by Mardi Ballou
She shuddered with distaste over the entire episode. “Don’t ask a question to distract me from what I want to know. Who were you there with?”
“A client. The meeting was primarily business-oriented. You know I have to keep business matters confidential.” Though he was still looking directly at her, his voice lacked conviction.
“The old ‘confidential business’ ploy.”
“There’s more to it, like I said. We’ll talk as soon as I’ve sorted it out. I promise.”
Agony clutched at her heart. “You’re not giving me much to hold onto.” She shivered, suddenly so cold she doubted she’d ever be warm again.
He took her hand in his again, amazed at how cold it felt. “I’ve hurt you, and that’s the last thing in the world I want to have happen.”
She scowled and pulled her hand back. “Are you gearing up to an ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ speech? If so, save your breath. I’ll leave now.”
Dammit, that was kind of the gist, but not in the sense of breaking up. He never wanted to break up with her—unless it was the only way to keep from breaking her heart. “Everything I say is going to sound like an excuse or a cliché, but it’s the truth. The timing couldn’t be worse, but I need some space to get my head together.”
“Involving that woman.”
He shook his head. “Don’t get hung up on her. She’s a client. It’s complicated. But there’s so much more going on. I wasn’t going to tell you now, but I’d better. You remember my brother Ryan?”
She furrowed her brow. “He’s older than you, right? I remember you talking about him at school.”
Keith nodded. “To make a long story short, his marriage just exploded into smithereens.”
For the first time since she’d arrived, her expression softened. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah, it’s not good news. I’ve been rattled all week.” He hated even talking about it.
“I didn’t know you and your brother were that close. I wish you’d told me sooner. Maybe I could have done something to help.”
“You couldn’t and you can’t.”
Hurt morphed to anger in her eyes. “If you say so, that makes it true.”
“What do you mean?”
“Keith, you’re shutting me out. We’re supposed to have something solid together, to be building something real. But if you’re determined to exclude me from what’s going on in your life, then how can we possibly make it?”
His cell rang. “I have to take this.” Truth was, he felt relieved to get the call now because it saved him from having to answer Brenda’s question.
He listened for several moments, then jumped up. “Ryan’s in the hospital. Car accident. I’ve got to run.”
She was right there with him. “I’ll come with you.”
He shook his head. “No. Really no.”
“Why not?” Anger sparked in her eyes.
“I have no idea what I’m going to find, or what I might need to do for my brother. If I’m worried about you, I won’t be able to focus on him. I’ll call you later.” And he rushed out.
* * *
“Do you promise?” she asked the empty space where he’d been.
That was helpful. Stunned at what she’d learned and what was going on in Keith’s life, Brenda left the wine bar and walked home. The cool evening chilled her. She hadn’t thought to take a jacket because usually, when she was with Keith, she felt warm. Hot. Not tonight. With a shiver, she realized they might be over. They might never see each other again, might never again make love. When she shivered again, she admitted to herself it wasn’t from the outside temperature.
Keith was pushing her out of his life with both hands. Should she fight for him or do what any rational person would and give up?
The possibility that his brother might be seriously hurt added a dash of guilt to her swirling emotions. Here she was, selfishly obsessing over her own problems when Ryan might even be dead. She didn’t know which hospital he’d gone to. She’d phone around to see what she could learn. And then what? If she found where he was, she’d go there and wait for Keith? Maybe she really was turning into a stalker…
* * *
As Keith drove to the hospital, he mentally reviewed where he was. For the first time in his life, he didn’t know if he felt angry, sad or just frustrated. Maybe a combination of all three? Not that he ever wanted to spend much time or energy examining his feelings, but damn. A few days ago, he’d finally caught up with Ryan, who’d been a mess already before his accident. They’d never been close and Ryan didn’t seem up to start any brotherly bonding. Keith was sorry about that, both because he’d always regretted not having any close family ties and because he wanted to see if he and Ryan had much in common. Maybe Ryan’s problems were not a warning beacon for his relationships. Maybe they were.
And what about Taylor? If only someone less hot had brought him the business opportunity. Taylor definitely wanted more than a strictly business relationship. In the past he’d have jumped at the chance. Now— He hated seeing what he was doing to Brenda. He never wanted to hurt her, but what happened this past week seemed to prove he’d been right previously to avoid commitment. Brenda had always been there for him to go back to. No matter how long he stayed away. Those days were over.
No way they could ever go back to the way things had been. If he backed away from their being a couple now, he’d lose her. I can’t lose her now.
Once in the hospital, he was relieved to find out Ryan awake and lucid, though uncomfortable as heck in a hospital bed. “What happened?” Keith asked his brother.
“That crazy Mara Lynn rear ended my car—on purpose,” Ryan barked. “No seat belt. I banged my head and now the doctor’s checking me for a damn concussion.”
“She slammed into your car on purpose?” Keith sat down in the chair. “Are you sure?”
“I sure know what friggin’ car she drives. Thank God the kids weren’t with me at the time. Said it was an accident. Said she didn’t know it was me.” He muttered some less than polite words.
“Did you tell the police?”
“They came out to the scene and talked to her. Woman’s a lunatic.”
“Ryan, that sounds dangerous. You need to protect yourself.”
“Aah, now that she messed up my car and me, she’s got it out of her system. Besides, there’s a police report. She’s not stupid. She won’t try anything else.”
“I’m sorry, buddy. Anything I can do?”
Ryan looked at him with more kindness and caring than had ever passed between them before. “When I get out of here, let’s catch up. I’m sorry I shut you out when you got in touch.”
“I’d like to catch up. Don’t worry about old stuff.”
Keith left Ryan’s room feeling more optimistic than when he’d arrived. He looked forward to connecting with his brother.
Most of all, though, he wanted to be with Brenda. Needed to be with her.
When he arrived at her door, he hesitated. They hadn’t parted on a good note. Maybe he should have called, to see if it was okay for him to stop by.
He rang the bell. Brenda opened the door and her mouth relaxed into a smile when she saw him. “Is your brother all right?”
He nodded. “He will be. At least physically. The rest will come later. Okay if I come in?”
“Of course.” She stood aside. She was wearing sweats and no makeup. He loved how she looked all dressed up and polished, but he also loved her like this. Barefoot, face scrubbed clean, hair damp from a recent shower.
He kissed her and inhaled the strawberry scent of her shampoo. God, she was delicious.
“What are you doing?” He could see she’d been working.
“Developing a new idea. ‘Love is the emotional chocolate of the universe.’” She told him about K.C.’s saying and the upcoming campaign.
“I like that. It’ll be great. Can I steal you away for a bit?”
She blushed, which he knew she detested. “
Sure. Let’s talk.”
“Let’s not.” He swooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
He needed her, more than ever before. More than he could imagine. More than he could contain. More than he could tell her.
All he could do was show her. With his mouth, his teeth, his tongue, his skin, his fingers, his nails, his head, his hands, his feet and his sex. Repeatedly.
He took her in his arms and buried himself so deeply into her that he could forget his fears. Could forget the whole world outside this room. He thrust in and out, in and out, banishing another demon with each move. With her rising to meet him, surrounding him with her warmth and her acceptance, her love, he had his first moments of peace since he’d found out about Ryan.
In her arms, he could almost allow himself to believe they could come through whatever life threw at them. That he could be there for her the way she was for him.
They made love wordlessly, instinctively, primitively. She invited him to the very deepest, most hidden parts of herself and opened up to him in a big, silent Yes.
She shattered into pieces with him and then together they grew whole and strong. United in passion, neither would let go of the other. Spent, he kissed away her tears and they fell asleep in each other’s arms. More like collapsed into sleep.
But then, even after all they’d shared that night, in the dark time before sunrise, he sprang awake. Terror once again seized him like a giant shark with razor sharp teeth. He couldn’t talk about it, and he knew she’d want him to. Hardest thing he ever had to do was tear himself away from her at dawn, turn his back and walk out.
Maybe it was the kindest thing he could do for the woman he loved.
Chapter Four
May 25th—Brenda’s thirtieth birthday minus one day
Keith had spent much of the week getting to know his brother. Learning that they had lots in common but were also very different. But the biggest surprise was finding out what had led to the breakdown of his brother’s marriage. “Mara Lynn hooked up with her old boyfriend and wanted a divorce,” Ryan told him. “I tried to talk her out of it. Didn’t want to do to my kids what our folks did to us, you know? But I couldn’t budge her. The boyfriend got nasty. I figured I’d done what I could and gave up.”
“Sounds like you went through a rough patch. Sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
Ryan shrugged. “No way you could have known.”
“Hey, let’s make a pact. Nothing like this will ever go down again without one telling the other. Nothing like this should happen again, but if it does—“
“I hear you. And I agree. So, here I was, getting my mind around a divorce, custody stuff. Then, after Mara Lynn moved out and I met Janine, Mara Lynn’s boyfriend dumped her. That’s when she started making accusations and acting like the injured party.”
“Huh.” So Ryan wasn’t a cheating bastard in the same mold as their father had been. If Keith could believe his brother, and there was no reason not to. Ryan had nothing to gain from lying.
Both brothers agreed to make it a priority to develop the relationship they’d never had before. They even went on a special shopping trip together after Keith told Ryan about Brenda. Good stuff, but it all took time and energy outside work hours. Keith’s case load was starting to pick up, and this was not the time to cut back on any chance to make money. He wasn’t in Brenda’s financial league, something else he’d have to learn to deal with.
She had never been out of his thoughts that week, but he owed it to her to have his head straight before their next contact. He was just about there. This being the night before her thirtieth birthday, he should get in touch. If he didn’t, she’d always remember the disappointment and resent him. One thing he knew about her. She wanted her special times to stand out and sparkle. He could give her that. He’d better.
So, late as it was, they could still come up with a way to celebrate. Should have started earlier and stuck to making plans, but Ryan’s situation sidetracked him. Still, this was San Francisco, a city with tons of great places to eat, to see, to play. Even last minute, he could come up with something worthy.
Best of all, he realized Taylor had nothing real to offer him, and he wanted real. He wanted Brenda. He was finally sure.
So, ready to really commit, he phoned Brenda. Went to voice mail on both her cell and her land line. He left messages. “I’ll meet you or you can come here or I’ll go to your place. It’s not too late to make this birthday special.” It’s not too late for us. Maybe she’d call or just come over.
* * *
The eve of her thirtieth birthday—and no word from Keith. After that night when he showed up on her doorstep and they’d fallen into bed together… Could any two people ever get closer? After we make love and he penetrates to the very essence of my soul, he disappears? What’s with that? She’d tried to come up with possible scenarios. Maybe his brother had taken a turn for the worse and he couldn’t find a single moment to communicate? How could she know? What was she to think?
Brenda clenched her fists and vowed to celebrate the eve of her birthday—as magnificently as she and K.C. could come up with last minute. “Not a complete surprise, is it?” K.C. muttered when Brenda brought her up to date. She had to agree it wasn’t. Though she still held out a spark of hope for herself and Keith as a couple, that spark grew harder and harder to sustain.
After a marathon yoga morning and an afternoon of retail therapy, she and K.C. continued the festivities with late-afternoon high tea at a downtown hotel.
“You know, I don’t want to talk about him. Not mentioning his name is the best gift you can give me.” Brenda bit into a mini-scone slathered with clotted cream. “To hell with diets.”
K.C. endorsed this idea.
They went from high tea to a French movie then were supposed to have dinner at the ultra-trendy Chez Clay, another place Brenda had dreamed of going with “the one who should remain unnamed”. But just before they got to the restaurant, she admitted to herself she wasn’t in the mood. She just wanted to go home and be alone after all.
“Are you sure?” K.C. asked.
“I’m sorry. I know you’ve been looking forward to going there. Maybe you could find someone else last minute? I hate to give up the reservation, but I need some quiet time.”
“Don’t worry about the reservation. Now that I’m a hotshot author, those are easier to come by. I’m just worried about you.”
“That’s sweet, but I’m okay. Nothing like a bit of contemplation as I start my new year.”
“I hope that works for you.”
Brenda got home and shared a cuddle or two with Chelsey, who seemed to sense her mood. Good dog. Then she listened to her voice mail and heard her first words in a week from Keith.
When she heard his invitation, warmth flooded her heart. He wanted to be with her. He hadn’t forgotten her birthday. For some reason he’d stayed away, but now he was back and chose to spend her special time with her.
She decided to go to his place—add a small element of surprise to their reunion.
As she left her condo, a niggling thought took root. What if this would turn out to be less than she hoped for? Another disappointment.
She made herself a solemn vow. If tonight turned out to be less than she wanted, she’d call it quits with Keith. Forever.
* * *
He’d just seen to Brute when his doorbell rang. Brenda already? His heartbeat sped up. He flung open the door to find Taylor carrying a cooler and several tote bags. What—
“Hi. I was in the neighborhood, so figured I’d drop over and treat you to dinner. There’s some stuff I want to talk over, and I’m tired of eating out.”
Keith stared at her in complete shock. What the hell— Never mind that he didn’t expect her, had never told her where he lived or invited her to his home. In his line of work, he made it a point to keep his personal information guarded. Evidently Taylor had no problem getting around that. Something to put on his to-do list
to fix.
Much as he’d once enjoyed having beautiful women show up at his place with food, his gut tightened. He wanted Brenda, not Taylor. Her timing could unleash a disaster. What if Brenda decided to come over and didn’t call first? What if she saw Taylor here and assumed the worst?
He had to think fast and get Taylor out, which he hoped he could manage without losing her as a client. “I actually have some plans—” he started to say when the doorbell rang again. Brute jumped up, knocking Taylor down in his rush to the door. Then the dog evidently realized Taylor was carrying something of interest in her bags.
“Brenda. I’m glad you’re here.” Keith spoke calmly but chaos appeared to break out immediately behind him.
“What’s going on here? Why is Brute going crazy? Who’s screaming?”
Keith shook his head. “A client came over, unannounced. She has food in her bag. Must be meat because Brute just attacked her.”
Brenda ran past Keith, who quickly caught up. Together they managed to separate Brute and the shredded remains of a large roast.
The woman, amazingly not looking much the worse for wear, said, “Thanks for the rescue. Keith, you should have warned me about the dog.”
“I didn’t know you were coming, let alone with meat. Looks like one of his favorites.” He managed to corral Brute and coax him and the roast out of the room.
“I’m Taylor. We’re about to have dinner. Well, we were. Lucky I brought a lot.” A wary expression on her face, she extended her hand.
“Brenda.” Mustering all her strength of character, she shook the proffered hand. Why the heck did I come? This is the woman from Bistro Bacchanalia. Obviously they’re tight. This is way more than business. When Brenda had heard Keith’s message, she’d convinced herself she could reasonably hope that something had changed. Now she could see nothing had. Keith was a lost cause. She should have cut her losses before. She would do so now. Chin up, she turned to leave when Keith came back to the room and cleared his throat.
“Taylor. I invited Brenda. I told you I had other plans.”