“God bless the internet that brought me this outfit in time.” Remy twirled in front of the mirror. “Because, hot damn—I look fabulous!”
Jed might be preoccupied today, but Remy was still going to flirt with him every chance he had.
He stepped out of his room and nearly collided with Jed.
“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” Remy demanded.
“The girls and you hogged all the bathrooms. Besides, I got time. I’m fast.”
Remy perched a hand on his hip. He waited a beat for Jed to compliment his outfit.
“You okay?” Jed frowned. “Your face is pinched.”
“I’m terrific. Peachy.” Remy rolled his eyes.
A wolf whistle pierced the air. “Looking good,” Melanie called, as she and two of her bridesmaids carried some serious-looking hair accessories. “But don’t upstage me or I’ll have to hurt you, handsome.”
“Never,” Remy vowed, raising his hand in the Boy Scout salute.
“Smart thinking.” She gave her gawking bridesmaid a shove.
“She’s a lot cooler than you,” Remy said to Jed as the bridesmaids went to finish their hair and makeup.
“Always was.” Jed eyed Remy’s outfit. “And she’s right. You look nice. Real nice.”
Normally Remy would scoff at such a poor word choice for his magnificence, but the hungry expression in Jed’s eyes made up for it.
“Let’s step outside and give the girls a bit of space. I could use some air.”
Remy faced a twinge of disappointed that Jed wanted to go outside instead of to his room. But what had he expected? A blowjob? Hand job? With Jed’s sister across the hall?
Okay, yes. Remy wanted the passion between them to continue whether they were alone or not. Maybe all alone was the only time Jed could be what he needed?
Jed didn’t seem to want anything else from him now. He was standing next to Remy on the porch, hands jammed in his pockets. Remy longed to go and elbow him, make him smile, flirt. Kiss him. And not even for the sexy times he’d been imagining, but because of how somber Jed appeared.
“Everything all right?”
“Fine,” Jed replied, but too sharply.
Remy supposed family events could make anybody tense. He started to chew his thumbnail and had to stop himself.
Why do I care so much?
“He’s arrived.” Jed’s gaze went laser-beam sharp.
“Who?” Remy asked, but his stomach sank. He knew who.
Buddy came toward them, and Remy steeled himself for Jed’s reaction.
“At least he’s here,” Remy whispered, just before Buddy reached them.
“There you are, pal.” Buddy slapped his side, then gave Remy a hug. “Looking good! I miss the old hair, but it’ll grow back. Have you been dying of boredom?” Buddy asked, pulling at his shirt collar. “And it’s humid here. You’d think the mountain weather would be better.”
“It’s beautiful here,” Remy said softly. He looked at Jed, whose features were granite.
Buddy moved to Jed. “Son.”
“Buddy.” Jed stuck out a hand, and they shook. “We can take care of the final business in my study.”
Buddy’s mouth curled like he tasted something sour. He shot Remy a “see what I have to deal with” look. “Fine.”
Remy wanted to kick Buddy in the nads. How could he not get the pain inside Jed just below all the anger? Buddy and Jed headed into the house with a big gap of space between them. Remy wondered what would happen between Buddy and Jed. He knew it was dangerous to hope, but Remy wished they would make some kind of amends. Maybe even see that they should give each other another chance. If Buddy and Jed reconnected, then maybe he could figure out a way to make it all work.
He wanted to protect him, comfort him…. Fuck, I’m becoming Hagrid. Next I’ll want to sit at Jed’s feet.
Why couldn’t he be the detached lover instead of the awkward, hopeful one? Remy had a successful life. The last thing he needed was some ornery, tight-lipped cowboy in it. And yet, Jed’s lips were awfully sweet when he smiled.
Trying to shake his feelings off, Remy wandered around the backyard, which had been transformed into a beautiful wedding ceremony space. Wicker chairs were set in rows, a canopy was in the front, and pink roses hung down. Guests began to arrive. Remy tolerated signing autographs and a few pictures. He hoped his smile didn’t look weird and rubbery. Time passed and Remy did his best not to worry about Jed.
“Everyone, we’re about to get started. Please take your seats.”
Melanie’s girls were adorable as they walked down with Jed. They beamed in their flower-girl dresses, tossing rose petals. And Jed finally in his suit? Heaven.
Remy melted into a pile of goo as Jed escorted his nieces down, a tender smile on his lips. A smile Remy would give anything to have directed his way.
Buddy came next with Melanie. His arm looped with his daughter’s, Buddy seemed happy to be there, and Remy wondered if he was judging him too harshly. He didn’t look like a man indifferent to his daughter. Maybe he would spend time with her and his grandkids today? Make some progress? If he did, maybe Jed would follow?
Melanie squeezed Buddy’s hand and kissed his cheek before turning to her fiancé. She was glowing as her girls joined them at the altar. Remy glanced at Jed. He was smiling at his sister, and there were tears in Jed’s eyes. One fell down Jed’s cheek, and Remy loved that Jed’s tough exterior hid such a sweet heart.
The reverend spoke the traditional vows, and the rings were exchanged.
The photographer wanted some pictures of the bride and groom alone, so Remy hoped to speak with Jed, but he had disappeared in the crowd. Frustrated, Remy went to grab a champagne. The reception was starting soon by the creek where Jed and Remy had their bonfire.
“Remy?”
He turned around to see Jed’s mother standing there.
The years had been kind to Jed’s mother. Her figure was still neat and trim like Remy remembered, and her smile was as friendly as he remembered too. Then she’d been Mrs. Riley. Now Remy was uncertain what name she went by, so he just gave her a warm hug.
Her hair was no longer dark like Jed’s; it had gone gray. Remy couldn’t help comparing her to the women Buddy escorted all around Los Angeles. Bone-thin and fashion-forward, those women would never wear the simple dress Jed’s mother did. But they also wouldn’t have the bright smile she wore.
“It’s been a long time. How are you?”
“Good. And you, Mrs. Riley—um, ah—”
“Sarah.”
“Sarah.” Remy relaxed.
“Grandma!” one of Melanie’s daughters ran to them. “You gotta come to the house. Quick!”
“What’s wrong, Emma? What is it?”
“Mom’s crying! She says the wedding reception is ruined.”
Remy and Sarah exchanged worried glances, and then they went running off with Emma.
“I’M better now, sorry. I’m so emotional today.” Melanie blew her nose. “The band says they will be here. Just not right away. They have to get towed, fix their car… but they promise to find a way by the time for the reception.”
Sarah squeezed Melanie’s hand. “They’ll be here when they can. The important thing is you and Gabe are married. You have him.”
“And us, Mom,” Emma corrected, her little voice firm, reminding Remy of Jed’s. “We’re here. You got us.”
“Thank you, baby.” Melanie hugged her daughter and her mom. She gave a wobbly smile. “So what if the first half of our reception is quiet. People can talk. The band will show eventually.”
“Sure, it will be fine. All weddings have glitches,” Sarah said.
“Yeah.” Melanie was standing in her gorgeous wedding dress with mascara streaks and a red nose. “And we need to take some more pictures. Gah! Once I fix my face.”
“That’s my girl.” Sarah gathered Melanie to her.
Remy’s heart gave a jerk as he watched the love flowing between Jed’s
mom and sister. He watched little Emma curl up with them.
“I can sing. Until the wedding band arrives.”
Melanie stared. “You’ll sing?”
Remy bit his lip. The words had just rushed out. He drew a quick breath and nodded. “I mean, if you want me to. I… owe Jed so much for having me here. And I’d like to help.”
“Hooray!” Emma shouted.
“That’s so generous of you,” Sarah said.
Melanie simply beamed, more tears threatening behind her glasses. She took Remy’s hands in hers. “Thank you.”
“You bet. I’ll go and grab my guitar and set up.” And hope like hell I don’t freeze. “It’ll be fine.” But Remy wasn’t sure if he was saying this to Melanie or to himself.
Already his stomach was heaving, his palms clammy.
What Remy needed right now, more than anything else in the world, was Jed.
Chapter Thirteen
“SOME ceremony, huh?” Buddy said to Jed. They had signed the papers in the study without much conversation. Now Buddy was no longer a part of the ranch. Buddy and Jed were standing where the photographer had asked them to wait for some family pictures. If the photographer only knew how little family feeling was between them. Or maybe he did. Wedding photographers must see and hear it all.
Jed could afford to be kind. For better or worse, Melanie wanted her dad in their lives. And then there was Remy. Buddy was a part of his life too.
“Thank you for being here. It means so much to Melanie, and she’s looking forward to spending time with you at the reception. So are her girls.” Jed forced the next words. “And I’m glad you came too.”
“Glad I signed the papers, you mean.”
“No, Buddy, I….” Jed’s teeth sank into his lower lip. He clenched and unclenched his hands. “I mean it. I’m glad you came. The reception should be fun. And hey, they have fireworks planned at the end of the night.”
“Oh, well, I’m not staying for too much of that. I’ll tell Melanie. She’ll understand.”
“But there’s the dancing and the cake cutting. Melanie got buttercream and strawberries partly because you love strawberry. And fireworks at the end. Isn’t that worth staying for? Not to mention the girls, your granddaughters, want—”
“Look… this was nice, but I did what I agreed to. Didn’t I?”
Jed swallowed the bitterness in his throat. “Yeah, Buddy, you’re father of the year.”
“See now? This is the shit you always pull. I kept my word. I walked her down the aisle. I never said I’d stay all night. I already arranged a big meeting for Remy in the morning in Los Angeles.” Buddy rubbed his hands together.
“Maybe Remy doesn’t want to go yet.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? This was a little rest and relaxation. He’ll go. There’s big money at stake in this meeting. He might not be able to perform yet, but he can take photos and smile.”
Jed looked away from the calculating gleam in Buddy’s eye. He had tried, and this was what he got for giving an inch with Buddy. The man would never change. Could never change.
Jed was so stupid. He let it hurt him.
Jed started to give Buddy a piece of his mind when Elliot ran over, all excited. “Guys! Come down to the creek. The reception is starting, and Remy Sean is about to sing!”
“What?” Buddy and Jed said in unison.
“That’s terrific!” Buddy chortled, leaving Jed immediately. “’Bout fucking time!”
Elliot gave him a huge grin. “I can’t wait for this. I’m going to find Amy.” He dashed off.
Jed followed at a slower pace. If Remy was singing… then he was leaving too. Why wouldn’t he? Jed sucked at his lower lip. “Man up,” he told himself. If Remy was singing after all his issues with anxiety, that was great news. He increased his pace to the reception area. If Remy was ready, then Jed was proud of him, but he was also one step closer to losing Remy forever.
God help me.
Jed had accepted that he loved Remy, and he wasn’t a man who fell in love easily. He had never been in love before, not this deeply. Nobody could tell you that real love cut deep, to the center of what made you, and stuck.
All week he’d tried to convince himself that he could let go. That once Remy was gone, Jed would be able to put his love aside and forget it.
As if.
He was one of those people who loved forever. Jed would have to live with that fact. But none of it mattered right now. Only Remy mattered.
Remy stood at the front of the crowd, his guitar slung around him. He had that fake smile on, and Jed saw his eyes dart around nervously. Singing to the colt in private was not the same as singing to a group of people.
Jed wanted to thrust his body in front of Remy’s, protecting him. He balled his fists instead and willed Remy to find his inner strength, even if Remy doubted himself.
He looked like a pop star. It didn’t matter the size of the stage. Remy was dressed far more stylishly than Jed’s simple suit. His nail polish was a deep blue, and he had on several rings and bracelets that glittered as he grasped the microphone. God, it hurt. Even as Jed felt pride in Remy taking the microphone, it still hurt.
Inside he felt ready to keel over, but Remy needed him. Remy began to play, then stopped. He looked slightly frozen at the microphone. Jed swallowed, willing Remy to see him. Jed pushed closer, not pausing until he was right in front.
Their eyes locked. A jolt went through Jed. He searched Remy’s expression, nodding to him to do it. He resisted the urge to push past everybody and take Remy away. He wanted to touch him, get lost in him again. Jed smiled instead, giving himself to Remy. He had always pulled away, holding off pieces, carefully guarding his emotions, but for this moment—Jed would give Remy what he needed to perform. Remy smiled back at him, his eyes bright.
Jed held his breath for the first long note, a swell of pride forming inside his chest. He would hear Remy’s melody, hear his voice, not only with his ears, but also with his heart. One day soon, Remy would be gone, and so would this feeling of pure happiness at just being near him. One day soon, Jed would be alone, fighting off despair, having the bittersweet memories for comfort on those cold, endless nights.
Jed expected no other outcome. He would have to cut Remy free himself, silently raging inside as he did it. They would lose touch, even though they’d try not to.
But this moment belonged to him. To him and to Remy forever. And what was life if not a series of moments? Jed waited for Remy’s voice, to hear the soft and sensual notes that awakened so much inside of him.
Chapter Fourteen
MAYBE sixty people were there. Hardly a crowd at all. But they were all staring at him. Remy began to play “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, which was supposed to be the song the wedding band would play for the first dance. Remy strummed the opening chords.
Keep breathing.
He opened his mouth to sing the first verse of a song he knew perfectly. Nothing came out.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Remy began to panic, a claw inside him, the ugly voice starting, and then Jed stepped in front of the microphone. He said not a word, but he smiled at Remy. That tender smile Remy had so wanted before.
Something inside Remy quieted. He began to sing the song, his voice low and quivery. And then his voice got steadier, the lyrics starting to come alive. He sang about a lover’s eyes, all the while keeping his eyes locked with Jed’s. He was feeling the joy of the music because he was singing it to Jed. His voice was loud and alive; it was kicking down doors, canceling out all the what-ifs.
Melanie and Gabe began to dance. Other couples followed them—Elliot and Amy, a bridesmaid and her boyfriend, some others. Hayley, Emma, and a few other kids twirled around in circles. Never taking his eyes off Jed, Remy ended the song and jumped into his arms.
“Can you believe it! I did it. I sang for an audience!” Remy hugged him, bursting with euphoria.
“I’m—I’m glad.” Jed hugged him
back, swinging him around. He pressed his lips to Remy’s in a hard kiss. Remy held him tightly. Their mouths moved together, electric as always. He had performed. And he was being kissed. And Remy wanted to savor everything about this moment as joy bubbled through him. He rested a hand on Jed’s solid chest. If he had been dead inside before he came to the ranch, now he was wonderfully alive.
Remy breathed in his scent. Tasted his mouth.
Somebody wolf whistled, and Jed stepped away, looking confused, like he’d forgotten they were surrounded by wedding guests.
He raked a hand through his hair. “I’m proud of you.”
Jed’s praise was all he wanted. For Remy, it was everything; it was perfect. Remy beamed and gripped the outside of Jed’s jacket, wanting to tell him but scrambling for the words now that his song was done. “Jed” was all Remy managed to whisper. He loved him, so much his entire body was full with it.
He was so effortlessly handsome, so honest and good. Remy selfishly wanted all the other people to be gone, to go back to only the two of them. Then he could find his courage, find his right words.
“Thank you so much!” Melanie interrupted them. “I’m so thrilled! This was the best wedding gift ever!”
“More!” shouted Hayley.
“More, more.” Emma clapped her hands.
Others in the crowd echoed her demand.
But it was Jed’s silence that Remy heard. And the way Jed’s attention was no longer on Remy, but on his father. Jed stared at Buddy, and Remy realized two things. Love might not be enough. The past could be stronger than the future.
“Don’t feel pressured,” Melanie said, “the band will show soon.”
“No, it’s fine.” Remy reluctantly walked away from Jed, whose gaze was still on Buddy.
He took to the microphone again. Well-wishers crowded in a little; some took out their phones. Silently, Remy accepted that his days of privacy had ended. He took his sparkling handkerchief out of his breast pocket and wiped his brow. With a deep breath, he shoved it back into his pocket. Remy closed his eyes. He began to sing a few of his older songs, including a fast-paced dance song that he slowed down to work with his acoustic guitar. The pain, his fears, his hopes, his love—all of it came through the last song.
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