by Jillian Neal
T nodded. “Yeah, and Griff and I got greedy because I’ve seen Cracker Jack boxes with higher security than this entire town. We shouldn’t have done it in the first place but we had what we were looking for at the court house. The library was us being dumbasses.”
“What were you looking for in the library and how does that letter play into all of this?”
“They went in the library to look at old newspaper reels from the week when your family threw your uncle off of the ranch. T found the letter in Hope’s desk. Mick had written to her asking if he could visit his grandkids. When I read that, I went insane. I had to find out if Hope had told him he could come.
“The morning I left you here to go get my dogs I stopped by the library, snooped around, and eavesdropped on a conversation between Brock and Hope about the letter. Guess I owe them an apology, too.” The weight of all he’d done, all the lies he’d told her hung like a noose around Aaron’s neck.
Her willingness to forgive him gave him steady footing. He was no longer swinging but that damned rope was still wrapped tight.
She shook her head at him. “When you all set out to do something you go all out.”
“Kind of what we were trained to do,” Smith tried to explain. “Since the doc walked, I’ll offer up a little of my own psychobabble the dudes at the VA keep telling me. You gotta remember the missions we went on, the things we did, we were never allowed to tell anyone about. Hell, my own sisters had no idea where on the globe I was for years. Triple A was running a mission in his mind. He couldn’t tell you even if he should’ve. We all have a little trouble converting back to life outside our army boots. There’s this significant separation between life then and life now and it’s not always so easy to traverse back and forth.”
“I already forgave all of you, just don’t ever do anything like this again.”
“Despite everything that came out of it, thank you for doing all of this for me. I… can’t thank you enough for being there today.” Aaron searched for more words to offer his old team but none came to him. The full range of emotions he’d experienced that day had him bound.
“You tell her what happened in Najaf?” Griff asked.
“Yeah.”
“K, now I’m gonna tell her what really happened.”
“Did you lie to me about Iraq?” Natalie huffed.
“He didn’t lie to you. He just doesn’t quite remember it the way it actually went down.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t. Triple A kept telling our detachment commander that one or more of the men we were working with was sour. He didn’t have proof but he knew. Commander didn’t believe him. Kept telling him to let it go, so he took it to our operations sergeant. Got turned down there, too.
“It was just supposed to be a gas refill in the vehicles. No big deal. When all hell broke loose, Triple A threw himself on top of a nut job who felt his sole purpose in life was to blow himself up to kill all of us. He was five feet away from three dozen ten-thousand gallon tanks of gasoline. If he’d detonated himself, none of us would be here to be telling this story. Guy shot A twice at point blank range in the gut. Triple A shot him the head and then threw himself between me and a guy with an M-16 we’d given him. He saved my life, too. So, all of his bullshit about it being his fault, that’s the one and only lie he can’t seem to figure out isn’t the truth.”
“Aaron,” Natalie couldn’t believe what they were telling her. How had he survived? How could he possibly believe he wasn’t worthy, even if he had lied to try and protect her? Flinging herself into his arms, she tried to hug him hard enough to make him believe their truth if he didn’t believe his own. “You are never ever allowed to do anything dangerous ever again.”
She heard his team chuckle but he just held her tighter. That was all that mattered.
“Hey, doll baby, you know you got a massive splinter in your finger?” Voodoo asked her as he passed by her on his way to the kitchen.
Aaron set Natalie down and grabbed her hand.
“I knew I had it. I just had a few other things going on and asking mama to take it out for me would’ve meant leaving my house this afternoon, and I am stupidly stubborn enough to have not wanted to give you all that satisfaction. You work on the lying thing and I’ll work on the stubborn thing.”
“You got it, baby, but let me take it out for you. Where’d you get it anyway?” Aaron’s gentle touch on her hand erased the slight pain from existence.
“From my bed.” She spoke through her teeth.
Voodoo laughed. “Oh, there’s definitely a story I want to hear, but I am the team medic so step back Triple A. Let Voodoo do what he do.”
“Little bit worried about exposing my girl to the things you do,” Aaron teased. Relief flooded through Natalie. It was so good to hear him joking around again. With everything else this day had held, she needed that.
Voodoo waggled his eyebrows and Natalie giggled. “I only want to get freaky with him…” she pointed to Aaron, “…but I’ll let you take this splinter out for me.”
“Hello.” T leapt to attention. “Just how freaky does Triple A get? We need something to harass him about.”
“I get just as freaky as my girl likes, not that either of us will be telling you about it, perv,” Aaron harassed.
While Natalie was laughing, Voodoo expertly pulled tweezers from a pack strapped on his thigh and removed the splinter. She didn’t feel a thing. “You’re really good at that.” She stared at her finger to make certain he’d really performed the task that quickly and painlessly.
“I’m really good at a lot of things, baby doll.”
“If I didn’t owe you all so fucking much, I’d throw you out just for that comment,” Aaron informed his friends.
“No. I don’t want you to have to go all the way back to Lincoln tonight. I have two spare bedrooms and the couch folds out.” The bravery she’d clung to all night long was still with her. She had every intention of confronting her uncle, but having a team of Green Berets nearby wasn’t something she planned on turning down.
“We did pack for a week,” Smith shrugged.
“You were going to stay out there an entire week?”
“I would’ve stayed out there a lifetime, Nat. I don’t want to do life without you,” Aaron readily informed her.
“I’m not the only stubborn one I see.”
“Hey, your daddy told me the one and only chance I had was to out stubborn you. I followed orders.”
“That sounds like my daddy.”
“Kinda think he likes me now.”
“Yeah, well, you’re good for me.”
“I try to be, Nat. I swear I’ll never stop trying to be good for you and to you.”
“All right, let’s let him get sappy with her in private. Direct me to sleeping quarters,” Smith ordered.
“Take your pick and thank you for staying.”
“It’s like Griff told you, we love you ’cause you love Triple A. You two end up getting married you’ll basically be taking us all to raise. Fair warning.”
“I might’ve had a decent chance of her saying yes ’til you told her that.” Aaron feigned irritation.
“I’m going to need more information on what exactly taking you to raise means.”
“Can you cook as good as your mama?”
“No. But my mama will feed anyone who sits at her table anytime they’re sitting there.”
“Sold. I’m moving out here.” Smith laughed.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Thankful for every step she allowed him, Aaron watched Natalie slip off her shirt. A hungry moan he’d tried to dam back vaulted from his lungs. “Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I spent a good portion of today certain I’d never get to see you like this again, Nat.” Unable to resist, he folded her into his arms. The lace of her bra taunted his pecs. He longed to pop the clasp, to have her naked in his arms once again. It was the only way this fucked
up life made any sense at all.
“Yeah, I was terrified of that, too. I should’ve heard you out to start with. I was just so shocked. And then I was embarrassed and I do incredibly stupid things when I get embarrassed.”
He placed his index finger on her lips. “You did nothing wrong. I’m just thankful I get the chance to prove to you that I’ll do better. I’ll never lie to you again.”
She kissed his finger and then pulled her head away. “Can I tell you something that’s the truth?”
“I kind of think that should be our gold standard from here on out.”
“Me, too. And I’m not so much scared to see my uncle, but maybe I am a little nervous.” She buried her head against his chest.
“Bravest woman I’ve ever met. Most people would be a helluva lot more than nervous, sweet heart. I will be right there, right beside you, the entire time. And if you change your mind and want to take off anytime, you say the word and we’ll fly. Okay?”
“How long do you think it’ll take him to get here?”
Wishing for the thousandth time she’d ask him to take her away and keep her safe, he refused to beg her. He would never do anything that would make her think for one moment that he doubted her strength. “It’s about seven hundred miles between Pleasant Glen and Gentry. He made good time from North Carolina. Depending on what time he leaves, he could be here tomorrow evening.”
“You know I didn’t so much lie to your face but I lied to you, too, by omission. You’d ask me stuff and I’d use sex to distract you, and I asked Dec about you, and your friends. I’m sorry.”
“I already knew all of that.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“Oh, and my favorite meal is you, but my second favorite is probably Spaghetti O’s. I like the kind with meatballs. Somebody might’ve mentioned that you’d asked them about it.” He chuckled, still unable to believe he was standing in her bedroom teasing her.
“Can’t believe he ratted me out like that.” Her sheepish grin was worth more than every brick in Fort Knox.
“Oh, and I’m pretty sure after that flashback I had you led me to believe that you hated fireworks, too. Come to find out, you made good use of them incinerating a truck when you were a kid.”
She laughed. He kissed her open mouth. “Can’t believe I get to do that again either.”
“Don’t guess we can have make up sex with all of your friends here.”
Unable to hide his smirk, he shook his head. “You just get too loud for me.”
“Would you shut up and take me to bed?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
When she shimmied into her Buck Off T-shirt, he sank his teeth into his tongue to keep from protesting. If she needed coverage that night, he would provide. He would always put himself between her and anything that wanted to do her harm. It was who he was. But if she needed the familiarity and the perceived security of her favorite T-shirt so be it.
“I can totally make you Spaghetti O’s, but meatballs happen to be the one and only thing I make better than Mama. I can also boil noodles like a pro.”
“Oh yeah? It’s like we were meant to be.”
“I think so, too. Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?”
“Probably not.” He readily admitted. “I might doze if you do.”
“I like this truth thing.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“I don’t want you to stay up all night.”
“I don’t want you to be scared.”
“Guess we don’t always get what we want.”
“Trust me, baby, I’ve lived enough life to assure you we don’t, but sometimes life does give you exactly what you need.” He guided her onto his chest and wrapped his arms around her.
“Life’s kind of cool like that.”
“For a long time I didn’t think so, but right now it seems pretty fucking awesome.”
Try though she might, she couldn’t sleep. Natalie kept her eyes closed hoping Aaron would doze like he’d said. She tried to recall her uncle in better detail. Her mind had fragmented his features. She remembered his hands and the old pair of black boots he used to wear but she couldn’t recall much else. She remembered the revolting way he always smelled like moonshine and rotting meat. He’d turned into a faceless nightmare. Never a man, only a divided entity that had altered the course of her life in ways she would never fully understand.
What would it be like to see him again? What would she say? All of the times she’d envisioned what she would do if she ever had to see him outside the oppressive cloak of her darkest memories she’d just imagined vomiting on him. It seemed the only fitting response to a monster.
She wondered why he’d come back to Nebraska and why he’d chosen to do this now. Did he honestly believe that she would allow him to live on the ranch again with her nieces and nephews? She would personally freeze hell first.
The only thing the next evening would bring to her uncle would be a trip back to North Carolina. Was he even coming there to see her? Did he somehow believe he could come on the ranch and only see Brock? Was he that stupid? Did he think she would forgive him? Would it be better for her if she tried?
Turning on her other side she tried to push the thoughts away again without success.
“I know you’re not sleeping, Nat. Wanna talk?” Aaron nuzzled her hair until he located her cheek and peppered it with kisses.
“Yeah. Talking sounds good. I have all of these questions no one but him has answers to. It’s frustrating.”
“Like what, baby?”
“Why is he coming back now? I mean why all of these years later?”
“In the letter he indicated that he wasn’t doing well. Maybe he’s convinced himself if he can get you to forgive him he’ll have a bastard’s chance in heaven.”
“Tell me more about this letter.”
“It’s still in my truck. Do you want to read it?”
“Kind of but I don’t want you to leave to get it. Just tell me what it said.”
“One of the reasons I was chosen for intelligence when I was in Q training was because I’m pretty good at figuring out what’s written between the lines. Want me to speculate?”
“Okay, so I do kind of like your superpowers when you’re working for me instead of against me.”
“I will always be working for us, Nat. I swear to you.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
“He’s an hour out,” T announced to the crowd gathered in Natalie’s mother’s kitchen.
“If he keeps that up we’re gonna have a real deal shootout at Saddleback’s on our hands,” Jessie whispered in Natalie’s ear. “Your brothers are way too twitchy for my liking.”
Giving her mother a nervous grin, she nodded. “I know but I can’t exactly ask him to stop.”
“You know I can outshoot all of ya, so why don’t I just go sit in my truck at the entrance gates, blow his ass to hell when he arrives, and the rest of you can go on about your lives,” Jessie asked the crowd at large. “I can’t take much more of this. Lord have mercy on my indigestion.”
“It’s true,” Ev agreed. “She can shoot a gnat off a bull’s ass but you ain’t gonna blow anybody to hell tonight, darlin’. Less he gets ornery, which I’ve never known him not to be, so maybe I oughta go on and put a down payment on your bail.”
“No one is going to kill him,” Natalie ordered yet again. “You all are making me crazy. I’m going riding.”
Rushing out of Aaron’s arms, she raced down the steps and headed to the barn. He was on her heels a half second later. “I’m going with you.”
The air in her parents’ home was so thick you could’ve cut it with a dull ax. At least outside she could breathe. Corn-sweetened, manure-laced air rushed into her lungs. She closed her eyes and soaked it in. This was her home. She worked for it, played in it, kicked her boots up on it, dug her heels into it, and sweated and bled on it. She would bet her very life on it. This was who she was. Nothing was going to keep her from it
.
“Fine, but I’m going fast.”
“Works for me.”
With every thundered gallop of Sundance’s hooves, her mind settled. Aaron had saddled Grant’s horse and he had no trouble keeping up. They flew together. The wind whipped in her face and cleared her mind. He was coming. She was standing firm. He was going straight to hell. As soon as she’d had her say she was going to bed with Aaron and they were going to heaven.
Her heart timed itself to every rhythmic gallop. It was the music of her soul. She was a cowgirl. He was nothing. Taking off up another trail, Natalie let her instincts guide her. A few minutes later, her field was in view. Her ass bounced against her favorite saddle. Leaning in, she held on tight as Sundance flew over the deep ditch that kept the rest of her family away.
Laughing, Aaron managed the same jump without quite as much grace. Pulling up on the reins, Natalie gasped for breath when she came to a stop. “You’re not half bad for a farmer’s kid,” she goaded.
“I feel certain my cowgirl can teach me a few tricks of the trade.”
“Speaking of that, you ever think about becoming a cattle rancher?”
“I’m definitely not opposed to the idea. It’d beat having to put up with Ed and Eliza. Getting to work with you every day sounds like perfection to me. Don’t know much about how it all works though.”
“I could teach you. There was one other thing I wasn’t completely honest about.”
“What’s that?”
“I hate going to Saddleback’s. I don’t like drunk men. I’m pretty sure they’ll always make me nervous.”
“Nat, I wish you’d said something.”
“I know, but I wanted to be with you so I didn’t.”
“Want to maybe figure out what to do with the rest of our lives after tonight?”
“Probably a good idea.” Clicking her mouth, she canted farther out in the field so she could see the sun set over the ranch.
When she’d run out of places to ride and the air was dark and cold enough she could see Sundance’s breaths, she headed back to the barn. Surely her uncle was there now. They took their time brushing the horses and giving them treats.