by Jenny Hale
“This is…” he looked up at his family, his eyes moving from one to another as he hesitated. And then, as if he’d made a decision, he said. “This is an original piece I wrote. It’s a lullaby.”
Abbey looked around at the faces of his family. Susan and Robin were perfectly still, their eyes on his fingers, eagerly awaiting this mysterious song that they’d known existed but had never heard.
He began to play, those familiar notes swirling their way up into the air, and, this time, Abbey didn’t think about Max. She thought about what it was like to hold a brand new infant child, to feel the softness of its skin against her, the pink of its lips, the curl of its fingers around hers, the way it would look nestled in little Max’s lap, and suddenly, the absence of those experiences nearly overwhelmed her. Each note brought her to the reality that her dreams of a big family, years of bedtime stories, a loving husband who helped her tuck her children in at night—it was still a dream. A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly, but as soon as she did, that glorious music hit her again and again, its sound so soothing and yet heart-wrenching that she could hardly breathe. She looked up to see if anyone had noticed, and to her surprise, Susan and Robin were both crying too. Even James’s and Carl’s eyes were glassy.
Nick had been looking at the music the entire time, and when he finished, he looked up. Susan had her hand on her chest, her eyes full of tears. “Nicholas,” she said, her voice breaking, “you have been holding on to this amazing talent and no one has been allowed to enjoy it. I am in awe of your ability, and as your mother, I am filled with pride. This is one of the best pieces I’ve heard. It moved me to tears—it moved us all to tears. Why aren’t you doing something with it?”
Abbey protectively sat down next to him. She, too, wanted him to pursue something with his music, but this alone was a big step for him.
“I just get busy,” he said.
“Doing what? Aaron’s damn business? That company took him away from his family far too many times. I put up with it because I knew he loved it and it made him happy, but I resented those nights when you asked for him and he wasn’t there. Do you really love what you do, son? Do you love it as much as your father did?”
Nick sat up, and Abbey could see the defensiveness in his demeanor. “I love it for my father,” he said, his voice controlled and even, as it had been on previous occasions when his emotions were challenged. “Because he isn’t here to love it anymore. And no one seems to get that except for me.”
Susan’s shoulders dropped in compassion for her son. “I loved your father,” she said, smiling at Carl to acknowledge him. “I didn’t like how much he worked, but I’d promised to be with him until death do us part, and I honored that promise. You have always been the most like your father, but you are very different as well. He didn’t have the kind of passion you have for things. He had drive, yes, but not passion. When I see you work all the time on that company, I don’t see your passion, and it bothered me so much that I moved away so that I didn’t have to watch it. Because I know how stubborn you are and how I wouldn’t be able to change your mind. That company won’t love you in return. It won’t give you the time that you’ve given to it. Look at your father. He’ll never get that time back.”
“He left it to me,” he said quietly, still refusing to expose any emotion he had on the topic.
“Do you know why, Nicholas?” Susan asked, her eyes pleading for his consideration.
He looked directly at her, waiting.
“Because he loved you. He loved you so much. That business was the very best he had to give. It was what he’d spent most of his life working toward. So when it came time to figure out who got what, guess who got what he loved most? But not because he wanted you to run it, because it was the grandest gesture he could make to show his love for you. When parents say they’d give you the world—well, he gave you his. In the best way he knew how.”
Nick sat silently, digesting this information. Abbey reached over and grabbed his hand, hoping he was okay. She wanted to cry for him, to sob for the loss of his father because it was clear how much Nick loved him. What she’d only now realized was that Nick showed his love by how much he worked. Her mind raced to all those things he’d done for her—the pies on Thanksgiving, the trips around town, the scarf, the clothes, the arranged drivers, the nights at his home, Gramps’s money—it was all his way of showing he cared. And with his father’s company—he’d make himself sick with sleepless nights and barely eating just to show his father how much he loved him.
“I’m sorry to have brought the conversation around to this,” Susan said. “Please don’t let it put a damper on this wonderful night. Your music was incredible. I hope you will play it for Caroline tomorrow. I’m sure she’d love to hear it.”
Robin walked around and kissed her brother on the cheek. “I loved it,” she said with a smile. “It’s been a big night in many ways. I think I’ll set out Santa’s gifts and head off to bed.” She grabbed James’s arm and blew a kiss to everyone with her other hand as they made their way to the doorway leading to the stairs.
Susan put her hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for playing it for me,” she said. Then she gave Abbey a little smile and left with Carl.
It was just Abbey and Nick. There they were in the same place they’d first met; it seemed like a million years ago. She got up. He swiveled around still sitting on the piano stool, facing her as she stood in front of him, and wrapped his arms around her waist. As he looked up at her with those gorgeous blue eyes of his, his stubble showing on his face at the end of the night, she thought how different he looked to her now. She felt like she knew him—she knew the way he smiled, the lines at the corners of his eyes, the way his hands felt in hers. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. When she did, she could feel his body relax.
The staff was moving around them, cleaning, the clinking of dishes and the rustling of bags filling the air. “We should probably get Max’s Christmas set out and call it a night,” she said, still holding him.
He squeezed her tighter.
“Can I tempt you with cookies?”
He looked up at her and smiled, his eyes so tired. She wanted to go upstairs with him, to get into comfortable clothes, to curl up beside him and fall asleep, or… something else, but she pushed those thoughts out of her mind. Yes, Nick was a talented composer, but she doubted he would make his millions publishing music. She didn’t live in his world, and she didn’t know how to give him options. He had to decide. So going upstairs with him tonight would only make it more heartbreaking when he left. And she had to face the fact that all of this would be over tomorrow.
She pulled him up and together they left the room.
* * *
“Mama!” Abbey heard through her sleep. “Mama!”
Abbey opened her eyes and took a minute to register where she was. Last night, she’d left Nick with a kiss in the hallway and climbed into bed with Max. With the previous night of not sleeping mixed with the events of Christmas Eve and the bedding she’d bought for the bedroom at Nick’s, she hadn’t had much of a chance to contemplate things, and sleep had consumed her almost immediately. She sat up and rubbed her face.
“Good morning, baby,” she said, rubbing Max’s arm.
“It’s Christmas!” Max said, as if she’d forgotten.
“Yes,” she said with as much excitement as she could muster for him. Sleeping in that bed had made her feel like she hadn’t slept in years, and she could stay right there for days. “Let me quickly get ready so that I’m somewhat presentable and we’ll go downstairs. Put your clothes on and I’ll get your teeth and face in a minute.”
After they’d gotten ready, Abbey and Max headed downstairs—the glorious smells of breakfast wafting toward her—and her tummy rumbled. She’d arranged Max’s two-wheel scooter, his iPad, and his Willie Mays baseball card beside Thomas’s specially made craftsman building kit, his child-sized drivable jeep with working head
lights and CD player that took up most of the room, and his collectible train set.
“Good morning.” Nick met them at the bottom of the stairs with a big smile on his face. “Merry Christmas.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek, brushing his lips against hers as he pulled back. He bent down and grinned warmly at Max. “Merry Christmas to you too! Did you leave Santa a note at your house?”
Max nodded.
“I thought maybe you had because he’s left quite a bit of loot for you in the living room. Would you like to see it?”
Max’s eyes lit up and he started to run down the hallway.
“Wait, Max! I want to get a picture!” Abbey said, scrambling behind him as quickly as she could. Nick picked up his pace as Abbey pulled her phone from her back pocket. They arrived just in time to catch his expression, and Abbey snapped a photo. “Phew,” she said to Nick. “I almost missed it.”
“Mama! Look what I got!” Max grabbed his iPad and turned it on. “This is so cool!” He set it down and got on his scooter. “Look at this! The wheels light up!” He rolled over to her to show her and the orange wheels glowed as he rode across the floor. Carefully, he set it down a few feet away and ran back to where they had been. “Mama! I got Willie Mays! I can’t wait to show Gramps!” Thomas climbed off of his jeep to see what Max had received.
Robin and James were sitting next to Susan and Carl, with Caroline in the chair across the room. All of them had their eyes on Abbey with very odd expressions on their faces. She smiled, looking at them all.
“Merry Christmas,” Caroline said to her.
“Merry Christmas.” She looked around and couldn’t believe where she was. She’d only noticed just then that Nick had his arm around her, a loving look on his face. Thomas and Max were playing together, showing one another their new toys. With the Christmas lights, the tree, the presents, and the delicious aroma of breakfast, she couldn’t imagine a better holiday. She’d wanted the perfect Christmas—well, she got it.
“I got you a present,” Nick said, and Abbey immediately felt anxious. He’d already given her so much with Gramps’s care. “It’s in my office. Would you come with me to see it?”
Everyone was looking at her expectantly, their faces full of excitement.
Nick grabbed both her hands and looked down at her. “Come with me,” he said as if she were the only one in the room.
She looked over at Caroline, who nodded in encouragement.
Nick took her hand and they walked to the office. There was an excitement to his walk, and a contentment to the way he held her hand. He pulled it up to his lips and kissed her fingers.
When they entered the office, there was a small gift wrapped in green and red paper with gold scrolling. The ribbon tails cascaded over the edge of it.
“I do have one more Christmas wish, but first, here’s your gift. It’s just something small.” He took the gift off his desk and placed it in her hand. Abbey sat down in the chair and unwrapped it as Nick leaned against the desk watching her, a smile on his face. She couldn’t help noticing how much he’d been smiling lately.
Abbey pulled the paper off. It was a picture frame. She turned it around and felt a flutter. The frame was unfussy, just a simple black one—she wondered if he’d thought of her apartment when he’d gotten it—and inside was the picture of Max on Santa’s lap.
Abbey stood up and gave him a kiss. She lingered there on his lips, wanting more, but he pulled back and set her down gently in the chair.
“It’s for your new office, if you plan to actually follow your dream and become a full-time interior designer,” he said. “It’s very small, but I know you’ll decorate it well.”
“What?” she asked in disbelief.
“It has two offices and a conference room. It’s downtown. Centrally located. I own the building so it’s rent free.” He smiled.
She threw her arms around him and gave him a kiss. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ll be happy to pay you rent…”
“We’ll work all that out,” he said. “Now, you surprised me with that amazing music book but it’s time for your second gift to me.” He pulled an envelope off his desk, and Abbey noticed how similar it looked to the one Max had with his Christmas wish in it. It was sealed just like Max’s. “In Max’s class, the sons and fathers were supposed to write wishes to each other and share them next year. I modified our assignment since I wasn’t Max’s father. I told Max, instead, to write what he wants most in this world, and then I’d do the same, and maybe they’d come true.”
Nick kneeled down in front of Abbey so that they were eye to eye. She waited, her heart pounding for what he had to say. He took the framed photo from her hands and set it behind him on the desk and then turned back to her.
“Would it make you happy if I kept this house in Richmond and stayed here some of the time?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, nearly breathless.
“Would it make you happy if I were here more than I was in New York?”
What was he doing? “Yes,” she said again.
“Would it make you happy to be… with me?”
She nodded.
“My last Christmas wish is in here.” He held up the envelope. “I want this for Christmas.” He handed her the envelope. “Open it.”
She tore it open.
The paper had black writing at the top that had been copied for every student and father. It said, “Dear ______,” and Max’s name was written in the blank. “My Christmas wish is…” and there were lines for writing wishes. In Nick’s handwriting, it said, I wish I could make your mom happy.
The words blurred on the page as she read them. She’d never had anyone try to make her happy before, and it was a wonderful feeling. She looked up at him, blinking to clear her vision.
“I tried very hard to carry on with my life after I met you,” he said. “And I just can’t. For the first time ever, I want something more than my work—you. When I’m with you, I feel like my career doesn’t matter, I want to see my family more… I kept holding on to my father’s business to save me from the grief of being completely without him, but when I’m with my family, I realized that I can actually honor his memory more because I can see all the people he loved right there with me. You’ve shown me what life can be like when I’m not alone. And it’s fantastic. I love being with you, doing things with Max, visiting my grandmother, seeing her smile. You’ve made me realize that I can have so many things that my father never had.
“Even buying the apartment in New York, I was having doubts, but I didn’t say anything because I’d never had to deal with feelings like this. I’m still going to work, but I’m going to try to balance the two. Before, with Sarah, it didn’t work because my heart wasn’t in it, but now it is. I find myself wanting that balance. I’ll keep the apartment in New York for when I have to run up there. You’re welcome to use the apartment for your interior design business as well. But we’ll go together.”
He took her hands and he guided her up. Then, he put his hands around her waist, leaned in, and kissed her like he’d never kissed her before. But, before she was ready, he stopped and looked at her, pushing a curl away from her face. “We have breakfast cooking and the whole family knows I’m staying. They’re very excited about it,” he smiled. “Let’s have breakfast and then I want to call your mom and your grandfather, and invite them over. I want to celebrate. You have made this the best Christmas ever.”
Abbey smiled. Just like the decorating, she’d done her job a little better than she’d expected.
Epilogue
“Nick!” Abbey ran in with a delivery box.
Nick looked at her curiously, a loving grin on his face as he grabbed playfully at Max in an attempt to tousle his hair. Max, now almost ten, and getting lanky, wriggled out of his grasp, grinning deviously at him. He gave Nick a squeeze around the waist.
“I think it’s the audio of your music!”
With Abbey’s insistence, Nick had finally published his music. She
ripped open the freight box and pulled out one of the audio boxes along with a stack of flyers with the same cover for promotional purposes. “The cover looks beautiful,” she said. It was a soft purple with music notes sketched in white across the front—she’d designed it. She handed it to Nick and plucked one of the promotional flyers from the package. “I’m stealing this for our memory book,” she said.
Nick turned the cover over in his hand, his face content and happy. “I like it,” he said. “What do you think?” He held it out for Max to inspect.
“Let’s play the piano!” Max said with excitement. Nick had been teaching him how to play piano in their free time. The two of them were nearly inseparable. Nick had cut back on the business to give himself more family time. He found that it was still lucrative enough to afford him the finer things in life, but he didn’t have to sink every waking moment into it. And now, he’d told Abbey, he didn’t want to spend every moment doing that. He had a family to care for.
“We’ll wake the baby,” Nick worried.
“No, we won’t,” Abbey said. “She sleeps through anything.”
Corinne Sinclair was born two years after she and Nick were married. The wedding had been a quiet ceremony on the grounds of their home, next to the James River. Susan had wanted to invite all of Richmond, but Nick and Abbey insisted they wanted family only. So, on a hot summer’s day, with a gauzy white sundress and a flower in her hair, Abbey had held a bouquet of red tulips wrapped in satin and said, “I do” to the man of her dreams. Max was the ring bearer-slash-best man. It was perfect.
“I’ll just go check to see if she’s still sleeping,” Abbey said and headed upstairs. They’d changed the room with the photograph to the nursery, and Abbey had painted it a glorious mint green with white trim. The crib was built as if it had been inspired by an enormous sleigh, all white with curly edges, and framed above it was the original version of Nick’s lullaby. She peeked in on Corinne. She was still covered in her blanket, her blonde curls, like her mother’s, haphazardly spread across her little pillow.