by Jillian Neal
The head below his belt reminded him how fucking much he loved to be in control when he was with a woman. There were a dozen subs in sex clubs all over Europe that would attest to his skills. The head on his shoulders knew this was entirely different. It was more. It was better. Even if he didn’t get to direct their lovemaking the first hundred times he fucked her, he’d eventually get her there. He’d show her the strength in giving yourself over to a lover. He’d teach her to let go. Teach her to ask for what she wanted with no shame. Teach her to wait to get it. He’d make her fly.
But not tonight, and not anytime soon.
Careful not to allow her panties to come down with the jeans, he slipped the denim three inches over her delectable ass. The sight of the light pink panties stretched across the firm globes of her backside made him throb. “So fucking sweet and beautiful you’re going to kill me, but if I have to go this is sure as hell how I want it all to end.”
Her body continued to tremble. Determination set in his jaw. Slowly, Weber. Act like a man that deserves her even if you aren’t. “Want me to stop, sweetheart?”
“No.”
Aaron weighed her response. She was both lying and not. Her eyes were locked on his. Her lips were full and hungry. Her arms were covering her breasts. Some part of her wanted him to keep going. Another part was terrified.
Shit. If he gave up on her now and insisted they go to bed fully clothed, she’d be furious the next morning. He knew her. She’d set her mind to something and once Natalie Camden did that there was no stopping her. She would be angry, not with him but with herself. He wouldn’t allow either one.
“Come here then.” He guided her back against him, providing her cover to what he so desperately wanted to see. Instead of dragging out what she clearly thought of as torture, he scooted the jeans down her legs.
He eased back and stripped out of the shirts he was wearing. Her eyes slowly traveled down his chest taking in each and every line of the black Eagle’s wings that stretched across his chest. She licked her lips, but a half-second later her mouth fell open. Her eyes blinked rapidly. The circular, white puckered markings mixed in with the scalpel scars were just as vivid as the inked Special Forces logo around his navel. They followed the lines of his abs. His tattoo artist had refused to cover them. He’d tattooed around them offering Aaron slight concealment from his past.
Concealment. He knew how important it was. She had no visible scars from her past. The invisible ones were far worse.
“Are those…?” She reached to touch his abs. He flexed automatically, tightening his fists and closing his eyes against her pity. “I’m sorry.” Her fingers never made contact. His eyes blinked open. She’d withdrawn her questing hand.
“No questions tonight, okay? Please.”
Another nod. “Okay.”
Working quickly, he pulled the undershirt away from the long sleeved shirt he’d worn and eased it over her head. It slipped down her slight curves, covering her body. He simultaneously hated it and was thankful for it. He told himself the relief painted on her features made it worth it. It was a lie but he clung to it with everything he had.
“Like a walking wet dream, baby.”
“What?” Her brow furrowed.
“That’s precisely how fucking sexy you are in my T-shirt.”
A harsh swallow contracted her throat. How perfect would she look with his mark on that delicate skin? God, he wanted to see it there, longed to brand her as his own. Need seared through his veins, burning away the shame of his scars.
If he didn’t get some relief the heat of his body was likely to set her bed on fire when he crawled in beside her.
Her attempt at stepping toward him had her toppling forward. Her ankles were still trapped in the jeans. He caught her as she leaned toward him. Chuckling, he held her hands while she kicked them off.
“I’m not usually so klutzy.” She sounded disgusted with herself.
“Does mighty things to my ego to think I make you just a little off balance, honey.”
“You definitely do. Hopefully, I’ll get over that once I’m more used to this.”
“Oh, I hope not.” With that, he scooped under her legs and cradled his sweet baby in his arms. Her body covered the reminders of every single thing he wished he could erase from existence.
Gently, he eased her under the unmade covers on her bed. Stepping back, he unbuckled his belt. She watched his every move. Her eyes were locked on his package. Damn if that didn’t just make him harder.
Without thought, he gripped himself, desperate for relief. Her lips parted in intrigue. A flash fire of desire lit her darkening eyes. One stroke. She moaned. On the next, she sat up in the bed. He made one more pull before he unsnapped his jeans trying to give his cock room to breathe. “You still good with this?”
“Keep going,” she urged.
“I’m counting that as begging, too, just so you know.” He shed his jeans and kicked them away.
His anxious cock tented his boxers and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. When her hand shot out from the covers, reaching toward him he leapt back. “Nat, baby, if you put your hands on me right now it’s gonna get messy.”
Walking to the other side of the bed, he prayed she’d let the idea go. Her eyes narrowed in consideration. She wasn’t letting this go. He should’ve known better.
“I don’t mind messy. If I beg to touch you, will you let me?”
“You getting me off without me making you come isn’t how we do this.”
“I want to feel you. Please.”
“Fucking hell.” He wasn’t a saint. The patience he’d been trying so hard to extend went up in the flames exuding from his body.
“Please.” Her fingertips hesitantly traced through the slit in his boxers. His body and the bed shook from the force of his restraint being ripped away from him.
“Shit,” he grunted. “Nat, stop.”
“I don’t want to stop.”
Damned woman. “You sure you want this? Speak up now, honey. I’m about to wrap my hand around yours and show you how bad I need this.”
“Do that. I’m sure I want you to.” She pressed her hand through the slit and he lost all ability to reason with himself or with her.
Gripping her wrist, he pulled her hand away.
“I’m trying so hard to be brave, please don’t make me stop.”
“Baby, I don’t want you to have to be brave but I’m beyond any ability to stop you.” Slipping his boxers over his ass, he guided her hand back to his cock. “You’re sure about this?”
Her hand wrapped around him. Fascination and trepidation fought for dominance in her eyes. That was all the consent he was going to get.
Capturing her small hand in the strength of his massive one, he pressed her fingers to his head. His cock was weeping for her, weak bastard that he was. “Use what’s coming out of me to get me slick,” he commanded.
Again, she did precisely as she was told. His cock throbbed out its dominance, his command over her. The way she obeyed. She was perfection. He would burn in hell for this. He knew. He just couldn’t find it in himself to care.
She gave an experimental tug and ranchers three counties over probably heard his greedy growl.
“Looks like I could make you beg, too.” Naughty little minx gave him one hell of a sex kitten grin. Her confidence made a comeback.
“You want me to beg, baby? Do it just like this.” He jacked himself with both of their hands slowly, just the way he’d imagined it so many times. Up and down. All on her own she circled his crown with her thumb on the next upward glide. His entire body quaked. His mind scrambled.
Natalie, his Natalie had her hand on him. In that moment she wasn’t afraid. She was fascinated with the power she held with every tug of her hand.
“I swear next time I won’t blow like a teenage kid on his first ride. It’s just been so fucking long,” he choked.
Thrusting against their hands. God all he wanted in the wo
rld was to bury himself so deep inside her she forgot every single thing in the world but him. He wanted to be the only man who knew how she felt, knew how wet she got, knew how tightly she seized, saw the look of ecstasy on her face when she came. He was going to be the man who opened her, claimed her sweet little cherry all for himself, owned her so thoroughly she’d never want another.
That thought decimated him. White pops of light shattered in his eyes. The scent of Natalie aroused mixed with the perfume of her bed. His orgasm barreled through him. Spurts of hot cum shot over his abs and soaked their hands.
She gasped as he shook. A string of expletives flew from his mouth. “Damn, so fucking good. Such a good girl.”
She jerked her hand back and scooted away from him.
“Nat? What?” Quickly reaching for tissues on the bedside table he attempted a quick clean up while gasping for breath. Tossing them on the side of the bed he reached for her but she scooted farther away. “I’m sorry for whatever just happened. I should never have let you do that. Dammit, I knew you weren’t ready.” All consuming self-hatred rushed the lust that had filled him a split second before.
“That wasn’t it.” Her whisper was barely audible. The light in her eyes was gone again. Her body caved in on itself. Her arms were wrapped around her legs pressed to her chest, like she didn’t deserve to take up room. What had he done?
“Nat, honey, I’m sorry for whatever I did but I need to know so I never do it again. Please tell me.”
A shiver shook through her. She scooted under the covers and he hated himself all the more. “Baby, please.” He stood, determined to redress, certain she didn’t want him in nothing but boxers in her bed.
“You don’t have to get dressed.”
“I have to do something. I will do anything to fix this.”
“It wasn’t what we did,” she finally confessed. Her voice was tender, almost raw with the brutal scars from memories he wanted so desperately to erase from her mind.
Nodding, he seated himself on the end of the bed, as far away from her as he could possibly get and still be on the same piece of furniture.
“Can you tell me what it was?”
She wasn’t running and she hadn’t thrown him out yet. He tried to console himself with that fact.
“It was what you said.” Tears pricked her eyes.
“Oh my God, baby, please, please don’t cry. I won’t touch you. I swear. I’ll leave.” Racking his brain, he tried to remember what insanity might’ve flown out of his mouth while cum flew out of his cock. She’d been into it until he’d lost it all.
Good girl. His mind finally landed on what had to have been it. God, he was such an idiot. “I’ll never ever say that again. I swear. I wasn’t thinking. It’s hard to think right then but I’ll never let it happen again. I’m so fucking sorry.” When he found the scum of the earth that had done this to her the pathetic piece of garbage was going to burn. He’d set him on fire himself. A bullet was too quick, too easy. Didn’t hurt enough. Aaron knew.
“Okay,” she squeaked.
“I’ll go.”
“I don’t want you to go. Just give me a minute.”
“Take as long as you need. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t. We shouldn’t have done any of that, and I sure as hell shouldn’t have said that.”
“You didn’t know. It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
“No.” He longed to march to her and pull her into his arms. He stayed seated by the force of his own determination to fix what he’d done. “It is absolutely not your fault. Do you understand me? None of this was your fault. Nothing that happened when you were a little girl and nothing that happened tonight. None of it was because of you.”
A hesitant light made a reappearance in the golden flecks of her hazel eyes. Tempted to fall on his knees and thank God for it, he searched the room instead. There was a small chair in the corner of her room covered in clothes.
Sliding the clothing to the floor, he seated himself. “If you want me to stay then I’m gonna sleep here. I’ll be right here all night, unless you change your mind and want me to go.”
“I don’t want you to sleep over there,” she fussed.
“Well, I’m going to.”
“I want you to hold me in the bed.”
He’d served with the finest Green Berets in the army, the toughest Navy SEALS, and fierce marines capable of decimating anything that stood in their way. He watched them all stare down bullets and traverse land littered with IED’s like it was nothing. Yet she was without a doubt the bravest person he’d ever had the pleasure of sharing the earth with.
Refusing to get back in the bed mostly naked, he pulled his jeans back on. She didn’t argue. Slowly, measuring every step, giving her the precious time he knew she needed, he made his way back to the bed.
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” She turned off the lamp on her bedside table. Darkness concealed them.
“Still want to be held?”
She scooted closer. “I’m sure, Aaron.”
“I don’t deserve this.” With precise care, he guided her head to his chest and wrapped his arms around her.
Her entire body relaxed against him. Clearly, the good Lord thought he deserved a few favors. Aaron made a mental note to drop all of the tips he made the next day in the collection plate Sunday. “Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’ll never say that again.”
Her eyes fluttered closed. A half-hour later, her breaths finally steadied. Wishing for a wad of coffee to put between his lips and gums, the way he’d always done on fire watch to keep himself awake, he refused any kind of rest.
He wouldn’t risk scaring her again with a nightmare of his own and he sure as hell would be alert and ready if she had one herself. He’d find some way to undo the damage he’d done.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Trying to ease his phone from the pocket in his jeans without waking Natalie proved tough. She whimpered when Aaron shifted to the side. Okay, screw it. He wanted her to sleep. He’d been planning to catch a few hours of shuteye before he had to go to work, but he could live without. His dogs needed to be fed and watered, too, but he assumed they’d forgive him this once.
The sun was barely up anyway. It couldn’t be that late. He’d heard Natalie talk about how early she normally awoke and wondered if her family was out doing ranch chores. Would it piss somebody off if she wasn’t there? Were they avoiding her house because his truck was out front? What would Luke and her old man make of that?
A hearty dose of rebellion brought a smirk to his face. He called himself a bastard for good measure.
The knock on the door answered his question anyway. Clearly, someone in her family wanted to know where she was. Aaron automatically hated whoever was awakening his sweet baby.
“Make them go away,” she fussed and tightened her arms around him.
Chuckling, he kissed the top of her head. “My pleasure. Give me just a sec.”
Working his way out of the quilts and sheets piled on her, he skipped the shirt when the persistent knocking got louder. His long strides made quick work of getting to the door. Debating the best way to respond, he took a deep breath before answering. Telling her brothers he planned on returning to bed with her for another hour or two before he left was one thing. Telling her father that was another.
To his shock, Dec was standing at the door. He chuckled. “Thanks for putting pants on before you answered.”
“No problem. You need something?”
“I don’t, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen Ev Camden so pissed and that includes the night Holly brought me here after I’d gotten her thrown out of school. I decided to come see if I could help get you off of this ranch before he locates one of his many shotguns.”
Hearing Natalie moving around in her bedroom, Aaron tried to speed things along. He wanted a few more minutes to revel in her cuddling into him, to assure h
imself he was forgiven for his misstep the night before. “I’ll take my chances.”
“Had a feeling you’d say that. Everything go okay last night?” Ah, so the family thought exactly what he would’ve thought had someone else’s truck been sitting outside her house all night long. Was Dec checking on him or on Natalie? Didn’t matter. Neither was necessary. What went on between them wasn’t anyone else’s business, even if Dec was a sex therapist.
“Think I’ll leave last night between me and Nat.”
Before Dec could respond Natalie was at Aaron’s side. His T-shirt still hung loosely off of her curves but she’d added a pair of tight black yoga pants, concealing what was only for Aaron from her brother-in-law.
“Is Dad pacing or shoveling manure?” She yawned.
“We’re way past that,” Dec rolled his eyes. “He’s unable to form coherent sentences.”
“Good grief. Okay, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“I’ll handle your daddy, Nat. You go back to bed,” Aaron huffed. Her hair stood in a wild mane around her face. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes were the precise shade of the sugar maples outside Fort Carson in Colorado, caught somewhere between summer and fall, half green and half gold. The imprint of the collar of his shirt marred the alabaster skin on her shoulder. Her scent filled his nostrils as he put his arm around her, drawing her closer. He damned the world outside to hell. Why couldn’t everything else just leave them be? Hadn’t it taken enough from the two of them?
“Can’t. Have to go gather cattle and move them to another pasture.” Another deep yawn contorted her delicate features. When her mouth closed, she turned, threw her arms around his shoulders, and buried her face back in his chest.
“That’s as good an answer to my question as any. I’ll leave you to it. Good luck with Ev. My only tip in dealing with him when it comes to the Camden women, be very, very humble,” Dec offered.
“He doesn’t need to be humble because I’ll go talk to Daddy. Bye, Dec.” Natalie shut the door. “I don’t want last night to be over with.”
Well, you didn’t fuck it up too badly. Overwhelming thankfulness had him squeezing her tighter. “Me either, baby. I’m working the early shift again. Let’s go do something tonight when I get off. Nothing’s over. That’s the best part about dating. I swear I’ll come up with real plans this time.”