At the Brink

by Anna del Mar

  “Josh, I...”

  “I’m an asshole,” he said. “I don’t think I’m going to change. This is it, Lily. I’m working near optimum capacity. I can’t be what I’m not. But I want you with me and I don’t want WindTech dangling over me like Damocles’s sword.”

  “Whose sword?”

  “Damocles, you know, from Cicero’s anecdote?” he said. “Where a sword hangs over the throne by a single thread of horse tail? ‘There can be nothing happy for the person over whom some fear always looms.’”

  “Oh,” I said, clueless. “That sword.”

  “The bottom line is this,” he said. “I don’t want you to stay with me because of the agreement or because you have to. You’re not business to me, you’ve never been. The agreement can go to hell.”

  Oh, my God.

  “The other day you said that I mattered to you,” Josh said. “Did you mean that?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yes.”

  “Then I need you to stay with me because you want to.”

  “Wow.” Had I been hit on the head with a bat I might have been less stunned. “I didn’t think you’d ever be able to top the shock of your first proposal.”

  “I know this is sudden.”

  “Sudden is one word for it.” I tried to shake off my astonishment and reason my way through. Three hours ago I’d been in meltdown mode and now this?

  “I wonder if you’re being fair to yourself.”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I wonder if this—um—decision is good for you.”

  “Why would you care?”

  I gathered my courage. “Caring for you would be the only reason for me to be here, in your house, without an agreement. Right?”

  His Adam’s apple bounced up and down his throat. “It would be—yes—and I... I really appreciate that about you.”

  I had to smile because this brilliant, exceptional man was truly a disaster when it came to words and emotions. I had to face the fact that this moment and all the preparations he’d put into it, could very well be the only and most passionate declaration of affection that I’d ever get from him.

  “But I don’t think I’m acting on an impulse here,” he said. “I mean, by doing this, the room, giving you the keys and all.”

  “You don’t?”

  “I think it’s good...at least for me.”

  “How so?”

  “I thought about it. A lot. I even...” He cleared his throat. “I talked to someone.”

  “You talked to someone?” Another surprise. “You mean like a friend?”

  “I mean I talked to someone who knows. About these things. About me.”

  “Oh.” A counselor? A doctor? Was Josh Lane more in touch with himself than I’d given him credit for?

  “I do that—not often—only sometimes,” he said embarrassedly. “It can be...helpful.”

  “Yes, absolutely.” I agreed wholeheartedly. “I think it’s good, great actually.”

  “I’m glad you think so.” He met my stare then looked away. “I’m not nuts, you know.”

  “Of course not,” I said. “I know that.”

  He looked relieved. “We both felt like this was right for me.”

  I felt good. I’d earned someone’s seal of approval, someone whose opinion Josh respected. Maybe I wasn’t as crazy as I felt these days.

  “The thing is,” Josh said haltingly. “You’re supposed to decide if this is good for you, if you want to be with me, and I...well... I’m supposed to accept your decision and not bully you into doing what I want.”

  He looked wretched as he forced out the words, a man used to controlling every aspect of his life, making a supreme effort and going out on a limb. He was willing to do all of that for me. Could I set aside my fears to do the same for him?

  “Are you sure that you want to do this?” I said. “This is a big step and you haven’t known me for long.”

  He shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, Lily. I’ve known you forever. I can feel it, here.” He slapped his chest over his heart.

  I melted like chocolate over a steaming pot. This was Josh Lane at his best and sweetest. My thoughts zipped every which way.

  “What about, you know, all those other women?”

  Josh sprang to his feet and began to pace the room. “Damn it, Lily. That was then. This is now. In any case, you can state your conditions.”

  “State my conditions for what?”

  “To be with me.”

  God help me. “You want me to put conditions on you?”

  “So I can follow them.” He marched back and forth in front of the bed. “So I can’t fuck it up.”

  “It?”

  “Us.”

  How could I even begin to explain?

  “Don’t fuck with me, Lily, if you’re going to say no, then just say so.” He struggled with his temper. “Don’t drag it out. Just tell me.”

  I took a deep breath. “I’m not going to say no, Josh, but I’m not going to ‘state my conditions’ either.”

  He frowned. “Why not?”

  “Because this isn’t about conditions. This is about trying to work things out, trusting each other, testing each other to see if we’re any good together.”

  “Lily.” He knelt between my legs and met my stare, his eyes bright with honesty. “I already know.”

  “Okay, well, maybe, but there’s still a lot we don’t know about each other.”

  “I’m confused, Lily. Is that a yeah or a nay?”

  “It’s a maybe. It’s a let’s try it, ’cause I like you an awful lot.”

  “You do?” There it was, the rare expression, the goofy grin I loved to see on his face.

  “You’ve got to know that.” I reached out and caressed his face. “I like your mind, the way you think; I like your heart, your generosity, the way you do things, all in. I like the way you move and the way your eyes lighten when you’re happy. I like the way you look, your smile, your hands, your hair.”

  “You like my hair?”

  “I do,” I said, “especially now that you’ve let it grow a little.”

  “I was going to get it cut tomorrow.”

  “Please don’t.” I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him.

  He groaned against my lips, thunder rumbling in the distance. The passion in his eyes overwhelmed me. I could galvanize all of that power with only a kiss. I had clout over him and he...he had a lot of clout over me.

  He broke off the kiss, breathing hard. “So you won’t leave now that you don’t have to stay with me?”

  “No, Josh, I won’t leave.”

  “And you won’t run away from me when I’m not looking?”

  “I won’t run.” I fed off his powerful energy. “I may come and go sometimes, but I’ll let you know, because I don’t want you to worry.”

  “I can’t do that thing where you disappear on me,” he said. “I just can’t. It’s a no-go zone for me.”

  “Okay, I get that, but I’ve got my no-go zones too.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like those women tonight.”

  “Lily.” He puffed out an impatient sigh. “I swear you’ve got nothing to worry about. Those were just hookups, sex, but not real sex like what we have.”

  “I’ll have to take your word for it.” My mother’s warnings and my parents’ unhappy marriage lurked in the back of my mind but I pushed on. “I have to be able to trust you. I can’t handle cheating, I just...can’t.”

  “Got it,” he said.

  “You also have to understand that there are some things I’m going to have to do for myself.”

  “Like what?”

  “I’m going to h
ave to find a way to carry my weight.”

  “Lily, please.”

  “I’m not a freeloader,” I said. “I’m a hard worker and, if I don’t have to worry about Martin and WindTech, I can find a way to support my mother and me. If this is going to work for me, I need to know that I’m not a charity case for you.”

  “Charity my ass,” he said. “It’s more like the other way around.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m a chore,” he said. “What woman would want to put up with me?”

  He had no idea how devastatingly attractive he was to the opposite sex. “I counted quite a few of them eager to put up with you earlier tonight.”

  “Jesus.” He looked up as if begging for celestial help. “Can we please be done with this conversation? I’m tired of talking and I’d rather negotiate with the Taliban any day than to try to get a deal out of you.”

  “Okay,” I said. “We’re done.”

  “Thank God.” He kissed me, a kiss so passionate and intense it left me reeling.

  “Hmm.” I savored his mouth. “I think we did okay.”

  He flashed me a naughty smirk. “Can we move on to the next evening activity?”

  I cocked my eyebrows. “Is there more?”

  “Much more.” He got to his feet. “Now comes the good part. You get a choice.”

  “A choice?”

  “Blindfold or cuffs?”

  Oh, I could see where this was going. He might be done with the talking, but he wasn’t really done for the night. Someone else could’ve found fault with his one-track mind, maybe even me a while back. Not now. Excitement teased my senses and tickled my body. As to my choices, the true surprise was that I had them. I could either see him or touch him. It was pure Josh, offering me a measure of trust, albeit a cautious one.

  “Forget the cuffs,” I said, thrilled with the chance to feel his body beneath my hands.

  “Right, then.”

  He pushed on a carved panel at the side of the bed. With a quiet click, it opened up to reveal a velvet lined drawer. Holy smokes. Did I even want to know what was in there?

  “Let’s get going.” He picked out a blindfold. “Because I need to blow off some steam and your brand new bed needs to be properly inaugurated.”

  I eyed the discreet drawer as it retracted. “That’s quite the piece of furniture.”

  “Yep.” He slipped the blindfold over my hair and perched it on my forehead. “Best active sex bed on the market. Can’t wait to try it.”

  Oh, Lord. My heart skipped a beat. A shiver ran the length of my spine. “Um, Josh?”

  “Yes, Lily?”

  “What exactly is an ‘active sex’ bed?”

  “It’s a bed built especially for sex,” he explained, reaching around me and lowering my zipper. “It has the right kind of bounce and resistance. It’s flat, leveled, supportive and easy to move on. It’s also durable enough to withstand passionate use.”

  “Wow.” Josh really knew his specs. Until today, I’d never known they built special beds for sex. And now I had one of them.

  “It’s got some unique features.” Josh unclasped my narrow belt and slid my arms out of the dress.

  “Features?” My fingers clung to the dress.

  “You know,” he said, “for convenience.”

  Like that drawer full of stuff hidden in the paneling. My belly squeezed. Dread or anticipation? A little of both perhaps? Leave it to Josh to achieve the perfect design balance between us, a room decorated to my tastes, but equipped for his.

  He must have sensed my internal turmoil. “Want a demo?”

  I looked from Josh to the bed. I gulped. A demonstration of the bed’s capabilities might challenge my fragile erotic courage.

  But Josh had shown bravery tonight. He’d gone out on a limb to bring me to his house and invite me into his life. He’d freed me and then he’d given me a choice, taking a huge emotional risk. Could I allow my cowardice to win when he’d given so much?

  I lowered the blindfold over my eyes and for once, I was glad for the darkness. “No demo, thank you.”

  The dress slipped from under me, leaving me sitting nude on the edge of the bed and missing my underwear like crazy. Not that I was complaining about Josh’s foreplay. Nobody could ever accuse him of falling on the job. But he was on a mission tonight and while I preferred seduction prior to undressing, one thing I knew for sure: seduction was coming my way. If only I could’ve kept my clothes until then, perhaps I wouldn’t feel so...naked?

  Man up, girl. This was Josh Lane and, a few minutes ago, I’d accepted him and everything he entailed, including his total disregard for my modesty. Still, I couldn’t help it. I pressed my knees together and slouched.

  Josh sighed, a sound that reminded me of a teacher who had taught the same lesson to the same failing student one too many times. He must have taken a knee in front of me, because his body fitted itself between my legs. His hands seized mine. His lips brushed over my fingers in small, feathering kisses.

  “How many times do I have to tell you?” he said. “I like looking at you. Why would you want to hide your body from me?”

  “You hide your body well enough.” A prickle of irritation flared in me. “I’m naked. You’re dressed. That’s the way of things around here. How is that fair?”

  His kisses on my hands faltered. For an instant, I sensed a void opening between us. Then his lips were back, on my mouth this time, hot, possessive and all consuming, bridging the divide, coaxing my lips to yield to the flame of his tongue, which thrust in my mouth with infinite thirst.

  “You want to touch me?” he murmured against my mouth. “Fine. It’s your night. Go ahead.”

  I groped in the darkness. My fingers tripped against his shoulders. His skin pebbled beneath my touch. He had taken off his shirt. It really was my night! If I’d had any complaints before, I instantly forgot them. He was warm, strong and present between my arms. And I got to touch him.

  I ran my hands down the center of his chest, enjoying the feel of his pectorals and the way his nipples prickled against my fingertips. His core tensed as my fingers traveled over his rib cage to caress his belly and fondle his groin. His cock hardened beneath my touch, a distinct bulge that throbbed against my hand and echoed in my sex. The strong muscles of his ass rounded beneath my palms and led me to his thighs, where I would’ve lingered in the space between his legs, had he not caught my wrists in a stern clutch.

  “Enough for now,” he said. “No more free ranging until after I’m done worshipping.”

  I frowned. “Worshipping?”

  “Pussy worshipping.” I heard the smile in his voice. “I’m going to worship your pussy.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Josh

  I knew this was all new for Lily, my brave Lily, who’d already given me the greatest reward when she’d agreed to stay with me. But I also knew I could do better, show her pleasures she’d never dare to taste on her own, teach her things no one else could, about her body, about herself.

  I took in the lines of her body, long legs, full breasts, generous hips that rolled and danced fluidly when I fucked her. My balls tightened. My cock jerked, already stiff with a rush of blood. Easy now. I couldn’t allow my arousal to hijack her pleasure. I had to show her. I had to prove to her that her choice was the right one and life with me would be a worthwhile adventure. No doubt about it, this was Lily’s night and I planned to ace it in every way.

  Kissing was my way to hook into Lily’s complex mind/body network. I settled between her legs and connected with her lips. The radio chatter between our bodies went insane. I fucking loved the way her mouth opened to my tongue, soft, compliant but passionate. Our chemistry spiked with the contact. Her flavors seeped into my bloodstream like some sort of a
drug injected directly into my veins.

  Her body flowed beneath my touch, warm, even and curving in just the right places, the perfect highway to my hands, my very own autobahn. I kissed my way down to her breasts and caught her nipple in my mouth. Trapped between my tongue and my palate, it lengthened and hardened, broadcasting an urgent message that my body translated into a distress signal, an SOS for sexual succor.

  She whimpered when I drew a little harder, an erotic sound that echoed in my balls and wet my boxers with a spurt of pre-come.

  Slow down. I was keyed too tightly tonight. Enjoy her. Enjoy this. When was the last time I’d wanted anything as badly as I wanted Lily now?

  In the car. At the movies. At the party, while fucking her, and before that, at work; when she was far, when she was near, awake or asleep, in my dreams and in my nightmares... Stop. I’d wanted her from the moment I decided she belonged with me. And every day, my need for her grew.

  I suckled on her nipples until Lily started to squirm. I slid my hand between her legs and, caressing her labia, found her clit. It sprang beneath my fingers, matching her nipples in hardness and plumpness. I lowered my face between her legs and drew on her clit until her fingers raked through my hair and she could no longer sit still.

  “Oh, Josh.”

  Even the way she said my name tightened my erection. I kissed her pussy, her belly button and her lips before I got up, helped her to her feet and stripped the coverlet and the duvet off the bed.

  “Lay down, sweet.” I guided her as she groped her way toward the center of the bed. “Lean back, head on the pillows, that’s it.”

  She was a sight to see, lying on her brand new bed, nude body floating on a pool of cobalt blue like a siren in the sea. I could’ve stared at her all night, but my cock had its own timeline and I had a plan to advance.

  I opened one of the bed’s concealed drawers and picked out a few goodies. “I have some things for you, a few toys you may like.”

  “Oh?” The pitch in her voice went up a notch. “I don’t need any toys, Josh. I just want you.”

  Hell, I wanted her too. I caught myself grinning like a damn fool. Good thing the blindfold didn’t allow her to see the devastating effect she had on me. Focus, Lane.