Dan and Maggie shifted their gaze to Jett.
“I don’t know how to break this to either of you, but the only two people that weren’t aware of that were you two,” Jett said.
“Did either of you talk to Mallorie?” Maggie asked.
“Mallorie? No. Why?” Jett asked.
“I did but what does that have to do with anything?” Alicia asked.
“Never mind,” Maggie said quickly.
“So you don’t have objections?” Dan asked.
“Why would I object?” Jett asked.
“I feel the same way. I’m happy for both of you. Actually I’m beyond happy - I’m thrilled,” Alicia said as she walked and embraced the two of them.
Jett followed her. He gave Maggie a hug and reached over and tousled his son’s hair, like he did when Dan was younger.
“I have advice for both of you,” he said and turned to Dan. “Don’t treat her like a queen, treat her better than that.” Jett then turned to Maggie. “You let him.” And then to both, he said, “But whatever you do, appreciate every second you have together.”
“And never miss an opportunity to say ‘I love you’ to each other,” Alicia added.
Dan and Maggie both beamed before Dan’s face revealed a curious expression.
“I’m so glad you both are so happy and supportive but...uh...dad, why didn’t you react the same way when you found out about Matt and Linda Sue?” He asked.
Jett smiled.
“Simply put – I really don’t know Linda Sue. I like her. I think she’s a fine young lady and I know Matt loves her with all of his heart. I believe she feels the same way about him. The difference is I haven’t known her all of her life. Her dad wasn’t my best friend. Her mom wasn’t your mom’s best friend. Let’s just say I’m happy for both of you boys. Don’t worry – Matt and I will talk as soon as we get the chance. Neither of us has had much of an opportunity for one on one time lately,” Jett said.
“I just wish mom was here,” Dan said.
“And dad,” Maggie added.
Alicia smiled and gave Jett a quick look.
“I’d like to think they know,” she said.
“And rest assured, they’re smiling,” Jett said.
***
Bud reached for the remote for the large stereo in his den. He searched through the CDs until he settled on the one he was in the mood to hear. The Hollies’ “King Midas in Reverse” came through the speakers as he settled on his favorite end of the couch propped his feet on top of the ancient ottoman. The three-part harmony of Allan Clark, Graham Nash, and Tony Hicks always soothed him – going back to his days on Vietnam.
That The Hollies weren’t a bigger sensation in the United States than they were was one of the mysteries that perplexed him. At least the morons that ran the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame had the belated good sense to induct them before they all died. That Madonna made it in before they did simply pissed him off.
That thought was on his mind as he sipped a glass of the unsweetened tea Mallorie left behind. Bud thought about the conversation with Jett about the suicide of Marie Atkins.
He remembered the event all too well.
Bud remembered Marie before she became the young, beautiful, and pregnant not quite widow. She had a special quality about her, a spark – now that he thought about it, not at all unlike the spark Mallorie had.
Earl and Edna raised their daughter the right way. Neither particularly cared for the brash and reckless Lee Clark, who lived his life without regard for anyone else. For reasons they would never know or understand, Marie fell in love with Lee. On the surface they appeared to be total opposites. She was a promising college student with a bright future. He was a college student more interested in partying than in anything else. Bud wondered if maybe Mallorie inherited a partial taste of that quality from her father.
It was after Lee’s last party ended on Laurel Lake that Earl and Edna found out that Marie was pregnant. Instead of shunning her as some in the community did, Earl embraced his grieving daughter. Bud would occasionally see her in his visits with Earl at home and at city hall. Even the most casual observer could tell that something was amiss with her. A look into her eyes was a look into the face of despair and loss.
Bud was familiar with that look. Too many of his friends came back from Vietnam with that same look.
After the baby was born, it looked as though some normalcy had returned to Marie’s life. Maybe it was the joy of becoming a grandfather and maybe he just saw what he wanted to see, but Earl was encouraged that his daughter was pulling out of her depression. Even Edna, who was at best a pessimist by nature and perhaps the sourest person he had ever known, was hopeful that Marie had turned an emotional corner.
Then came that day in April.
One afternoon Marie went for a walk and never came home. As was his habit when he was younger, Bud was on the scene just a couple of minutes after hearing the call on the police scanner that a dead body was discovered. He got there before a second patrol car pulled up with Earl inside. Bud wished he had never heard that call. No matter how long he lived he would never forget the sound of the scream of a father identifying the body of his only child. A combination of grief, anger, frustration, and shock - Bud really couldn’t describe it. It still caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand up every time he thought about it.
Suddenly the tea wasn’t enough and Bud quickly found his way into the kitchen. The cabinet over the sink held several of his medications including a bottle of vodka that he kept on hand for such emergencies. He sweetened his tea with several ounces of Russia’s finest. Before he put the cap back on the bottle, Bud shrugged and turned up the bottle. When the clear liquid hit his chest, he felt the slow burn come back up his throat. Screwing the cap back on the bottle, his nerves felt somewhat steadier than they did a couple of minutes earlier.
Screwing the lid back on, he remembered Mallorie hadn’t called. Bud returned the bottle to the cabinet, picked up his glass, and walked back to the den. The Hollies were now singing, of all things,” I’m Alive.” He stopped in front of the stereo and lifted his glass in acknowledgement before returning to the couch.
Bud recalled the funeral and the months that Earl spent away from city hall. Edna became more and more reclusive. When Earl returned to work it was apparent to anyone willing to look that he had not drawn a sober breath in a long time. Eventually Earl got somewhat sober but was never the same man again. While he and Bud remained friends, their friendship was never the same either.
When election time came a year later, Earl campaigned as hard as any politician Bud had ever seen even though he ran unopposed. Earl was elected twice more and was in the middle of seeking a sixth term when he had the heart attack that ended his political career and almost claimed his life.
And the granddaughter – little Mallorie – all but disappeared from the face of the earth after a couple of years.
And now all these years later, Mallorie was part of Bud’s life for better or worse. When phrased like that, it made Bud feel even more uncomfortable.
***
As darkness fell and the hour grew late, Matt dropped by to say goodnight. He and Dan were returning to the dorm. They had morning workouts and classes that wouldn’t wait for love or money. Matt allowed Dan and Maggie a couple of minutes of privacy on the porch before heading outside and announcing that it was time to leave.
With Dan out of the house for the night, Maggie decided that sleep was a better option than another conversation with Alicia and Jett, who sat at the kitchen table sipping a couple of diet soft drinks.
“It’s been an eventful weekend,” Jett said.
“To say the least,” Alicia chimed in.
“But I’ll have to say, I’m happy for the kids – all of them,” he said.
“Me too. Seeing them together...it takes me back...oh to be young and in love,” she said.
Jett laughed. “Oh to be young.”
Alicia offered a
faint smile. “I don’t think either one of us got over the ‘in love’ part,” she said.
“No and I hope they never do either,” he said.
“I’ll say this: Your sons have guts. Matt yesterday and Dan tonight - that’s not easy for anyone but they stepped up. Most guys their age don’t understand the concept of real love or are afraid to admit it to themselves, let alone anyone else,” Alicia said.
“They learned that from Rose,” he said.
“Nonsense. They learned that from both of you. That piece of advice you gave Dan about how to treat Maggie? It seems I remember hearing about a best man that told a groom that a wedding I was part of some years back,” she said.
Jett took a sip of his drink and shook his head.
“The second best man – at least at that wedding. Besides, if Maggie was my daughter, that’s how I would want – make that expect – someone to treat her,” he said.
“I don’t think there’s anything to worry about on that front. Just looking at those boys with Maggie and Linda Sue is like looking back in time at you and Rose. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Maggie happier. After J.D. died, it was a light went out inside of her. I worried that she would never be truly happy again. I don’t think I have to worry about that anymore,” Alicia said.
“Speaking of J.D., when do you plan to go back over to the apartment?” Jett asked.
“A little later. I want to Maggie a chance to get to sleep. Bud knows I’m coming over - he gave me a key of my own so I can go when I want. How about you? When are you leaving?” she asked.
“Soon. It’s all I can do not to go right now but I want to make sure more people are asleep before I go sneaking around campus,” he said.
“I understand. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this excited about anything,” Alicia said.
“I just hope we’re not disappointed,” Jett said as Alicia nodded and studied the nearly empty soft drink bottle in her hand.
***
Dan lay down in the bottom bunk and pulled a single beige sheet over his body. Although the night was warm, the air conditioning in the aging dorm was cranked up nearly full blast. At the height of summer the block walls would hold heat like a brick oven and the AC would struggle to make the indoor temperature tolerable without at least a couple of fans in each room.
Matt was still in the bathroom brushing his teeth so the overhead light was still on. Dan looked around the room from his vantage point on the bed. The off-white color of the walls decorated with posters, schedules, and a calendar gave the room a not quite home feel. Certainly it was comfortable but it wasn’t home.
His room at home was occupied by the girl – make that woman – he loved. Home. It still seemed foreign to him to call his dad’s house in Crystal Springs home. Although he had lived there in his early years, he was raised in Lexington. It was hard to imagine not calling it home and he understood why his dad struggled with the idea of selling it.
Dan looked around the room again. He imagined the dorm really hadn’t changed much since his dad occupied one of its rooms. Central heat and air had been added over the years. Dan and Matt grew up hearing stories from their dad and J.D. about how hot the dorm was during summer practice.
He tried to imagine what those days were like with his dad and J.D. roaming the halls and the locker room. Dan couldn’t see his father as anything other than the dedicated family man and husband he grew up admiring. He heard the stories about the gutty linebacker from the little high school in Fourmile nicknamed “The Silent Killer.”
“You look like you’re deep in thought. Thinking of Maggie?” Matt asked as he stowed his toothbrush and toothpaste.
“Yes and no. Just thinking about a lot of things right now,” Dan said.
Matt started undressing and turned on the radio, which was tuned to a Top 40 station in Lexington.
“Anything major?” Matt asked as he flipped the switch on the overhead light.
Dan felt the bed move as Matt climbed into the top bunk.
“No. Just thinking of dad, the house in Lexington, and how the woman I love is sleeping in my bed. She’s there and I’m here, in a bunk under you. Doesn’t seem right,” Dan said.
“Dude, I never really got a chance to tell you earlier but I’m really happy for you and Maggie. I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this to happen,” Matt said.
“You know what’s hard to believe? She has too,” said Dan.
“No, it’s not so hard to believe. So, what did dad and Aunt Alicia have to say?” Matt asked.
“They were happy. They weren’t surprised but they were happy. You know he’s really happy for you and Linda Sue as well. He really likes her,” Dan said.
“I could tell. He wasn’t just being nice to make her feel more comfortable. I’ll admit I was a little worried given her family ties and Uncle Bud,” Matt said.
“I think Uncle Bud likes her too,” Dan said.
“I hope so. She’s going to be part of my life for a long time,” Matt said.
“Are you going to marry her?” Dan asked.
“Yes I am. I don’t know when yet, but I’m going to. You can bank on that,” Matt said.
“I believe you,” Dan said.
***
Bud continued to sip his vodka-spiked unsweetened tea. The automatic changer on the stereo switched over to a Bobby Fuller Four CD. As “Only When I Dream” played, Bud looked at the swirling the amber liquid in the glass.
“How appropriate,” he mumbled to himself as the ballad blared out of the speakers.
The hour was getting late and he still hadn’t heard from Mallorie. Rather than call her, Bud decided it might be best if he just gave her some space. Surprised that Alicia hadn’t returned either, he munched on microwave popcorn as he listened to the music.
In his life, Bud had witnessed some tragic things. He saw a couple of friends die in Vietnam, heard their last words, and saw them take their last breath. When Chuck Fullbright was killed in a mortar attack Bud thought no other death impact him so greatly. In his career as a journalist, he also saw more death than he cared to remember in the way of accidents, murders, and suicides.
With the exception of his military experience, most of those deaths didn’t touch his life.
While the suicide of Marie Atkins was tragic, her death had no real impact on his life – until recently anyway.
The death of anyone close to him always reminded him of his own mortality. He hadn’t expected to live as long as he had. That he outlived Rose left him with a sense of survivor’s guilt. She was too young and had so much more to do with her life. Bud never considered himself an atheist. He believed in God and never doubted the existence of heaven and hell. Few people knew it but Bud had made a profession of faith as a young boy growing up in rural Whitley County.
He would be the first to admit he hadn’t lived what most would consider a Christian life. The things that had happened over the past few days made him wonder about what happens when a person dies. Bud always thought it was a straightforward proposition - smoking or non-smoking, so to speak.
Now, he had deeper questions.
Are people allowed to come back? If so, under what circumstances? How long had it been possible? Why hadn’t anyone else come back? Bud took another sip as he pondered those questions.
He heard a soft knock on the door. Leaving his drink and the bag of popcorn on the end table, Bud walked to the small foyer and opened the door to find Mallorie. She was carrying an overnight bag and wearing a long tan raincoat.
He had questions.
Bud looked at the starry sky behind her.
“Expecting rain?” He asked.
Mallorie quickly undid a couple of buttons and he saw right away that the raincoat was the only article of clothing she was wearing.
“I promised you something earlier today,” Mallorie said.
“So you did. Please come in my dear,” Bud said as he took her luggage in one hand and her free hand in his other.
The questions — and confusion — would wait.
***
Alicia parked her Pathfinder on the street near Bud’s driveway. Lights were still on in his house and the black Wrangler was parked in front. She surmised that Mallorie was back and that neither of them would appreciate an interruption.
Quietly walking around the Wrangler, Alicia found the stairs to the apartment easily enough. The streetlight provided ample light for her to see to unlock the door and step inside. Using the light from outside, she was able to find the bathroom and turn on the light switch without much effort. Using the bathroom light would give her illumination without having to use the overhead fixture and draw less attention.
Alicia’s heart beat faster as she scanned the vacant apartment. She noticed that her palms were sweating and she was breathing nearly to the point of hyperventilation. Unsure how long she would have to wait or what she needed to do, Alicia started to step away from the bathroom door.
“Don’t move. Stay in the light so I can get a good look at you,” said a voice from the dark corner of the apartment.
She turned to the direction of the voice.
“J.D.? Is that really you?” Alicia asked in a barely audible whisper as her voice cracked.
From the darkness she saw the image of her late husband moving closer. He looked like he was twenty-five or so with closely cropped dark hair and his grin stood out as moved forward.
“It’s me darlin’. It’s me in the not quite flesh,” J.D. said.
***
It was after midnight when Jett reached the bench by the music building. It looked perfectly normal - and empty. He wasn’t sure what to expect but somehow a vacant bench on a starry night did not fit into what he hoped to find.
Jett took a look around. The wind rustled the branches of the trees and he slowly walked to the bench and sat down. Once again he took a look around and glanced at his watch to check the time. That’s when he heard the voice.
“What’s the matter? Got a hot date?”
Jett quickly looked up. In front of him stood the only woman he had ever loved. She wore a “flip” hairstyle and looked like she did when the boys were toddlers.
Only When I Dream Page 17