His words twisted and tore at Jane’s heart. The last thing she wanted him to do was act impulsively and jeopardize anything that might be good for the people of Biddestone. “So what are we to do now?”
“I have already set in motion plans to speak to Elizabeth about a divorce. Once I have spoken—”
“Divorce?” Jane snatched her hands from his. “You mustn’t take a decision to divorce so lightly. How can you be certain your marriage isn’t salvageable? I won’t be blamed for your divorce. You must at least try to reconcile with Elizabeth.”
His eyes shadowed with frustration. “I do not love her, Jane. I have told you this. What is the use in dragging out my marriage when both Elizabeth and I wish to be with other people?”
Shock, guilt, and fear whirled in Jane’s mind and heart. “But I can’t . . . no, I won’t be seen as the cause for a divorce. You saw the way Katy and her mother were at the Pump Room. Their scathing words and insinuations were just an inkling of what could happen should we be together so soon. You will go home, back to Biddestone, and hear what Elizabeth has to say about her affair and what led her to take such action. In all the months since she left, you have not behaved like a man better off without his wife, you have acted as someone who lost a wife and suffered a broken heart.”
His eyes flashed dangerously. “I told you—”
“You felt as though you had failed, that you did not love her, I know. But that is not enough for me to start a relationship with you and run the risk of being branded a harlot . . . or give up the life I want now. Speak to Elizabeth and then, when you have explored every avenue, maybe we will find a way to be together. Please, Matthew.”
A muscle flexed and relaxed in his jaw. Jane trembled but defiantly lifted her chin. Tenacity like she had never known flowed through her veins and strengthened her heart. For all her love for him, she had spent too many years under other people’s instructions, changing her life to suit their needs and wishes. She would not start a courtship with Matthew under the exact same guise.
The creak of the floorboards sounded overhead, followed by a discreet cough. Jeannie had undoubtedly heard every word of Jane’s outpourings. Her cheeks warmed, but she did not look away from Matthew’s study.
At last he spoke. “Very well. We will do all we can to secure your position at the house tomorrow, and then I will return home. I think the distance apart will do us both a world of good.”
Jane nodded, her spine rigid as he leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek, before he turned and walked out the door.
After a fitful night, Jane stared through her drawing room window as she waited for Matthew to arrive at the house. Guilt over her passionate feelings for another woman’s husband had clawed at Jane’s conscience throughout breakfast and even now as the day neared midmorning. Not once had Elizabeth treated her with derision or rudeness. Not once had she referred to Jane’s admiration of Matthew. Yet, deep in her soul, Jane was certain the squiress had known how Jane wanted him for her own. Didn’t all women know when another desired their lover?
The admiring glances, the slight change in her voice whenever she spoke to him. A look, a gesture . . .
Jane turned from the window, her heart heavy. Now Matthew had come to the conclusion they should be together. Would that ever become true?
She was not foolish enough to believe his feelings for her had always been there. Her feelings for him had gone unnoticed for months, years, but she did not hold him to blame for that when she had done little to change or alter his knowledge. She had cared for her parents, looked after the house and tenants, and acted like a damsel waiting to be saved by her knight in shining armor.
The notion was laughable.
Now was a new time. She, a new woman.
What happened now, and in the future, would be decided by her and Matthew’s actions, no one else’s. They were of age. Their parents had passed. It was time they determined their own destinies without obligation to the previous generation—without guilt.
Jane walked from the drawing room into the hallway and picked up her hat from a small table beneath the wall mirror. She twisted and turned it into position, cursing the trembling in her fingers.
Jeannie came down the stairs, and Jane turned and smiled.
“My goodness, you look lovely. I can see why you insisted you didn’t need me there while you shopped for a new dress,” Jane teased. “You are clearly adept at picking colors and cuts to suit you.”
The younger girl blushed. “Do you not recognize it? It was one of Miss Monica’s. She sent it to me from Marksville.”
Jane widened her eyes. “So it is. You have altered the collar and added additional buttons! It looks beautiful, Jeannie, truly.”
“Thank you.” Jeannie came forward and joined Jane at the mirror. “I hope everything goes as you want it at the boardinghouse.”
Jane sighed. “So do I. I know by having Squire Cleaves with me, the Board will be more apt to listen to what I have to say, if nothing else.”
“The squire will do everything he can to help you. He is one of the kindest men I know.”
Jane dragged her gaze from Jeannie’s reflection and picked up some pins from a small ceramic dish. She set about securing her hat into position. “He is. Most kind.”
“I couldn’t help overhearing some of your conversation with the squire last night . . .”
Heat warmed Jane’s cheeks as she forced her gaze to Jeannie’s. “And?”
Jeannie smiled, youthful hope shining in her pretty eyes. “And I couldn’t think of a better-suited couple.”
“You must not even think such things. Matthew and I are friends, nothing more.”
“Of course.” Jeannie continued to smile.
Jane smiled and, turning, playfully swatted Jeannie’s arm. “He’s married, Jeannie. He needs to do everything he can to save that marriage. Until it’s dissolved, I won’t take even the smallest step forward in our relationship. Matthew must do whatever is necessary to ensure minimum disruption to the villagers’ lives and their belief in his abilities and care for them.”
“Of course.”
“You know as well as I that a squire’s life is not his own. He owes it to the villagers to have their concerns always at the forefront of his mind. To do any less would be unfair to the very people he has to thank for his livelihood.”
“Of course.”
Narrowing her eyes, Jane emitted a frustrated growl before turning to face the mirror. Ignoring Jeannie’s giggle, Jane smoothed her hands over the lapels of her royal blue jacket trimmed with navy velvet, lower to her hips, and the matching velvet skirt. She hoped the somber, well-cut attire would be enough to evoke her serious intention to do good at the boardinghouse and impress the Board of Guardians enough to give her a post.
Today was about that, above all else.
She lifted her chin and tried in vain to push thoughts of Matthew from her mind.
To be on his arm too soon after a divorce from Elizabeth would incite judgment and gossip that would be detrimental to both Biddestone and Matthew’s reputation as a man who did everything as propriety dictated.
She drew in a shaky breath. What choice did she have but to step back once again? “I came here to do good, Jeannie. I will not let the opportunity to prove my worth slip through my fingers. Squire or no squire.”
Jeannie opened her mouth to respond when there was a sharp rap at the door.
Jane started and released her breath. “That is most likely him now.” She widened her eyes in warning at Jeannie. “No nonsense.”
Jeannie dropped a semi-curtsy. “Of course.”
Biting back her smile, Jane shook her head and moved toward the door. She pulled it open. “Matthew.”
His gaze bore into hers and her entire body responded. No matter her resolve to focus on finding work, she couldn’t fight the strange, yet pleasant tingle that spread from her head to her toes. Matthew was her one. The one romance novels spoke of—the one who
was the other half of her.
He removed his hat and bowed, waving the hat toward the waiting carriage at the edge of the pavement. “Your carriage awaits, ladies.”
Ignoring the thud of her traitorous heart, Jane turned to Jeannie. “Are we ready?”
Jeannie grinned. “Of course.”
Jane briefly closed her eyes before she faced Matthew once more. “Lead the way, kind sir.”
She accepted Simmons’s hand as he helped her, then Jeannie, inside the carriage. Matthew followed them aboard. Jane’s heart beat faster when he chose to sit beside her rather than on the opposite seat beside Jeannie. She forced her body to remain stationary rather than move closer to the window and purposefully create the distance she felt so necessary. After a moment, the carriage jolted away from the curb and they commenced their journey across the city.
Once they reached Milsom Street, Matthew called the carriage to a stop and helped Jeannie down the step onto the street. Jane smiled softly as Matthew touched the brim of his hat to Jeannie.
“Have a lovely day shopping, Jeannie. I give you permission to spend as much of Miss Danes’s money as you see fit.”
Jeannie giggled. “Thank you, sir.”
He nodded and climbed back into the carriage.
Jane attempted to glare, even as her smile fought to emerge. “That was very generous of you.”
He winked. “I’m a very generous man.”
Leaning back against her seat, Jane turned to the window and smiled. Whether she liked it or not, her heart was in deeper trouble than it had ever been in Biddestone.
Chapter 13
Matthew rapped his knuckles on the closed wooden door standing between a bakery and a haberdashery in the very center of Bath. The gold plaque in the center of the door read BOARD OF GUARDIANS—SEEN BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.
He and Jane had no appointment, but someone would see them. Today.
She stood silently behind him.
Her request that he return to Biddestone and sort out his affairs with Elizabeth might have been spoken in a kindly way—Jane’s eyes soft and full of pleading—but she forgot just how well he knew her. The ferocity behind her words had told him that she held passion for him, and that was all he needed to know to push him forward into finding a way for them to be together.
Of course, she was equally as passionate about securing a position at the boardinghouse. Ensuring that wish for her was first and foremost on the agenda. He would not leave Bath without her having the option to work in the house where she had seemingly become instantly besotted with a young boy and his fellow boarders.
The sound of footsteps behind the door straightened Matthew’s spine.
The door opened, and a man with graying hair and heavy side-whiskers stood before him. “Good morning, sir. Can I help you?”
Matthew dipped his head. “Good morning. My name is Matthew Cleaves, Squire of Biddestone, I would like to speak with someone in charge of employment at the children’s boardinghouses.”
The man cleared his throat and stood a little straighter. “Mr. Howard, at your service, sir.”
Matthew shook Mr. Howard’s offered hand.
“Might I ask what your interest is, Squire? Bath’s boardinghouses hardly seem the concern of a village squire.”
The assumption pulled on Matthew’s nerves. He held the man’s curious gaze. “That might well be so, sir, but this”—he stepped back and held out his hand toward Jane—“is Miss Danes, a neighbor and friend of mine who is very interested in offering her help at one of your houses.”
The man studied her, the furrow at his brow deepening. “Miss Danes . . .” He smiled. “After our brief exchange yesterday, I thought you understood this type of work wouldn’t be to your suiting. Have you not considered a position as a gover—”
“I fail to see how you can be so certain of Miss Danes’s suitability when you have yet to even listen to what she has to say.” Matthew pulled back his shoulders. The man’s condescension toward Jane was palpable. “Might we come inside in order to discuss the matter further?”
Howard’s gaze darkened. “I have been in this work for many years, sir. The boardinghouses are much more suited to women of a”—he glanced toward Jane once more—“a less privileged station.”
Matthew arched his eyebrow. “How can you possibly make such a judgment—”
“Matthew, if I might speak for myself?”
He turned and met Jane’s wide, irritated gaze. He exhaled and waved her forward as anticipation rippled through him for the dressing-down she would surely deliver to Howard. The man deserved everything Jane gave him. “As you wish.”
She moved to stand beside him, her chin high and her hazel eyes dark with determination, despite her sweet smile. She held her gloved hand toward Howard. “Mr. Howard, I really would appreciate just a few moments of your time so you can listen to why I wish to go to a particular boardinghouse and how I think I might help the children there.”
He didn’t move to take her hand and instead took a step back, his hand gripping the door as if he might close it. Matthew clenched his jaw. If the idiot dismissed Jane out of hand, the following moments would not be pretty.
“Miss Danes . . .” Howard lifted his lips in a patronizing sneer. “Time and again, I have women pass by this office looking to do good . . .” He shook his head. “Until they realize what such a position entails and then rapidly change their minds.”
“Then I look forward to you changing mine.” Jane stepped toward the threshold. “Shall we?”
Matthew bit back a smile as Jane stepped into the hallway of the office building, leaving Howard no choice but to step back or shove her outside. Fortunately, the man chose the former. Removing his hat, Matthew stepped inside and gave Howard the same sneer the man had given Jane moments before.
The door closed behind them and Matthew winked at Jane. A smile played at her lips and her eyes danced. Every ounce of him wanted to step closer and sample her sweet-tasting mouth again. He dragged his gaze from hers to glance around him, remembering her clear statement that nothing would occur between them until he was certain his marriage to Elizabeth was over.
Paneled in dark wood, the hallway’s low-burning gas lanterns offered a meager light that flickered shadows on the walls. Matthew looked at Jane as she mimicked his study. The intelligence in her eyes, underlined with staunch determination, only further fueled his admiration of her.
Howard gestured toward the narrow staircase ahead of them. “Our offices are on the second floor. If you’d like to follow me?”
He strode ahead, indignation evident in the stiff set of his shoulders and his juddering whiskers. Matthew looked at Jane once more. With Howard’s back turned, she flashed him a grin before heading up the stairs.
They entered the office and were greeted by the curious faces of two other gentlemen possessing the same uncanny stature and whiskers as Howard. A much younger clerk sat at a desk in a far corner of the room. None of them spoke, only stared at Jane with mixed expressions of admiration and clear disgruntlement that a woman should grace their presence uninvited.
Protectiveness rose inside Matthew, stiffening his shoulders. When Howard moved behind an empty desk and stood in front of his chair, Matthew moved to Jane’s side and pulled out one of the two chairs in front of the desk.
She sat gracefully, pulling her reticule into her lap and folding her hands neatly on top. Again, Matthew held back his smile. The poise was practiced, ladylike perfection, but the faint flush at her cheeks and the rigidness of her spine told Matthew she was prepared to fight for what she wanted.
Howard sat. “Please, Squire Cleaves, if you’d like to sit.”
Matthew sat and leaned back. Unless Jane gave a sign that she wanted his input, he would be an observer only. He was all too aware of her strength of character in situations such as this. He had worked with her time and again during debates in the village and pulling the villagers together through the storms and droughts that had occasio
nally threatened to ruin Biddestone.
Chances were high she wouldn’t need him while dealing with Howard. That didn’t prevent Matthew from silently hoping for a time when she looked to him for support over and over again.
He wanted to do something—anything—to prove his intent to be with her wasn’t a whim but had been simmering beneath the surface of his consciousness for many years. If he could only turn back time . . .
He clenched his jaw. Proving his love for her wasn’t grounded on a whim would be a challenge, but one for which he would do whatever it took for her to accept him.
“So, Miss Danes . . .” Howard leaned his elbows and forearms on the desk and wove his fingers together. “I am prepared to listen to your proposal, but I cannot make any decisions without discussion and consideration with my colleagues as well as other members of the board.”
Jane nodded. “Of course. I profoundly hope you understand how serious I am in my wish to work at the house I visited a few days ago. I have no intention of leaving Bath for the foreseeable future. I am a respected, capable, and intelligent woman who recently left Biddestone to live with my companion at my own residence at the Circus. Being far from idle, I came to the city to seek employment helping those less fortunate.”
Matthew resisted the urge to ask her what she meant by “no intention of leaving Bath for the foreseeable future.” Did that mean weeks, months, or years? The pressure of his ties and duty to Biddestone pressed down on him. How was he ever to be with her if she never wanted to return to the village his family considered his rightful place?
Howard’s thick eyebrows rose. “I’m sorry. Did you say you have already visited one of our houses?”
Jane lifted her chin. “Indeed, sir. I spoke to Mrs. Cage and one of the children there.”
“Mrs. Cage? But she is the matron of a house far across town. What reason could you have for being there?”
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