by Jay Kerk
“Stop. Wait. This is important.”
“Okay,” she said.
“I know we’ve only been together for a month, but we won’t have this chance again because today marked the first time we did it. I was like ninety-nine percent sure, and now I’m one thousand percent sure.” I went down on one knee. “Sylvie, will you marry me? Wait, don’t answer. I have loved you since I first saw you, but over time you’ve stolen a piece of my heart. I can’t imagine a day without you. When I’m away for an hour, I miss you, and I think about you every second.”
“Oh, my god! I’m too young! I don’t know what to say. Yes, I guess. Sorry—a definite yes, but not now.” She took the ring and cried out of joy, and I couldn’t be prouder. She was my example for the world that you can love and you can commit, and you can find happiness at any age. “The ring’s a little too big,” she said.
I took the ring back, and she made a sad face. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive. I know the ring’s a bit too big because I bought it for the future. The law won’t allow us to get married right now, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I didn’t propose to you today.” I hugged her. We had sex again, and then again.
In the afternoon, I wanted to go home and check the status of everything. The following morning I had a session with Dr-Anna45, and afterward, I had to go by Laurie’s place. I wanted to stay here and sleep next to Sylvie, but unfortunately not possible. My heart ached.
On the way to the car, she was walking funny and kept adjusting her pants every few steps. I told her to stop because it looked suspicious, and she said she was in pain. I asked her to endure it. She was afraid her mom could tell she just had sex, and I told her to deny it. She asked what to do if Melanie forced her to show her vagina. I told her, if it came down to that, to tell Melanie that she’d met a boy from another school and slept with him.
Luckily, Melanie was hammered, as usual. She lay in bed like a dead body, her breathing shallow and infrequent. An effect of the drugs, I guessed. I thought to myself that I would kill her if she died before I could put my plan into effect. Silly, right? I stood over the bed, looking at her with disgust. I said to her that I should strangle her, take the life out of her worthless body. She couldn’t hear me.
I went down to sit with Sylvie.
“I want to fuck you in my bed,” she said. “That way I can lie in your smell all night.”
“Ahh. You bitch, in your clean bed,” I said, and we laughed. I told her I had to go now, but I’d be back by midnight, and I’d wake her up in her bed. All she had to do is rest until I came back in a few hours. I clarified I couldn’t stay over, and if I did, it wouldn’t be next to her. She said she preferred I didn’t stay over in that case.
I went home, to my basement where I focused the most. I thought about what Xeris_Light2323 had said, “Let them prove themselves to you.” The lala effect with Sylvie would fade soon enough, so I had to move on with my plan, and she’d have to prove herself. Otherwise, she’d have to make way for someone else to take her place.
Xeris_Light2323 had thought my sperm donation plan was devious and smart, but he said I could do things better if I had some help. He told me that the sperm donation would result in few children because of the demand and rate of selection, whereas every dedicated woman could bear ten or more children for a man like me. I agreed.
He said I wasn’t truly dedicated to my mission, so I stopped doing things that weren’t helping make my vision come true. No more flashing, much less unnecessary stalking, no more sniffing women on the metro, no more groping in clubs… meaningless. I aimed to pass my genes and have as many children as possible, one day the warriors might again roam the Earth in numbers.
I planned to find women compatible with biological builds and drive, like Laurie, who were suitable for giving me children. To do this, I planned to expand my custodian business and start working for another landlord like Mrs. Sharbadian. The total apartments I looked after became eight. Other handymen had a full complex to look after, but I didn’t do it for the money.
And I made a plan to find a suitable alpha female. I smiled when I imagined us planning hunts together. For this, I remained a volunteer in the support group for families of drug addicts, looking for women like Melanie to get to their daughters. Over time, I wrote criteria with which to filter the women I met according to their social background, family, friends, etc.
My manifesto was in its final stages, and I needed soldiers to protect me and help me spread the message. As Xeris_Light2323 had said, “You’ll find your people hanging out in the same places where you hang out.” Except that he was wrong, because warriors like me underwent chemical castration, were in prison, or attending sexual offender programs. Luckily, the state made it easy for me to find them. I accessed the public sex offender database and selected the strongest and most vicious among them. Soon I would contact my soldiers, my brothers, and we would recruit others.
I only needed one more thing now: to take a life. Something I hadn’t tasted yet. When I did, I might undergo another transformation and reach my ultimate potential.
I took out my tablet and entered two new topics:
- The secret plan to protect the old marriage
- Uniting the brothers / soldiers
I drove back to Melanie’s place and went upstairs. She was still knocked out. I went into Sylvie’s room and snuck into the bed next to her. I was glad I hadn’t woken her up while coming in because I was hard and wanted to wake her up just before I put it in. The way I imagined it, but as I slid down her panties, she woke up. “Baby. Thanks for coming back,” she said.
We heard footsteps. Shit, Melanie was awake! I quickly hid under the bed. She opened the door and asked if everything was all right. She’d thought she heard something. Sylvie acted sleepy as if she’d just woken up. My heart didn’t beat, I didn’t feel fear. I became fearless.
She left, and we heard a rustling in her bathroom. We knew she was taking another shot. We waited for fifteen minutes. Great memories.
I made sure Mel was asleep. Sylvie and I made love, but we kept it quiet. Not that Melanie would hear a thing, but just because it was more fun this way.
“When do you think you want a baby? Like if we wanted to start a family. How many kids do you want?” I whispered to her.
“Two children, a boy, and a girl. I don’t know, maybe in ten years—no, wait, fifteen years. I want to work a bit, maybe learn Spanish, and then okay.”
“What if I wanted kids earlier than that?” I whispered.
“How much earlier?” she asked.
“Next year. We’ll wait ‘til after you move out. Afterward, we can do it.”
“Nooo.” She giggled. “That’s too early.”
“Listen, we agreed that you’d be home schooled, so we won’t get caught. Getting pregnant early is better than working or going to college. You don’t lose all that time.” I winked.
“Why do you want children so soon? I thought we wanted to have great times together,” she said.
“Yeah. I’m just making conversation. I don’t know why I want children. I just feel I want everything from you, to do everything with you. A big wedding, too. We’ll plan it for a few days after your eighteenth birthday.” I kissed her. “See what the stupid laws do to love? How many couples break up before they can get married because they’re young? And how cruel society is to blame them. You see how your friends are afraid to say the word love. They all say ‘I like him’ and ‘I’m into her.’ What a shame.”
“I never thought about it like that,” Sylvie said, “But it’s true.”
“I guess it’s all a scam. When people only lived to be forty, everything was right. You know, like two or three hundred years ago, our relationship was natural and normal. Now the religious groups and the government don’t want people to marry early when they live to be eighty or older because then divorce rates will be much higher.” I secretly wished I could show her the truth I knew.
“Wo
w,” she said. “You really know so much.”
“This is science, babe. I’ll show you what the true philosophers have written on the secret Internet. It’s called the dark web, and many smart people hide there because the government can’t get them.”
“I’ve heard of it, but I thought it was about guns and drugs. Later you’ll show me, not tomorrow. You didn’t tell me, how many kids do you want?”
“Fifteen or twenty,” I said, waited for a few seconds for her reaction.
Fuck, I scared her.
“I’m joking,” I said, “but I’d like a big family, like five or six children.” It wasn’t easy for anyone to accept those numbers. There were so many people on the Earth, many were worthless, but society and law-makers prohibited us from cleaning the world of the worthless. Back in the day, we could remove the weak.
She laughed. “You’re so funny, Sam.”
“Okay. I have a tough one for you. I’ll explain it more tomorrow, but now for fun only. Okay?” I said.
“Okay. Shoot.” She licked my ear. I was so proud of her. We’d already done it five times today, and she was still trying to get more. Such a special young one.
“Stop. Tomorrow we’ll do as much as you want. So here’s the thing. Would you accept sharing me with other women?” I asked.
“Hell, no. You’re mine. Mine mine mine mine mine. Muahahahaha!”
“No seriously. I’m not saying I want to cheat on you, and I promise you I don’t need to because you’re the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. I mean, if there was a major reason like a zombie attack and all the men who fought were dead, no one would be left to be with the women. Or, no, I have a better one. What if a virus wiped out all the men, and only I survived? Would you share me?”
“Then I’m obliged to, to save humanity. Why do you say these things? You’re making me sad. I’m starting to think you want someone else.”
“Don’t be naïve. I’m only thinking out loud with you for a reason. Just a fantasy. Later, I’ll explain to you about the genetic profiling that will begin soon. Don’t be down, babe. These are pearls of wisdom you won’t find in books.”
I bid her farewell and left the place. How disappointing, a real letdown. I’d thought she might be more open.
CHAPTER 5:
HEALED
I woke up and saw my new screens for the first time, I smiled. When I sat in my chair, I had two on each side for a total of six. The responsibility of looking after this many apartments required a new set of equipment.
I’d also bought a racing seat with a steering wheel as if I were a hardcore gamer. I was so excited how the upcoming days would unfold, but at the same time, I longed for the day when someone worthy would join me in the basement.
I checked the screens. No one was awake except the couple in the new building under my responsibility—apartment 1215. The woman thought she had outsmarted me. She’d told me she was a single parent, and the father of her daughter had custody, so I let her rent the apartment at the rate of a single person. That same evening she had her boyfriend move in, bringing over his own lamp and his bags.
I’d run out of patience with them. They must leave. They didn’t work; all they did was smoke dope, invite friends over to play cards and video games, they didn’t even fuck a lot. Probably once every two days. I had to rewind a lot to find their glorious three minutes of action. I would take pleasure in driving them out of the place.
That day, I planned to chat with Dr-Anna45. She remained my last source of anger and frustration. If I could kill her, that would be the best thing. I’d be hitting two birds with one stone, getting both revenge and the only taste I hadn’t experienced yet.
A message came in.
Dr-Anna45: “Hi, Kevin. How are you? I’m looking forward to our discussion today. How’ve you been?” A smiling face.
Dr-Anna45: “How was your week? Anything major take place?”
“Hi. I’m good. Great. I’ve never made it this long, and I want this time to last.”
Fuck you. I want to break your fucking bones. I wish I had never even contacted you.
“Tell me about you. How are things with you?”
Dr-Anna45: “I’m okay. I guess I could be better, but I’ve realized we must accept the things we can’t change. So, what happened this week? How are your girlfriend and work friends?”
“Work is fine. My boss wanted me to take on more responsibilities, so she expanded my area of coverage. I recommended we tighten security a bit, so we installed a few cameras at the entrance and whatnot…”
Dr-Anna45: “That’s huge! Go on, please.”
“GF is great.” I typed something about her wonderful daughter, but I erased what I wrote. No need to flare her. I just wanted her to get stuck in the honey like a hopeless bug.
“Truthfully, she’s wonderful, but god bless her soul, she still gets depressed. I suspected that she was using drugs again because she vomited and sweat a lot, but it turned out to have been a stomach bug.” I hit Enter.
“I asked myself if I would stick around if she used again, and I realized that, yes I would. I must live a life where I can help others and think about their needs. I used to think life is either kill or be killed, but now I consider us more of a group. We should be there for each other.”
Dr-Anna45: “Wow. I’m proud of you. You’re a hero. Well done!” A big heart.
I continued. “I’m truly grateful to you. I was pessimistic when we started. I didn’t think anyone could accept me. I was afraid to share, but once I did, you helped me learn new things. I’m healed.”
Shit. A bit over the top. Healed is a big word.
Dr-Anna45: “My pleasure to help. How long has it been now?”
I knew it, I blew it. I hoped she didn’t think I faked it.
“It’s been 44 days. Today’s the 45th.” Fingers crossed emoji. “Listen. I said healed, but I know this is only wishful thinking. You know what they say: You are what you believe you want to be. I’m actually still in a lot of pain, but now I understand how to control it. You showed me I have a choice.” I hit Enter.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve gone through.”
Dr-Anna45: “Have you needed any pornography during this period?”
“Yes, but not the illegal type. I found some with women who looked young and are legal, but without hair.”
“And I’m active with my girlfriend. I always know how to get her in the mood.”
She typed for a long time. I got worried.
Dr-Anna45: “What if she didn’t want it? What do you do if she isn’t in the mood?”
Well, she typed a lot for such a short sentence which meant that she thought well about it. Okay, fuck you again. She was talking about good old rape.
“Then I respect her wishes. I’ve never done anything against anyone’s will, and I never will. Can I ask you something?”
Dr-Anna45: “Shoot. You’re free.”
“When a man or a woman does something to another person against their will, does the person they’re doing it to really not enjoy? I thought there was some pleasure even if they didn’t want the sex.”
Dr-Anna45: “Seriously? Noooo. They don’t find any pleasure in it. Not at all.” Angry face.
Oh goodness, how emotional.
Dr-Anna45: “Sex is an expression of love or attraction, or at least fun. When you are forced, against your will, you feel afraid, sad, and violated. I can guarantee you, there is no pleasure at all.” Angry face.
“Don’t be angry with me. I’m still learning. Consider it an academic talk.”
I swore, I never imagined I could hate anyone as much as I hated her.
“So they don’t come at all?”
Dr-Anna45: “NO.” Angry face.
“I just ran a quick search. Apparently, they can. I can send you an article about orgasms during rape. The victims themselves confirmed.”
Dr-Anna45: “Let’s agree it’s forbidden
, illegal, and we don’t do it, and then postpone this topic for another time. Now I want to ask you about your childhood.” Hands together in gratitude.
Condescending bitch.
“Sure. I just wanted to make a point about the strength of biology, but we can talk about whatever you want. I owe you a lot, and I trust you with my life. Ask me what you want. I also decided to come forward, but with you, after we meet. So, I’ll answer you, and then you tell me about the guy you loved. Deal?”
Dr-Anna45: “Deal. When you were a child, did you have an accident, for example, on a bicycle, and hit your head? Were you beaten as a child? Did anyone hit you on the head?
“Why are you asking?”
Two minutes earlier, I had thought I couldn’t possibly get any angrier, but I could. She was talented at infuriating me.
Dr-Anna45: “I’ll tell you once you tell me. It explains a lot by the way, and I’ll throw in a story.”
Dr-Anna45: “My story about the guy I loved and how I lost him.”
“Not enough for the truth—the full truth from my childhood.”
Dr-Anna45: “Then what would be enough? I think I know what will be.”
“Hehe. Yes. Coffee. In a public place where you’ll feel safe, although there’s no reason you shouldn’t. If you want, we can visit jail and rent one of the cubicles where family members visit inmates with the glass between them.”
Dr-Anna45: “You crack me up. Indeed.” Laughing face with tears.
“So it’s a deal?”
Dr-Anna45: “Yes.”
“Okay. Here it goes. When I was about six or seven years old, I used to peek in on my parents while they were having sex. Sometimes they thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t. I used to squint and look. A curtain separated the bedrooms, and sometimes they left it open.” I hit enter.
“My mom was away for work, she flew a lot from one city to another. He used to invite his friends over, and he liked this young one. Lucky to be their only child, I used to get a lot of attention from them and their guests, and a lot of candy.” I hit Enter.