Only When I Dream

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Only When I Dream Page 12

by Richard Allen Evans


  “Hi sweetheart. How’s daddy’s princess today?” He asked.

  She stood and stared at him. Her lip quivered.

  “I miss you daddy,” as she rushed and leaped up into his arms.

  Maggie could feel the warmth and tightness of his embrace. She could smell his cologne.

  “I miss you too sweetie – so much,” J.D. said.

  “I wish you were here with me and mommy,” Maggie said.

  “So do I. Believe me, there’s nothing I’d love more than to be with you and mommy again,” he said as he placed her on lap.

  “There’s so much I want to tell you,” she said.

  “You mean about your boyfriend?” J.D. asked.

  She looked at him in surprise.

  “You know about Danny?” Maggie asked.

  “Yes, I do” he said.

  “I love him daddy,” Maggie said.

  “I know you do baby. And he loves you just as much. I couldn’t be happier. Dan’s a good kid. I don’t have to worry about you as long as long as he’s around,” J.D. said.

  “So you don’t think I’m moving too fast?” She asked.

  “If it were anyone else, I’d say yes. But given who he is, I’d say you’re both moving at the right pace. Be happy honey and enjoy it. It’s love. Too many people overthink it. Don’t be one of them,” J.D. said.

  “The only thing that would make me happier is if you were here with me,” Maggie said.

  He squeezed her.

  “Oh honey. Please don’t worry about that. I’ll always be with you,” J.D. said.

  Maggie closed her eyes to savor the fleeting moment with dad. When she opened her eyes, she was no longer a child. It was her current self. She looked at her dad and he looked like he did the last time she saw him alive - older, bald, and at least 20 pounds heavier.

  “I mean it Maggie. I will be with you for as long as you want me to be,” he said.

  “You’ll always be my daddy and I’ll always want you around,” she said.

  J.D. chuckled and she could feel his belly move when he did.

  “Then I’ll always be around,” he said.

  Maggie started to reply when she opened her eyes and realized it was just a dream. Realistic to be sure, but still a dream.

  She lay awake a few more minutes. The thought went through Maggie’s mind that perhaps she should she be sad. But she felt relaxed and oddly happy.

  Chapter Six

  Alicia woke up to find the house empty. She was eager to speak with Maggie. Alicia wasn’t even sure what time her daughter came home because she fell asleep so early.

  Being Sunday morning, she assumed everyone was gone to church. Jett and Rose were both born again Christians that raised their boys in church. After Rose passed away, Jett continued to be an active church member in Lexington. Now that he was back in Crystal Springs he attended the church that he and Rose were members of years before – Jefferson Park Baptist Church.

  Alicia, who was raised as a Catholic, converted to the Methodist faith while in college. And even though she and J.D. had made professions of faith of their own, neither was particularly devout in church attendance. Maggie had been to church during her childhood, but those trips were infrequent.

  As she made her way into the kitchen, she found the coffee still warm and a note by the coffee maker.

  “Alicia: I didn’t want to wake you – I figured you needed the rest. I hope the coffee is still drinkable. If not, feel free to make yourself at home. Maggie wanted to join Dan this morning (surprise). We’ll talk later. Jett.

  P.S. I started my journal this morning.”

  She poured herself a cup of the lukewarm coffee and took a sip. Her face contorted. It was strong – very strong. Yes, Jett made the coffee and she could now say she was wide-awake. Alicia dumped about half of the contents of the cup into the sink and turned the hot water on and refilled the cup. A small sip let her know it was now drinkable.

  She went to the living room and retrieved her tablet and walked out to the patio. After taking a seat at the table, she sat in the partial shade provided by the umbrella.

  Alicia continued to sip the lukewarm not quite so bitter brew as she typed notes on the tablet, trying to remember exact words and phrases. She typed, “Bud can clue you in.”

  She sat the tablet down and picked up the coffee cup and checked her watch. It was 11:31 a.m. Alicia decided to wait a few more hours but knew without a doubt she would pay a visit to Bud at some point later in the day.

  She hadn’t seen Bud since J.D.’s funeral. Alicia had gotten to know him through his niece, Rose, and even more through J.D. but was never as close to him as her late husband had been.

  She always viewed Bud as something of an enigma.

  On one hand, he had always treated her and her family with incredible kindness. Bud had – from what she had been able ascertain over the years – a well-deserved reputation for being honest and fair.

  On the other, he also had the reputation of being something of a womanizer – the rumored reason for his three ex-wives. When J.D. had the apartment, she knew that Bud was a heavy drinker; another factor in his multiple divorces, she surmised.

  That had been years before and she was sure he had since mellowed out, especially with the health problems he now apparently suffered from.

  In spite of what some would consider character flaws, Alicia always liked Bud and enjoyed his company. A part of her actually dreaded seeing how much Bud’s health had declined. With his lifestyle and now poor health, certainly the years would not have been kind to him.

  Regardless, nothing on earth would keep her from paying Bud a visit.

  ***

  Jett shook hands with Pastor Paul Rodgers and exchanged pleasantries on his way out of the church service. He stood outside on the large concrete porch speaking to fellow churchgoers. Old friends and new faces, everyone was friendly enough.

  He looked to see Dan and Maggie approaching Pastor Rodgers. Jett had known the pastor for years.

  Though he was in his early seventies, the man of God looked twenty years younger with his dark hair and slim build. His black-rimmed glasses were a throwback to the early 1960s when he served for several years as a young navy chaplain in Hawaii. Armed with a broad smile and easy-going demeanor, he was plain spoken and talked in a deliberate manner and often-hesitating manner. Pastor Rodgers had never strayed from his Pulaski County upbringing just outside of Somerset, Ky. He was one of the best men Jett had ever known.

  Mrs. Rodgers had passed about a year before leaving the good preacher alone with his German Shepard, Kono, to fend off the advances of eager widows in search of a husband and in a town like Crystal Springs, there were plenty.

  The pastor was also one of the biggest SKU fans that ever lived – so much so that he served as the unofficial chaplain of the Lancers’ football team.

  Jett moved closer as Dan shook hands with Rodgers, who grinned broadly.

  “Well Dan, are you going to...introduce me to your friend or...are you going to keep her all to yourself?”

  Dan blushed as Maggie smiled. Jett could tell that she genuinely liked the old man.

  “Pastor, this is Maggie Blake. Maggie, this is Pastor Paul Rodgers,” Dan said quickly.

  The preacher patted Dan on the arm.

  “It’s about time you...got a girlfriend. I’m glad you...brought her with you,” Rodgers said as both Dan and Maggie blushed this time. “So nice to meet you. Are you by any chance...related to J.D. Blake?” Rodgers asked.

  “I’m his daughter,” she answered with a grin of her own.

  Rodgers brightened.

  “Young lady, your father was my...favorite SKU football player ever,” remembering that both Dan and Jett were standing there, he quickly added, “Present company excepted.”

  Dan smiled.

  “Nice audible pastor,” he said.

  “Don’t worry preacher. He was my favorite too – until this one and the other one came along,” Jett said.<
br />
  Maggie giggled.

  It was Rodgers’ turn for his cheeks to redden.

  “Be that as it may, your dad was...one of a kind,” he said.

  “Yes he was – but I never saw him play except in old videos that mom has,” Maggie said.

  Noticing the parishioners lining up, the pastor repeated, “It was nice meeting you. Please come back and see us. I would...love to talk to you more about your...father and this young man as well,” he said, nodding toward Dan.

  “You can count on it,” she said.

  When they were all outside, Jett looked around.

  “Heard from your brother?” He asked.

  “Not yet. Crystal Heights usually gets out a few minutes later than we do. Their preacher’s kind of long-winded,” Dan said. “Matt will send a text or call in bit. What are you in the mood for today?” Dan asked.

  Jett thought for a moment and took off his suit coat. He handed it to Dan.

  “Put that in the car for me, will you?” Jett asked.

  Dan and Maggie looked at each other.

  “What are you doing?” Dan asked.

  “I thought I might go for a walk. Since I’ve been back, I’ve not had a chance to take a good look around at things. I figured being this close to campus, it would be a shame to waste a beautiful day like this,” he said as he started rolling up his sleeves.

  “Would you like for us to come with you? Maggie asked.

  “No, I just want to take a stroll. The walk might do me some good,” Jett said.

  Dan looked a little concerned but relented.

  “Okay...enjoy your walk and if you need anything, just call,” he said.

  “I will,” Jett said as he unbuttoned his collar and loosened his tie, “But I believe I can handle a little walking.”

  Dan and Maggie headed to the car and Jett crossed the street and headed down the sidewalk toward the SKU campus.

  It was a trip he made many Sunday mornings while in college. He walked downhill for a couple of blocks before reaching Hickory Street, which ran alongside of Taylor Hall, a ladies’ dorm on the SKU campus. One block later, he found Austin Hall, the dorm that was once home to both Rose and Alicia. Maple Street bordered that dorm and Jett followed the sidewalk around Maple and headed west.

  As he walked, he saw empty lots covered with freshly manicured grass where small houses once stood. Parts of that side of the campus resembled a country club more than a college campus as the once heavily shaded street now had almost no trees for long stretches. It was progress in the eyes of university administrators he supposed, but he didn’t care for the changes. He preferred the small campus atmosphere of days gone by.

  After a few more minutes of brisk walking, Jett found his white dress shirt covered in sweat. It was becoming a very warm – borderline hot – spring day. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a white handkerchief that shoved back into his pocket. That’s when he saw the McHenry-Duncan Music Building and the bench that sat beneath a giant oak tree. It was empty and the campus remained pretty lifeless for a sunny Sunday afternoon.

  Jett walked over and sat on the bench. He ran his hand over the side that Rose usually occupied during their talks. His mind was filled with memories of some of the happiest moments of their life together. Jett had to admit he did feel a special closeness to here in this particular spot – a spot Rose always called “our special place.” He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Taking in a deep breath of the warm breeze, he exhaled slowly.

  “I’m here honey. I couldn’t wait until tonight. Now my love, where are you? Please talk to me,” Jett said softly without even opening his eyes.

  “It really is a special place,” a voice called out from behind.

  Startled by the loud voice, he wheeled and saw an attractive co-ed approaching him.

  “Excuse me?” Jett asked.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said, looking nearly as embarrassed as Jett felt.

  “You’re fine. It’s just...what did you say?” He asked as he stood.

  “I said it’s a special place. This bench, this tree – all of it,” the young lady with the sandy hair and green eyes said.

  Jett looked at her. She was about 5’5 with a nice build that filled out her faded jeans and t-shirt nicely. He judged her to be in her early twenties. Something about this pretty co-ed was so familiar.

  “And what makes it so special?” He asked.

  Even though her smile was beautiful it was tempered by the sadness in her eyes.

  “This is where my fiancée proposed to me,” she said.

  Jett instinctively looked at her left hand. There wasn’t a ring on any finger.

  “What a coincidence. This is where I proposed to my wife,” he said.

  Her smile brightened.

  “Wow! That is a coincidence. I’m Marie by the way,” she said as she extended her hand.

  He took her hand. “My name’s Jett.”

  She tilted her head. “Great name. It sounds like something from novel,” Marie said.

  “Thank you — I think,” he said with a laugh.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing out here all alone on such a beautiful day?” Marie asked.

  “As you said, it’s a special place and I came here to remember some of those...special moments,” Jett said.

  Marie’s expression changed.

  “How long has she been gone?” Marie asked.

  “Ten years. Is it that obvious?” He asked.

  She gave him a weak smile.

  “Not really, it’s just a look I’m familiar with,” Marie said.

  “You too huh? How long?” Jett asked.

  “Sometimes it seems like yesterday. Sometimes, it feels like 30 years or more,” she said.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said.

  “How long were you two together?” Marie asked.

  “A little over 19 years but to be honest, I still feel like we’re together,” Jett said.

  “Is that why you still wear your wedding band?” She asked.

  “I feel like if I ever took it off I’d be cheating on her,” he said, unsure of why he was telling a total stranger some of his innermost feelings.

  “You’re still faithful to her after all these years – I’m sure she would be honored beyond belief,” Marie said.

  “As crazy as it might sound. I like to think that she knows – even now,” Jett said.

  “It doesn’t sound crazy at all. That’s why I like to come here from time to time - to try to feel closer to Lee,” she said.

  “Lee – your fiancée?” Jett asked.

  Marie nodded.

  “We were engaged for about a year before he died in a boating accident on Laurel Lake,” her tears started to flow as she talked. “For the first few days I was in shock. Then, instead of grief, I felt anger. I was mad that he threw away our future because he wanted to just have fun. And now...,” Marie paused. “And now I grieve because as much as I try to feel closer to him, I know he’s gone forever. I’ll never get that back – that love, that time together, the family that we could have had,” she said, wiping away her tears with her palms.

  Jett stood, unsure of what to say. As he tried to come up with a response, Marie spoke again.

  “If you still feel closeness to your wife, if you know in your heart that you still have a love that you share, appreciate it, cling to it, and never let it go,” she said.

  Jett nodded.

  “I do appreciate it. I love her more now than I ever have,” he said.

  Marie continued to wipe away tears as she turned to walk away. Again Jett stood feeling awkward, unsure of what to do or say.

  After she walked another ten feet or so, Marie turned again.

  “If you’ll come back tonight, Rose will be here,” she said.

  “What?” He asked.

  The wind rustled through the trees and he glanced back to see what caused the noise. When he looked back around,
Marie was gone. All that he could see was the SKU campus and a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

  In spite of the late spring temperature and everything that transpired as of late, he still felt a chill go down his spine.

  ***

  Matt and Linda Sue met Dan and Maggie at the R & R for lunch. Maggie called and invited Alicia but she said she had some things to take care of.

  “So dad just wanted to go for a walk?” Matt asked.

  “Yeah. He said he thought it might do him some good,” Dan said as he took a sip of his soft drink.

  “The man works out and jogs five days a week. How’s a walk supposed to help him?” Matt asked.

  “Maybe he didn’t mean physically. Maybe he wanted to be alone to think,” Linda Sue said.

  Matt frowned.

  “Think about what?” He asked.

  “He’s not been back here that long and he does take over the paper tomorrow,” Linda Sue said.

  “Something’s been bothering him lately. He’s not eating right and he’s been distracted - a lot. I’ll bet he’s dropped ten pounds since he moved back here,” Dan said.

  “And don’t forget the scare with Uncle Bud yesterday. I’m sure that wasn’t easy,” Maggie said.

  “It doesn’t make sense. Dad loves it here and as for the paper, he could do that in his sleep. I can’t imagine that worrying him,” Matt said.

  “You know, mom hasn’t really been herself the past few days either. In fact, she’s acted in many of the same ways,” Maggie said.

  “Do you think it’s a coincidence?” Linda Sue asked.

  “It could be I suppose. But I have a feeling it isn’t,” Maggie said.

  “I don’t know if this had anything to do with it but when I came downstairs yesterday, I overheard the two of them talking about mom and J.D.,” Matt said.

  “Maybe moving to Crystal Springs and back into the house stirred up some memories. Dad never has gotten over losing mom,” Dan said.

  “It’s the same with my mom – and it hasn’t been as long,” Maggie said.

  “Well it’s kind of a double whammy for both – they each lost a spouse and a best friend,” Matt said.

  “I’m sure that has to weigh on their minds,” Linda Sue said.

  “I’m sure if it’s anything for us to worry about, dad will tell us. He’s always been honest with us,” Matt said.

 

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