nice before and to be hones
t, part of me didn’t want to leave. Part of me just wanted to stay forever and enjoy this. I knew, though, that it couldn’t last. At some point I would have to start being a grown up and find my own place, but I wasn’t going to think about that today. Not today. Today I was going to stay in my room all day long and just enjoy the peace and quiet I had finally found. I wiggled my toes under the sheets and nuzzled my head deeper into my pillow. This was the life. No joke about that.
A knock at the door, and I was ripped from my solitude.
“Come in,” I called out.
Alex appeared in the doorway, still wearing pajamas. I’d never seen him without his business attire on. He’d always been professional and primped. Today his hair was disheveled and his loose black t-shirt hung just past the waistband on his checkered pajama pants. I couldn’t help but smile. Had he always been this sexy? I was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to grab him, to kiss him, to pull him into bed and make him lay with me all morning, but where was the appropriateness in that? Where was the acceptableness? Was I really going to be the girl who got out of one relationship and instantly jumped into another?
“Good morning,” Alex smiled, leaning against the doorway. I was suddenly quite aware of my own attire: a skimpy t-shirt and pajama shorts. I bit my bottom lip nervously. I wonder if he liked the way I looked.
“Hi.”
“How’d you sleep?”
“Great. I slept great. Everything about this room is just…wow. Thank you so much again, really. Seriously. I really appreciate it.”
He laughed heartily, taking a step into the room and toward the bed. A moment later and he was next to me, sitting next to me.
“You’re welcome.”
And there he was. Beside me. Almost touching me, but not quite. And I could smell his cologne still drifting from the night before. I lifted my hand and rested it on his knee. He was staring at me, deeply, looking into my eyes and I couldn’t look away.
“Alex-“ I started to say, but he pressed a finger to my lips and told me to stop.
“You don’t have to say anything. I like you.”
I smiled. “You do?”
“Isn’t it obvious? You should have known from the moment I first met you how I felt about you. You’re amazing.”
I felt my heart leap from my chest and up into my throat. Was he for real? I had thought, hoped, wanted him to. I had resisted it for so long, but I didn’t want to anymore. And to be fair, now I didn’t have to. So what if I had only just broken up with my boyfriend? Was falling into the arms of another man really so wrong? We both felt passionately about each other. I could see it in his eyes, and as he placed his own hand on top of mine, I didn’t want to keep resisting.
I looked up and lifted my chin ever-so-slightly.
He didn’t hesitate.
His lips were warm and moist. His kiss started soft, but then he kissed me deeper, running his hands up through my hair and resting them on the back of my head. He pulled me in closer, letting one hand drift to my lower back just under my shirt. I paused, biting my lower lip, opening my eyes. He was looking at me in a way I’d never seen him look at me before. He was looking at me with passion, with excitement, with yearning.
And I felt it too.
I closed my eyes and kissed him again, letting his hands drift higher up the back of my shirt, letting one settle softly on my rear. I traced the side of his face slowly with one finger, my other hand resting on his chest. Even through his pajamas I could feel the hardness of his abs: the reward of spending so much time at the gym.
And then he stopped, and he pulled away, and he smiled.
“That’s enough for now,” he told me.
“No,” I murmured, not wanting him to leave, not wanting to give up on this moment.
“There will be plenty more of that later,” Alex whispered softly in my ear. His warm breath poured over me and I felt a tingle rush through my body. When was the last time I had felt a rush like this? When was the last time I had felt a tingle like this? When was the last time someone had made me quiver in anticipation the way that he did?
“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered. My eyes pleaded with him to stay just a few more minutes, but he did not indulge me.
"You just got out of a relationship," he told me. "We should take things slow. I care about you, Liz, and I truly respect you: enough for me to wait for you."
I tried not to roll my eyes. What was this? A 1930s romance? I was an adult. I didn't have to wait to jump into another relationship, but despite my inner protests, I knew he was right. We should at least wait until I moved out, right? We should at least wait until I had my own place, had things figured out, had established some sort of identity for myself apart from Tim.
"Stay just a little longer," I whispered to Alex. Things didn't have to go far. We could just sit together, just spend a little bit of the morning together.
But Alex didn't stay. Instead, with a soft kiss on my forehead, he turned and left the room as quickly as he had come.
Chapter 13
"You did what?" Molly practically screamed at lunch.
I tried not to choke on my sandwich, but I was caught off guard from her reaction and started to.
"Calm down," she said, thrusting a glass of water toward me. "And tell me everything."
So I did, as rationally and casually as I could. It was simple, really: Alex was my boss and I was living in his extra guest room or guest apartment thing for free while I looked for a place. And Alex and I liked each other, but we hadn't slept together. Simple.
"What about Tim?"
Perturbed by her question, I shot back "What about him?"
"Lizzie, you really loved him," Molly said softly. Despite the fact that I didn't want to listen to any of her advice right now, I knew Molly was right. I didn't want her to be, but she was.
"I did love him." I admitted. "A lot."
"So what changed? Did you really stop feeling all those emotions, all those feelings just because of one bad choice? Now I'm not," she hurried to add, "justifying what he did. Not on any level. Tim was wrong. Tim was very wrong and I don't think that you have any obligation to continue the relationship after what he did. But are you really telling me that you don't still think about him? You lived together. You were committed to him. You were loyal and you were together a long time."
I sighed. She was right. Everything that she was saying was right, but I didn't want it to be. I knew that it would be unfair to Alex to jump into a relationship before I had "found" myself. I still felt so angry at Tim, so hurt, so betrayed over what he had done. It didn't seem very fair to anything or anyone. None of it was fair. But did that give me the right to drag Alex into my drama and my baggage? Was it fair to expect him to deal with it?
"What would you do," I asked Molly, "if you were in my shoes?"
She paused and thought for a moment before answering. "You know that I'd pray about it," she told me, "but I'd also want to sort out my own emotions. You don't want to jump headfirst into a relationship with Alex. He seems so amazing, Liz. Just don't mess it up by trying to force something before you're ready."
"He's really wonderful."
"I know. But you also work together, too. So how's it going to affect your job if you have a problem? How's it going to affect your career if you end up breaking up?"
I sighed and reached for my water bottle. "It's just too much to think about."
"So don't think," Molly said. "Just do what feels right."
***
Living with Alex wasn't weird. It was actually very comfortable, and we managed to settle in to a strange routine that somehow seemed to work for us. Alex often locked himself away in his room to work on case files in the evenings, which was fine since I was either in class or working on homework at night. We shared breakfast together, but not much else. For the most part, our lives were still very separate, and Alex demanded nothing of me. He didn't ask me to do chores, to tell him where I would be at any point, or talk about w
ork when we were at home. We had not, as of a week living together, actually done anything more than kiss.
But I wanted to.
Badly.
Alex was still Alex at home. He didn't change who he was around me, but he was softer. He put aside the tough lawyer exterior when we were alone. I got to see the softer side of him, and it was something that I guessed not too many people actually got to enjoy.
We were curled up on the couch one evening watching Angel reruns. My head rested gently on his shoulder. His arm was wrapped around me. Alex was almost mesmerized by the television when I finally asked him, "Is there something wrong with me?"
He looked shocked. "What?"
"Is there something wrong with me?" I repeated, waving my arm across my body. Was I too fat? Too chubby? Too short? Too weird? Was I not a good enough employee? Was I just not his "type"? What was it?
"Why would you think there was something wrong with you, Beautiful?" He asked, looking genuinely surprised at my lament. "I think you're perfect just the way you are."
"That's a line," I said firmly. "And it's been a week since you first kissed me. And nothing. Why haven't we slept together? Do you not like me?"
Alex sighed and flicked off the television. As the screen went black, he turned to me. "I think you're amazing, Elizabeth. Everything about you is so fresh and unique and new. I love the way you look at the world around you. I love the way you handle how many obstacles have been thrown at you."
"If you like so much about me, then what's the problem?" I pressed
"Do you really think it's wise to immediately jump into a new relationship?" Alex asked me. He was serious when he said it, too. I didn't respond right away. Instead, I thought about the words as they melted into my mind. Was it? Was he right? Was I wrong? I hadn't broken up with Tim very long ago. I hadn't been single very long at all. Was it really fair to anyone for me to jump from one long term relationship straight into another one?
I hadn't thought about it enough, not really. I had only thought about how good I felt when I was around him, how excited I got every time he kissed me, how much I wanted him to make me his.