Comfort Zone

by Missy Johnson

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

  “Because it wasn't any of your business,” He snaps, then pushes past me and storms off.

  I shake my head. So much for getting answers. Now what do I do?”

  #

  I head back downstairs to my room, because I’m exhausted and I just need a break. Liam lays on the bed, engrossed in an infomercial. He looks up when I walk in and smiles at me.

  “If you hadn’t just gotten back when you did, I would’ve ordered four of these.”

  I crawl onto the bed and into his waiting arms, sighing when he wraps them around me. His warmth, his smell, the feel of his heartbeat against my back…they’re all things I love about him.

  “You knew, didn't you?” I ask.

  “Only since today.”

  “What do I do?” I roll onto my back and gaze up at him, desperate for him to tell me how to fix this.

  “I can talk to him—”

  “No.” I cut Liam off. “I think I need to. I’ll just give him some time to calm down, first. Hey, did you talk to your Dad?” I ask, remembering that Jake wasn’t the only mess tonight.

  He nods. “Yeah. It was strangely…nice.”

  “Wow.” I smile. “That’s a good thing, right?”

  “We’ll see. He’s let me down before, so…” He sighs. “Time will tell, I guess. He told me no more games. My job is mine for as long as I want it, and your scholarship is safe, so we’ll see.”

  “Maybe he really is trying this time?” she says.

  “I hope he is,” he mutters.

  I smile at him. So, does this change anything for you?”

  “I’m not sure,” he finishes. “I’m good at teaching and I know I can do it well. Anything else is a gamble. Putting that theory into practice?” He sighs. “I have a lifetime of nothing ever being good enough to undo, before I even think about that.”

  I hug his arm, his revelation shocking me. I had no idea he felt like that.

  “I remember saying something similar to you once,” I remind him. He groans and leans down to kiss me. “Is this where you tell me to take my own advice?”

  I shrug, laughing as he narrows his eyes. “Looks like I don’t really need to.”

  I pick up my phone and sigh. I’ve been back here for half an hour already. If I don’t go now, it might be harder to find him later. Like I suspected, he sits in the bar, ironically in the same spot Brooke had been earlier. He looks up and gives me a half-hearted smile. Then he nods down at the two shots that sit on the table. Tequila. It’s like he knew I would be back.

  “I thought we could play a game,” he suggests, the slightest trace of a grin on his lips.

  “Sure.” I sink into the opposite booth.

  “Truth or dare okay with you?”

  I nod. “Okay. I'll start. You choose.”

  He thinks for a second. “Truth.”

  I press my lips together. This is where I get my answers. “You were in love with me. How long for?”

  He shrugs. “Pretty much forever. From high school, right up until things started getting serious with Brooke.”

  “How could you not tell me?” I ask, hurt.

  “Truth or Dare,” is his only response.

  I nod. “Truth.”

  He takes a deep breath and stares me in the eye. “Are you in love with Liam?”

  I stare at my drink. “It's too early to tell—"

  “Then are you falling in love with him?” he rephrases.

  “Technically that's two quest—”

  “Becca, for fucks sake, answer the damn question,” he snaps.

  “Fine. Yes, I'm falling in love with him. Hell, I might already be lying there, flat on my ass staring up at the sky. Are you happy?”

  My heart pounds as I breathe in a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

  “Don't take your anger out on me, Jake.” I blink back tears. “Don't make me feel guilty for not picking up on something you never told me about.”

  “Would it have made any difference?” he says. “If I had told you?”

  “I don't know. If I was giving you signals or something, then maybe I could’ve done something about that. I could have changed the way I acted—”

  “But I didn't want that.” He sighs and rests his head against the table and then rests it on his hands. “There was a reason I was in love with you, Becca. Because you were you.”

  “Your turn,” I say after a moment.

  I’m not even sure the game is still going, but I need more answers. He raises his head and stares at me, then places it back on the table.

  “Truth,” he mutters.

  “Are you still in love with me?”

  He sits up and stares deep into my eyes, before saying the one little word I so desperately need to hear.

  “No.”

  #

  “How did you go?” Liam asks.

  I walk back into the room and close the door, shrugging helplessly.

  “I don't know? We spoke, which is good, I guess, but I don’t know if it helped at all.”

  I lay down on the bed with Liam, sighing as he wraps his arms around me.

  “I believe him when he says he doesn't love me anymore, but I don't know… I don't know what's going on in his head and he won't let me in let me. And then I start thinking that I’m not the right person to be trying to help him…” I sigh.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” Liam murmurs, kissing me on the head. I roll over and fall into his embrace, his warmth overwhelming me, I look up at him and smile.

  “So, how are you?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “Just enjoying some trashy TV. And I mean trashy. Who watches this shit?” I glance at the TV and sit upright when I see what’s on.

  “This is the episode I’m up to,” I say excitedly.

  “Of course it is,” he groans. Then he laughs. “Come here.”

  I scoot back into his arms and we lay there, watching Game of Thrones. Every now and then he tilts my head up, so he can tenderly brush his lips over mine.

  “I look forward to those,” I whisper.

  Someone knocks on the door. I laugh, while Liam curses and angrily climbs off the bed.

  “Can we change rooms and not tell anyone?” he mutters, walking over to the door to yank it open again.

  Jake stands there, looking sheepish. Liam glances at me.

  “I should go down and check—”

  “If that’s for my benefit, don’t.” I have something to say to both of you.

  Liam nods and sits down on the bed, next to me, while Jake sits on the arm of the chair opposite. He bows his head and takes a moment, like he’s psyching himself up.

  “I owe you both an explanation.”

  “You don't,” I begin, but he puts his hand up to stop me.

  “Just let me do this, Becs. Please.” He pauses and sits back. “I loved you for such a long time. I struggled for so long with how to deal with that. So many times I tried to build up the nerve to tell you, but something always stopped me.”

  He smiles at me, thinking about the memories.

  “Remember prom night, when I gave you that necklace?” he asks.

  I nod. I still had it. I’d wanted a necklace I’d seen in the store so bad, but it was way out of my price range. Jake found a replica of that same ring. The similarities were incredible, right down to the placement of the stones.

  “Remember how I told you that it was a cheap knock off of one you wanted?”

  “You got me a real gold diamond necklace?” I squeak. “That necklace was worth thousands.”

  He nods. “Trust me, I know. I’d been planning on telling you that night how I felt, but then I saw you dancing with Jed Perkins and I…” Jake laughs. “Fuck, this is embarrassing.”

  He walks over to the window and stares out.

  “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. When I met Brooke, I was at rock bottom with you. I needed to do something, and I figured she’d be a good a distraction. And she was, but
then she became more than that. And then eventually, I fell in love with her.

  “This letter,” I say thoughtfully. “When did you write it?”

  He presses his lips together in a thin, straight line.

  “Brooke and I had been dating for about six weeks. That’s bad, huh?”

  “Well, it’s not good,” I admit with a grimace.

  “That’s why she doesn’t believe me, because it’s my words, on paper, saying that she could never measure up to you, that I could never love her, the way I love you. But the thing is, I was hurting so bad then.”

  He stares at the floor, his mind a million miles away.

  “I just wanted to move on, but I couldn’t see that happening. And then I started noticing things about her. I started looking forward to seeing her and my heart would race at the sound of her voice. Until one day, I realized something. It wasn't you I was in love with, anymore. It was her.”

  “Go over there and make her understand,” I urge him. “Tell her exactly what you just told us.”

  “I have, but she's pissed off. She said she can never marry me, because she can’t trust me.” He shakes his head, defeated. “I don't know what to do.” He looks up and meets my eyes. “If I lose her, I lose everything.”

  I frown. I wish I could help, I really do, but I have nothing. He’s been through so much, with losing his Dad, and I was right there, helping him through it—I frown, shocked that I’m even considering this. I bite my lip. It could make things worse. And it would definitely ruin my friendship with Jake. I get up, grab a room key and walk over to the door.

  “Where are you going?” Jake asks.

  “To grab some food, so we can figure this all out,” I say. “I’ll be right back.”

  #

  The longer I stand out the front of Brooke’s room, the more convinced I am that this is a terrible idea. I glance at the letters that I’m clutching in my hands and I feel sick. Is it terrible, though? Sure, I might ruin things for good for Jake and I, but if there’s the tiniest chance that this might help him work things out with Brooke, I have to try it, don’t I?

  I bang on the door before I can change my mind. It cracks open and Brooke’s sister appears. She frowns at me, her disapproving stare making it clear she doesn’t like me, but I already knew that from the two times I’d met her previously.

  “Hi, I'm looking for—”

  “I know who you're looking for,” she says, her tone cool. “And she doesn't want to talk to you.”

  “Amber, it's okay.”

  Amber reluctantly steps back and opens the door. Brooke sits on the bed, her eyes red, like she’s been crying.

  “Hi. Can we talk?” I ask her.

  Brooke turns to her sister. “Can you give us some privacy?”

  Amber huffs and turns around and stalks out. I walk awkwardly over to the door and close it, then I look around the room for somewhere to sit, the only spot being next to her, on the bed.

  That would be way too weird.

  Would we braid each other’s hair and paint our nails too?

  “Are you here to gloat?” she asks.

  “Of course not,” I frown at her and stare down at the letters.

  “Why not?” she asks. “You hate me and you won, so make the most of it.”

  “What did I win?” I ask. “And I don’t hate you, Brooke. You hate me.”

  I shake my head, because I’m losing sight of the point of coming to see her. I’m here for a reason, not to argue over who hates who more. I sigh and sit down on the bed next to her.

  “Help yourself.”

  She nods at the open bottle of champagne sitting on the floor.

  “We were supposed to have that on our wedding night, but since there’s not likely to be a wedding anymore…” She shakes her head and lets loose a bitter laugh. “I can't believe I trusted him.”

  “Brooke—”

  “No, you don't get to come in here and try and make me feel better just so you feel better.” She curses herself. “I knew. I knew, and I still let myself fall in love with him.”

  “But he loves you,” I say. “You know that.”

  “No. I don’t. How can I trust that what he tells me is the truth?”

  “Because you’ve done just that for the last six years,” I remind her. “You believed something in him back then.”

  I sigh when she doesn’t say anything, and stare down at the letters that are clutched tightly in my hands. Is it still worth the risk? This is the moment where I unravel twelve years of friendship in a matter of seconds.

  “Here,” I say, holding the letters out for her.

  “What are they?” She frowns at them.

  “They’re letters. Jake didn’t cope very well, when his Dad died,” I begin. “I wanted to help him, because it was so hard to watch him suffer, but didn’t know what to do. Then I had an idea. I thought maybe if he could talk to his dad, he could get some closure, and it might help him move on. So I set him up an email address.”

  I pause for a second, the moment I told him about that email account still imprinted in my mind. He was so, incredibly grateful that I’d do that for him. I take a deep breath and then continue.

  “The idea was, only he would have the address to the account, and nobody would have access to it. Not him, or me or anyone else. It was just a way for him to message his father.”

  “That’s a really nice thing to do,” Brooke admits. “But what does that have to do with me? All it does is give another reason why you’re better than me.”

  “I’m getting to that,” I assure her. I take a deep breath. Wow this is hard.

  “When I set up the email account, I had every email forwarded to a second address. I had no intention ever of reading them…”

  I sound like I’m full of shit. Why the hell did I think she would believe me?

  “I just didn't want something to happen where he decided he wanted to access them and couldn't.”

  Brooke frowns and glances at the letter I handed her.

  “So these letters…”

  “Are from Jake, to his Dad,” I confirm. “Read them, and then decide how he feels about you.”

  Brooke frowns, her hands shaking as she examines the letters.

  “How do I know that you didn’t make these up? Or that Jake didn't just write them up?”

  “Look at the dates,” I say honestly. “Read what he’s saying. They’ll coincide with memories and you’ll never read anything as raw and emotional as this. That can’t be faked, right?”

  She doesn’t say anything, instead she just stares at the same page. I nod and stand up, because I’ve done all I can.

  “He loves you, Brooke. I’ll probably lose his friendship over this, but it will be worth it if this means you two can work it out.”

  I walk over to the door, but then stop when I remember something. I turn back to her, even though she still won’t look at me.

  “He said something to me before; if I lose Brooke then I lose everything.”

  I open the door and walk out, stopping when she asks me something.

  “Why did he freak out when you started seeing Liam, then?”

  “Because he's my friend? Because he cares about me and Liam. He doesn't want to see either of us get hurt.” I lean against the doorframe and think about her question some more. “Jake does love me. But as a friend, someone who’s been there for him when he had nobody else. He loves me, but he’s in love with you. Those letters prove it.” I smile at her, and the quietly let myself out.

  I take the elevator back to my room, relieved that’s over. As I approach my room, I remember Jake. God, please don’t be in there. The thought of facing him after doing that…I shiver. He will hate me for what I just did, and the sooner I accept that, the better.

  I swipe my key and push open the door, breathing a sigh of relief when the room is empty. Liam walks out of the bathroom. He smiles at me, his eyes heavy, like he’s tired.

  “We wondered where you’d gott
en to,” he says, placing my arms around his waist.

  “Where is Jake?” I ask. “And what time is it?”

  “Jake left a while ago and the time is eleven oh one.”

  I laugh as he scoops me into his arms and carries me over to the bed, throwing me down. Still giggling, I wait until he’s on the bed, so I can crawl into his lap.

  “So, are you okay?”

  “Not really,” I shrug. “I did something that Jake is going to hate me for.”

  “What do you mean?” He strokes my arm. I smile and lean back, almost falling asleep against his touch.

  I explain the email account and how I gave a couple of emails to Brooke, to show her that she’s the one he’s in love with. Not me. Liam lets out a low whistle after I finish.

  “Did I do the right thing?” I ask, hoping he can reassure me.

  “I don't think there really is a right or wrong answer, because one person might react differently to another.” He shakes his head. “But it was definitely brave of you.”

  “Would you have done it?”

  Liam makes a face. “I'm not sure I would've had the balls.”

  “Hey guys?”

  I spin around when I hear Jakes’s voice. My heart drops. He’s alone. Then it soars when Brooke pokes her head past Jake’s. He steps back, letting her in first. I glance at Liam, because they’re holding hands.

  “Sorry, the door wasn’t shut,” Jake apologizes.

  “Are you trying to get us murdered in our sleep?” Liam asks me, raising his eyebrows.

  “Ignore him,” I say. “I often do.”

  Liam chuckles and lays back in the bed, nudging me with his foot as I do my best to ignore him. Jake glances at Brooke, who smiles and then nods.

  “We had a good talk and we have cleared a lot of things up. We wanted to let you know…” He pauses for a moment. “That there won’t be a wedding tomorrow.”

  My face falls.

  “But,” Jake says. “There will be a wedding this year.”

  “Congratulations, guys,” I say, feeling genuinely happy for them. “What made you decide on something different to this?”

  “This was very much Brooke’s baby,” Jake explains. “We want this new start to be about both of us. The best way to start that is at the beginning.” He looks over at Brooke again, who nods. Jake smiles at me. “We’re actually going to get married in New York.”